Laura: Hello and welcome back to Lex Education, the smash hit comedy podcast Science Podcast, where my little brother Ron.
Ron: Hello, I'm Ron.
Laura: That's Ron.
Laura: He tries to teach me.
Laura: Hello, I'm Laura Science.
Laura: It's episode Five chemistry two.
Laura: Welcome back.
Laura: How are you doing, Ron?
Ron: It's good.
Ron: It's our first early morning record because you're about to get on a train.
Laura: I'm coming to see you today.
Ron: Hooray.
Laura: Very exciting.
Laura: Now, before we start the episode, we would like to thank Pod Spike.
Laura: They are friendly, tame podcast marketing people.
Laura: We found them in the wild.
Laura: They found us in the irld.
Laura: They probably found us in the wild, didn't they?
Ron: They did, yeah.
Laura: They very much found us in the wild.
Laura: And they said, hello, would you like to start your podcast alongside somebody that knows what they're doing?
Laura: And we said, oh, yes, thank you very much, please.
Laura: That would be the kind they showed us how to launch a podcast and it's worked, hasn't it Ron?
Laura: Because these people are listening right now.
Ron: I think it's gone swimmingly.
Laura: Yeah, we hit 1000 downloads this week, which we think for week two is pretty spicy.
Laura: That's nice, isn't it, Ron?
Ron: It is nice.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: We got a badge.
Laura: We did get a badge.
Laura: Can you stop tapping your desk, please?
Laura: You're very unprofessional.
Laura: You know all about science, but not about broadcasting.
Laura: So, yes, chemistry.
Laura: Thank you, Pod Spike and Chemistry, we're back with you today.
Ron: Thank you, chemistry.
Laura: I would never thank chemistry.
Laura: Don't be ridiculous.
Laura: I hate chemistry.
Laura: And thank you to people like Greg, Helen, Colin, Matthew and Kay for your sort of, quote, tweets of episodes that really helps, as well as the interacting and the chatting that we've been doing with all of you guys underneath is lovely.
Laura: Thank you very much.
Laura: And Becky.
Laura: Lulu, thank you for your instagram post.
Laura: We really appreciate it.
Laura: Ron, we've had a new Apple review.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: From Riddled with Gin.
Ron: Someone I think we could get along with.
Laura: I do like a bit of gin, although I had some port this weekend, just a sniff, and it was very lovely.
Laura: Riddled with Gin says, all the joys of GCSE science without the strange teachers.
Laura: Which I think is nice for you, Ron, because that means you're not strange.
Ron: Yeah, I'd go with that.
Ron: I don't know what the joys of GCC science are.
Ron: Way of producing them.
Laura: Yeah, there isn't a joy of GCSE science, as far as I'm concerned.
Laura: But there is joy in podcasting.
Laura: Now, last week we were talking about chromosomes, were we?
Laura: Probably.
Laura: And we asked if any of you guys knew why X and Y chromosomes?
Laura: Why don't we use the z or whatever?
Laura: Now, mystic says.
Ron: That there are WNZ ones in beetles and birds, I believe.
Laura: Yeah, but birds are animals.
Ron: Yes, but not all animals are birds.
Laura: But all birds are animals.
Laura: I love birds.
Laura: I've got a bird feeder and I'm training Maki to shout at the pigeons, but not at the sparrows.
Laura: Anyway, so that's one thing.
Laura: Maybe there are W and z.
Laura: And then Daniel suggests that the chromosomes look like an X and a Y.
Ron: So they come in pairs, joined in the middle.
Laura: God, everything's in f****** pairs, isn't it?
Ron: They come in pairs, joined in the middle.
Ron: So the X ones, which are the long ones, they're kind of joined in the middle.
Ron: So when you get the two of them, they look kind of like an X.
Ron: And then the Y one join halfway.
Laura: And flex their crotches into each other.
Ron: Yeah, and then the Y one is much shorter, so it would kind of look like a Y, but with kind of a vestigial tail.
Ron: But I thought that, too, when I was having to think about this, and I texted a friend of the podcast, Noah, about this because he's a biologist.
Ron: And he was just like, yeah, of course that's why it is.
Ron: But I can't find any evidence for that being the etymology of X and Y.
Laura: Okay, well, there we have it.
Laura: Even more science, which is what we all came here for.
Laura: So we're going to jump back into chemistry two with a big look on some atoms.
Ron: I'm excited to get back into it.
Laura: You just love science so much.
Laura: You deep.
Ron: I do.
Ron: I do.
Ron: Not.
Ron: Chemistry, though.
Laura: No.
Laura: I thought no, physics is the worst one.
Laura: I didn't mind chemistry.
Laura: Those plum puddings and the little sad reggae boys.
Ron: Now, that's how I can tell.
Ron: The listener can probably tell that it has been a long time since we recorded those episodes, because you really did f****** mind chemistry.
Laura: Okay, well, it's mellowed a bit in my memory of it.
Laura: Maybe physics was just so s***.
Laura: Going back to it, I think what.
Ron: Happened was you just did quite well on the quiz.
Laura: It could be that.
Laura: I do like to be the winner, kid.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Physics is worse, though.
Laura: Okay, so just give me a quick rundown on what we did last time.
Laura: We did electrons.
Laura: They go in rings.
Laura: That's how things go on the periodic table.
Ron: We did the makeup of the nucleus.
Laura: And it subtle look with contouring and a little bit of shading across the brow line.
Ron: I don't understand what you're saying to me.
Laura: You said it was the makeup of something.
Laura: I didn't listen to the rest of it.
Ron: Oh, I got that.
Ron: You were talking about makeup.
Ron: I thought nucleus was some makeup term that I had.
Laura: No, the makeup of the nucleus must be what you said.
Laura: But I didn't even hear the word nucleus because I started to go I thought of something.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: And the nucleus is the brain.
Laura: It's inside a membrane, not in atoms.
Laura: What?
Ron: I thought it was in cells.
Ron: In cells, it's in a membrane.
Laura: Why don't they call them something different?
Ron: Because it probably comes from Greek or Latin or something.
Laura: Oh, how the f*** are you supposed to remember that?
Laura: So they both have nucleuses, but they're different things.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: What's an atom's nucleus, then?
Ron: It's the bit with all of the Bob Marley.
Laura: It makes me sad when you rub your eyes.
Ron: It's a bit with the Bob Molly and the sound engineers that keeps all those sound desk.
Laura: That was the little okay.
Laura: And then the parties going on around them.
Laura: That's where they store the neutrons.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: And that determines how heavy the cell is?
Laura: Atom is, yes.
Ron: Great.
Ron: Segue.
Ron: Basically, for most of today, what we're going to be doing is just getting a little bit smaller.
Ron: Smaller than atoms.
Ron: We're going to be learning more about the bits that make them up.
Ron: Okay.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: The organelles.
Ron: That was a joke.
Laura: Like the atom organelles.
Laura: I'm assuming from your pausing that cell atoms do not have organelles, but the organelles of the atom is what I mean.
Laura: Love a girl.
Ron: I thought you were joking.
Ron: I might have broken up there for a bit.
Ron: You definitely froze and were giving me a very derisive look.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: So do you remember which particles are positively charged and which ones were negatively charged?
Laura: Now, like, the Englishy part of my brain is telling me that protons would be positively charged because they're pro.
Laura: So I'm going to say protons.
Ron: Correct.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: And the electrons are negatively charged.
Laura: Yes.
Ron: Neutrons are neutral.
Laura: That makes sense.
Laura: Well done.
Laura: Language.
Ron: Hooray.
Ron: The concept that they want us to learn about first is the idea of relative charge.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: That's where you ask your aunt and uncle for money before they come and stay with you.
Ron: I was going to say, when you run at a line of your cousins very relative charge, what do you see?
Laura: Picturing when you say that?
Ron: The weird ones.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So the idea of relative charge is basically a simplified way to look at the charge of not only these small particles, but then these small particles determine the charge of molecules and ions and larger things as well.
Ron: So basically what we say is protons have a charge of plus one and electrons have a charge of negative one.
Laura: They cancel each other out.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: So it basically means that because whenever an ion or a molecule is charged, it is ion.
Laura: What's a molecule?
Ron: We'll get to those in a second.
Ron: It just means that when those are charged, essentially, they're either lacking electrons or they have too many.
Ron: So it's always going to be increments of this relative charge of plus or minus a number.
Laura: Okay, sure.
Laura: Everything you just said there was just like so it will be a number.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And then you paused and looked at me and I realised I was supposed to be processing that information, but I was waiting for it to get to a bit that meant something to me.
Ron: I can't actually remember the unit for charge, but a proton's charge would be teeny.
Ron: Teeny.
Ron: Tiny.
Ron: Tiny.
Ron: Because they're so small.
Ron: Right.
Ron: So what you could do is you could say, oh, this ion has a charge of 0.1, whatevers.
Ron: But that would be a bit tedious and hard to work with.
Ron: So we just say that is plus one.
Ron: It's relative to the atom, and then just simplifies it when we talk about it.
Laura: Charged with what, babe?
Laura: What are you talking about?
Laura: What's it charged with?
Laura: Like just atom juice.
Laura: What is it?
Ron: Magnets, basically.
Laura: Because I was just thinking there, just give it whatever number you f****** want.
Laura: Science.
Laura: Who cares?
Laura: You're the only ones talking about it.
Laura: But it's magnetic in the same way that other magnets are.
Laura: Magnetic.
Ron: Yeah, opposite to track.
Laura: I don't know what that's got to do with anything, but, like, you could measure the charge of a proton against a fridge magnet.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: That's why you're saying it's simplified to go to one.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: And then opposite the tracks, you got all the negative electrons floating around the outside attracted metal.
Ron: No, everything is electromagnetic energy.
Ron: No, that's not true.
Ron: Cut that.
Ron: Cut that.
Ron: Cut that.
Laura: I'm not going to I'm going to leave it in with a big whack oops noise, and then a big flashing light will start wherever someone's listening to the podcast.
Laura: And in fireworks, it'll say, Ron is dumb.
Laura: Ron is dumb.
Laura: And a little dancing version of me will be dancing around.
Laura: Ron is so stupid.
Laura: What an idiot.
Laura: He thinks the whole world is full of what was it?
Laura: Electric?
Laura: Magnetic energy.
Laura: Energy, you idiot.
Ron: Right, so let's move on from relative charge.
Ron: We're circling a very depressing dream.
Laura: We just want everything one to make it easier.
Laura: I agree.
Laura: Well done, sir.
Ron: Yeah, so it just means the example that I thought was easiest to look at is table salt, which we've talked about before.
Ron: Sodium chloride.
Laura: I remember it's.
Laura: Bad Boy NaCl.
Ron: The sodium gives its electron the NAD gives its electron to the chlorine.
Ron: So what charge will the sodium ion have now?
Laura: Positive.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: Meaning that the what charge?
Ron: Like what number charge?
Ron: How much charge?
Laura: Something away.
Ron: Yes, but it gave a negative thing away.
Laura: So it was two before and now it's one.
Ron: It was zero before.
Ron: Now it's one.
Laura: All right, okay, cool.
Ron: It's given away a negative charge, so.
Laura: You can only ever really be minus 10 or plus one.
Ron: Well, using your periodic table, give me the next element along in the row from sodium.
Laura: No, I've got to find sodium.
Laura: Where is he hiding?
Laura: Oh, he's over here in group one.
Ron: What's the group two element in that row?
Laura: Magnesium.
Ron: So, magnesium, remember, because it only got two electrons in its outermost shell, it's quite easy for it to shed those two.
Laura: Yeah, f*** off.
Ron: So magnesium could shed both those electrons, which would leave it with a charge of neutral.
Laura: Again, zero.
Ron: No, it's shed two electrons.
Laura: If everybody's in pairs, they're happy, aren't they?
Ron: Yes, but they're both negative.
Ron: All electrons are negative.
Laura: So who's got protons?
Ron: The nucleus of the atom.
Laura: Okay, so he's minus two, then.
Ron: Plus two, plus two.
Ron: Just giving away two minus things.
Laura: Wait, so where was the neutrons?
Laura: There in the nucleus.
Laura: As well as the protons.
Ron: The neutrons are in the nucleus?
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Quite crowded in there, then, isn't it?
Ron: It is indeed.
Laura: I think I'd rather be an electron.
Laura: A bit freewheeling.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: You get around more when you're an electron.
Ron: Leading back to your question earlier, and I'm sure you're going to ask about a few more things.
Laura: It doesn't seem miserable that I'm here.
Ron: I was really worried that I hadn't done enough research for this episode.
Ron: We're already right in the weeds, and also we're covering a lot of what we've covered in previous episodes.
Laura: We have not talked about any of these sums.
Ron: Absolutely.
Ron: We did the whole of the last episode on the structure of the atom.
Laura: Pudding.
Ron: Plumb bloody pudding.
Ron: Right.
Ron: So atoms an atom is when there is an equal number of protons and electrons therefore not charged.
Laura: Okay, hang on.
Laura: Atom equals protons, equaling electrons.
Laura: Atoms are neutral.
Laura: The neutrons don't come into it.
Ron: No, not quite.
Ron: Okay, so that's an atom when the electrons and the protons are in balance, if the number of protons changes, that changes the element.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: So another proton in a sodium nucleus makes it a magnesium.
Laura: Changing the protons changes the element.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: And the proton number.
Ron: You'll see the proton number on your periodic table.
Laura: This is magic, isn't it?
Laura: Just changing into a different thing.
Laura: I'm not chlorine anymore, I'm gold.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Just by changing the price.
Laura: So how come it's possible?
Ron: I would say it probably is, but I just don't think we have any idea of how to do it.
Ron: It would take an intense amount of energy.
Laura: Okay, so changing the protons changes the element, but it doesn't change the charge.
Ron: Well, it would, yes.
Laura: So some things are just they all start with different charges.
Ron: No, it's not often that protons leave or join a nucleus.
Ron: What I mean by that is just the number of protons defines the element.
Laura: I'm confused.
Laura: Now, when sodium and chlorine get together yes?
Laura: Why doesn't that just change chlorine into the thing in the next column?
Ron: Because they are exchanging electrons, not protons.
Laura: Electrons is the thing.
Laura: Ron Changing the protons changes the element.
Laura: You clever boy.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Okay.
Ron: The number of protons defines the element.
Ron: A change in the number of electrons, that makes an ion.
Laura: Changing the electrons.
Laura: And you have to plug an ion in electrons.
Ron: I didn't understand that at all.
Laura: If you're using an ion, you've got to plug in.
Laura: So changing the electron makes it an ion.
Ron: God, that was one of the most tedious ones.
Ron: Right.
Ron: So when the sodium atom sheds its electron to the chlorine atom, they both become ions because they are now charged and they have an uneven number of protons and electrons.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: Does shedding a proton make a charge?
Ron: It would, but it very rarely happens.
Laura: Okay, let's not bother learning about that then.
Ron: Yeah, we might come across that.
Ron: I believe that only really ever happens during radioactive decay.
Ron: Hey, we're going to get bloody sued.
Ron: Stop that.
Ron: Sorry, but we'll come across that and then we talked about this.
Ron: I think in the last atoms episode, we did a different number of neutrons makes a different isotope.
Laura: Isotope sounds like a made up word, doesn't it?
Laura: Change?
Ron: Sounds like a baseball team.
Laura: The neutron makes an isotope.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: A different number of neutrons is a.
Laura: Different weight of the neutrons of the big boys.
Ron: So you could have an oxygen atom.
Ron: It's got eight protons.
Ron: One of them might have eight neutrons, another one might have nine neutrons.
Ron: They are different isotopes to each other, but they are both oxygen because they both have eight protons.
Laura: Would they feel different to breathe?
Ron: No.
Laura: Okay, isotopes matter then, do they?
Ron: You are breathing hundreds of different isotopes all at once, all at the same time.
Laura: Ron, what is the point of all of this?
Ron: Well, we'll learn some more.
Laura: Oh, no, I hate it when we've done a bit and I go, Great, I've got that in my head.
Laura: And then it turns out that was the two lines as the introduction to what we're about to go on and do.
Ron: No, it's more just kind of today.
Ron: It's a lot of just learning stats and facts about atoms.
Laura: Okay, well, we should make Top Trumps with different atoms on them, Ron.
Laura: Then we could play Top Trumps.
Laura: Like I'd say to you, hang on, let me get my board and have a look.
Laura: I'd say to you, oh, I'm mollabedinum and I've got 42 electrons.
Ron: And I'd say I'm cadmium, and I've got 26 electrons.
Laura: Oh, I've won then, haven't I?
Laura: Give me your cadmium.
Laura: Good content.
Laura: Bedinum is a transition metal, so don't tell JK Rowling about that one.
Laura: She will be kicking off.
Ron: Right, okay.
Laura: Using my notebook back to front.
Laura: I'm so stupid.
Laura: No, I'm not.
Laura: I just had it upside down.
Laura: Don't worry.
Laura: That's bad?
Ron: Yes.
Laura: That means you're not not stupid after all.
Laura: Well done, me.
Laura: I did some gardening today and I thought about biology.
Ron: Well, what did you think about?
Ron: I thought about how I'm touching biology.
Laura: I thought about how the sun makes me feel nice and it makes us feel nice.
Laura: And I planted a flower that doesn't really like to be in full sun and I thought maybe that's got less maximatosis things to make ATP.
Laura: So it doesn't want as much stuff to convert into energy.
Ron: It's got less mixomatosis.
Laura: I know that that's not the right word, but I can't remember what the right word was.
Ron: We'll find out in episode seven.
Laura: Not Mike croscopy mitochondria makes the ATP God, what the h*** is that drawing a sperm that looks like a key is kissing a frog.
Laura: With big lips.
Laura: I was wondering if a plant that likes to be in the shade, maybe they have less.
Laura: Mitochondria can't cope with as much conversion.
Ron: They might do as but the causation is probably the other way around.
Ron: They probably got less because they like to be in the sun, not they like to be in the sun because they've got less.
Laura: Well, how do they just like something they're plants.
Laura: Oh, let's save this confusion.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Let's not get into selective pressures and natural selection now, we need to talk about the size of atoms.
Laura: Very small.
Laura: Done.
Ron: Next thing, teeny, would you like to hazard a guess as to how small in your metres?
Laura: So small that it's f****** garbage that we're talking about, because if we just left them alone, there'd be no nuclear war, no nuclear reactors.
Laura: We could just carry on with our lives, not caring.
Ron: Would you like to have it again in metres?
Laura: In metres.
Laura: That's too big to measure.
Ron: Something like, all right, in nanometers, then.
Laura: I don't know what that is.
Laura: What's that?
Ron: That's why I said hello.
Laura: I'm Nanometer.
Laura: I hope that's a character in some children's science one day.
Laura: I'm Nanometer.
Laura: Let me tell you about how small things are in my day.
Ron: Be the change, Laura.
Laura: In metres.
Laura: So a metre is big.
Laura: Like what's?
Laura: A metre about the size of a wheelbarrow.
Laura: And then an atom.
Laura: An atom is way smaller.
Laura: So let's say a millimetre is I don't know, hang on.
Laura: How big was a cell?
Laura: And then there's a cell bigger than an atom.
Laura: I don't think cells and atoms exist in the same world.
Laura: I'm going to say I think it's about 20 atoms to the millimetre.
Ron: No.
Ron: So an atom is about 0.1 nm across.
Ron: That's including all of the electrons whizzing around the nucleus.
Ron: That is.
Laura: How many knots?
Ron: Nine, I believe.
Laura: One metres?
Ron: Yes.
Laura: How much is that in millimetres?
Laura: Because I can't think about that in.
Ron: Millimetres, then that would be.
Laura: So they're even smaller than cells.
Ron: Was that a joke?
Laura: No, because I don't understand a cell made of atoms.
Laura: Why are you saying it like that?
Laura: I don't know.
Laura: Cell, parts, organelles, those little men that stood together and made a membrane.
Ron: Okay, let's track this back.
Laura: Are all of those people made of atoms?
Ron: Everything you've ever seen or touched, heard or smell is made out of atoms.
Laura: So is air an atom?
Ron: It's more than one.
Laura: And so is a Lysosome.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: Name another thing.
Laura: I'll tell you, there'll be a p****.
Laura: Oh, God.
Laura: Well, I feel like then who cares?
Laura: That is so small.
Laura: Ron how did they split that, then?
Laura: How would you break up one of those?
Ron: Well, you fire you fire another one of those acid.
Ron: Here's a fun thing, though.
Ron: The nucleus of the atom is only 110 thousand of the atom's radius.
Ron: That's how big it is.
Ron: So 9999 of it is empty space.
Laura: What, with a wall?
Laura: Around the empty space?
Ron: No.
Laura: So why isn't the atom just small, then?
Ron: Because of the electrons whizzing around it.
Laura: Oh, they just whizz.
Laura: They're not on string.
Laura: I thought they'd be on string.
Ron: No, they were held in by the magnetic charge.
Laura: Clever.
Laura: I think there might be a god.
Laura: You know, this all just sounds too stupid to have happened on its own.
Ron: Do you remember the last chemistry episode we were talking about?
Laura: I thought I did, but I thought I'd had a good time, and now I'm sitting here, I just would cry and go downstairs and I guess I didn't have a good time.
Ron: But do you remember old Ernie Rub?
Ron: Ernie Rutherford?
Laura: No.
Ron: The guy that was firing no.
Laura: Who was that farmer that made peas that you always used to tell me about mendel?
Ron: He wasn't a farmer, he was a monk.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Do you remember Rutherford?
Ron: He was the guy that was shooting particles at some gold foil and some of them went through, but crucially, some of them bounced back.
Laura: Oh, yeah, that one that took us a long time to understand.
Ron: Yeah, the bollards instead of the wall.
Ron: So this is why.
Ron: It's because the nucleus of the atom is such a small point inside the greater space of the atom.
Laura: So everything's just floating about like wood.
Laura: Seems really hard, but actually it's just loads of space.
Ron: It is to such a huge degree.
Ron: Everything that is mass is just empty space.
Laura: Madness.
Laura: I just don't think I understand reality anymore.
Ron: Yeah, like when you touch your desk, it's just kind of empty space pushing up against empty space.
Laura: Is that how water goes through things?
Ron: No.
Laura: Can things go around these electrons, or is the magnet pushing everything out of the electrons?
Ron: Do you mean sort of in between them and, like, through them as they're whizzing about?
Laura: Can stuff go through them?
Ron: I think energy can not other particles there.
Ron: Okay, that might be wrong.
Laura: And are they colourful?
Ron: No, colours don't exist at that size.
Laura: Where does colour come from?
Ron: Well, so colour is made from different wavelengths of light, so you can't have something, for example, that's red if that thing is smaller than the wavelength of red light.
Laura: I wish I hadn't asked that question.
Ron: Okay, let's move on.
Ron: So just like we had relative charge with subatomic particles, we've got relative mass as well.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: You take your brother and sister and you go and ask God for forgiveness.
Ron: So a proton weighs one relative max, a proton weighs one, and a neutron also weighs one.
Ron: They weigh the same.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And electrons, those are all the guys in the nucleus.
Laura: These are the guys in the house.
Laura: And an electron.
Laura: I think they're going to be smaller.
Laura: Not .5.
Ron: They are so small, we just completely ignore their mass.
Laura: What, so they're just a zero?
Ron: Yeah, they are a zero when it comes to relative mass.
Ron: So adding the protons and the neutrons in any given nucleus gives you the atomic mass of that nucleus.
Ron: So that is the bigger number in your periodic table.
Laura: Okay?
Laura: So going back to Molly bednam 95.94.
Ron: You'Ll notice that all of the atomic masses on your periodic table aren't round numbers.
Ron: Could you hazard a guess why?
Laura: Because science sucks my big wet balls.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: Is it because they've got to add the skin of the nucleus to it?
Ron: No.
Laura: Is it because imperial?
Ron: It is because these are all averages, so there are different isotopes for all of these things.
Laura: Isotope.
Ron: So that is the average atomic mass of any one of these elements.
Laura: Right.
Laura: Well, that seems like a useful thing to know then.
Laura: That's just a number that none of them weigh, isn't it?
Ron: Well, no, it absolutely does, because.
Laura: Don'T tell off my girlfriend science.
Laura: I like to kiss her in the morning.
Ron: Stop trying to turn this into a comedy podcast.
Laura: I don't want it to be a science podcast.
Laura: That's the problem.
Ron: God, a huge bird just flew by my winter.
Ron: Right?
Ron: So the reason why that matters is because you never get matters.
Ron: You never get one atom on its own.
Laura: Never ever.
Laura: Lonely boys.
Laura: Atoms are lonely boys.
Ron: I said you never get them on their wrist.
Laura: Yeah, they get lonely, so they hang around together.
Ron: But then they wouldn't be lonely.
Laura: No, you can still be lonely if you hang out with someone.
Laura: Tom and I have this argument all the time.
Laura: He says that if we're in the same room, I'm not allowed to be lonely.
Laura: And I said I can be lonely during a conversation.
Laura: But that doesn't make any sense.
Laura: Somebody that was alone is obviously not a lonely thing because they like their own company, whereas atoms are clearly they struggle when they're alone, so they're always with a friend.
Laura: Adams get lonely, so they hang out together.
Ron: The f****** mental hoola hoops that you expecting people to do.
Laura: Okay, judgy atoms always come in pairs.
Laura: Isn't that what I pictured?
Ron: I mean, there are atoms always in pairs.
Ron: Pairs are made out of atoms just like anything else.
Laura: Atoms always are never alone.
Laura: AAA.
Laura: That's how we'll remember.
Laura: That it's.
Laura: The AAA's are always, never alone.
Ron: Yeah, but I haven't really finished getting this out.
Ron: It's not that they can't be on their own.
Ron: It's just that they're so small and there's so many of them that in practise they never are.
Ron: Do you understand?
Laura: I'm liking an atom soup right now, aren't I?
Laura: Yeah, well, it's not that they're never alone, is it?
Laura: They just make up everything.
Laura: So everything is them.
Ron: Yeah, but what I'm trying to say is that, say in a lab, if you were trying to measure the properties of beryllium, you would never have one beryllium atom to test.
Laura: It would always be firing it as somebody else's atom to do a nuclear bomb.
Ron: No, you would always have space.
Laura: Could you put one atom on its own in space?
Ron: In theory, yes.
Ron: In practise, no.
Laura: Why not?
Ron: Because it's very hard for us to do one atom.
Ron: Atoms are very small.
Laura: Well, how did we split it, then?
Ron: Chemical reactions and stuff.
Laura: I reckon we could get one on their own, then.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Like I said, why don't we try.
Laura: And do that for the end of the series?
Ron: But one Adam, and we never know if we did it.
Laura: Proving my point that absolutely none of this matters.
Ron: Yeah, but you can't just, like, suggest a thing we do and then go, yeah, that doesn't matter.
Ron: Okay, how about this?
Ron: We go on holiday and spread some jam on the Taj Mahal, and then you're like, that's pointless.
Ron: Why would we spread jam on the Taj Mahal?
Ron: And then I go, yeah, see, what's the point of going on holiday?
Laura: But we know if we'd put jam on the Taj Mahal.
Ron: Not if we put it on the back.
Laura: I can walk around the back.
Ron: You've never seen the back of the Taj Mahal.
Laura: You've been caught out, buddy boy.
Laura: Right, so Adams are always, never alone.
Ron: A and A.
Laura: That's why we just measure the average.
Laura: We just weigh it, and then we go and that's 19 Berylliums.
Laura: That weight divided by 19 gives us where's the notepad gives us 9.1.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: So students should be able to calculate the numbers of protons, neutrons and electrons in an atom or iron, given its atomic number, mass, number and charge.
Laura: Brilliant.
Ron: So we're going to do this now?
Laura: Right now.
Laura: Oh, dear.
Laura: Okay?
Laura: I've made copious notes.
Ron: There is a sodium ion with a charge of plus one.
Laura: Has a charge of plus one.
Ron: It has an atomic mass of 23.
Ron: It weighs 23, and an atomic number of eleven.
Laura: Atom number.
Laura: Eleven.
Ron: Okay, tell me how many protons, how many neutrons and how many electrons it's got.
Laura: I'm mad.
Laura: I haven't got a clue.
Ron: What students should be able to cancel me.
Laura: Hang on a minute.
Laura: Okay, wait.
Laura: It's plus one is the charge.
Laura: Electrons are out of the equation because they're the flyboys.
Laura: They're too small.
Ron: No, I want to know the number of electrons as well, please.
Laura: I can't know that.
Ron: Yes, you can.
Laura: No, I can't.
Laura: If it weighs eleven, I think it must be five neutrons.
Ron: No, it doesn't weigh eleven.
Ron: Its atomic number is eleven.
Ron: Its atomic mass is 23.
Laura: What's the atomic number got to do with anything?
Laura: What's the atomic number?
Laura: What?
Laura: What's the atomic number?
Ron: Please work it out.
Laura: Look at your previous I'm trying to work it out.
Laura: I don't like to be tough to work it out.
Laura: She makes me really crossed because you know I am working it out.
Laura: You know I am, but you're asking me I can't remember what the atomic number means.
Laura: Where's sodium they should put these in alphabetical order.
Laura: It's very hard to find panicking.
Ron: No.
Ron: What order are they in?
Laura: Laura Bigness.
Ron: What order are.
Laura: They in size.
Ron: What defines the element?
Laura: Well, it's salt.
Laura: I hate being under pressure.
Ron: What is the difference between sodium and magnesium?
Laura: Sodium has one fewer whizzyboards.
Laura: Yes.
Ron: Which one?
Ron: Which one?
Laura: Don't shout at me.
Laura: Electrons.
Ron: No, the other one.
Laura: I thought electrons were the wysi boys.
Ron: The electrons are the Wizy boys.
Ron: But remember the wizzy boys differences in the wysi boys, the electrons, that's what makes an ion.
Ron: How did we change what element?
Ron: It was.
Laura: Radioactive energy.
Ron: But what particle?
Ron: There's only three, my love.
Laura: Protons.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So the number of protons defines the element.
Ron: Remember, magnesium has one more proton in its nucleus than sodium.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: Magnesium's atomic number is twelve.
Ron: Sodium's magnetomic number is eleven protons.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: It weighs 23.
Laura: So it must have twelve neutrons.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And then it's got a charge of one plus one.
Laura: So it must have ten electrons.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: You worked it out.
Ron: That was great.
Laura: Yeah, but I'm sweating so much.
Laura: All because of its even salt yet.
Ron: Okay, we were going to do two more.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Why isn't it an atom?
Ron: Because it has a charge.
Ron: It's not an equal number of protons.
Laura: Yeah, because an electron has disappeared off somewhere.
Ron: Exactly.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: All right, give me another one.
Laura: Give me another one.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Helium is one of the noble gases, therefore it never forms an ion.
Ron: So please tell me, if a helium atom had an atomic mass of four, an atomic number of two, how many of each type of particle it's got?
Laura: Okay, so I know that it's got two protons.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: So then, I mean, it's got two neutrons because two plus two equals four.
Ron: And then it's a noble gas, so it could not be an ion.
Laura: So it must have two electrons.
Ron: Exactly.
Laura: The noble gases are the steady boys.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: They're full.
Ron: They've got full rings.
Ron: They can't take on or lose any.
Laura: And they're really small.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: I didn't think we talked about that.
Ron: Nice.
Laura: Yeah, I nailed that after the initial panic.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: See, it's not that hard.
Laura: No, I'm a scientist now and that.
Ron: Information is probably pushed out something else from your head.
Ron: Lucky you.
Laura: Do I wipe front to back or back to front?
Ron: Okay.
Ron: How do you feel about doing a bit of math?
Laura: Well, I just smashed that math, so bring it on.
Laura: I say.
Ron: Because students should be able to calculate the relative atomic mass of an element given the percentage abundance of its isotopes, what is what.
Ron: Right, so have you got your pen ready?
Laura: Yes.
Laura: Okay, this is the pen we got free from the jewellers, went on, bought my engagement ring.
Ron: God, you thought they'd given you a nicer pen.
Laura: It wasn't that nicer.
Laura: Ring?
Ron: Didn't his dad make your ring?
Ron: Did his dad just give you a pen?
Laura: No, his dad made his wedding ring.
Ron: Okay, here you go.
Ron: Here's a pen.
Laura: Julian does love to give us pension feature.
Ron: Right.
Ron: So there are three different isotopes of oxygen.
Ron: Oxygen 16.
Ron: Write that down.
Laura: Hang on, hang on.
Laura: Three different oxygen 16.
Laura: That sounds like a cleaning.
Laura: Are you a teenager with too many spots?
Ron: Try oxygen 16, oxygen 17.
Laura: That is the one for somebody slightly older.
Ron: And oxygen 18.
Laura: Oh, legally drinking is your skin dehydrated from going to weather spoons?
Ron: So oxygen 16 is 99.763 percent of oxygen.
Laura: Of all oxygen in the world?
Ron: Yes.
Ron: In the universe that we've found oxygen 17 is naught point 75 of all oxygen.
Laura: God, I bet someone got right spawn when they discovered some of these oxygens.
Ron: And oxygen 18 is 0.95%.
Laura: So 17 is the rarest 119 95, that's the year you were born.
Ron: And I'm 18, so mind blown.
Ron: Okay, so now, from all of that information, you should be able to tell me the average atomic mass of oxygen.
Laura: How could I possibly do that?
Laura: What are you talking about?
Ron: Because you've got the percentages of the different masses.
Laura: No, I know how many these types of oxygens exist.
Ron: You got the percentage of oxygen in the world that weighs 16, the percentage of it that weighs 17, the percentage of it that weighs 18.
Ron: So you can work out the average mass, but why?
Laura: Because it's already so small that nobody gives a s*** about it.
Laura: And then you're telling me to weigh zero point 75% of the theoretical oxygen.
Laura: Oh, why?
Laura: What's?
Laura: Even if you f****** love oxygen, who cares?
Ron: Well, I mean, like legitimately, for anything where you have to weigh chemicals, you need to know these things.
Laura: You can't weigh oxygen.
Ron: You can if there's enough of it.
Laura: There's loads, yes.
Ron: And you can weigh it.
Laura: That is heavy.
Ron: Yeah, but you understand that oxygen can exist in other things.
Laura: All right, I'll do some sums and see what comes up here.
Laura: All right.
Laura: Okay, so 16 times 99.73 equals 1596.208.
Laura: Then 17 times not .5 equals this doesn't feel like it's going to be right.
Laura: And then 80 times 0995 equals 3.59 one.
Laura: Then let's say add those together.
Laura: That's probably too heavy.
Laura: So let's wait with percentages.
Laura: Then you divide it by 100%.
Laura: Try that.
Laura: Well, maybe if I've stumbled across this, I'm over £1000.
Laura: I think the average weight of an oxygen is 16.4365.
Ron: I wasn't listening to everything you did.
Ron: I got distracted.
Laura: Welcome to my bloody world, mate.
Ron: Yeah, that sounded right.
Ron: Let us know in the comments if.
Laura: It was my first ever victory.
Laura: And you weren't even listening.
Laura: You were a garbage boy made of garbage food.
Ron: Hey, you've had many more victories than that.
Ron: Don't put yourself down.
Laura: That was a massive one.
Laura: You just gave me barely any information and I came out with the science answer.
Ron: It was brilliant.
Laura: Be brilliant.
Laura: Is that it now?
Laura: We're done now?
Ron: How are we doing for time?
Laura: It's been f****** ages.
Laura: It's been 52 minutes.
Ron: Like another page.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Worth it.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: So you listener will hear a delightful little ditty now, but in our lives.
Laura: A week will pass, and then we will be back for the quiz.
Laura: We're back in the room.
Laura: Laura is so tired and unenthusiastic, she'd utterly forgotten the episode happened.
Laura: Ron, how do you feel about that?
Ron: You said, oh, we don't have to do a quiz.
Ron: We've done a quiz.
Ron: But there's a quiz every episode.
Laura: I know, but I thought we'd done a quiz but hadn't done an episode.
Ron: If it makes you feel better, I haven't put any math in the test.
Laura: Was the only bit I did well with.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: So no need to test you.
Laura: You are a stupid little b**** and I hate you.
Ron: Don't slap me.
Laura: Oh, the Oscars just happened because this probably won't be going out six months.
Laura: We should do really tropical references every episode, like baffling by the time they go out.
Ron: Okay, do you have your notebookapariotic table to have?
Laura: I do.
Laura: I've got my notebook.
Ron: I'd like you to tell me big note.
Ron: Big note.
Ron: I'd like you to tell me how many protons, neutrons and electrons there are in a Germanium ion that has a charge of two plus.
Laura: And what's awful is I remember so clearly that meaning something.
Laura: A week ago, I've got Mackie here to help me.
Laura: Today it's got the number 32 on it.
Laura: So that means it's got certainly means something.
Laura: It's got 32 electrons.
Ron: You give me the answer for all three and then I'll give you the mark.
Laura: What was the question again?
Ron: Protons, neutrons and electrons.
Ron: The germanium ion has a charge of positive two.
Ron: And as germanium seems to have a few different isotopes, let's say it's got an atomic mass of 73.
Laura: It has to have 32 electrons because that's the little number in the top right of the box.
Laura: So then it's got plus two charge.
Laura: So it's got two more protons than electrons.
Laura: So it's got 34.
Laura: Protons.
Ron: Yeah.
Laura: So then neutrons.
Laura: What did you say?
Laura: 73 yes.
Ron: 73.
Laura: Plus 73 -34 on.
Laura: So it's got 39 neutrons.
Ron: Christ.
Ron: You really hate s*** on that question.
Ron: No, zero.
Laura: So it has got 32 electrons, hasn't it?
Ron: No, it's got 32 protons.
Laura: Oh, f****** h***.
Laura: F*** a d***.
Laura: Oh.
Laura: I think that the electron should be what we call the Wizzy's out, the outside ones.
Ron: Okay, but even then, 32, is it not?
Laura: I thought that was how you knew.
Laura: I thought that was what that number meant with how many outside wizards it had.
Ron: No, that's how many inside.
Laura: That's how many DJs there are.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: That is the number of Bob Marley.
Laura: Okay, right.
Ron: And then the 32 is how many Bob Marley's.
Ron: So then you would subtract the 32 from the 73 to 41 electrons.
Ron: No, there's 41 sound engineers.
Laura: Oh, bastards.
Laura: Okay.
Ron: And then because it's got a charge of positive two, it's got two electrons.
Ron: God, if you don't know just let me finish the sentence.
Laura: Two protons.
Laura: It's got two protons.
Ron: It's got two more protons than it's got electrons because electrons 43 no, that wasn't neutrons.
Ron: It's got 30 electrons.
Laura: I haven't learned anything.
Laura: I'm already sad today and now I haven't learned anything.
Ron: Well, yeah, that would be.
Laura: For the listener at home.
Laura: That pause there where Ron had no idea what to do in the face of an emotional response.
Laura: That was my dad happening via his son.
Laura: Just how do you feel?
Laura: So goodbye.
Laura: Let's do some more facts.
Ron: The imperative facts say that, yes, you are s***, actually.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Laura, can you tell me what an isotope is?
Laura: Probably not Ron.
Laura: It is the Springfield baseball team.
Ron: They were the isotope.
Ron: So I'm afraid I would have accepted a member of the Springfield baseball.
Ron: I do hope yes.
Laura: Is that when there are different different number of neutrons in the nucleus?
Ron: It absolutely is, yes.
Ron: And the isotope is a different mass caused by a different number of neutrons?
Laura: Yes.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: One point.
Laura: Thank God.
Ron: Okay, next question.
Ron: Staying on the theme of mass, which is bigger, a proton or a neutron?
Laura: They're both relative to one.
Ron: Yes, Laura?
Ron: I thought I'd be tricky.
Laura: No, I just was like I don't know.
Laura: I can't remember what you said.
Laura: They were roughly but you said that we rounded everything up to one except electrons, which was zero.
Laura: Because they're too small.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: And they are made of gold leaf.
Laura: And then radiation goes through.
Ron: Yeah, we'll cut off the last bit.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So the relative mass of both protons and neutrons is one.
Ron: And that's not a rounding thing.
Ron: They are just the same mass.
Laura: Well, we've made that up, but yeah, sure.
Ron: What do you mean, we've made that up?
Laura: Well, we can't weigh them.
Laura: They're too small.
Ron: Yes, we can weigh them.
Laura: With what, tiny mice scales?
Ron: No, it's just you get enough of.
Laura: Them standing on a scale, looking at how it weighs.
Laura: It's a cute image if you wanted to do a cartoon big in this.
Laura: Of course it does.
Laura: It's two thirds of your body.
Ron: You could draw that up and have it as the album art.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: What's funny about album art?
Ron: Jesus.
Laura: Reading my jokes about my science answers are so much worse.
Ron: What's quite funny about the format that we have chosen for this podcast is that listeners will get a sneak preview into the next episode.
Ron: So when someone finishes chemistry too.
Ron: God.
Ron: Physics too.
Ron: Well, I think you're on for another mark in the next question, because the next question is what is relative charge.
Laura: How much magnetic energy these things have.
Ron: But specifically the concept I hated the.
Laura: Sound of you drinking then.
Laura: That was horrible.
Laura: What do you mean?
Laura: Stop it.
Laura: It's grossy.
Ron: Yes, specifically the concept of relative charge.
Laura: How much magnetic energy they have relative to each other.
Ron: Keep going.
Laura: How much magnetic energy they have relative to each other.
Laura: And all things, relatively speaking, colder further away.
Ron: Oh, man.
Ron: I thought that was an open f****** goal.
Ron: You just basically talked about this.
Laura: For relative mass, they're relative charge one.
Laura: They're both one.
Laura: Relatively what's?
Ron: Both one.
Laura: Protons and electrons.
Ron: Keep going.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Back on the right track.
Laura: Zero.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: And why do we do this?
Laura: Because we've got nothing else to do.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Zero points.
Laura: Because they kiss each other.
Laura: They go to the party together, don't they?
Laura: They do, but they attract each other.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Matt it just makes it easier.
Ron: So we say protons are positive one, electrons are negative one, and then when we're working out ions and s***, we can say what charge it has and around number.
Laura: Yeah, we're making it up as we go along.
Laura: I already said that earlier.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: And it's minus points for that.
Ron: You got two out of six on that.
Laura: Fine.
Laura: I would rather have two out of six and have my dignity.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So it was three for the first one.
Ron: One point for protons, neutrons and electrons.
Ron: One for what?
Ron: An isotope is one for what is bigger?
Ron: Proton and neutron.
Ron: And then one for the relative charge for those following along at home.
Laura: Well, that was a mature end to a podcast, wasn't it?
Ron: Yes.
Ron: I think it some sort of your feeling about the quiz.
Laura: Thanks so much for listening, everybody.
Laura: Now, I've got a couple of notes.
Laura: I very much regret being disparaging about my engagement ring.
Laura: I was joking and I would just like to put that back into the ether that I love my engagement ring.
Ron: That's code fair.
Ron: Tom might listen to this.
Laura: Tom actually loves this podcast, which is nice, but he does agree with you all the time and rolls his eyes a lot.
Laura: But, no, I love my engagement ring.
Laura: And I think listening back to that, I thought that I was probably going to follow that up with a joke a bit more, and I never did.
Laura: I'm a spoilt b****, but I love it.
Laura: Anyway, I also wanted to know if you're listening, what's your go to thing?
Laura: That's about a metre.
Laura: Because I feel like one really laughed at me for saying a wheelbarrow.
Laura: But I want to know what your go to thing is.
Ron: We don't live in the f****** arches.
Laura: Well, I have a garden.
Laura: I don't have a wheel, though.
Laura: Steps in my garden.
Laura: But anyway, what's your goat?
Laura: You think it's about a metre also?
Ron: A metre is about a metre, yeah.
Laura: What, do you just think about a metre ruler, then?
Ron: Yeah, kind of.
Ron: I just go like that's.
Ron: About a litre.
Laura: Well, I think about a wheelbarrow.
Laura: Anyway, when I was doing this math bit about oxygen and Ron wasn't listening, was that the right answer?
Laura: We need to know that as well, because Ron delicate.
Laura: His duty no, that's not it, is it?
Laura: delicion of duty?
Ron: Delegation?
Laura: No.
Laura: Whatever that word is, let us know that as well.
Laura: You've got so much homework anyway.
Laura: Was that right?
Ron: I don't know you weren't listening.
Ron: No, sorry, I wasn't really listening there neither.
Laura: You're a very bad man.
Laura: Nowhere on John Tickle watch.
Laura: We've had no response from Tickles camp about coming on the podcast, which is sad.
Ron: That is sad.
Ron: What is he doing?
Laura: Yeah, what are you up to, John Tickle?
Laura: And let us know if you scored better than two out of six on the quiz.
Laura: Do you want to say anything wrong?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Did you get three, four, five or six on the quiz?
Ron: Maybe one.
Laura: Why are you such a sarcastic dickers?
Laura: So annoying.
Ron: I'm not.
Ron: I lead the lessons.
Laura: You lead the I did lead, but I can't do all of it because otherwise it's just a lecture, as you like to say.
Laura: Anyway, see you all next week.
Laura: Thank you very much for all the love and the love, I suppose, just again.
Laura: And hey, do a cartoon of an ant on some scales.
Laura: We want to see what that might look like.
Laura: We'll see you next week.
Laura: When?
Laura: Oh, God, it's physics.
Laura: Next week?
Ron: Yeah.
Laura: Woof.
Laura: Okay, we'll see you for that.
Laura: But in the meantime, we're on all the social medias.
Laura: We are at Lex education.
Laura: Chat to us on Twitter.
Laura: Instagram.
Laura: Sometimes TikTok, but increasingly less YouTube.
Laura: All the places that's where we are.
Laura: Facebook, even Facebook.
Ron: Remember Facebook?
Laura: Yeah, remember Facebook?
Laura: That's still around and we put stuff there in case you aren't listening.
Laura: Chat to us there and we will see you next week.
Laura: Take care.
Laura: Goodbye.
Ron: Class dismiss.
Ron: Hello, I'm Ron.
Laura: That's Ron.
Laura: He tries to teach me.
Laura: Hello, I'm Laura Science.
Laura: It's episode Five chemistry two.
Laura: Welcome back.
Laura: How are you doing, Ron?
Ron: It's good.
Ron: It's our first early morning record because you're about to get on a train.
Laura: I'm coming to see you today.
Ron: Hooray.
Laura: Very exciting.
Laura: Now, before we start the episode, we would like to thank Pod Spike.
Laura: They are friendly, tame podcast marketing people.
Laura: We found them in the wild.
Laura: They found us in the irld.
Laura: They probably found us in the wild, didn't they?
Ron: They did, yeah.
Laura: They very much found us in the wild.
Laura: And they said, hello, would you like to start your podcast alongside somebody that knows what they're doing?
Laura: And we said, oh, yes, thank you very much, please.
Laura: That would be the kind they showed us how to launch a podcast and it's worked, hasn't it Ron?
Laura: Because these people are listening right now.
Ron: I think it's gone swimmingly.
Laura: Yeah, we hit 1000 downloads this week, which we think for week two is pretty spicy.
Laura: That's nice, isn't it, Ron?
Ron: It is nice.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: We got a badge.
Laura: We did get a badge.
Laura: Can you stop tapping your desk, please?
Laura: You're very unprofessional.
Laura: You know all about science, but not about broadcasting.
Laura: So, yes, chemistry.
Laura: Thank you, Pod Spike and Chemistry, we're back with you today.
Ron: Thank you, chemistry.
Laura: I would never thank chemistry.
Laura: Don't be ridiculous.
Laura: I hate chemistry.
Laura: And thank you to people like Greg, Helen, Colin, Matthew and Kay for your sort of, quote, tweets of episodes that really helps, as well as the interacting and the chatting that we've been doing with all of you guys underneath is lovely.
Laura: Thank you very much.
Laura: And Becky.
Laura: Lulu, thank you for your instagram post.
Laura: We really appreciate it.
Laura: Ron, we've had a new Apple review.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: From Riddled with Gin.
Ron: Someone I think we could get along with.
Laura: I do like a bit of gin, although I had some port this weekend, just a sniff, and it was very lovely.
Laura: Riddled with Gin says, all the joys of GCSE science without the strange teachers.
Laura: Which I think is nice for you, Ron, because that means you're not strange.
Ron: Yeah, I'd go with that.
Ron: I don't know what the joys of GCC science are.
Ron: Way of producing them.
Laura: Yeah, there isn't a joy of GCSE science, as far as I'm concerned.
Laura: But there is joy in podcasting.
Laura: Now, last week we were talking about chromosomes, were we?
Laura: Probably.
Laura: And we asked if any of you guys knew why X and Y chromosomes?
Laura: Why don't we use the z or whatever?
Laura: Now, mystic says.
Ron: That there are WNZ ones in beetles and birds, I believe.
Laura: Yeah, but birds are animals.
Ron: Yes, but not all animals are birds.
Laura: But all birds are animals.
Laura: I love birds.
Laura: I've got a bird feeder and I'm training Maki to shout at the pigeons, but not at the sparrows.
Laura: Anyway, so that's one thing.
Laura: Maybe there are W and z.
Laura: And then Daniel suggests that the chromosomes look like an X and a Y.
Ron: So they come in pairs, joined in the middle.
Laura: God, everything's in f****** pairs, isn't it?
Ron: They come in pairs, joined in the middle.
Ron: So the X ones, which are the long ones, they're kind of joined in the middle.
Ron: So when you get the two of them, they look kind of like an X.
Ron: And then the Y one join halfway.
Laura: And flex their crotches into each other.
Ron: Yeah, and then the Y one is much shorter, so it would kind of look like a Y, but with kind of a vestigial tail.
Ron: But I thought that, too, when I was having to think about this, and I texted a friend of the podcast, Noah, about this because he's a biologist.
Ron: And he was just like, yeah, of course that's why it is.
Ron: But I can't find any evidence for that being the etymology of X and Y.
Laura: Okay, well, there we have it.
Laura: Even more science, which is what we all came here for.
Laura: So we're going to jump back into chemistry two with a big look on some atoms.
Ron: I'm excited to get back into it.
Laura: You just love science so much.
Laura: You deep.
Ron: I do.
Ron: I do.
Ron: Not.
Ron: Chemistry, though.
Laura: No.
Laura: I thought no, physics is the worst one.
Laura: I didn't mind chemistry.
Laura: Those plum puddings and the little sad reggae boys.
Ron: Now, that's how I can tell.
Ron: The listener can probably tell that it has been a long time since we recorded those episodes, because you really did f****** mind chemistry.
Laura: Okay, well, it's mellowed a bit in my memory of it.
Laura: Maybe physics was just so s***.
Laura: Going back to it, I think what.
Ron: Happened was you just did quite well on the quiz.
Laura: It could be that.
Laura: I do like to be the winner, kid.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Physics is worse, though.
Laura: Okay, so just give me a quick rundown on what we did last time.
Laura: We did electrons.
Laura: They go in rings.
Laura: That's how things go on the periodic table.
Ron: We did the makeup of the nucleus.
Laura: And it subtle look with contouring and a little bit of shading across the brow line.
Ron: I don't understand what you're saying to me.
Laura: You said it was the makeup of something.
Laura: I didn't listen to the rest of it.
Ron: Oh, I got that.
Ron: You were talking about makeup.
Ron: I thought nucleus was some makeup term that I had.
Laura: No, the makeup of the nucleus must be what you said.
Laura: But I didn't even hear the word nucleus because I started to go I thought of something.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: And the nucleus is the brain.
Laura: It's inside a membrane, not in atoms.
Laura: What?
Ron: I thought it was in cells.
Ron: In cells, it's in a membrane.
Laura: Why don't they call them something different?
Ron: Because it probably comes from Greek or Latin or something.
Laura: Oh, how the f*** are you supposed to remember that?
Laura: So they both have nucleuses, but they're different things.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: What's an atom's nucleus, then?
Ron: It's the bit with all of the Bob Marley.
Laura: It makes me sad when you rub your eyes.
Ron: It's a bit with the Bob Molly and the sound engineers that keeps all those sound desk.
Laura: That was the little okay.
Laura: And then the parties going on around them.
Laura: That's where they store the neutrons.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: And that determines how heavy the cell is?
Laura: Atom is, yes.
Ron: Great.
Ron: Segue.
Ron: Basically, for most of today, what we're going to be doing is just getting a little bit smaller.
Ron: Smaller than atoms.
Ron: We're going to be learning more about the bits that make them up.
Ron: Okay.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: The organelles.
Ron: That was a joke.
Laura: Like the atom organelles.
Laura: I'm assuming from your pausing that cell atoms do not have organelles, but the organelles of the atom is what I mean.
Laura: Love a girl.
Ron: I thought you were joking.
Ron: I might have broken up there for a bit.
Ron: You definitely froze and were giving me a very derisive look.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: So do you remember which particles are positively charged and which ones were negatively charged?
Laura: Now, like, the Englishy part of my brain is telling me that protons would be positively charged because they're pro.
Laura: So I'm going to say protons.
Ron: Correct.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: And the electrons are negatively charged.
Laura: Yes.
Ron: Neutrons are neutral.
Laura: That makes sense.
Laura: Well done.
Laura: Language.
Ron: Hooray.
Ron: The concept that they want us to learn about first is the idea of relative charge.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: That's where you ask your aunt and uncle for money before they come and stay with you.
Ron: I was going to say, when you run at a line of your cousins very relative charge, what do you see?
Laura: Picturing when you say that?
Ron: The weird ones.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So the idea of relative charge is basically a simplified way to look at the charge of not only these small particles, but then these small particles determine the charge of molecules and ions and larger things as well.
Ron: So basically what we say is protons have a charge of plus one and electrons have a charge of negative one.
Laura: They cancel each other out.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: So it basically means that because whenever an ion or a molecule is charged, it is ion.
Laura: What's a molecule?
Ron: We'll get to those in a second.
Ron: It just means that when those are charged, essentially, they're either lacking electrons or they have too many.
Ron: So it's always going to be increments of this relative charge of plus or minus a number.
Laura: Okay, sure.
Laura: Everything you just said there was just like so it will be a number.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And then you paused and looked at me and I realised I was supposed to be processing that information, but I was waiting for it to get to a bit that meant something to me.
Ron: I can't actually remember the unit for charge, but a proton's charge would be teeny.
Ron: Teeny.
Ron: Tiny.
Ron: Tiny.
Ron: Because they're so small.
Ron: Right.
Ron: So what you could do is you could say, oh, this ion has a charge of 0.1, whatevers.
Ron: But that would be a bit tedious and hard to work with.
Ron: So we just say that is plus one.
Ron: It's relative to the atom, and then just simplifies it when we talk about it.
Laura: Charged with what, babe?
Laura: What are you talking about?
Laura: What's it charged with?
Laura: Like just atom juice.
Laura: What is it?
Ron: Magnets, basically.
Laura: Because I was just thinking there, just give it whatever number you f****** want.
Laura: Science.
Laura: Who cares?
Laura: You're the only ones talking about it.
Laura: But it's magnetic in the same way that other magnets are.
Laura: Magnetic.
Ron: Yeah, opposite to track.
Laura: I don't know what that's got to do with anything, but, like, you could measure the charge of a proton against a fridge magnet.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: That's why you're saying it's simplified to go to one.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: And then opposite the tracks, you got all the negative electrons floating around the outside attracted metal.
Ron: No, everything is electromagnetic energy.
Ron: No, that's not true.
Ron: Cut that.
Ron: Cut that.
Ron: Cut that.
Laura: I'm not going to I'm going to leave it in with a big whack oops noise, and then a big flashing light will start wherever someone's listening to the podcast.
Laura: And in fireworks, it'll say, Ron is dumb.
Laura: Ron is dumb.
Laura: And a little dancing version of me will be dancing around.
Laura: Ron is so stupid.
Laura: What an idiot.
Laura: He thinks the whole world is full of what was it?
Laura: Electric?
Laura: Magnetic energy.
Laura: Energy, you idiot.
Ron: Right, so let's move on from relative charge.
Ron: We're circling a very depressing dream.
Laura: We just want everything one to make it easier.
Laura: I agree.
Laura: Well done, sir.
Ron: Yeah, so it just means the example that I thought was easiest to look at is table salt, which we've talked about before.
Ron: Sodium chloride.
Laura: I remember it's.
Laura: Bad Boy NaCl.
Ron: The sodium gives its electron the NAD gives its electron to the chlorine.
Ron: So what charge will the sodium ion have now?
Laura: Positive.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: Meaning that the what charge?
Ron: Like what number charge?
Ron: How much charge?
Laura: Something away.
Ron: Yes, but it gave a negative thing away.
Laura: So it was two before and now it's one.
Ron: It was zero before.
Ron: Now it's one.
Laura: All right, okay, cool.
Ron: It's given away a negative charge, so.
Laura: You can only ever really be minus 10 or plus one.
Ron: Well, using your periodic table, give me the next element along in the row from sodium.
Laura: No, I've got to find sodium.
Laura: Where is he hiding?
Laura: Oh, he's over here in group one.
Ron: What's the group two element in that row?
Laura: Magnesium.
Ron: So, magnesium, remember, because it only got two electrons in its outermost shell, it's quite easy for it to shed those two.
Laura: Yeah, f*** off.
Ron: So magnesium could shed both those electrons, which would leave it with a charge of neutral.
Laura: Again, zero.
Ron: No, it's shed two electrons.
Laura: If everybody's in pairs, they're happy, aren't they?
Ron: Yes, but they're both negative.
Ron: All electrons are negative.
Laura: So who's got protons?
Ron: The nucleus of the atom.
Laura: Okay, so he's minus two, then.
Ron: Plus two, plus two.
Ron: Just giving away two minus things.
Laura: Wait, so where was the neutrons?
Laura: There in the nucleus.
Laura: As well as the protons.
Ron: The neutrons are in the nucleus?
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Quite crowded in there, then, isn't it?
Ron: It is indeed.
Laura: I think I'd rather be an electron.
Laura: A bit freewheeling.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: You get around more when you're an electron.
Ron: Leading back to your question earlier, and I'm sure you're going to ask about a few more things.
Laura: It doesn't seem miserable that I'm here.
Ron: I was really worried that I hadn't done enough research for this episode.
Ron: We're already right in the weeds, and also we're covering a lot of what we've covered in previous episodes.
Laura: We have not talked about any of these sums.
Ron: Absolutely.
Ron: We did the whole of the last episode on the structure of the atom.
Laura: Pudding.
Ron: Plumb bloody pudding.
Ron: Right.
Ron: So atoms an atom is when there is an equal number of protons and electrons therefore not charged.
Laura: Okay, hang on.
Laura: Atom equals protons, equaling electrons.
Laura: Atoms are neutral.
Laura: The neutrons don't come into it.
Ron: No, not quite.
Ron: Okay, so that's an atom when the electrons and the protons are in balance, if the number of protons changes, that changes the element.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: So another proton in a sodium nucleus makes it a magnesium.
Laura: Changing the protons changes the element.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: And the proton number.
Ron: You'll see the proton number on your periodic table.
Laura: This is magic, isn't it?
Laura: Just changing into a different thing.
Laura: I'm not chlorine anymore, I'm gold.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Just by changing the price.
Laura: So how come it's possible?
Ron: I would say it probably is, but I just don't think we have any idea of how to do it.
Ron: It would take an intense amount of energy.
Laura: Okay, so changing the protons changes the element, but it doesn't change the charge.
Ron: Well, it would, yes.
Laura: So some things are just they all start with different charges.
Ron: No, it's not often that protons leave or join a nucleus.
Ron: What I mean by that is just the number of protons defines the element.
Laura: I'm confused.
Laura: Now, when sodium and chlorine get together yes?
Laura: Why doesn't that just change chlorine into the thing in the next column?
Ron: Because they are exchanging electrons, not protons.
Laura: Electrons is the thing.
Laura: Ron Changing the protons changes the element.
Laura: You clever boy.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Okay.
Ron: The number of protons defines the element.
Ron: A change in the number of electrons, that makes an ion.
Laura: Changing the electrons.
Laura: And you have to plug an ion in electrons.
Ron: I didn't understand that at all.
Laura: If you're using an ion, you've got to plug in.
Laura: So changing the electron makes it an ion.
Ron: God, that was one of the most tedious ones.
Ron: Right.
Ron: So when the sodium atom sheds its electron to the chlorine atom, they both become ions because they are now charged and they have an uneven number of protons and electrons.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: Does shedding a proton make a charge?
Ron: It would, but it very rarely happens.
Laura: Okay, let's not bother learning about that then.
Ron: Yeah, we might come across that.
Ron: I believe that only really ever happens during radioactive decay.
Ron: Hey, we're going to get bloody sued.
Ron: Stop that.
Ron: Sorry, but we'll come across that and then we talked about this.
Ron: I think in the last atoms episode, we did a different number of neutrons makes a different isotope.
Laura: Isotope sounds like a made up word, doesn't it?
Laura: Change?
Ron: Sounds like a baseball team.
Laura: The neutron makes an isotope.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: A different number of neutrons is a.
Laura: Different weight of the neutrons of the big boys.
Ron: So you could have an oxygen atom.
Ron: It's got eight protons.
Ron: One of them might have eight neutrons, another one might have nine neutrons.
Ron: They are different isotopes to each other, but they are both oxygen because they both have eight protons.
Laura: Would they feel different to breathe?
Ron: No.
Laura: Okay, isotopes matter then, do they?
Ron: You are breathing hundreds of different isotopes all at once, all at the same time.
Laura: Ron, what is the point of all of this?
Ron: Well, we'll learn some more.
Laura: Oh, no, I hate it when we've done a bit and I go, Great, I've got that in my head.
Laura: And then it turns out that was the two lines as the introduction to what we're about to go on and do.
Ron: No, it's more just kind of today.
Ron: It's a lot of just learning stats and facts about atoms.
Laura: Okay, well, we should make Top Trumps with different atoms on them, Ron.
Laura: Then we could play Top Trumps.
Laura: Like I'd say to you, hang on, let me get my board and have a look.
Laura: I'd say to you, oh, I'm mollabedinum and I've got 42 electrons.
Ron: And I'd say I'm cadmium, and I've got 26 electrons.
Laura: Oh, I've won then, haven't I?
Laura: Give me your cadmium.
Laura: Good content.
Laura: Bedinum is a transition metal, so don't tell JK Rowling about that one.
Laura: She will be kicking off.
Ron: Right, okay.
Laura: Using my notebook back to front.
Laura: I'm so stupid.
Laura: No, I'm not.
Laura: I just had it upside down.
Laura: Don't worry.
Laura: That's bad?
Ron: Yes.
Laura: That means you're not not stupid after all.
Laura: Well done, me.
Laura: I did some gardening today and I thought about biology.
Ron: Well, what did you think about?
Ron: I thought about how I'm touching biology.
Laura: I thought about how the sun makes me feel nice and it makes us feel nice.
Laura: And I planted a flower that doesn't really like to be in full sun and I thought maybe that's got less maximatosis things to make ATP.
Laura: So it doesn't want as much stuff to convert into energy.
Ron: It's got less mixomatosis.
Laura: I know that that's not the right word, but I can't remember what the right word was.
Ron: We'll find out in episode seven.
Laura: Not Mike croscopy mitochondria makes the ATP God, what the h*** is that drawing a sperm that looks like a key is kissing a frog.
Laura: With big lips.
Laura: I was wondering if a plant that likes to be in the shade, maybe they have less.
Laura: Mitochondria can't cope with as much conversion.
Ron: They might do as but the causation is probably the other way around.
Ron: They probably got less because they like to be in the sun, not they like to be in the sun because they've got less.
Laura: Well, how do they just like something they're plants.
Laura: Oh, let's save this confusion.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Let's not get into selective pressures and natural selection now, we need to talk about the size of atoms.
Laura: Very small.
Laura: Done.
Ron: Next thing, teeny, would you like to hazard a guess as to how small in your metres?
Laura: So small that it's f****** garbage that we're talking about, because if we just left them alone, there'd be no nuclear war, no nuclear reactors.
Laura: We could just carry on with our lives, not caring.
Ron: Would you like to have it again in metres?
Laura: In metres.
Laura: That's too big to measure.
Ron: Something like, all right, in nanometers, then.
Laura: I don't know what that is.
Laura: What's that?
Ron: That's why I said hello.
Laura: I'm Nanometer.
Laura: I hope that's a character in some children's science one day.
Laura: I'm Nanometer.
Laura: Let me tell you about how small things are in my day.
Ron: Be the change, Laura.
Laura: In metres.
Laura: So a metre is big.
Laura: Like what's?
Laura: A metre about the size of a wheelbarrow.
Laura: And then an atom.
Laura: An atom is way smaller.
Laura: So let's say a millimetre is I don't know, hang on.
Laura: How big was a cell?
Laura: And then there's a cell bigger than an atom.
Laura: I don't think cells and atoms exist in the same world.
Laura: I'm going to say I think it's about 20 atoms to the millimetre.
Ron: No.
Ron: So an atom is about 0.1 nm across.
Ron: That's including all of the electrons whizzing around the nucleus.
Ron: That is.
Laura: How many knots?
Ron: Nine, I believe.
Laura: One metres?
Ron: Yes.
Laura: How much is that in millimetres?
Laura: Because I can't think about that in.
Ron: Millimetres, then that would be.
Laura: So they're even smaller than cells.
Ron: Was that a joke?
Laura: No, because I don't understand a cell made of atoms.
Laura: Why are you saying it like that?
Laura: I don't know.
Laura: Cell, parts, organelles, those little men that stood together and made a membrane.
Ron: Okay, let's track this back.
Laura: Are all of those people made of atoms?
Ron: Everything you've ever seen or touched, heard or smell is made out of atoms.
Laura: So is air an atom?
Ron: It's more than one.
Laura: And so is a Lysosome.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: Name another thing.
Laura: I'll tell you, there'll be a p****.
Laura: Oh, God.
Laura: Well, I feel like then who cares?
Laura: That is so small.
Laura: Ron how did they split that, then?
Laura: How would you break up one of those?
Ron: Well, you fire you fire another one of those acid.
Ron: Here's a fun thing, though.
Ron: The nucleus of the atom is only 110 thousand of the atom's radius.
Ron: That's how big it is.
Ron: So 9999 of it is empty space.
Laura: What, with a wall?
Laura: Around the empty space?
Ron: No.
Laura: So why isn't the atom just small, then?
Ron: Because of the electrons whizzing around it.
Laura: Oh, they just whizz.
Laura: They're not on string.
Laura: I thought they'd be on string.
Ron: No, they were held in by the magnetic charge.
Laura: Clever.
Laura: I think there might be a god.
Laura: You know, this all just sounds too stupid to have happened on its own.
Ron: Do you remember the last chemistry episode we were talking about?
Laura: I thought I did, but I thought I'd had a good time, and now I'm sitting here, I just would cry and go downstairs and I guess I didn't have a good time.
Ron: But do you remember old Ernie Rub?
Ron: Ernie Rutherford?
Laura: No.
Ron: The guy that was firing no.
Laura: Who was that farmer that made peas that you always used to tell me about mendel?
Ron: He wasn't a farmer, he was a monk.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Do you remember Rutherford?
Ron: He was the guy that was shooting particles at some gold foil and some of them went through, but crucially, some of them bounced back.
Laura: Oh, yeah, that one that took us a long time to understand.
Ron: Yeah, the bollards instead of the wall.
Ron: So this is why.
Ron: It's because the nucleus of the atom is such a small point inside the greater space of the atom.
Laura: So everything's just floating about like wood.
Laura: Seems really hard, but actually it's just loads of space.
Ron: It is to such a huge degree.
Ron: Everything that is mass is just empty space.
Laura: Madness.
Laura: I just don't think I understand reality anymore.
Ron: Yeah, like when you touch your desk, it's just kind of empty space pushing up against empty space.
Laura: Is that how water goes through things?
Ron: No.
Laura: Can things go around these electrons, or is the magnet pushing everything out of the electrons?
Ron: Do you mean sort of in between them and, like, through them as they're whizzing about?
Laura: Can stuff go through them?
Ron: I think energy can not other particles there.
Ron: Okay, that might be wrong.
Laura: And are they colourful?
Ron: No, colours don't exist at that size.
Laura: Where does colour come from?
Ron: Well, so colour is made from different wavelengths of light, so you can't have something, for example, that's red if that thing is smaller than the wavelength of red light.
Laura: I wish I hadn't asked that question.
Ron: Okay, let's move on.
Ron: So just like we had relative charge with subatomic particles, we've got relative mass as well.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: You take your brother and sister and you go and ask God for forgiveness.
Ron: So a proton weighs one relative max, a proton weighs one, and a neutron also weighs one.
Ron: They weigh the same.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And electrons, those are all the guys in the nucleus.
Laura: These are the guys in the house.
Laura: And an electron.
Laura: I think they're going to be smaller.
Laura: Not .5.
Ron: They are so small, we just completely ignore their mass.
Laura: What, so they're just a zero?
Ron: Yeah, they are a zero when it comes to relative mass.
Ron: So adding the protons and the neutrons in any given nucleus gives you the atomic mass of that nucleus.
Ron: So that is the bigger number in your periodic table.
Laura: Okay?
Laura: So going back to Molly bednam 95.94.
Ron: You'Ll notice that all of the atomic masses on your periodic table aren't round numbers.
Ron: Could you hazard a guess why?
Laura: Because science sucks my big wet balls.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: Is it because they've got to add the skin of the nucleus to it?
Ron: No.
Laura: Is it because imperial?
Ron: It is because these are all averages, so there are different isotopes for all of these things.
Laura: Isotope.
Ron: So that is the average atomic mass of any one of these elements.
Laura: Right.
Laura: Well, that seems like a useful thing to know then.
Laura: That's just a number that none of them weigh, isn't it?
Ron: Well, no, it absolutely does, because.
Laura: Don'T tell off my girlfriend science.
Laura: I like to kiss her in the morning.
Ron: Stop trying to turn this into a comedy podcast.
Laura: I don't want it to be a science podcast.
Laura: That's the problem.
Ron: God, a huge bird just flew by my winter.
Ron: Right?
Ron: So the reason why that matters is because you never get matters.
Ron: You never get one atom on its own.
Laura: Never ever.
Laura: Lonely boys.
Laura: Atoms are lonely boys.
Ron: I said you never get them on their wrist.
Laura: Yeah, they get lonely, so they hang around together.
Ron: But then they wouldn't be lonely.
Laura: No, you can still be lonely if you hang out with someone.
Laura: Tom and I have this argument all the time.
Laura: He says that if we're in the same room, I'm not allowed to be lonely.
Laura: And I said I can be lonely during a conversation.
Laura: But that doesn't make any sense.
Laura: Somebody that was alone is obviously not a lonely thing because they like their own company, whereas atoms are clearly they struggle when they're alone, so they're always with a friend.
Laura: Adams get lonely, so they hang out together.
Ron: The f****** mental hoola hoops that you expecting people to do.
Laura: Okay, judgy atoms always come in pairs.
Laura: Isn't that what I pictured?
Ron: I mean, there are atoms always in pairs.
Ron: Pairs are made out of atoms just like anything else.
Laura: Atoms always are never alone.
Laura: AAA.
Laura: That's how we'll remember.
Laura: That it's.
Laura: The AAA's are always, never alone.
Ron: Yeah, but I haven't really finished getting this out.
Ron: It's not that they can't be on their own.
Ron: It's just that they're so small and there's so many of them that in practise they never are.
Ron: Do you understand?
Laura: I'm liking an atom soup right now, aren't I?
Laura: Yeah, well, it's not that they're never alone, is it?
Laura: They just make up everything.
Laura: So everything is them.
Ron: Yeah, but what I'm trying to say is that, say in a lab, if you were trying to measure the properties of beryllium, you would never have one beryllium atom to test.
Laura: It would always be firing it as somebody else's atom to do a nuclear bomb.
Ron: No, you would always have space.
Laura: Could you put one atom on its own in space?
Ron: In theory, yes.
Ron: In practise, no.
Laura: Why not?
Ron: Because it's very hard for us to do one atom.
Ron: Atoms are very small.
Laura: Well, how did we split it, then?
Ron: Chemical reactions and stuff.
Laura: I reckon we could get one on their own, then.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Like I said, why don't we try.
Laura: And do that for the end of the series?
Ron: But one Adam, and we never know if we did it.
Laura: Proving my point that absolutely none of this matters.
Ron: Yeah, but you can't just, like, suggest a thing we do and then go, yeah, that doesn't matter.
Ron: Okay, how about this?
Ron: We go on holiday and spread some jam on the Taj Mahal, and then you're like, that's pointless.
Ron: Why would we spread jam on the Taj Mahal?
Ron: And then I go, yeah, see, what's the point of going on holiday?
Laura: But we know if we'd put jam on the Taj Mahal.
Ron: Not if we put it on the back.
Laura: I can walk around the back.
Ron: You've never seen the back of the Taj Mahal.
Laura: You've been caught out, buddy boy.
Laura: Right, so Adams are always, never alone.
Ron: A and A.
Laura: That's why we just measure the average.
Laura: We just weigh it, and then we go and that's 19 Berylliums.
Laura: That weight divided by 19 gives us where's the notepad gives us 9.1.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: So students should be able to calculate the numbers of protons, neutrons and electrons in an atom or iron, given its atomic number, mass, number and charge.
Laura: Brilliant.
Ron: So we're going to do this now?
Laura: Right now.
Laura: Oh, dear.
Laura: Okay?
Laura: I've made copious notes.
Ron: There is a sodium ion with a charge of plus one.
Laura: Has a charge of plus one.
Ron: It has an atomic mass of 23.
Ron: It weighs 23, and an atomic number of eleven.
Laura: Atom number.
Laura: Eleven.
Ron: Okay, tell me how many protons, how many neutrons and how many electrons it's got.
Laura: I'm mad.
Laura: I haven't got a clue.
Ron: What students should be able to cancel me.
Laura: Hang on a minute.
Laura: Okay, wait.
Laura: It's plus one is the charge.
Laura: Electrons are out of the equation because they're the flyboys.
Laura: They're too small.
Ron: No, I want to know the number of electrons as well, please.
Laura: I can't know that.
Ron: Yes, you can.
Laura: No, I can't.
Laura: If it weighs eleven, I think it must be five neutrons.
Ron: No, it doesn't weigh eleven.
Ron: Its atomic number is eleven.
Ron: Its atomic mass is 23.
Laura: What's the atomic number got to do with anything?
Laura: What's the atomic number?
Laura: What?
Laura: What's the atomic number?
Ron: Please work it out.
Laura: Look at your previous I'm trying to work it out.
Laura: I don't like to be tough to work it out.
Laura: She makes me really crossed because you know I am working it out.
Laura: You know I am, but you're asking me I can't remember what the atomic number means.
Laura: Where's sodium they should put these in alphabetical order.
Laura: It's very hard to find panicking.
Ron: No.
Ron: What order are they in?
Laura: Laura Bigness.
Ron: What order are.
Laura: They in size.
Ron: What defines the element?
Laura: Well, it's salt.
Laura: I hate being under pressure.
Ron: What is the difference between sodium and magnesium?
Laura: Sodium has one fewer whizzyboards.
Laura: Yes.
Ron: Which one?
Ron: Which one?
Laura: Don't shout at me.
Laura: Electrons.
Ron: No, the other one.
Laura: I thought electrons were the wysi boys.
Ron: The electrons are the Wizy boys.
Ron: But remember the wizzy boys differences in the wysi boys, the electrons, that's what makes an ion.
Ron: How did we change what element?
Ron: It was.
Laura: Radioactive energy.
Ron: But what particle?
Ron: There's only three, my love.
Laura: Protons.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So the number of protons defines the element.
Ron: Remember, magnesium has one more proton in its nucleus than sodium.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: Magnesium's atomic number is twelve.
Ron: Sodium's magnetomic number is eleven protons.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: It weighs 23.
Laura: So it must have twelve neutrons.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And then it's got a charge of one plus one.
Laura: So it must have ten electrons.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: You worked it out.
Ron: That was great.
Laura: Yeah, but I'm sweating so much.
Laura: All because of its even salt yet.
Ron: Okay, we were going to do two more.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Why isn't it an atom?
Ron: Because it has a charge.
Ron: It's not an equal number of protons.
Laura: Yeah, because an electron has disappeared off somewhere.
Ron: Exactly.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: All right, give me another one.
Laura: Give me another one.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Helium is one of the noble gases, therefore it never forms an ion.
Ron: So please tell me, if a helium atom had an atomic mass of four, an atomic number of two, how many of each type of particle it's got?
Laura: Okay, so I know that it's got two protons.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: So then, I mean, it's got two neutrons because two plus two equals four.
Ron: And then it's a noble gas, so it could not be an ion.
Laura: So it must have two electrons.
Ron: Exactly.
Laura: The noble gases are the steady boys.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: They're full.
Ron: They've got full rings.
Ron: They can't take on or lose any.
Laura: And they're really small.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: I didn't think we talked about that.
Ron: Nice.
Laura: Yeah, I nailed that after the initial panic.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: See, it's not that hard.
Laura: No, I'm a scientist now and that.
Ron: Information is probably pushed out something else from your head.
Ron: Lucky you.
Laura: Do I wipe front to back or back to front?
Ron: Okay.
Ron: How do you feel about doing a bit of math?
Laura: Well, I just smashed that math, so bring it on.
Laura: I say.
Ron: Because students should be able to calculate the relative atomic mass of an element given the percentage abundance of its isotopes, what is what.
Ron: Right, so have you got your pen ready?
Laura: Yes.
Laura: Okay, this is the pen we got free from the jewellers, went on, bought my engagement ring.
Ron: God, you thought they'd given you a nicer pen.
Laura: It wasn't that nicer.
Laura: Ring?
Ron: Didn't his dad make your ring?
Ron: Did his dad just give you a pen?
Laura: No, his dad made his wedding ring.
Ron: Okay, here you go.
Ron: Here's a pen.
Laura: Julian does love to give us pension feature.
Ron: Right.
Ron: So there are three different isotopes of oxygen.
Ron: Oxygen 16.
Ron: Write that down.
Laura: Hang on, hang on.
Laura: Three different oxygen 16.
Laura: That sounds like a cleaning.
Laura: Are you a teenager with too many spots?
Ron: Try oxygen 16, oxygen 17.
Laura: That is the one for somebody slightly older.
Ron: And oxygen 18.
Laura: Oh, legally drinking is your skin dehydrated from going to weather spoons?
Ron: So oxygen 16 is 99.763 percent of oxygen.
Laura: Of all oxygen in the world?
Ron: Yes.
Ron: In the universe that we've found oxygen 17 is naught point 75 of all oxygen.
Laura: God, I bet someone got right spawn when they discovered some of these oxygens.
Ron: And oxygen 18 is 0.95%.
Laura: So 17 is the rarest 119 95, that's the year you were born.
Ron: And I'm 18, so mind blown.
Ron: Okay, so now, from all of that information, you should be able to tell me the average atomic mass of oxygen.
Laura: How could I possibly do that?
Laura: What are you talking about?
Ron: Because you've got the percentages of the different masses.
Laura: No, I know how many these types of oxygens exist.
Ron: You got the percentage of oxygen in the world that weighs 16, the percentage of it that weighs 17, the percentage of it that weighs 18.
Ron: So you can work out the average mass, but why?
Laura: Because it's already so small that nobody gives a s*** about it.
Laura: And then you're telling me to weigh zero point 75% of the theoretical oxygen.
Laura: Oh, why?
Laura: What's?
Laura: Even if you f****** love oxygen, who cares?
Ron: Well, I mean, like legitimately, for anything where you have to weigh chemicals, you need to know these things.
Laura: You can't weigh oxygen.
Ron: You can if there's enough of it.
Laura: There's loads, yes.
Ron: And you can weigh it.
Laura: That is heavy.
Ron: Yeah, but you understand that oxygen can exist in other things.
Laura: All right, I'll do some sums and see what comes up here.
Laura: All right.
Laura: Okay, so 16 times 99.73 equals 1596.208.
Laura: Then 17 times not .5 equals this doesn't feel like it's going to be right.
Laura: And then 80 times 0995 equals 3.59 one.
Laura: Then let's say add those together.
Laura: That's probably too heavy.
Laura: So let's wait with percentages.
Laura: Then you divide it by 100%.
Laura: Try that.
Laura: Well, maybe if I've stumbled across this, I'm over £1000.
Laura: I think the average weight of an oxygen is 16.4365.
Ron: I wasn't listening to everything you did.
Ron: I got distracted.
Laura: Welcome to my bloody world, mate.
Ron: Yeah, that sounded right.
Ron: Let us know in the comments if.
Laura: It was my first ever victory.
Laura: And you weren't even listening.
Laura: You were a garbage boy made of garbage food.
Ron: Hey, you've had many more victories than that.
Ron: Don't put yourself down.
Laura: That was a massive one.
Laura: You just gave me barely any information and I came out with the science answer.
Ron: It was brilliant.
Laura: Be brilliant.
Laura: Is that it now?
Laura: We're done now?
Ron: How are we doing for time?
Laura: It's been f****** ages.
Laura: It's been 52 minutes.
Ron: Like another page.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Worth it.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: So you listener will hear a delightful little ditty now, but in our lives.
Laura: A week will pass, and then we will be back for the quiz.
Laura: We're back in the room.
Laura: Laura is so tired and unenthusiastic, she'd utterly forgotten the episode happened.
Laura: Ron, how do you feel about that?
Ron: You said, oh, we don't have to do a quiz.
Ron: We've done a quiz.
Ron: But there's a quiz every episode.
Laura: I know, but I thought we'd done a quiz but hadn't done an episode.
Ron: If it makes you feel better, I haven't put any math in the test.
Laura: Was the only bit I did well with.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: So no need to test you.
Laura: You are a stupid little b**** and I hate you.
Ron: Don't slap me.
Laura: Oh, the Oscars just happened because this probably won't be going out six months.
Laura: We should do really tropical references every episode, like baffling by the time they go out.
Ron: Okay, do you have your notebookapariotic table to have?
Laura: I do.
Laura: I've got my notebook.
Ron: I'd like you to tell me big note.
Ron: Big note.
Ron: I'd like you to tell me how many protons, neutrons and electrons there are in a Germanium ion that has a charge of two plus.
Laura: And what's awful is I remember so clearly that meaning something.
Laura: A week ago, I've got Mackie here to help me.
Laura: Today it's got the number 32 on it.
Laura: So that means it's got certainly means something.
Laura: It's got 32 electrons.
Ron: You give me the answer for all three and then I'll give you the mark.
Laura: What was the question again?
Ron: Protons, neutrons and electrons.
Ron: The germanium ion has a charge of positive two.
Ron: And as germanium seems to have a few different isotopes, let's say it's got an atomic mass of 73.
Laura: It has to have 32 electrons because that's the little number in the top right of the box.
Laura: So then it's got plus two charge.
Laura: So it's got two more protons than electrons.
Laura: So it's got 34.
Laura: Protons.
Ron: Yeah.
Laura: So then neutrons.
Laura: What did you say?
Laura: 73 yes.
Ron: 73.
Laura: Plus 73 -34 on.
Laura: So it's got 39 neutrons.
Ron: Christ.
Ron: You really hate s*** on that question.
Ron: No, zero.
Laura: So it has got 32 electrons, hasn't it?
Ron: No, it's got 32 protons.
Laura: Oh, f****** h***.
Laura: F*** a d***.
Laura: Oh.
Laura: I think that the electron should be what we call the Wizzy's out, the outside ones.
Ron: Okay, but even then, 32, is it not?
Laura: I thought that was how you knew.
Laura: I thought that was what that number meant with how many outside wizards it had.
Ron: No, that's how many inside.
Laura: That's how many DJs there are.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: That is the number of Bob Marley.
Laura: Okay, right.
Ron: And then the 32 is how many Bob Marley's.
Ron: So then you would subtract the 32 from the 73 to 41 electrons.
Ron: No, there's 41 sound engineers.
Laura: Oh, bastards.
Laura: Okay.
Ron: And then because it's got a charge of positive two, it's got two electrons.
Ron: God, if you don't know just let me finish the sentence.
Laura: Two protons.
Laura: It's got two protons.
Ron: It's got two more protons than it's got electrons because electrons 43 no, that wasn't neutrons.
Ron: It's got 30 electrons.
Laura: I haven't learned anything.
Laura: I'm already sad today and now I haven't learned anything.
Ron: Well, yeah, that would be.
Laura: For the listener at home.
Laura: That pause there where Ron had no idea what to do in the face of an emotional response.
Laura: That was my dad happening via his son.
Laura: Just how do you feel?
Laura: So goodbye.
Laura: Let's do some more facts.
Ron: The imperative facts say that, yes, you are s***, actually.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Laura, can you tell me what an isotope is?
Laura: Probably not Ron.
Laura: It is the Springfield baseball team.
Ron: They were the isotope.
Ron: So I'm afraid I would have accepted a member of the Springfield baseball.
Ron: I do hope yes.
Laura: Is that when there are different different number of neutrons in the nucleus?
Ron: It absolutely is, yes.
Ron: And the isotope is a different mass caused by a different number of neutrons?
Laura: Yes.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: One point.
Laura: Thank God.
Ron: Okay, next question.
Ron: Staying on the theme of mass, which is bigger, a proton or a neutron?
Laura: They're both relative to one.
Ron: Yes, Laura?
Ron: I thought I'd be tricky.
Laura: No, I just was like I don't know.
Laura: I can't remember what you said.
Laura: They were roughly but you said that we rounded everything up to one except electrons, which was zero.
Laura: Because they're too small.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: And they are made of gold leaf.
Laura: And then radiation goes through.
Ron: Yeah, we'll cut off the last bit.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So the relative mass of both protons and neutrons is one.
Ron: And that's not a rounding thing.
Ron: They are just the same mass.
Laura: Well, we've made that up, but yeah, sure.
Ron: What do you mean, we've made that up?
Laura: Well, we can't weigh them.
Laura: They're too small.
Ron: Yes, we can weigh them.
Laura: With what, tiny mice scales?
Ron: No, it's just you get enough of.
Laura: Them standing on a scale, looking at how it weighs.
Laura: It's a cute image if you wanted to do a cartoon big in this.
Laura: Of course it does.
Laura: It's two thirds of your body.
Ron: You could draw that up and have it as the album art.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: What's funny about album art?
Ron: Jesus.
Laura: Reading my jokes about my science answers are so much worse.
Ron: What's quite funny about the format that we have chosen for this podcast is that listeners will get a sneak preview into the next episode.
Ron: So when someone finishes chemistry too.
Ron: God.
Ron: Physics too.
Ron: Well, I think you're on for another mark in the next question, because the next question is what is relative charge.
Laura: How much magnetic energy these things have.
Ron: But specifically the concept I hated the.
Laura: Sound of you drinking then.
Laura: That was horrible.
Laura: What do you mean?
Laura: Stop it.
Laura: It's grossy.
Ron: Yes, specifically the concept of relative charge.
Laura: How much magnetic energy they have relative to each other.
Ron: Keep going.
Laura: How much magnetic energy they have relative to each other.
Laura: And all things, relatively speaking, colder further away.
Ron: Oh, man.
Ron: I thought that was an open f****** goal.
Ron: You just basically talked about this.
Laura: For relative mass, they're relative charge one.
Laura: They're both one.
Laura: Relatively what's?
Ron: Both one.
Laura: Protons and electrons.
Ron: Keep going.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Back on the right track.
Laura: Zero.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: And why do we do this?
Laura: Because we've got nothing else to do.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Zero points.
Laura: Because they kiss each other.
Laura: They go to the party together, don't they?
Laura: They do, but they attract each other.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Matt it just makes it easier.
Ron: So we say protons are positive one, electrons are negative one, and then when we're working out ions and s***, we can say what charge it has and around number.
Laura: Yeah, we're making it up as we go along.
Laura: I already said that earlier.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: And it's minus points for that.
Ron: You got two out of six on that.
Laura: Fine.
Laura: I would rather have two out of six and have my dignity.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So it was three for the first one.
Ron: One point for protons, neutrons and electrons.
Ron: One for what?
Ron: An isotope is one for what is bigger?
Ron: Proton and neutron.
Ron: And then one for the relative charge for those following along at home.
Laura: Well, that was a mature end to a podcast, wasn't it?
Ron: Yes.
Ron: I think it some sort of your feeling about the quiz.
Laura: Thanks so much for listening, everybody.
Laura: Now, I've got a couple of notes.
Laura: I very much regret being disparaging about my engagement ring.
Laura: I was joking and I would just like to put that back into the ether that I love my engagement ring.
Ron: That's code fair.
Ron: Tom might listen to this.
Laura: Tom actually loves this podcast, which is nice, but he does agree with you all the time and rolls his eyes a lot.
Laura: But, no, I love my engagement ring.
Laura: And I think listening back to that, I thought that I was probably going to follow that up with a joke a bit more, and I never did.
Laura: I'm a spoilt b****, but I love it.
Laura: Anyway, I also wanted to know if you're listening, what's your go to thing?
Laura: That's about a metre.
Laura: Because I feel like one really laughed at me for saying a wheelbarrow.
Laura: But I want to know what your go to thing is.
Ron: We don't live in the f****** arches.
Laura: Well, I have a garden.
Laura: I don't have a wheel, though.
Laura: Steps in my garden.
Laura: But anyway, what's your goat?
Laura: You think it's about a metre also?
Ron: A metre is about a metre, yeah.
Laura: What, do you just think about a metre ruler, then?
Ron: Yeah, kind of.
Ron: I just go like that's.
Ron: About a litre.
Laura: Well, I think about a wheelbarrow.
Laura: Anyway, when I was doing this math bit about oxygen and Ron wasn't listening, was that the right answer?
Laura: We need to know that as well, because Ron delicate.
Laura: His duty no, that's not it, is it?
Laura: delicion of duty?
Ron: Delegation?
Laura: No.
Laura: Whatever that word is, let us know that as well.
Laura: You've got so much homework anyway.
Laura: Was that right?
Ron: I don't know you weren't listening.
Ron: No, sorry, I wasn't really listening there neither.
Laura: You're a very bad man.
Laura: Nowhere on John Tickle watch.
Laura: We've had no response from Tickles camp about coming on the podcast, which is sad.
Ron: That is sad.
Ron: What is he doing?
Laura: Yeah, what are you up to, John Tickle?
Laura: And let us know if you scored better than two out of six on the quiz.
Laura: Do you want to say anything wrong?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Did you get three, four, five or six on the quiz?
Ron: Maybe one.
Laura: Why are you such a sarcastic dickers?
Laura: So annoying.
Ron: I'm not.
Ron: I lead the lessons.
Laura: You lead the I did lead, but I can't do all of it because otherwise it's just a lecture, as you like to say.
Laura: Anyway, see you all next week.
Laura: Thank you very much for all the love and the love, I suppose, just again.
Laura: And hey, do a cartoon of an ant on some scales.
Laura: We want to see what that might look like.
Laura: We'll see you next week.
Laura: When?
Laura: Oh, God, it's physics.
Laura: Next week?
Ron: Yeah.
Laura: Woof.
Laura: Okay, we'll see you for that.
Laura: But in the meantime, we're on all the social medias.
Laura: We are at Lex education.
Laura: Chat to us on Twitter.
Laura: Instagram.
Laura: Sometimes TikTok, but increasingly less YouTube.
Laura: All the places that's where we are.
Laura: Facebook, even Facebook.
Ron: Remember Facebook?
Laura: Yeah, remember Facebook?
Laura: That's still around and we put stuff there in case you aren't listening.
Laura: Chat to us there and we will see you next week.
Laura: Take care.
Laura: Goodbye.
Ron: Class dismiss.
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