Stevie Wonderneath

Laura: Hello and welcome to another episode of Lex Education. It's the comedy science podcast, where comedian me, Laura Lex, tries to learn that dangled science from her brother Ron. And it's a very special episode today because it is the final episode in the GCSE syllabus. That's right. It's the last biology. It's the last GCSE. It's a momentous day. Ron, how you doing?

Ron: I'm really excited. Yeah, it's a momentous episode for that. I think it might also be the grand winner of the Confusies award for most complicated timeline, where we've recorded the bulk of the episode. Now we're recording the intro, then we're going to record the quiz straight into the outro.

Laura: We have done this before, though.

Ron: I believe this exact combo. I don't think so.

Laura: I think so. No, I think we have. Hang on, I need to turn the baby monitor off because I'm setting it off and I can't have that buzzing the whole time. The baby's not asleep. I'm not being a delinquent parent. Um. Jeez, she's not asleep, mate. I've been trying for an hour to get her to sleep.

Ron: No, I said you were being a delinquent parent.

Laura: Oh, right. No, um, I think babies are responsible, uh, for a lot more of climate change than we realise.

Ron: Why is that?

Laura: Because we are literally having to go out and drive now to just get her to sleep, which I know sounds very irresponsible, but any parent with a two year old who cannot and will not sleep will understand. Um, we're just sort of. And I hope that that gets factored into her carbon footprint, not mine.

Ron: Um, I don't think we should be portioning this of thing to a child.

Laura: I do, but then I've got an hour of stress hormones in me from trying to do a workout by having to repeatedly run upstairs and put her nappy back on before she pisses on something else.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Um. How are you, Ron?

Ron: Yeah, I'm all right.

Laura: You don't seem all right. No lunch, have you?

Ron: I have had lunch, actually, thank you very much.

Laura: Oh, you've got a very unlunched air about you.

Ron: Um. Um, no. Some of my friends are planning on going to a counter protest today in Bristol. I don't know how I feel about it.

Laura: Oh, I'm going to one in Brighton today.

Ron: Yeah. Uh, yeah.

Laura: Why don't you know how you feel?

Ron: Um. Um, well, a, it's quite dangerous. B, I don't know. To me it seems like it's just legitimising their protest by showing up to meet them.

Laura: Hang on, which side are you thinking of going to?

Ron: The, uh, well, I'm not thinking of going to either side. My friends are going to the anti fascist side.

Laura: Oh, see, no, I want some bath bombs. So I'm going out with the other team.

Ron: I see, that makes sense.

Laura: Yeah. Um, do you think it legitimises their protests by showing up to them? Or do you think that what legitimises their beliefs is their beliefs going unchallenged or being pandered to by being the only voice in the field?

Ron: But I don't think, I think, I think showing up and cheering at them is gonna rile things up. Um, whereas I think if they show up to absolute silence and then just get shut down by the police, they will be exposed as kind of the, like the nonsense that it is rather than something that's worth even speaking back to.

Laura: Here's my problem with that, though, is that a lot of the rhetoric coming from politicians is that they're calling what is being done protests. I don't think they are protests. I think they're riots. No protest on the side of anything progressive has ever, like, also included stealing Greg's food. Um, so I think the protests being the only thing to report legitimises them and it will get reported because it's sensational. Whereas if you have numbers of people going out and going like, yeah, a few people are livid about the way they've been told that migration is to blame for everything, but five times that number of people did not agree, disagreed, showed up and sort of were there. I don't know if it is incendiary to have, like, I agree with like, shouting and riling it up, but I think just sort of being there in a calm, collected way to go, nope, we live in this town too. Your views are not mainstream.

Ron: Yeah. Anyway, I think my, I think the, uh, bit where I disagree with that is I think that sort of, I don't think you like, you know, like you say, these aren't protests, they're riots. So I think counter protesting, it makes it seem like it is a protest because you don't protest a riotous.

Laura: But that. My problem is that I'm not really

00:05:00

Laura: doing this to show them anything. I don't think I can change their minds. I don't think they can be reasoned with. I do not believe anything that happens would change their belief system at this point because I'm not the sort of person they would listen to. I'm, um, going to show support for the communities that these people are targeting. I'm going to show the media, I'm going to show politicians that there is far more worth in not pandering to these people because there are more votes to be had by not being them. It's not about them in my perspective. But I also think there's a weird privilege in being a small white woman in this situation because, like, Tom and I talked about it about which one of us was going to go. And I think in an odd way, it's safer for me to go because I am slightly safer than him at an event like this because Tommy Robinson's not going to start on me. He'd start on. Well, he wouldn't start on anybody particularly, but these knob eds will start on a man where I think there is an odd protection in being a woman, weirdly.

Ron: Yeah. And I do see the showing up for community bit, but then there's a cleanup, uh, scheduled in Bristol tomorrow, so I'm gonna go to that over my lunch break.

Laura: Um, absolutely. I think you've hit the nail on the head there, though. I think that with this thing, it's terrifying. And I think you just. You do the bit that you feel comfortable with. And as long as you're doing something, whether it's donating, being vocal online, just simply reading and researching and talking to the people in your inner circle, like, you can be as big or small as you like, as long as you are being a positive impact, I think.

I feel completely comfortable going tonight because I'm going with friends

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: And if your positive impact is to not engage with this because you know that you will recharge and engage another day, I think maybe, perhaps that's even valid as well, because exhausting yourself on something you're not comfortable with just reduces your power to be helpful in other areas. Like, I think, I guess I'm lucky. I feel completely comfortable going tonight because I'm going with friends who are in a similar boat to me, who have very similar thing. And it's Brighton, so I know there's going to be a big turnout of counter protesters because that's the city I live in. Don't think I would perhaps have had the guts to go if I lived in Warrington or Southport, I don't know, but I think it's a very different proposition. I'm doing this from such a position of privilege that it's a much easier decision to make.

Ron: That's fair.

Ron: It's terrifying and it's horrifying. Yeah. It feels terrifying, but that's because there's

So it's our last biology episode.

Laura: Yeah, it is, Ron.

Ron: Just as we finish doing GCSE, their country falls into shambles.

Laura: Nah, here's the thing. It feels terrifying, but that's because there's so much footage of it. But think about all the times, like, the riots. Was it 2011? There were terrible riots. Um, like, and throughout history there has been riots and protesting. And, um, it is something that the world goes through. And it always happens when it's sunny and hot. Because rioting is a very seasonal behaviour. It's very rarely something t shirted men do with a canister in their hands when it's pissing down with rain. Um, it's. It's terrifying and it's horrifying. But I don't believe in the, like, 16th and 17th century. Like, we had quite the cleanup operations that we're having now. Or, like, the way people are rebuilding businesses that have been targeted by these people. Yes, it's scary and it's horrifying, but it's. I think you can still see some societal progress despite this, like, death rattle of imbecility.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: And at least it's them rioting because the right wing are unhappy.

Laura: Absolutely. And look at the reaction that the police, um, and the government and the courts are having. Like, you've got a prime minister who used to be head of the criminal justice system or whatever his job role was. They've mobilised so fast to go for arrests, and they are not pissing about with the sentencing. I don't think it's gonna be such a wake up call like this. I don't feel sorry for the, like, morons that are, uh, going out there and being, like, racist inciters and being horribly racist. But I think there probably will be a number of vulnerable teenagers who have not sort of probably had the access to education that they should have, who got caught up in the looting, who are gonna absolutely have their lives, if not ruined, absolutely derailed and detoured by going with the crowd and popping in and picking up a box of bath bombs and walking out without any real understanding of the implications of what they've just done.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: I'm currently listening to a podcast about the French Revolution, though, so I don't know if, like, my take is slightly skewed by going, these have happened throughout history and not minimising the fear, but, like, the murder toll does tend to go down as we.

Ron: Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah.

Laura: Go through time.

Ron: No, I don't think it's the end of days, but it's just not nice, is it? No, it's horrible, but I mean, no, I'm exactly the same as you, like, it's why, um, I'm more on the fence about how I feel about the counter protest to these sort of things because of. Been actually very impressed. The rare bit of praise from me for kiest armour. I've been very impressed with the reaction from, like, you know, frontline politics and the police and whatnot. Um, which is why, like, you know, like, when all that stuff was going on with the cenotaph and that was just getting completely ignored by the media and stuff, and, like, they weren't being portrayed as the footage really clearly showed, uh, what they were doing, then I think that's something that needs to be sort of protested and counter protested because the narrative is wrong. Whereas to this, it just seems like some people, like, seem. Just seems like a job for the police. It's just civil unrest. That's the. That's the nuance that I see in it. Like, for me, it seems like everyone's on a party line. Um, you, uh, sort of showing up in groups, I think. Um, but, yeah, I mean, we already discussed that, but that. That's the difference that I see in it.

Laura: A few of my friends who are not white have expressed a wish, have sort of, you know, like friends who can actually tell you, like, what they want to see from an ally. And it's not like they've gone, hey, please go to the counter protest. Please put yourself in danger. But in speaking to them and understanding the fear and, like, what's going through their very real day to day lives, I feel like. I feel like that show of solidarity from people like me where it does feel safe enough to do it, is something I want to do that's fair. Also, I don't want to clean up tomorrow. Yuck. Uh, I'd rather go and be a hero tonight. Thank you, darlingen.

Ron: I'd rather clean and be scared.

Laura: Tom's very worried I'm gonna start a fight, but I'm not going to.

Ron: No, they would. You'd say something and then they'd see whoever is stood directly in front of.

Laura: You and attribute it to them or behind Ron.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: No, I intend to be very, very peaceful. Um, is this a quiz or an intro? This is an intro.

Ron: This is an intro. Yeah. Told you it was the runner up in the confusies.

Laura: Well, I'm sure we've done it before, though. Um, what else should we say? It's the final biology. Have a lovely time. Okay. Recording. Ron. It's going to be a wind episode because the windows just, frankly, have to be open.

Laura made a disgusting curry last night when we ordered a curry instead

It's boiling up here.

Ron: Yeah, similar, similar, similar. Although it's actually not boiling in Bristol today. It's quite cold. I'm wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

Laura: Wozers. Um, I'd say it was very muggy earlier, uh, child of the podcast, and I went to the library to finally Ron, I've got the book club book.

Ron: Congrats.

Laura: I can start reading finelman. Um, uh, so we went to the library and I wore trousers and it was so hot. And now all those clouds have cleared and it's blue sky and it's delished.

Ron: Beautiful.

Laura: We're going to an outdoor lido this afternoon.

Ron: Oh, lovely. Living the life of Riley.

Laura: Yeah, man. But that's actually the life of Laura.

Ron: Yeah. People are envious across the land.

Laura: Yeah. As they should be. M I made such a disgusting curry last night when we had to order a curry instead.

Ron: That happens lots to you, which is weird because you're a good cook.

Laura: Yeah, I know, but it's when I'm using a new recipe. And I followed the recipe and then I did post the recipe online and go, this was fucked up. And everybody went, whoa. Oh, yeah, that's not right. And I was like, God damn you, curry paste recipe. You biffed me in the nads.

Ron: What was wrong with it?

Laura: Too much fennel. So much fennel. Oh, God, the fennel. And I don't really like aniseed flavours at the best of times, so this was just fennel tastic.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Bleh. And, um, the worst thing about it, Ron, is because I made the curry paste from scratch, which was the disgusting bit, and obviously turmeric, so everything I own

00:15:00

Laura: is now stained a horrible yellow colour and it wasn't even a nice curry.

Ron: That sucks. Yeah, it really sucks.

Laura: Really sucks.

Ron: So it's the last ever biology, Laura.

Laura: Oh, my God. Our last ever GCSE biology. Don't panic your tits off, everybody. There will be more biology, but it'll be a level biology.

Ron: It'll be as level, actually.

Laura: Oh, uh, what?

Ron: As levels?

Laura: Oh, do they still do as an a levels? Yeah, but they don't have grades anymore, do they? They have numbers. Um, um, they have colours, so that you just go, I got peach in my a levels.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Bloody gen z blue. Everybody got a participation medal. Whoop, whoop.

Ron: Seagulls.

Laura: You got seagulls? Yeah, they're not flying around here. I think it's too hot. The birds have all gone for a little lie down, which I sure wish my daughter would do.

Ron: Yeah, she seems fun.

Laura: She's tired, bless her.

Ron: Uh, why?

Laura: Um, um, she's just sort of fighting, having naps a little bit. And she got up quite early this morning and just lots of change going on in her life. You know, she's two. She's got to learn to stay in bed. She's got to learn to stop pissing herself.

Ron: Should we do an episode about chess while we record

That's a lot to happen in a week.

Ron: Oh, yeah. Happy holiday.

Laura: Yeah, thanks.

Ron: Yeah, that's fun for you, isn't it?

Laura: Well, it's not, Ron. And I'm a bit cranky because I wanted to go on holiday, and I looked up loads of holidays in the UK, and Tom was, like, snobbing about it and going, no, I don't want to go to these. Oh. Uh, no. So I was like, fine. Looked for a fancy one. There wasn't a fancy one. That looked fun. That, you know, would be fun with the two. So we were like, fine, we'll stay at home. Fine. And we were like, but we'll go out every day. It'll be like, we're on holiday, but we'll just do it in Sussex. And then I said, oh, we're gonna go to the Lido this afternoon. What time should we go? And he went, oh, do you want me to come?

Ron: Uh.

Laura: Are you fucking kidding me, mate? Are you fucking kidding me?

Ron: You mean you didn't want to just solo parent all weekend?

Laura: I didn't know. And I know he solo parented all weekend, but I did do seven shows in three days and drive 700 miles. So I also did quite a lot of work.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: And recorded two episodes of this and edited them.

Ron: Well done.

Laura: Busy, um, queen, mate.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Um, it's such a busy day on Saturday. I had a gig in Liverpool. I was staying in Manchester. Drive to Liverpool, do one show, drive back to Manchester, uh, do another show, and then go to another venue and do a different show. And then go back to the original Manchester venue and do a fourth show and then drive from Manchester to Warwick.

Ron: Yuck.

Laura: Did I tell you about my tedious breakfast problem in Warwick?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: I don't think I've spoken to you since it happened. You just. Is that a sign you just don't want the story? Okay, fine. F. Yourself. You tell me your story. Let me guess. You've been to the barbers and flip flops.

Ron: No. Um. No, I went camping at the weekend. Went to Wells pride. That was fun.

Laura: Yeah. You played a show, didn't you? Yeah, played a gig, fancy pants boy.

Ron: Yeah, it was good fun. Um, yeah, let's crack on with biology, Laura.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Um, so it's gonna be.

Laura: If anybody else is interested in my breakfast story, just pop it in the discord that you want to know, and I will leave a voice note.

Ron: Well, no. How about we do that instead of fictional teachers?

Laura: What, you want me to just talk about one sad breakfast for an hour's episode? No, Ron. Um, we're not doing it.

Ron: No.

Laura: Oh, that's a good Patreon idea. We could have a chess club. Should we do an episode about chess?

Ron: Sure.

Laura: You love chess.

Ron: I like chess. Yeah, we could play chess while we record.

Laura: Oh, I hate playing chess.

Ron: I think that'd be really funny.

Laura: Chess is a game designed to frustrate and annoy me because it's slow and boring and you have to think ahead. You can't just be impulsive and, um, none of those things are in my strong seat. I can't do it.

Ron: I think that'd be quite funny if we played chess while we cast is.

Laura: Always trying to bully me into playing chess, and I'm like, you know, you'll win. It won't be funny. Like, go on, let's play a little bit of chess.

Laura: I love doing the connections one. I really love that. There's a jerkiness to it. But I do it. I did

Ron: Um, so, Laura, do you remember what we were doing last time on biology?

Laura: No.

Ron: No, neither can I. Oh, let me.

Laura: Cheque the notes, Ron.

Ron: Oh, I mean, I've got notes, too. I just couldn't remember.

Laura: I don't. Sun. Oh. Plants. Primary consumers. And all that jazz.

Ron: That was interesting.

Laura: And all that jazz. I'm gonna rouge my knees and pull my stockings down. Badada. Ba ba da da da da da. What's that from, Ronnie?

Ron: Chicago.

Laura: Correct. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I had

00:20:00

Laura: an avocado for lunch, and all of those good fats are really working on me.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Also in my. In my crossword, uh, today, protein building acids was a clue again. And I was like, aminos, you bastards. You are really helping me out twice now. And today I got exactly the same time as agony daddy. Exactly the same number of seconds.

Ron: Oh, the New York Times one.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Nice.

Laura: You don't do it anymore. But I do it. I did it for a while.

Ron: I did it for a long time. You just didn't get on board until I'd already stopped.

Laura: I love doing the connections one. That's the one that I love the most.

Ron: Yeah, it's good.

Laura: Only connect thing. I really love that.

Ron: What sugar have you eaten this morning?

Laura: Um, one piece of baklava.

Ron: Right. Was that right before now?

Laura: No, that was before I even had my lunch. That was to hold off the trembles that I got while I was making my lunch.

Ron: Oh, you're uh, really, like.

Laura: Fun and peppy. Like a podcast host should be. Yes, mate. Killing it at my job.

Ron: There's a jerkiness to it. Kind, uh, of erratic.

Stev: I had ten days of absolute sadness this weekend

All right, Laura, so we're gonna finish off four. 7.2.

Laura: I'll tell you what it is. It's because I had. I had my ten days of absolute sadness where I was in the bog and I had no feelings. And then I had quite a busy, stressful weekend at work, and then I came home to some family shit, dealing with some stuff. And so I think I'm like, you know when you're extra peppy to ride out all of the, like, let's push all the negators away.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Some might call it mania. Um, I haven't finished subjugation for mania yet. What is mania for subjugation? The new down Carlin one. I haven't finished it. It's because I got really interested. History and then history on fire. And then also sports, strangers, crimes and the opportunist. Oh, my God, Ron. I listened to, uh, a series of the opportunist, and it was the saddest story I've ever heard in my life. I hated it.

Ron: What's the opportunist?

Laura: So it's a, uh, it's a. It is true crime, but it's not like, murders. It's about people who sort of became criminals by. By way of opportunity. Like, just sort of, like, it sort of crept up on them, and then they became absolute dog shit people. Right? And there was this guy who was a pharmacist, and he, um, um, started like, when people had a prescription for pills, only giving them 25 pills instead of 30 and, like, creaming the money off the top, and then basically spent 13 years diluting people's chemotherapy medicine and, like, basically were, like, delivering them bags of what should have been their chemotherapy medicine. And it was just saline in a bag.

Ron: And then selling the medicine.

Laura: No, but, like, selling it to the doctors as if it was medicine because he's a pharmacist, right? And keeping the money. And he made $19 million and, like, tampered with 98,000 prescriptions over 13 years and just killed countless people because they weren't being treated for cancer. Like they thought they were.

Ron: Jesus.

Laura: Hideous, right?

Ron: Yeah. Really horrible.

Laura: And they could, but they couldn't try him for murder because it was, like, too legally difficult to prove that he had killed them because they had cancer, you know?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: And so, like, to. They didn't want to run the risk of, like, trying him for murder and, like, him not getting, ah, um, convicted. So they had to try him on, like, other stuff. So he got 30 years, but just horrible.

Ron: Fuck.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Well, that's.

Laura: So I haven't finished listening about Philip of Macedon.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: There's a really cool cobweb in my window that's real floaty.

Ron: What's happening to it?

Laura: It's just poofing up and down in the wind. But it's really intricate, you know? Some cobwebs are like liny net strings and some are like tissue pillows. This one's like a tissue pillow.

Ron: That's interesting. I don't. I don't know if I consider the ones that are liney net strings. Like, I don't know if I consider those cobwebs. Oh, uh.

Laura: Maybe they're just spider webs.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Why do we say cobweb?

Ron: I don't know.

Laura: Hey, here's another thing. The word underneath you don't need both of those under or neath you don't need underneath.

Ron: Underneath. Under that. Underneath that. Under that. Under this. That's under that. That's underneath that. Is there any difference between those two.

Laura: Things and beneath which I'm assuming is what neath is short for?

00:25:00

Laura: You're basically saying underneath you don't need to say both of those.

Ron: Above neath. That's not a thing. Under, uh, your clothes there's an end.

Laura: Story there's a man I chose there's my territory all the things I deserve being such a good girl.

Ron: Underneath the bridge downtown I, uh, could not get enough underneath the bridge downtown are there any other under songs?

Laura: Underneath ground overneath ground wumbling free the wombles have Wimbledon come on. Are we, uh.

Ron: Going underneath ground going underneath ground where the hell's my fucking train going? Underneath ground going underneath ground the London.

Laura: Underneath ground, yeah underneath pressure pushing down on me pushing down on me.

Ron: Underneath underneath pressure. That's a good one.

Laura: Thanks, mate. Let's never say underneath again. Let's always say under or beneath.

Ron: Stevie wonder neath is that a thing? Is that anything?

Laura: Yes, Ron, it is something. I don't know what it is.

Ron: Stevie Wonder.

Laura: Stevie Wonder neath your clothes.

We must finish biology today because otherwise we'll have two padding episodes

Ron: Right, um, let's press on because otherwise we're going to end up having to do two more padding episodes because we simply must finish biology today. And I'd wager we've been recording for 13 minutes.

Laura: M 14.

Ron: Oh, um, yeah, and this is going to be a proper episode. So we'll have a quiz and, um, intro's outro. So we do need to press on. Um, Laura, finishing off four, 7.2. Um, which was about abiotic and biotic factors, if you remember.

Laura: Oh, yeah. And listen, minerals in the rocks are abiotic.

Ron: Yes. Um, so what we're going to talk about is just how, um, how these things, how some of these abiotic factors are, um, used by systems. One of them that we're going to talk about is the carbon cycle and another one that we're going to talk about is the water cycle. So, yeah, we'll do carbon cycle first.

Laura: Where do you want to start on the carbon cycle

So, Laura.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Where do you want to start on the carbon cycle? How does carbon exist?

Laura: Land's end.

Ron: Okay, so we're in land's end. What bit of carbon do you want to start with?

Laura: The butt.

Ron: Okay. There is carbon in, but. So, yeah, carbon is stored in.

Laura: In your butt.

Ron: Animals.

Laura: I got a butt full of carbon. So let's say my torso.

Ron: So let's say you've got a sheep on lands end.

Laura: I got a sheep on lands end.

Ron: The sheep is made of carbon. It's an organic creature, much like sheep. How there.

Laura: It's carbon fibre.

Ron: It's fibres of carbon. I don't know how it could be any more illustrative.

Laura: Everything's fibres of carbon.

Ron: Yeah, but that's just carbon.

Laura: Oh. Whereas we're carbon and water and other stuff.

Ron: So, Laura, the sheep can give its carbon back into the world in two.

Laura: Sitting and breathing. I'm, uh, bleeding and, um, pissing.

Ron: Breathing is actually. Jeez. Breathing actually is one of them. What happens when you breathe?

Laura: Breathe out carbon dioxide.

Ron: Where's that carbon dioxide come from?

Laura: Your lungs.

Ron: Absolutely. Where does that go?

Laura: Into the air.

Ron: Okay, hold on. Are you drawing this? Yeah.

Laura: Uh, writing it, I suppose that is drawing, isn't it? You draw letters.

Ron: I would draw this because it's a. It's a. It's a complex web rather than just a process.

Laura: I'm bad at drawing.

Ron: Draw, draw the sheep.

Laura: Hang on. Oh, uh. I regret doing it face on.

Ron: It's always the harder one. Lauren, you know this.

Laura: Can you see all four legs from the front? No.

Ron: Doesn't matter.

Laura: M. It's a sheep in winter. Okay, I've drawn a sheep and then it's breathing out.

Ron: Yep. That goes into the atmosphere.

Laura: We'll leave some sheep breath in the, uh, atmosphere.

Ron: We'll leave that for now. The other thing that can do is it can die or it can poop.

Laura: CO2 and it can die. Oh, my God. I really can't draw. Or it can, um, poop how does.

Ron: A dead sheep or a sheep poop give its carbon back to the carbon cycle, Laura?

Laura: Bugs eat it.

Ron: Yep. And then it kind of goes back into the animal bit of it.

Laura: Or, wait, am, um, I supposed to be drawing the bugs?

Ron: I. I don't care.

Laura: Ah, you care.

Ron: You could label it. You're supposed to be, um, understanding the carbon cycle, not worrying about whether you're supposed to draw some fucking bugs.

Laura: So, yeah, bugs eat it. And then what? The carbons back in animals?

Ron: Yeah. Then it stays in this kind of block that we're thinking about here. Right. Like, because it doesn't necessarily have to be a bug either. It could be a tiger or a human.

Laura: Tigers don't eat shit.

Ron: They eat sheep.

Laura: Oh, right. Yeah.

Ron: You're just. You have a faecal problem.

How does compost turn dead stuff into carbon? Dead things don't breathe

Laura: No, because I was thinking about the sheep dying of natural causes and then just lying down and being eaten by bugs. I wasn't thinking about the sheep being.

Ron: But also there are scavengers, like vultures and things.

Laura: Well, yes, but you said a tiger, so. I didn't.

Ron: Tigers would eat it. If a tiger found, uh, a sheep on the floor, I'm sure it would eat it.

Laura: Do tigers live in the same place as sheep?

Ron: Sheep live everywhere.

Laura: Do they?

Ron: You'd think they don't have sheep in India.

Laura: I don't know, mate. Yeah, they do. They have loads of lamb curries.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: Okay, you're being very aggressive. I'm so delightful today.

Ron: So then it stays in the. In the animal bit of it. Right?

Laura: Huh.

Ron: What's the other way that we can return that carbon to the. To nature?

Laura: Oil.

Ron: That's not really part of the cycle because that takes so long. That is essentially removing it from the cycle.

Laura: Carbon capture.

Ron: Exactly.

Laura: Oh, but a wind.

Ron: So. So how else can it get back into the cycle?

Laura: The breathing one.

Ron: We've already done that. But dead things. Dead things and shit don't breathe.

Laura: Oh, uh, are we talking about off the dead stuff and shit?

Ron: Yes.

Laura: It can get soaked into the land.

Ron: How does that give carbon back to anything?

Laura: Because it grows into the grass.

Ron: Then where does grass get its carbon?

Laura: From the root. The air.

Ron: The air. So soaking into the land is not part of it.

Laura: What's compost for then?

Ron: Nutrients.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Minerals and nitrogen.

Laura: So how does poop and dead stuff also turn into carbon?

Ron: What happens, let's imagine a tiger didn't eat the dead sheep on the floor. What would happen to it?

Laura: Get eaten by bugs.

Ron: Let's imagine there were no bugs. What would happen to it?

Laura: Would rot.

Ron: What happens when it rots.

Laura: I don't know, Ron. Um, I thought it was bugs eating it. I thought that's what rotting was.

When plants rot, they release methane, which is another greenhouse gas

Ron: Do you know why we do food waste rather than just throwing all that into landfill?

Laura: No.

Ron: Really?

Laura: We don't have food waste in Wyden.

Ron: Oh. Uh, well, the reason why we do.

Laura: Food waste, I put it on the compost and then flies eat it.

Ron: The reason why we do food waste rather than just throwing these things into landfill is because when, uh, things like that rot, they release methane, which is another way that carbon is released into the atmosphere.

Laura: Co four.

Ron: Ch

00:35:00

Ron: four. Methane is a, um, is another greenhouse gas. So we try and stop that from happening by collecting a pool of our food waste.

Laura: Okay, so when that gives off the methane, then what do we do with that?

Ron: Just goes into the atmosphere and then it's, you know, used by stuff.

Laura: So how's that any different to it going in landfill?

Ron: Oh, what do we do with it? Oh, we burn it, I think.

Laura: Sure. Isn't that still releasing it?

Ron: Yes, but, uh, methane is a worse greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide, and we at least get energy from burning it, so it's more useful.

Laura: I see. Okay.

Ron: Um. Okay, so then. So that's carbon back into the atmosphere as well. Um, when carbon is in the atmosphere, where does it go?

Laura: To the sky.

Ron: When we're thinking about the carbon cycle, what. What is the sky if not the atmosphere?

Laura: The sky isn't. We're always in the sky.

Ron: Where does the carbon dioxide go? Uh, from the atmosphere to get back into the carbon cycle.

Laura: Into plants?

Ron: Yes, through the process of photosynthesis. Now, how does the plant matter get into the animals?

Laura: They eat it.

Ron: Yes. Plants can also die and rot. That's another part of it. Hang on.

Laura: Do you want me to draw this or nothing?

Ron: That skull and crossbones you've drawn is dog shit. It looks more like shit than the shit you drew.

Laura: It is bad. Not good at drawing. Okay, so the plants can also rot down?

Ron: Yep. Plants also breathe. They also respire. So the carbon dioxide goes out.

Laura: I thought they gave out oxygen.

Ron: They give out both.

Laura: Bloody hell, Harry.

Ron: But they take in more carbon dioxide than they give out. If you think about it, they only take in carbon dioxide when the sun's out, don't they? Because it's part of photosynthesis. So at the night time, they're breathing out carbon dioxide, same m as everything else. Whoa. Yeah, that's the carbon cycle.

Laura: If you put a plant in 24 hours light, would it get tired?

Ron: No.

Laura: So they don't need a nighttime, like we do?

Ron: No.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: And if we weren't used to nighttime, we wouldn't need it either. That's just evolution.

Laura: Okay?

Ron: That's the carbon cycle. Laura.

Laura: Why mad at me?

Ron: I'm not.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: You're. You're crankier than you know. Uh, and there's just a frostiness, but I think we're having a good time.

Laura: Do you like gin?

Ron: No. Uh, why?

Laura: Got some violet gin here. I don't want it.

Ron: No, I don't want it.

Laura: Don't like violets.

Ron: I don't like Ginna.

Laura, we're going to talk about the water cycle now

Laura, we're going to talk about the water cycle now. Where do you want to start with the water cycle? At the top, in the atmosphere. Okay. We've got water in the atmosphere. What happens to it then?

Laura: It rains or it fogs.

Ron: It rains? Yes. That falls onto the ground. There are two places that the water can go when it's on the ground. Can you hazard guess as these two things?

Laura: Jungles. No. Sea or land.

Ron: No.

Laura: Mountains. Or two places it can go. Let's not see. Or land.

Ron: Hmm.

Laura: M so one of them.

Ron: So everything, everything that you've just said there is going to get bundled into the. The bracket of surface runoff. It lands on the ground, and then it flows into streams, which then coalesce into rivers, which then go into bigger rivers, which then go into the sea. Surface runoff. What else can happen to water?

Laura: It can get absorbed and go down into underground caves.

Ron: Ground water. Yes. That's basically the other place that water can go. There's huge amounts of water under the ground.

Laura: Yeah. Spelunking.

Ron: The other thing that water can do when it's been on the ground is.

Laura: It can get sucked up by plants and by dogs.

Ron: And, um, by dogs.

Laura: Mackay's a bit sick this week.

Ron: She's always sick.

Laura: I hate it when she's sick.

Ron: Okay, Laura, so what? When water is in groundwater, what can happen to it?

Laura: Underground reservoirs.

Ron: Yep. That's groundwater. But what can happen to it?

00:40:00

Laura: Um, it can go stagnant. It can become a stream. A spring.

Ron: A geyser spring. Yes, a spring. Thank you. Okay. And then it's going to join the other water. How? From all of the stuff that we've said there, how can water get back into the skyd? There's two ways.

Laura: Um.

Ron: Use your words.

Laura: Yeah. I can't. All I can think of is condensation. And that's not it, is it? Evaporation. Evaporation.

Ron: Evaporation. That's one of them. And the other one? Um. Um, that's right. Transpiration. From plants where m they lose water out of their leaves, then it's back in the sky, and then, um, the water cycle goes on. How do we feel about the water cycle?

Laura: Boring.

Ron: Yeah, it's quite boring, isn't it?

Laura: It's really boring.

Ron: Well, lucky for you, we don't have to cover the nitrogen cycle.

Laura: Super mergato. Boring. Why not?

Ron: It's just not part of the syllabus.

Laura: Well, uh, let's do it anyway.

Ron: No, you hate it when we do things. Laura, do you want to do another two episodes of Filler?

Laura: I love the filler.

Ron: No, you don't. You complained to me all the while.

Laura: You bring any filler?

Ron: I have no filler.

Laura: With no filler, it was just blank space, baby. I'll, uh, write your name. That's all right.

Ron: Why is it when you want to go cross eyed and ask me why we call it a fucking cobweb, that's okay.

You do all the work outside of the records, Ron. You do the work inside the records

But when I decide to bring nothing to the table, that's a big fucking.

Laura: Problem, because my job is to be the pain in the butt. Your job is to be the little engine that could.

Ron: You know what? I didn't sign up for that the whole time.

Laura: What did you sign up for, Ron?

Ron: Making a nice podcast.

Laura: Uh, we do make a fucking nice podcast.

Ron: Right.

Laura: I do all the work outside of the records. You do the work inside the records?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Which I do until you can't be bothered. And then you just sit here and go, it's not a spate of good episodes. It's a bit shit and boring. I've got nothing. Look at my topos.

Ron: Oh, yeah, I did have bad there. Do you want to see? No, they're just angry red spots now.

Laura: Uh, they are. They're horrible.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: M so are they scraped?

Ron: Oops. Um, four. 7.3. Laura.

Biodiversity and the effect of human interaction on ecosystems

Biodiversity and the effect of human interaction on ecosystems. Now, we're gonna bruise through this because otherwise you're gonna cry.

Laura: Okay, um, what's biodiversity? Butterflies left.

Ron: What's biodiversity?

Laura: Lots of different things, all interacting with each other.

Ron: It's the variety of different species on the earth or within an ecosystem.

Laura: And we've killed, like, 60% of them in the last 20 years.

Ron: What's the benefit of having high biodiversity?

Laura: Um. Uh, it's just fair, isn't it?

Ron: Yes, but what's the. In nature, what's the benefit of it?

Laura: Uh, everything's got something to eat.

Ron: Um, um, everything's got something to eat in an ecosystem anyway.

Laura: Why?

Ron: Because otherwise it wouldn't be an ecosystem.

Laura: Yeah, well, it's an ecosystem because of the biodiversity.

Ron: Yes, but I said, what's the benefit of high biodiversity?

Laura: I don't know.

Ron: Why are you cranky now?

Laura: Cause you're cranky. I'm, um. Not me. Cranky. We do the.

Ron: We're doing the fucking content.

Laura: Yeah, but in a crank way.

Ron: No. So high biodiversity means that a system can react to change better. If you had an ecosystem that was all just rats eating refreshers, as soon as the refreshers went away, the rats would be fucked. Yeah, but if you had an ecosystem that was rats, mice, capybaras and cats eating refreshers and dib dabs and, uh, fruit wind ups and those things that you see kids eating nowadays that have bears on them. If the refreshers went away, the system's better. Right, because there's other options. Mm hmm, exactly. Or let's say instead of dib dabs, it's chocolate.

Laura: Uh-huh.

Ron: If the temperature goes up, the chocolate will melt, but the refreshers are still fine. Yeah. That's biodiversity in a nutshell.

Laura: Yeah. Okay.

Pollution from waste can affect water, the air and the land

Ron: 4.73.2. Waste management.

Laura: I'm in waste management.

Ron: Population gets bigger. We

00:45:00

Ron: have to deal with sopranos most of the first series. Population gets bigger. We have to deal with the waste that comes away from the population. Laura.

Laura: You didn't love it then?

Ron: Uh, it was locked down. Things stuck. Other things didn't, you know? Population gets bigger, have to deal with the waste that comes out of it.

Laura: Too many foxes shitting everywhere. I gonna have to deal with it.

Ron: Pollution from waste can affect the water, the air and the land. How do we affect the water with our pollution?

Laura: We fill it with hormones and shit and chemicals.

Ron: Yep. Sewage, fertiliser and toxic chemicals. What about in the air, Laura?

Laura: We shove out loads of methane and cfcs and carbonous smoke and acidic gases. That's correct.

Ron: What about land?

Laura: We use up all. We reduce the, uh, biodiversity on it and just have grasslands. And we get rid of hedgerows and we cut down trees and we build concrete.

Ron: And pollution comes from landfill and toxic chemicals. Pollution kills plants and animals, which can reduce biodiversity. Land use. We have to consider how much land we use in the things that we do. Laura.

Laura: Uh, yeah.

Ron: Um, some land use, um, constitutes the destruction of habitats. That's bad for biodiversity. The more habitats we have, the more biodiversity we have.

Laura: Gotta claim those newts.

Ron: The other thing that, uh, destruction of different, um, of land use could do is it can release large amounts of carbon dioxide inherently. When you do things like get rid of a peat bog, a lot of.

Laura: Did you see that? That area in Scotland, the peat bogs up there have been a given, like, national cultural heritage status.

Ron: Oh, that's really good.

Laura: They've got some kind of special. I can't remember. I don't think it's outstanding national beauty. I think it's, like, national heritage or something.

Ron: Um.

Laura: Great, yeah, fancy protected.

Ron: They can release large amounts of carbon dioxide because some of these things are carbon sinks.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Uh, deforestation, Laura. We cut down lots of forests and we plant land for cows and fields. We grow biofuels. Yeah, global warming. We know about global warming.

Laura: We know loads about global warming. I, uh, bet my exam is full of global warming questions.

Ron: Maintaining biodiversity, Laura, there's lots of different ways that we do it. We do breeding programmes for different species, like we, you know, make some spoon bills. Fucking a zoo. Um, we. We protect rare habitats, like you just said. Uh, we protect different habitats, like you just said, with the peat bogs in Scotland, reintroduction of field margins and hedgerows, like you said in agriculture. And then we reduce deforestation and we try and recycle resources rather than dumping them into natural land.

Laura: We try to.

Ron: We try to. That's it, Laura. That's biology.

Laura: Why do they always end on the most miserable fucking subjects?

Ron: I don't know.

Laura: They should start with this. Worry the kids at the start of term, and then end on the fun ship every time. Now we've got to the end of the syllabus and they've gone, you're all gonna die because Billy and Ayers don't care. Love you. Bye. Have a great summer. What's the point in sitting the exam? Yeah, it's just a shit. It's shit structure.

Ron: Maybe they want to leave them with something to go away from. Also, I don't think you have to do it in that order.

Laura: Well, why did you?

Ron: Because that's just the order it's written in.

Laura: You didn't even look, did you?

Ron: Did, uh. I read the whole 190 page PDF before we got started.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: No.

Laura: Well. Well. You've got something on your cheek, Ron. It's egg.

Ron: Okay. That back lover's really worn off, isn't it?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Quizzing quiz is the premise of this podcast

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: I want to go to sleep now.

Ron: Yeah, you go over sleep, mate. We're done. Um. Goodbye. GCSE.

Laura: Wow. M fucking miserable little spot to end the holiday on. Ehdin pulled over in a lay by.

Ron: With what holiday?

Laura: Well, the holiday that was this podcast.

Ron: But the podcast isn't ending.

Laura: No, but the GCSE bit is the premise.

Ron: Quizzing quiz.

Laura: And quizzing that skull and crossbones is bad one.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Ah, I told you

00:50:00

Laura: my sheep's very wide, too. I reckon that sheep is one of those, um. Um, sheep that's, like, gone off and got lost in the wild and survived without being sheared for five years, you know?

Ron: Yeah. Like the one that's like the one that got stuck in a cave.

Laura: There was a sheep that got stuck in a cave, yeah.

Ron: Crew, loads of wool. Don't know what he was eating. Maybe it was sucking moisture out the beams. Like arty ziff. Is that Simpsons sweet dreams are, um, made of these? Who am I, uh, to disagree? Travelled the world and the seven seas. I am watching you through a camera. Yeah. There's the Simpsons.

Laura: Long detour to get to the answer there, wasn't it, Ron? I've got to be honest, I'm a little bit like. I guess it feels like actual end of term. I've got no interest in this quiz because I want to do next week's episode about Mister Bean. Yeah, so this is exactly how I feel towards the end term where you're like, next week they're just gonna put a video on and I want to do that. But we've just got this mini bit of syllabus left.

Ron: The next episode is going to be really weird, I think.

Laura: I think it's going to be really.

Ron: Weird because you asked me to research Mister Bean. In doing. So, I realised I've never seen an episode of it.

Laura: What?

Ron: Yeah, I was reading.

Laura: Did you watch the. Let's save this for next week, Ron.

Ron: All right.

Laura: Right. Just quiz me quick and then we can fuck off.

Laura, can you talk me through the carbon cycle? Yes, Ron

Ron: Laura, starting with your sheep. Can you talk me through the carbon cycle?

Laura: Yes, Ron. So, um, the sheep, uh, breathes out CO2, it also poops out CO2. And when it dies, it. Its body is carbon and its poop is carbon, not CO2.

Ron: Getting so hung up on the poop.

Laura: And then flies come along and they.

Ron: Way too hung up on the poop.

Laura: And the body, or like a deer would eat its bones. Watched a video earlier of a deer eating human bones. Um, and that, like, rots down into the ground and the carbon, like, rots down into the ground or the carbon goes into whatever's eaten the poop. Or the body. Um, then that releases some CO2 into the air and then that gets eaten by plants into their lungs. Breathing, that's what that's called. Uh, breathes in the CO2. Except at night, when it doesn't breathe in CO2 at night, it just breathes oxygen and breathes out CO2. And then, uh, the sheep eats the plants and the grass and so gets the carbon back into itself. And thus the cycle is complete.

Ron: What else do the plants do?

Laura: Sometimes, uh, rot down, which releases CO2 and puts carbon into the soil.

Ron: Yes. Okay, Grant, uh, what about the water cycle? Laura?

Laura: The water cycle, Ron. You get water in the sky called clouds. And then that water comes out and that can become surface runoff, which goes into rivers and goes into the sea. And the sea evaporates and it goes back up into the sky. Um, or it goes down into groundwater, which is like water but all minced up. We call it minced water in the UK.

Ron: Nice.

Laura: Thank you. Um, and then that.

Ron: You know what they call, um.

Laura: Uh.

Ron: Minced beef in, uh, in certain contexts in Belgium.

Laura: Nope.

Ron: L American. Oh, you can have like, baguettes from the supermarket with like, this basic. I think it's like, kind of like steak tartare. Just like minced beef in them. It's quite orange. Yeah.

Laura: It doesn't feel like a compliment to America.

Ron: I don't know if it is.

Laura: Comes out of a spring and becomes surface runoff. Um, also I've written down transpiration from plants. They piss out water. Sometimes they sweat water out the bottom of their leaves. Out the top of their leaves.

Ron: Well, when they respire in the same way as us, water comes, ah, out. Yeah. Because plants are just tubes. Yeah. From the ground to the sky.

Laura: Sweaty, sweaty tubes.

Ron: So you could have water coming out the top so that it's her spire.

Laura: What's

00:55:00

Laura: respire breathing. What's transpire then transpired.

Ron: It's all about releasing of gas, isn't it?

Laura: It's the end of, uh, turbo. I've got my tie around my head and everybody's drawing on my shirt.

Ron: Um, that's the end of the quiz.

Laura: Yay.

Did you ever watch the recess movie? No. Was recess too new for you

School's out for summer.

Ron: Was recess. Was recess too new for you? Are you too old for recess?

Laura: No, I remember recess.

Ron: Did you ever watch the recess movie?

Laura: No.

Ron: Ah. Ah. That had a great bit when they go on school holidays.

Laura: How did. That was the whole film about school holidays?

Ron: Yeah, the movie was set over the summer holidays. And I think, like, the military were using the school ground for something freaky.

Laura: Ooh, yeah, that was the one where the kindergarteners were like absolute rascals, wasn't it?

Ron: Ferals. And you had King bob, Spinelli, Gretchen, Mike.

Laura: The girl that was always trying to go over the top on the swings.

Ron: Yeah. Upside down girl. Oh, no, no, there was a girl on the swings.

Laura: Who was that creepy boy that was always a bit like Randall moist.

Ron: Principal. Uh, what was that guy's name? Principal Peter Prickly. Uh, that name doesn't ring a bell at all. Misses Finster.

Laura: Oh, yeah. I remember that name.

Ron: Oh, uh, what a show. Ooh. Someone's drawn some porn about her. I'll send that.

Laura: No, wrong. What's wrong with your Internet that. That comes up so early?

Ron: It came up really quick.

Laura: Did you type in misses m. Finster porn?

Ron: No, I. If I typed in the principal from recess. She's not even the principal.

Laura: Somebody's typing that in one handed with one hand already in their pants, knowing what they're gonna get.

Ron: Look at that dump truck.

Laura: No, I'm going to WhatsApp. I don't know why. Wow. I mean, I would tap hideous.

Ron: Um.

Laura: Um, why are people like this? Come to cheerful earful and, um, we'll show you this picture. And more of your favourite characters made sexy.

Ron: 200 patrons by the end of this month. And Laura and I will.

Laura: Ron. I won't.

Ron: If we get 200 patrons that stick around for a year, by the end of this month, we'll both get this tattoo.

Laura: Yeah. Okay. I will get it on the sole of my foot.

Ron: I'll get it on the sole of Laura's foot, too.

Laura: Uh, no, you have to get it on your own body. You should definitely. Is it your 30th next year? Yeah. We've got to get your tattoo next year. Let's get this.

Ron: No. Herons.

Laura: Herons, herons. We've all got to get a heron.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Fuck off. A, uh, heron.

Ron: Yeah. Four herons in a bunch. One for each.

Laura: Uh, why have we got to get a heron now?

Ron: We're not really gonna get a heron. I'm gonna get a heron on my own before that.

Laura: What we're gonna do for your tattoo?

Ron: I don't know. I didn't know we were all getting it tattooed. It's been.

Laura: We said we were gonna do it on everybody's ten year birthdays.

Ron: No, you've said that, but I agree. But I haven't thought about it because it's not like I came to the group and I was like, hey, we're doing this. It's been happily foisted upon me, and I need to think. I'm not. I'm just.

Laura: This isn't the anticlimactic last episode of the syllabus that I wanted to.

Ron: Sorry.

Next week we're gonna have parent teacher evaluation with a husband

Let's go back to talking about misses Finster's big jelly.

Laura: But let's say, ron, what a lovely time it's been. Doing GCSE science.

Ron: Yeah. So next week we're gonna have ender term, bean. Bean a thong.

Laura: And then the week after, we were gonna do fictional teachers, but now Ron's Google search history makes me

01:00:00

Laura: think I don't want to do that.

Ron: No, I thought we were gonna get Tommy for a year in review.

Laura: Oh, yeah, of course we were. Yeah, we're gonna have parent teacher evaluation with a husband.

Ron: Husband teacher evaluation.

Laura: Yeah, there's no parent involved.

Ron: Yeah, agony dad does not care for our troubles.

Laura: No, we can only bring stuff to agony dad when it's his. Also, he's never listened to an episode, so he can't help. But neither's Tom, to be fair. Anyway.

Ron: Oh, right. Have everyone listening now, listeners, um, relisten to the podcast and then send in moments that you think Tom should evaluate things that he really needs to hear from, from our, uh, GCSE times. And then we might be able to play some clips.

Laura: Yeah, that's a good idea, Ron.

Ron: Yeah, send in moments that you want Tom's reaction to. Um, so either him being impressed with Laura or hime thinking she's a real thick piece of idiot shit, and, uh, we'll get his reaction on it.

Laura: Can you do it on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook, though, so that we can show the world that we have interaction? Because I love the discord and I love what we've got there, but it does look a bit like we've gone dormant sometimes. Um, okay. Come to cheerful earful. Come to my tour.

Ron: Oh, it's raining. Maybe the protest won't happen at all.

Laura: Kiss your loved ones. Don't google porn of beloved children's characters.

Ron: Send in your sexiest cartoons to lauralexmail.com.

Laura: And if you're not familiar with Mister Bean, that's what we're watching next week as an end of term prize for being good all year.

Ron: All right, terrari bits. Bye. I need to close the windows raining on me.

Can you just say class dismissed then? For the last time, class dismissed

Laura: Can you just say class dismissed then?

Ron: For the last time, class dismissed.

Laura: What are you going to say at a level, then?

Ron: I don't know.

Laura: Oh, lecture dismissed.

01:01:58