Riddled With Buttholes

 Laura: Hello and welcome to another episode of Lexx Education, the comedy science podcast, where comedian me, Laura Lexx yeah.

Laura: Tries to learn actual full singing and dancing science from her real life.

Laura: Not sister, brother.

Laura: Ron.

Laura: Hi, Ron.

Ron: Hi.

Ron: How's it going?

Laura: I've just had my lunch.

Laura: Someone a bit of a sugar high, to be honest.

Ron: That's what late at lunch.

Laura: Yes, it is.

Laura: Everything's very screwy at my house.

Laura: Tom's hurt his back, he can't move.

Laura: The boiler is not working, the car is broken, everything's broken.

Laura: So everything's happening at weird times.

Ron: Wonderful news.

Ron: And things happened at weird times already for you guys.

Laura: Yeah, the thing was, I got out this morning, I had some breakfast, and then I walked the dog, and then I've got a couple of jobs that are not easy, so I've been procrastinating like a son of a b****.

Laura: So, yeah, I had some late lunch.

Laura: Hey, welcome to episode 26, the last proper episode of the Syllabus.

Laura: It's not the last episode of the year.

Laura: We still got two more episodes.

Laura: But hey, they've got big end of term vibes.

Laura: Because you can't be expecting us to learn science at Christmas.

Ron: I'm sick of it.

Laura: We're sick of your dreadful speckled mug.

Ron: To I'll be back in a second.

Laura: Where are you going?

Ron: I've got to let the cat in.

Ron: She's scratching at the door.

Laura: We're literally doing an intro, Ron, on my eye.

Laura: Twitch's back.

Laura: That's how I am.

Laura: My right eye won't stop twitching.

Laura: Anyway, 26 episodes in.

Laura: Now, that's half a year.

Laura: If I've done my math right, that's 52 weeks a year, aren't there?

Laura: So that's six months of Lexx education, which I don't fully understand because oh, no, maybe that is right.

Laura: Anyway, six months of of our nonsense.

Laura: So thank you, everyone that that's been with us.

Laura: Wherever you joined the party, we're very grateful to have you here.

Ron: You've got halfway around the sun with us.

Laura: Yeah, that's what year is.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: If our podcast was a baby, it would be rolling on its back and you could play peekaboo with it.

Laura: Peekaboo is kind of what I do with the information.

Ron: Where is it?

Ron: Where did it go?

Ron: I can't see it anymore.

Laura: I did have that, but now it doesn't seem to exist anymore.

Laura: So thanks for the love for the last six months.

Laura: I can't really imagine life without us now, Ron.

Laura: Can you?

Ron: No.

Ron: It's the best thing I've ever done with my life.

Laura: I don't know if anyway well, that's good.

Laura: Now, there's been a lot of love on the socials, lots of love for the advent calendar.

Laura: Sean messaged ron about something called Planck.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Max Planck.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: What?

Ron: Max Planck?

Ron: Maybe we could his name is Max.

Laura: Max Planck.

Laura: Maybe we could do an episode on that for detentron in the new year.

Ron: You want to learn?

Ron: I think that's going to really f*** you off.

Ron: Do you know what a plank metre is?

Laura: No.

Ron: Is it a plank metre.

Ron: There's plank seconds and plank metres and stuff.

Ron: Basically, this guy worked out what the smallest amount of something you could have is, and that's a plank.

Laura: Why did he call it a plank?

Ron: Because that's his name.

Ron: His name is Max.

Laura: That's too much ego.

Laura: Planks are already things not spelled like that.

Laura: Well, you're not spelling it every time you say it, though, are you?

Ron: No.

Laura: Right, we'll look into it, Sean.

Laura: Maybe we'll try and get it into a detentron, but if it's going to give me a concentration nosebleed, then I'm not interested.

Laura: But thank you for all the love on the advent calendar.

Laura: I guess the big news of the social media this week, Ron, is that there's now officially a Lexx education tattoo in the world.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: That blew my mind.

Laura: Never, ever thought I would be the sort of thing that would be getting tattooed, but carol, you crazy b******, we salute you.

Laura: I don't have a single tattoo.

Laura: You've got one, haven't you, Ron?

Ron: I do have one.

Ron: This officially starts our turf war with the noise next door, because our tattoo is way bigger than theirs.

Laura: Well, listen, thank you for all the love lab rats.

Laura: You're the bestest in the world.

Laura: It's a biology episode.

Laura: Today we're ending the syllabus on biology.

Laura: I think it wasn't a bad episode.

Laura: And then the quiz was like someone droid an ice cream van into a school.

Laura: It just hit the s*** at such a density.

Laura: And I do blame you for that, Ron.

Ron: Why?

Laura: Because of your behaviour in the quiz.

Laura: So we won't spoiler any more than this, but have a lovely time.

Ron: Wait, is this the one we'll talk about afterwards?

Laura: Enjoy.

Laura: There's no mask in biology.

Laura: Hi, Ron.

Laura: Hello.

Laura: How's your life?

Ron: Yes, how are you doing, Laura?

Laura: I'm good.

Laura: Last night, I was driving, right, and I got that text message from Mum in the family.

Laura: WhatsApp group?

Laura: Just saying she was going to see Dom Jolly live and I've never had a weirder moment of I was driving along going like the trigger happy TV guy.

Laura: Is that Mom's sense of humour?

Laura: Is that what she's into?

Laura: And then you and my younger sister, your least older sister, were like, I've never heard of it, I'm too young.

Laura: And then everybody else that's a reasonable age was going, hello, and doing his bit.

Laura: And I honestly had about an hour just sitting in the car going, Is that what Mom's into?

Laura: No idea.

Laura: But then I got out the car and it turns out he does travel programmes now.

Laura: And that's what she and dad had seen him on and liked him and went see him, and I was just like, wow.

Laura: The world, it just keeps moving.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Mom and dad will watch anything if it's a travel show.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Can you imagine anything else worse than watching an episode of Portillo On The Rails?

Ron: That must just be excruciating.

Laura: Yeah, it's not for me.

Laura: Mind you, though, one of my biggest TV surprises of the last five years was how much I enjoyed Clarkson's Farm.

Ron: Yeah, but, you know, you're getting on a bit.

Ron: That happens, doesn't it?

Laura: Have you watched it?

Ron: No.

Laura: Surprisingly brilliant.

Laura: Really amplified the plight of the average farmer.

Ron: That's fine.

Ron: I just don't want to support Jeremy Clarkson in any of his endeavours.

Laura: No.

Laura: He also makes quite a compelling case to his fan base for why climate change actually affects the and me in our comfortable British lives, which I thought was very powerful.

Ron: That's nice.

Ron: I couldn't stand behind that.

Laura: I was wonderfully impressed with that series and let's face it, I'm not his target demographic, having loathed every other thing he's ever done unbeaten.

Ron: So, biology.

Laura: Biology.

Laura: Laura.

Laura: Laura.

Laura: Who loves biology?

Laura: Also, Ron loves biology.

Laura: How long did you have to sing that school?

Laura: Did I ever built the ark?

Laura: No.

Laura: Who built the ark?

Laura: Brother Noah built the ark.

Ron: No, I'm right done.

Ron: I don't know.

Ron: I definitely didn't sing.

Ron: Who loves biology?

Laura: We should make a plushy bunce in the lab rat and give it like that build a bear sing along thing in it.

Laura: It sings a number of songs from the podcast.

Ron: You have gone merch mad since those hats solved out merch madness.

Laura: You get a rat, you get a.

Ron: Rat so we're doing biology.

Ron: We've been going through dark times in.

Laura: Pause a second just to say, because I take all the postage down, like, I do the posting of our merch and stuff.

Laura: And I went down the other day and I was posting, like, loads the day that the big Bold quarter went out, and the guy at the post office said, what is this?

Laura: I was like, oh, it's hats.

Laura: And he was like, New hats or your old hats for this podcast I do, like, trying not to die with shame.

Laura: And he was, like, really friendly about it.

Laura: And then this week, I went into take another order in the county.

Laura: He just looked me in the eye, went, Just one hat today?

Laura: Yes, good times.

Laura: Anyway, sorry, it's dark times.

Ron: Well, we've been going through dark times, I feel, in biology, if we did, like, heart disease and that, and then we just went straight into talking about other diseases and health problems and stuff and cards on the table.

Ron: We were supposed to be looking at cancer today, and then there was just not well, usually in those situations, I'd spin it up into being a full episode, but I don't think anyone particularly wants to listen to us try and make light of cancer for an hour.

Ron: So we're delaying that.

Ron: We're going to put that in with infection, which is coming up in a few weeks.

Ron: So today we're not talking about diseases.

Laura: Laura Hooray.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: For some reason, in between non communicable diseases, communicable diseases, communicable, they've just stuck in plant tissues, organs and systems.

Ron: So that's what we're looking at today, is it?

Laura: Because, like, diseases happen in your tissues and lots of tissues make up an organ?

Ron: Well, I mean, yeah, but why would it just be talking about plant tissues?

Laura: Organs and systems wanted to tell you that lots of tissues make up an organ.

Ron: Well, so literally, first thing in my notes today, we're going to be looking at plant tissues.

Ron: So just as a reminder, cells make tissues, tissues make organs, organs make an organ.

Ron: System makes an organism.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Repeat that back to me.

Laura: Cells make tissues, tissues make organs, organs make organelles.

Laura: Organelles make organisms.

Ron: What's an organelle, Laura?

Laura: The little bodies in the cell.

Laura: No.

Laura: Then that's not right.

Laura: Cells make tissues, tissues make cells, cells make tissues, tissues make organs, organs make something.

Laura: Organs.

Ron: I think it's a real testament to how good a person you are on the inside, that you put that little thought into what you say in your public persona and you've never been cancelled.

Laura: What do we know that Little Help is?

Ron: Because you know what an organelle is.

Ron: You know that you know what an organ is.

Ron: You know that like your heart is an organ.

Ron: So how several hearts then make an organelle?

Ron: You know that that makes no sense.

Ron: You are not done.

Laura: You said something with an organ was the third thing in the list.

Ron: An organ system.

Laura: But isn't that just an organism?

Ron: No, because like, your digestive system or your respiratory system, those are organisms.

Laura: I see several different systems.

Laura: So cell makes a tissue, the tissue turns the wheel, the wheel goes around.

Laura: It goes around and around and around and around again.

Laura: Do you remember that song?

Ron: Did we sing that at school?

Laura: We had it on a tape.

Laura: It was on a cassette tape.

Laura: It was about a bicycle.

Laura: And the chain turns the wheel and the wheel goes around and around and around and around again it was on the same side that had you when.

Ron: You went to Norton School.

Laura: First of all, it was Mr Harper, and then it was Mrs Collier.

Ron: Did Mrs Collier used to make you walk in and out of assembly?

Ron: It's a new dorn.

Ron: It's a New Day by Nina Simone.

Laura: Yeah, sometimes Mr Harper liked that.

Laura: From a distance the world is pink and green and the snow capped mountain.

Ron: I thought it was a weird thing that Miss Collier did make us.

Ron: Well, okay, if everyone walks in and out to music, then yeah, we did.

Laura: Quite a lot of the time.

Laura: Because you were supposed to file in and out in silence, weren't you?

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Assembly was weird.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Like having a partner from a country that's not the UK.

Ron: Makes you realise how weird school is on both sides, because they had weird things as well.

Ron: In Austria, you just have a pair of slippers that you bring with you that you just have at school.

Ron: You change into your slippers and you have your school slippers.

Laura: Oh, that's cute.

Laura: I'd have liked that.

Laura: We're not very good at remembering to our slippers.

Ron: I didn't see the point of them at all.

Laura: The thing I find creepy now, that I just I really hope I can send my children to a non faith school.

Laura: Like, no offence if you're religious, but I was raised religious and now I'm not.

Laura: And now looking back, like, 180 little children in a room chanting the same prayer together.

Ron: They are daily bread.

Ron: Father.

Laura: Just don't think four year olds should just be indoctrinated to just say that every day without really understanding what they mean.

Laura: They're just learning.

Laura: It makes me okie.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So plant issues.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: They like those aloe vera ones that you get so if you blow your nose a lot, your nose doesn't hurt.

Ron: Leaving a pause for a laugh.

Ron: Cheque.

Ron: Because Laura sent me that on WhatsApp?

Ron: Earlier, if she thought I was going to laugh or not.

Laura: She said leave it in.

Ron: That WhatsApp web message was dripping with.

Laura: I guess it was hard to tell because we were throwing ideas around at the time for what to call our Patron Only episodes.

Laura: And they were even worse.

Laura: Yeah, they were detentron.

Ron: Anyway, so before we get into plant tissues, don't take this the wrong way, but we are just going to talk about what a plant is for a bit.

Laura: All right, that's good, because I want to know what burgers I've been eating.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And what makes plants different to what are you looking at?

Laura: Nothing.

Laura: Apples.

Ron: Why are you so mesmerised by fruit?

Ron: Literally, the episode that we just did, the intros outros one is the one where you're just f****** fascinated by a grape that you saw.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It's because when Tom's not here, I record downstairs to keep Mackie company and so I'm sat by the fruit bowl.

Ron: Yes, I'm sat by things as well.

Laura: Yeah, but I'm not talking.

Ron: As long as you're not on your phone.

Ron: Actually, look at the apples.

Ron: That's fine.

Ron: Apples are plants.

Laura: Apples are plants, yeah.

Laura: Apples are kind of the next plant, aren't they?

Ron: Sorry, what?

Laura: Like, the point of the apple is to be the next plant?

Laura: It's like a little sexy temptress, like, Come on, get me.

Laura: And then there'll be another apple tree.

Laura: You fell for it, stupid.

Ron: Yeah, johnny.

Laura: Johnny apple tree.

Ron: And I don't know why my mind jumped there.

Ron: Probably because Meg used to work there.

Ron: I thought you meant the you know, next to the High Street chain.

Ron: Apples are the next of fruit.

Laura: No, they're John Lewis.

Ron: They're in the same way that, like, nectarines are kind of the H and.

Laura: M.

Laura: Oh, I don't know if I'll go with you.

Laura: I'd say cherries are the H and.

Ron: M.

Ron: No, cherries are too bougie.

Laura: That's true.

Laura: Cherries are f****** expensive.

Laura: A lot of fruits are very expensive there.

Laura: I hate pears.

Ron: Pears are trash.

Ron: Apples.

Ron: That was the reason why pear shape does not mean good.

Laura: Pears are like, someone got an apple and then bulked it out with some flour to make it go further.

Ron: Totally agree.

Ron: If I was a caveman picking a pear off a tree for the first time, even if I was starving, I'd say like, no, don't.

Ron: Yes, this is bad.

Laura: That's how I feel about Brussels sprouts.

Laura: If I'd been the first person to find them, they would be on a poison list.

Ron: Have I told you my broccoli fact?

Laura: I don't know.

Ron: Do you know who Barbara Broccoli is?

Laura: Oh, yes.

Ron: Do you now know the fact I'm about to tell you?

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: And then we don't have to talk.

Laura: About it, but there's lots of other people listening who might not know.

Laura: You can tell them.

Ron: So she's called Barbara Broccoli.

Ron: She is not named after Broccoli.

Ron: Broccoli is named after her family.

Laura: Wow.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Let's count this.

Ron: That made me feel bad.

Ron: Right.

Ron: Laura, what do you think a plant is?

Ron: What makes a plant a plant?

Laura: It is a living organism.

Laura: It follows the laws of Mrs.

Laura: Nurk.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: So do you?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Are you a plant?

Laura: Oh, no.

Laura: Well, maybe it's nonverbal.

Laura: Doesn't have a face.

Ron: Okay, so is a worm a plant?

Laura: No, it doesn't have any blood.

Ron: So is a stone a plant?

Laura: No, that doesn't apply because that's not alive.

Ron: Yeah, sorry, I forgot that you said that.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: Is a mushroom a plant?

Laura: No, it's a fungus.

Ron: It applies to all of those things.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Are they plants?

Laura: Are they plants?

Ron: Mushrooms?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: No, they're funguses.

Laura: Right.

Laura: So there's another plant then?

Ron: That's what I'm saying.

Laura: Okay, cool.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So keep naming things that makes a plant.

Laura: What do you mean?

Laura: I thought I've done it now.

Ron: Well, no, because mushrooms apply to everything that you just said, but they're not a plant, so you haven't narrowed it down enough.

Laura: Oh, I see.

Laura: I'm sorry.

Laura: It was quite difficult because they're quite varied.

Laura: Do they typically have a root system?

Ron: Not always.

Laura: Yeah, I don't know if I know enough about plants to talk about all of them.

Laura: They're not even all, like, oxygen based things, are they?

Laura: Are they taking carbon dioxide?

Laura: But to all of them?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Do they all need sunlight?

Laura: The plants all need sunlight?

Ron: I think so.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: So that's one.

Ron: They get their energy from the sun, right?

Laura: That's true of all plants.

Laura: Is it?

Ron: I am pretty sure.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Energy from the sun.

Laura: No need to water them with monster.

Laura: Great.

Ron: That's good.

Ron: Think a cellular level.

Ron: Listen to that.

Ron: Russell.

Ron: Laura.

Ron: We did the makeup of a cell before you bought the note.

Laura: Did we?

Ron: Yeah, it was episode f****** one.

Ron: Mad times.

Ron: She's still looking, though.

Ron: She's still going to have a look.

Ron: See if some notes have been scribbled in there by someone else.

Laura: They have a merry stem.

Ron: No.

Ron: Sometimes.

Ron: Do you have merry stems?

Ron: Don't have that.

Ron: That's not what we're talking about.

Laura: It's not that I don't know what a plant is.

Laura: It's it's more that I'm sort of trying to think of something that's true of all plants.

Laura: And when you're like, I'm looking at a rosebush in my back garden and then thinking about just those, like seaweeds that just float about.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Because you're thinking on a macro scale.

Laura: Yeah, because I haven't got my notes.

Ron: I'll give it to you if you want.

Laura: Chloroplasts.

Ron: Chloroplasts are how they get energy from the sun.

Ron: So yes, correct.

Ron: That is one of them.

Laura: Great.

Ron: So you've gotten the same one twice, but I'm not going to count as two.

Ron: Good work, though, on remembering chloroplasts and not saying chloroform.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Got halfway through chloroform.

Laura: Did you hear chloroforms?

Laura: Now a cell wall.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: That was something that's true of plants.

Ron: But not exactly so there are other things that plant cells have, but these are the two things that we're going to talk about in terms of plant tissues.

Ron: So cell walls basically mean that plant cells are super rigid, right?

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Which means that they can't really move in any real capacity in the same way that we can.

Ron: Obviously, plants on a big scale can move like, you know, Venus flytraps move, stuff like sunflowers.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Well, flowers turn themselves to face towards the sun, but that's very like A, in most cases, very, quite slow.

Ron: And B is not like the cells themselves sort of moving around within the plant.

Ron: I think usually what that is, is they inflate or deflate themselves with water and it twists the plant very slowly.

Ron: So that is something that plants need to overcome in their structure of their tissues because they can't have things like muscles to locomote themselves or they don't have things like lungs or hearts that can act as pumps and manipulate concentration, gradients and stuff like that.

Laura: Right, yes.

Ron: Then the other thing is that this means that what just happened less than edit break because I messed up my sentence.

Laura: Now, cupri.

Ron: I've put in quite a lot of time into doing this one.

Ron: I'm very excited to get through it.

Ron: So this means that any solution that they come up with has to be on a static basis.

Laura: Solutions due to the cells not being able to move off their own accord.

Ron: Yeah, exactly.

Ron: So a plant has to just work how it is.

Ron: It can't really affect the circumstances around it that much.

Laura: Okay, so plant has to work rather than manipulate.

Ron: In my mind, plants kind of work a lot more like machines than animals do in the way it works in my head, because you put stimulus in, you get output out.

Ron: It just functions through it.

Ron: That's kind of how I think about it.

Ron: They tend to take advantage of a lot of natural phenomena.

Ron: So do you remember what we were learning about the nephron?

Ron: You really liked the nephron.

Laura: I love the nephron.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So plants will do a lot of stuff like that, right.

Laura: Concentration gradient stuff.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So manipulating natural phenomena or inherent mechanism like concentration gradient to get sheer done, that makes sense.

Laura: So they are a lot more like our lungs take advantage of concentration gradient or the nephron does, as opposed to something like the heart that is using energy to pump rather than taking advantage of something.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: I mean, I'd put the lungs in the same bucket as the heart, to be honest, because they're pumping out the air all the time to give themselves fresh air to manipulate the concentration gradient all the time, if that makes sense.

Ron: But, yeah, exactly.

Laura: You can't say no and exactly.

Laura: That's confusing.

Ron: Well, I feel like you got the spirit of it.

Ron: I just class one of the things you said a bit differently.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Want to eat one of these apples now?

Ron: So a nice example is something called transpiration.

Laura: Transpiration.

Ron: So proud of the intro music to that.

Laura: It was very good.

Laura: I went back through and put a few sound effects in for you, but you said I said, as a special treat for you, I didn't put any sound effects in because I know how much you hate my sound effects.

Laura: And then you said that was the one episode you could have done.

Ron: I don't remember saying that to me.

Laura: Ages to find a good wolf Howling I was sitting doing it and it was driving mackie absolutely bonkers, because I was just playing loads of wolf noises into the living room and now you're not even happy about it.

Laura: Anyway, it was weeks ago.

Laura: Shut up.

Ron: So, basically, plants are big straws.

Ron: They get water from their roots, they suck that up.

Ron: They have tubes inside themselves called xylem that suck the water up.

Ron: And then up at the top, where the leaves are, something called transpiration happens.

Laura: And this is where they shun and.

Ron: This is where they sort of lose gases up at the top.

Laura: And effectively what happens is farting out of the leaf.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And what this does is this ends up pulling the pot.

Ron: Jesus.

Ron: Usually you do interrupt and stuff, but this is particularly.

Laura: I am making notes, too.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And it pulls the water up, but it's just an inherent mechanism.

Ron: And I guess all to do with the surface area of the roots allows them to suck up lots of water, because it's got lots of surface area and they do you remember when we learned about the villi and the smaller testing?

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Thank you for putting your hand up.

Laura: Thank you.

Laura: When you say suck up, then if that's not an active behaviour, like what's causing the water to get in the roots?

Ron: So concentration gradient capillar reaction brings it up the xylem, and then the fact that what I was going to say is, yes, it's got lots of surface area to suck it up at the bottom, but then also the leaves, obviously, is a h*** of a lot of surface area at the top.

Ron: So then it loses it and it ends up bringing it up the tree.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: So the leaves get dried out and then everything just gets slurped up like a sponge up through it to get up to the leaves.

Laura: And then it's constant go round.

Ron: Exactly.

Ron: Because you lose water at the top, but then also in the water that is brought up, it will bring up minerals and things like that from the soil as well.

Laura: Like a mineshaft.

Laura: Exactly.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And it's just a nice little circle.

Ron: So they take advantage of a lot of stuff like that.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Taking advantage of the water.

Ron: The other thing is they're going to.

Laura: Get cancelled by the water community.

Laura: Meh 20.

Ron: But I like it.

Laura: Trying to think of another one.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Nothing's coming.

Ron: Right, moving on.

Ron: The other thing, this is an episode where science are you not funny?

Ron: The other thing is that they've got chloroplasts, so they don't need to hunt or move for food.

Ron: They just need to capture as much light as is healthy for them.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: So a huge amount of their structure is going to be dedicated to doing that.

Ron: So, for example, what I just said, where the water is brought up from the bottom and with minerals and things like that, that will basically be so that photosynthesis can keep on occurring in the leaves.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Because all they want to do is make energy.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: And bring it not make energy.

Laura: Transform energy from light energy to chemical energy.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: Because you cannot create or destroy energy.

Ron: Well done.

Ron: Yes, that is very true.

Laura: She's the greatest scientist.

Laura: Photosynthesis.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Okay, cool.

Ron: So today what we're going to do what is this?

Laura: Not what we're doing.

Ron: No, that was just saying the scene.

Laura: F****** h***.

Ron: Laura.

Ron: I just told you what a plant is like.

Laura: I just thought that was like the.

Ron: First 3rd none of that was in the syllabus.

Laura: Oh, my life.

Laura: Are you for real?

Ron: None of that was in the syllabus.

Laura: I've made so many notes.

Ron: Good.

Laura: I was like, I'm going to ace this quiz.

Laura: This is brilliant.

Ron: Oh, I do quizzes based off what I teach you, not what the syllabus teaches you.

Laura: Good.

Ron: Because I just thought it was 14.

Laura: More minutes before I start eating that apples.

Ron: I just thought it was important that you knew what a plant was.

Laura: I'm very grateful.

Ron: You gazing at the apples again.

Laura: Well, they do look good.

Laura: Except for this one.

Laura: One.

Laura: Because Tom always buys, like, red or pink apples and then eats one and then forgets about them.

Laura: So this one's going all soft.

Ron: That's why you got to go.

Laura: Green ones are brilliant and they last.

Ron: Forever and they're more delicious.

Laura: I love green apples, but I really can't eat them.

Laura: They make me very sick.

Ron: They make you s*** really long, though.

Laura: But I love them and I eat them every day anyway.

Ron: But it's not like any of the other stuff that you eat.

Ron: Doesn't make you s*** a lot, but.

Laura: Apples are particularly just don't digest them.

Laura: They just go in and come out.

Laura: Sames east.

Ron: Sorry, the fly was around.

Ron: Right.

Ron: Are you looking at your phone now?

Ron: I can tell the difference between looking at an apple and looking at a phone.

Laura: No apples.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I've tucked my phone under the desk so that you couldn't see.

Laura: But you can see where my eyes have gone.

Ron: Right.

Ron: So we're going to look at all.

Laura: Of the different what are you looking at now?

Ron: There's a fly buzzing around.

Laura: Let it out.

Laura: I'll quickly look at my phone while you do that.

Ron: Get out of here.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: Put it down.

Ron: Put it down.

Laura: I washed my hair for this, by the way.

Laura: I think it's looking fresh.

Ron: Right.

Ron: So could you go to figure A in the WhatsApp web, please?

Laura: Figure time.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: For this, though, I do need to look at my phone.

Ron: No, do it on the WhatsApp web.

Laura: Then I can't see you and the clean feed and the figure.

Laura: I have to be able to see the clean feed in case it stops recording.

Laura: I get very paranoid that we're doing this for nothing.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: Do you understand?

Ron: No.

Laura: I've made the clean feed masses.

Laura: Hang on.

Laura: There we go.

Laura: If I do that, I can see that.

Laura: And then if I just put your little face over there.

Laura: All right, I got them all.

Laura: We are looking at a sort of plant lasagna.

Laura: I'm assuming this is like a cut through of a plant.

Laura: More than just a cell, by the looks of it.

Ron: That is the structure of a leaf.

Laura: Fabulous.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: It looks like a sort of like an ice cream sandwich with green teeth.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: It's got layers and fibre optic broadband running through the middle.

Ron: You said that really like ice cream sandwiches have tea.

Laura: No, they don't have teeth.

Ron: It's like an ice cream sandwich, but with green tea.

Ron: It's kind of how you said it.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Those teeth on this are green.

Laura: They look like incubating little alien eggs.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So this is a cross section of a leaf.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: A leaf is a plant organ.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Because it's made up of several different types of tissue.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: And we're going to run through those now.

Ron: We're going to start at the top.

Laura: Very good place to start.

Ron: Thank you.

Laura: Do you know what that's from?

Ron: The depravity of your mind?

Laura: No.

Laura: When you sing, you begin with one, two, three.

Laura: No.

Laura: When you count, you begin with one, two, three.

Laura: When you sing, you begin with do Ray Me.

Laura: Do ray me.

Ron: Does that sound amusing?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Never, dear.

Laura: You must know that song.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: A deer, a female deer ray.

Laura: A bucket full of guns I don't know.

Ron: Ray a golden ray of sun ray.

Ron: A golden drop.

Ron: Of sun.

Ron: That's roe.

Ron: So close.

Ron: Roe.

Ron: A deer.

Ron: A species of deer, yes.

Ron: Smashed it.

Ron: Right.

Ron: So the top of the leaf that is well, actually sandwiched over the leaf, we have the epidermis.

Ron: You know what epidermis is?

Ron: You've got skin.

Ron: Skin EPI, outer dermis.

Ron: Skin dermis.

Laura: O'Leary.

Ron: I want you to say sorry to the list.

Laura: My GST moment dumb is early.

Laura: Like a hot aristocrat.

Ron: Right.

Ron: The very top of the layer, it.

Laura: Says cuticle is the very no, it's trichomb is the very top.

Ron: So we're not going to talk about the trichomes because I don't know what they are.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: It says cuticle first.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So, yeah, the cuticle is part of the epidermis.

Ron: The cuticle is a waxy layer that goes all the way over the top.

Ron: It's basically a reverse anorac on the leaf.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Keeps the water in.

Ron: Keeps the water in, yes.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Then if you look at a leaf, most assiduous leaves, you will notice that they're shiny on the top and usually kind of matte underneath that's because of the waxy cuticle over the top.

Ron: Underneath that, we have the upper epidermis.

Ron: So these cells, you can see them on our plant lasagna there.

Ron: Those cells, they're square.

Ron: They're tucked in together.

Ron: These cells actually don't have many, if any, chloroplasts in them.

Laura: Why not?

Ron: They're structural.

Laura: Got you.

Ron: So, yeah, they're structural.

Ron: They're actually basically completely transparent so that they let as much light as possible through.

Laura: All right.

Laura: Like windows.

Ron: Yeah, kind of light things.

Laura: Like a little greenhouse.

Ron: Yeah, it really is, actually.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: That's the upper epidermis.

Ron: I've got anything else in my notes to say about it?

Laura: Upper epidermis?

Ron: No, I don't.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: So underneath that, we have what's called the palisade mesophyll.

Laura: Lovely.

Laura: Lovely use of words.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Palisade mesophyll.

Ron: So this is where the real meat and bones of the photosynthesis takes place.

Laura: The meat and bones of the potato podcast.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Just listen to that.

Laura: If don't you know what we're talking about there.

Laura: You need to head over to Treasure's Pod and give that a listen.

Laura: It's the meat and bones of the potato podcast.

Laura: Palisade mesophy.

Ron: Mesophyll.

Laura: Mesophyll.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Like I say, this is called the palisades.

Ron: A palisade is like, you know, in it's like the wooden wall around the village in Asterisk nor Blakes.

Ron: That's a palisade.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It comes up in Central Park.

Ron: Anyway, so, yeah, this is where the photosynthesis happens.

Ron: These will have dozens of chloroplasts in them.

Ron: They are cylindrical cells with their long axis going up and down.

Laura: These are the teeth, by the way.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: They look a bit like teeth.

Laura: A lot like green teeth.

Laura: Like a monster in a plant lasagna.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Underneath that, we have what's called the spongy mesophyll.

Laura: The spongy mesophyll.

Ron: Now, these cells are a bit similar to the rest of the mesophil.

Ron: They have few chloroplasts, though.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Between the spongy mesophil.

Laura: A palisade.

Ron: Exactly.

Ron: Between the spongy mesophyll and the palisade mesophyll that is just called the mesophyll.

Ron: It's essentially the filling of the plant sandwich.

Laura: Mesophyll of chloroplasts.

Laura: That's the plant talking.

Ron: That's the palisade mesophil talking.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So the main function of the spongy mesophil, they're quite loosely packed in there, as you can see, hence the name spongy.

Ron: What they do is essentially they let gas pass through the leaf.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: All that leaf fart plant.

Laura: All that plant fart.

Laura: Whoa.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So the spongy measure fill.

Ron: They are spongy, not densely packed.

Ron: They let gas pass through the leaf because, as we know, photosynthesis involves two different gases.

Laura: Does oxygen and carbon dioxide.

Ron: Wonderful.

Laura: Or as I call it, carbon two oxygens.

Ron: Absolutely.

Ron: Then the other function that they have is basically temporary storage of the other things that you might need for photosynthesis.

Ron: So things like amino acids to build the proteins that then need to be used in the process or the sugars that are going the other way.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Where's that?

Ron: Because essentially what food in the sponge metaphyll?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: I like pronouncing it spongy because there's no e in there.

Laura: So it looks like spongy to me, not spongy.

Ron: And then because what photosynthesis does is it basically takes a bunch of carbon dioxide and it turns it into sugar.

Ron: So they also store sugars in the other direction.

Laura: Imagine if we could build a machine that did that.

Laura: Like sucked all the carbon dioxide out the atmosphere and pooped out.

Laura: Horrible.

Ron: Well, we do just plant poop.

Laura: They bake apples.

Laura: Nature's horrible.

Laura: I read article.

Laura: I think I shared it on the Lexx education page.

Laura: Some one of the lab rats sent it about whales being better for carbon dioxide consumption than trees.

Ron: Oh, my God.

Ron: That was interesting.

Ron: Yeah, that was really super interesting.

Ron: So the vascular bundle, I think we've talked about these before.

Ron: Those are made up of xylem.

Laura: Vascular mean heart.

Laura: No, I think it means like, cardiovascular.

Ron: Thing means like, veins.

Ron: So those contain the xylem and the flowum.

Laura: Xylem and the flowum.

Laura: Xylem flowum.

Laura: At the end of the festival, they'll be at the pleasance courtyard at 435.

Ron: Do you remember what xylem and Floam.

Laura: Do you think we've talked about that?

Ron: I think we have, but that's okay.

Ron: So xylem and floam are essentially I mean, we talked about one of them earlier this episode, to be honest.

Laura: Did we?

Ron: Remember when we were talking about plants being a bit like a straw or sucking stuff up from the bottom?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Water.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Then we talked about how xylem were the water tubes.

Laura: Did we?

Laura: Well, xylem is a water tube and flowham is a gas tube.

Ron: No, not a gas guess.

Laura: Good guess.

Laura: Energy tube.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: In a sense, the walls of the xylem are made out of something called lignin.

Ron: This is kind of as close as you can kind of get to a wood molecule, essentially.

Laura: Amazing.

Laura: What was it called?

Laura: Ligninim.

Ron: Lignin.

Laura: Lignin.

Laura: I am the Wizard Lignin.

Laura: I reside in the forest of Xylem.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So it's made out of lignin.

Laura: Stop eating my goats.

Ron: Could you?

Ron: Now look at figurbee.

Laura: Figabee.

Laura: Figurbi.

Laura: Figure B.

Laura: Figabee.

Laura: That could be one thing.

Laura: That a little bear much?

Ron: It's not a bear rat.

Ron: Right.

Ron: Look at the Xylem on the left there.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Elm.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Xylem versus flooring.

Ron: So sucks water up from the bottom to the top.

Ron: Never sends water the other way.

Laura: Okay, so, Xylem, let's have a look.

Laura: What we've got here is one directional.

Laura: It's very much the Zane of the plant world.

Ron: And it's for water.

Ron: That's why its walls are made out of lignin, because water obviously can get places.

Ron: So it needs, like, a watertight package to send in.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: And you'll see that?

Ron: It's kind of like it's got, like, little indents, right?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It kind of looks like lots of Tic TACs all playing human centipede or Tic TAC centipede.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Because basically the way that these things grow is that you will just get like a long line of cells that grow out.

Ron: And then essentially what they do is they sacrifice themselves, leave behind a cell wall, and then you've got a pipe made up of basically the skeletons of long dead cells.

Laura: Gosh.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Bleak.

Ron: That's how plants be, I'm afraid.

Laura: Just looking at my garden in a whole new light now.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Skeleton tubes far as the eye can see.

Laura: Yikes.

Laura: Well, they seem happy.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And then flowham.

Ron: These are for sugars, basically.

Ron: So food is transported in flow.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Food can need to go in both directions because okay.

Ron: Very strong reaction, both directions.

Laura: This is my kind of pipe, because.

Ron: If you think about it, in the summer, lots of sunlight, lots of nice light on the leaves.

Ron: Tasty carbon dioxide making all the sugar.

Ron: Sends it down for storage.

Ron: In the winter, no light, no leaves.

Ron: So not making any sugar.

Ron: So then I have to bring it back out of storage to feed the plant.

Ron: Where'd they store it around doesn't matter.

Ron: I think often in the roots, I think that's what things like potatoes and tubers and stuff are.

Ron: They basically just energy stores for the plant underneath.

Laura: You forget that, really, don't you?

Laura: That the leaves on the potato plant are not to grow the potato.

Laura: The plant is the thing, and the potato is the thing to keep the plant alive.

Laura: We've lost sight of that.

Laura: Man, I love potatoes.

Laura: I had chips last night.

Laura: They're so lovely at McDonald's chips.

Ron: But also, that's not what potatoes would have been like in the wild.

Laura: No.

Laura: Everything was garbage before.

Ron: It would have been like the smallest grainiest morsel that for some reason, someone had the fortunate idea to eat.

Laura: Someone stuck two bits of metal in it and went, hang on a minute.

Laura: My watch is working again.

Ron: Now, I didn't have time to do the full research on this, but that one I didn't hear you.

Ron: You see, on the flow.

Ron: The cells that have killed themselves to make it up have not gotten rid of the b*** to head connectors.

Ron: You see that they have ends.

Ron: Ends to the cells.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So then I think that this is where the what's called translocation of the molecules comes from, because location they use these to pump things along.

Laura: Pump, pump, pump.

Laura: Hey, where do they eat?

Ron: What do you mean?

Laura: Where do they process the sugar back into energy that they're using in all of their cells?

Ron: Everywhere.

Ron: Yeah, same as your cells use it.

Laura: Yeah, I knew that.

Laura: Same as myself.

Ron: Did you think that all of your energy is made in your tummy?

Laura: No, that would be steep.

Laura: Carry on, please.

Laura: I don't think I store any energy, though I am either just eaten great mood or hungry.

Laura: Terrible.

Laura: End the world now.

Ron: So we're going to move on to the lower epidermis now, the lower epidemics.

Laura: Back to figure A.

Ron: Back to figure A.

Laura: Figure a.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So the lower epidermis, as you can see, similar structure in terms of the upper epidermis, but there's no cuter.

Laura: My finger is so dirty.

Laura: Why is my finger so dirty?

Laura: Got something all over it.

Laura: I think it's pen.

Ron: There is no I wish I'd noticed.

Laura: That before I put it in my mouth.

Laura: Sorry, Ron.

Ron: Basically the cuticle at the bottom is less waxy.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: Why has it got buttholes on it?

Ron: I thought you might ask that.

Ron: So those are called stoma or I think implural stomata, I think.

Laura: Oh, so the plant's been visited by Jesus.

Ron: No, that's stigmata also.

Ron: Jesus didn't do that to people.

Ron: That happened to him.

Laura: Yeah, but then sometimes people got it later on, didn't they?

Laura: They got like, stata dig martyr.

Laura: You say st tomato, I say dig, Marta Jesus.

Ron: That was always my least favourite story when learning about Jeezy crazy was Doubting Thomas when he fingers Jesus's wrist holes.

Laura: Yeah, I never got that.

Laura: I remember once was a teenager having, like, my first bout into depression.

Laura: And at the time I was religious and, like, going to some sort of Bible reading thing, and they were like and I was really struggling with my faith at the time because Grandma had just died and everything, and I had depression, so I was really struggling, and they were like, you can't be like, doubting, Thomas.

Laura: You've got to believe.

Laura: And I was like, yeah, but Doubting Thomas didn't just believe, he got proof.

Laura: Can we have another figure that did just believe?

Laura: Because I don't feel like this is I didn't go back after that.

Ron: No, that's fair.

Ron: Right.

Ron: So, stoma, you can see that they have things called guard cells on either side of them, right?

Laura: Yes.

Laura: It honestly is very vaginal looking.

Ron: They've got a vagier to them.

Ron: That is true.

Ron: The guard cells essentially do kind of what they say.

Ron: They regulate the opening and closing of the stomato.

Laura: What was the tomato, tomato is the hole.

Ron: Stomach is the blue.

Ron: It's a hole.

Laura: A hole.

Laura: It's just a hole in the leaf.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And then it has the guard cells there to open and close it so that they can control the exchange of gases between the leaf and the outside.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: So these are the little fart pipes coming out the bottom.

Ron: These are the buttholes that release the plant farts.

Laura: I can't believe plant leaves have buttholes.

Ron: Covered in b*** holes.

Laura: Absolutely huge news.

Ron: That's something that you and as we've discussed in a previous episode, you're riddled with buttholes as well.

Laura: Riddled with buttholes?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Remember we talked about how many rectums you had to we sphincters?

Ron: Jesus Christ, I can't do this anymore.

Laura: What do you mean?

Ron: So hard to make content, make iterative sequential content with someone that doesn't remember any of the things that you've done in the past.

Laura: I think I remember now.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: I'll see you for the quiz.

Ron: Can you remember what we were studying without looking at your notes?

Laura: No, but now I've looked at the notes.

Laura: You need to remember to ask me that before I've hastily scrabbled towards them.

Laura: I wish the office wasn't in the roof of my house and everything I forget to bring up in the bottom of it.

Laura: We were doing plant biology.

Ron: We were.

Ron: So we're going to try a slightly different approach to the quiz now.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: For today?

Ron: No, we're going to go for more of kind of an essay style answer.

Ron: So there's one question.

Ron: Please describe to me the different tissues in a leaf, their structure and function.

Ron: 15 marks available.

Laura: No.

Laura: Shirking, your responsibility.

Laura: Can you ask me questions?

Ron: I did.

Laura: No, you didn't.

Laura: I don't want to talk for that long.

Laura: Because then you laugh because they don't put in can you just ask questions, please?

Ron: Okay.

Ron: Please describe to me the different tissues in a leaf, their structure what do you mean?

Laura: Different tissues in a leaf?

Ron: And they're funny.

Laura: I don't know.

Laura: I haven't got the energy to do it this way.

Laura: Can you just ask properly?

Ron: All right, okay.

Ron: I'll break it up into sections.

Laura: All right, don't break it.

Laura: Describe the different things of a leaf and then say question two.

Laura: Describe their functions.

Laura: Don't do that.

Ron: No, I'm not doing that.

Ron: Please describe to me one tissue in a leaf, its structure and function.

Laura: I don't know what you mean by tissue in a leaf.

Ron: All that we talked about last week was plant tissues.

Laura: Well, how do I know if it was a tissue or an organ?

Ron: Because do you know the definition of these things?

Ron: Cells make tissues, make organs make an organism.

Ron: Also, we discussed last time that a leaf is an organ.

Ron: Also, the question was the different tissues within a leaf.

Ron: So it's the things that were in a leaf.

Laura: I forgot that a leaf was an organ because you flustered me.

Laura: Okay, then a palisade mesophyll.

Laura: Is that one.

Ron: Please describe to me a tissue in a leaf, its structure and function.

Ron: This is bleak times, Laura.

Ron: You must do better.

Laura: Just stop being a p****.

Ron: What's this about?

Ron: You're not a bad person.

Ron: You just need to go for it.

Laura: Yeah, I'm trying to think and choose one of the many that I understand.

Ron: You did.

Ron: You just chose one.

Ron: You said palisade measafilled.

Ron: Spoiler alert.

Ron: That's a mark.

Ron: Okay, but now describe its structure and function.

Laura: I don't know its structure.

Laura: The function is this is where Photosynthesis happens.

Laura: Oh, hang on.

Laura: That was the bit with the teeth, wasn't it?

Laura: So the structure of it is it's got lots of oval chloroplasts in it.

Ron: I need more than that.

Laura: What do you mean you need more than that?

Ron: You need to give me more information.

Laura: What information would you like?

Ron: More information about its structure.

Laura: It's full of chloroplasts.

Laura: They're oval shaped and they're packed in what's oval?

Laura: The chloroplasts.

Laura: The cells that make the different things.

Laura: You f****** the f*** off.

Laura: Then you don't have any more information because that's all I got.

Ron: Ready for question number two?

Laura: Wait.

Laura: I can't believe you're ruining what was a really nice episode with this bullshit.

Ron: Please describe to me a different tissue and a leaf.

Ron: It's structure and function.

Laura: I'm really angry with you because this was such a nice episode and now you're just rocking up with this energy.

Ron: I'm just giving you a chance to really just excel.

Ron: I'm giving you a longer part.

Laura: You're setting me up with failure.

Ron: No, I'm not.

Laura: You are.

Laura: You can't just ask me to describe a whole leaf.

Ron: But that's what we covered.

Laura: Yeah, but I didn't think I'd have to just tell you the whole lesson.

Laura: We just did.

Ron: That's kind of what the quiz is.

Ron: Come on.

Laura: How about the vascular bundle?

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Is that a tissue?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Are you making that noise for then?

Ron: All right, let's go.

Laura: No.

Laura: Is it a tissue?

Ron: Yes, I said.

Laura: Didn't you end?

Ron: You are mean today.

Laura: You are mean today.

Ron: I'm not being mean.

Laura: You're undermining me.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: So the vascular bundle is made up of the xylem and the flowum.

Laura: The xylem the xylem goes up and it has walls made of lignin to make it waterproof.

Laura: And it takes water from the roots to the other organs of the plant.

Laura: The flowum is another tube.

Laura: But things can go in both directions.

Laura: On this one, it takes excuse me, burping.

Laura: It takes sugars and food in both directions.

Laura: So either from the leaf where it's been made due to photosynthesis, down to some storage in, like, a tuber.

Laura: That's why potatoes are delicious.

Laura: Or say it's winter and they aren't making enough energy back out of the little storage potato and around the plant.

Ron: Perfect.

Ron: Three out of three.

Ron: Let's go again.

Laura: No.

Ron: But why wouldn't that be like it great, you got it all.

Ron: Let's do another one.

Laura: Because I want more guidance than this I don't like being loose.

Ron: You are a grown up.

Ron: And also, so far you've got five marks out of six.

Ron: Yeah, sure.

Ron: I'd give you you didn't really describe the structure of the Palisade music film to me, did?

Ron: No, you didn't.

Ron: You said the chloroplasts were oval shaped.

Laura: What is oval nothing.

Laura: What is oval shaped?

Ron: The cells.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Different things.

Ron: Shut up.

Ron: You know, you're wrong on that.

Ron: You got five out of six.

Laura: Right.

Laura: Brilliant.

Ron: You would get more guidance if you needed it.

Ron: I do need it.

Ron: You don't.

Ron: Five out of six.

Ron: You're doing it.

Ron: You're doing it.

Ron: Peter.

Ron: Next one.

Laura: Come on.

Laura: Stop it.

Laura: I'm trying to find another one.

Laura: I don't know where you think I've just got this information.

Laura: What?

Ron: You're the process of me asking you questions and you try to decipher your own madness from the nose.

Ron: It's not even a memory thing.

Ron: It's like it's a bit like memento.

Ron: Like you're leaving messages for yourself, but you don't always know what they mean.

Laura: I haven't seen mementos.

Ron: You should have stayed.

Ron: Very good.

Laura: It's too long.

Laura: What about how long is it?

Laura: I bet it's too long.

Laura: Right?

Laura: How about I don't really know.

Laura: What about the cuticle is that one?

Laura: Thanks, Tom.

Ron: It's a part of one.

Laura: One's being really awful today.

Ron: What's he doing?

Laura: He tried to just instead of doing a quiz, just make me tell him everything we did in the last episode.

Ron: Did you?

Laura: No, I didn't.

Laura: I imagined you heard me shouting.

Ron: Be honest about it.

Ron: Ask Tom if you should watch memento.

Laura: Should I?

Laura: Watch memento.

Ron: You should not watch memento.

Ron: No, most people should.

Laura: Why shouldn't I?

Ron: It would fry your brain retention.

Ron: Spam would explode.

Laura: How long is it?

Ron: It's a film.

Laura: Yeah, 90 minutes at least.

Laura: Thank you for the tea.

Ron: Bye, Tom.

Laura: Ron says bye.

Ron: Bye, Ron.

Ron: We've done two out of five of these.

Laura: Yeah, we haven't.

Laura: We've done nearly all of the ones that are happening.

Laura: Well, the cuticle.

Laura: What about just the skin?

Ron: Have you got skin written down in your notes?

Laura: No, I've got cuticle and upper epidermis.

Laura: But if Cuticle isn't a whole one, then I feel like Upper Epidermis isn't a whole one.

Ron: Why?

Laura: Because you were just changing the goalposts every time I say something.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Upper Epidermis, that's one.

Ron: All right, Mark, describe its structure to me, please.

Ron: And then.

Laura: Because all I've written is structural, I can't describe the structure, but I can tell you that it is structural.

Ron: One more piece of information and you'll at least get the function, Mark.

Laura: Well, I'm imagining, then.

Laura: It's rigid, this upper epidermis, I think upper Epidermis.

Laura: So that's the top of the leaf?

Laura: I think so.

Laura: I remember this, that they are shiny.

Laura: They have a waxy layer to keep water in on the top of the leaf.

Laura: And not many chloroplasts.

Laura: And the function is to attract sunlight.

Laura: Let sunlight in, store it up, but not let water evaporate.

Ron: All right.

Ron: Three marks.

Ron: Nice.

Laura: Thank you.

Ron: Pulled that out of somewhere.

Ron: All right, please could you describe to me the structure and function of another tissue from a leaf?

Laura: Which one would you like?

Ron: Either of the two that are left.

Laura: Well.

Ron: It'S going to be a long episode.

Laura: I'll be like one that you normally edit.

Ron: Let's hope I'm not editing this one because there's going to be a lot.

Laura: Of silences in the spongy misafel.

Laura: What are you doing?

Laura: Just giving you a mark oh, you need to explain that.

Laura: I didn't know the spongy mesafel.

Ron: Mark.

Laura: The spongy mesafell is is the main gubbins in the middle of the leaf.

Laura: It's loosely packed and this is to allow gases to fart out through the leaf.

Ron: Mark.

Laura: It'S got space for temporary storage of food for the plant.

Ron: Mark.

Laura: And very few chloroplasts.

Laura: Yeah, great.

Ron: What about the last one?

Laura: Is that the stomach?

Ron: Stomach is part of it, yes.

Laura: So probably then, the lower epidermis or the sub epidermis.

Laura: Mark is it called the sub epidermis?

Laura: Yes.

Ron: No, lower epidermis.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: So this is the underside of the leaf, often waxy, not shiny.

Ron: You said the top one was waxy.

Laura: No, yeah, but the lower one is like matte finish.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Not waxy.

Laura: Why not waxy?

Ron: I don't know.

Laura: All right, not waxy.

Ron: Maybe it is waxy, I don't know.

Laura: Anyway, I think it's waxy the lower bit and it's got these things called stoma, which are the guard cells, and they open or close the hole to let gas in and out of the leaf.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Mark yeah.

Laura: Mark yeah.

Ron: F****** hate that song.

Laura: So good.

Laura: Well, look, it was a beautiful episode.

Ron: Until it wasn't 14 out of 15, though.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: See, you can do it.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: But it would have been nicer if you'd been involved and said, Please explain.

Ron: What mark.

Laura: There you go.

Laura: Ron that was entirely your fault, I think you'll agree.

Ron: No, I think your march against progress yourself is not my fault.

Laura: You phoned that in and just expected me to be able to run a marathon when so far we've just been doing egg and spoon races.

Ron: Laura, as we were discussing before, we've been doing this six months.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: And how long did you get to Ugcse?

Laura: It's like 16 years.

Ron: Yeah, but you still progress a bit.

Ron: You're not just getting asked, like, that.

Laura: Was too much progression.

Laura: That was too much progression.

Laura: Anyway, thanks for listening.

Laura: Lovely, lovely lab rats.

Laura: We mentioned the hats in that episode.

Laura: If anyone wants to treat themselves to a little Christmas pre Christmas gift, we've got a couple left.

Laura: There's no bobble hats.

Laura: I think there's only two of the white hats and a couple of the down hats still available.

Laura: So if you want one, drop onto my coffee page.

Laura: That's Ko hyphen fi grab a hat, didn't they?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Because I never know, is it meant to be like COFI?

Laura: Like lo fi or coffee.

Ron: I always assumed it was coffee because I thought part of it was like, oh, you like what I do, buy me a coffee.

Laura: But then why is it spelled K-O-F-L?

Ron: Yeah, because loads of podcasters use coffee and every single one of them, without fail, has to say with a Hyphen.

Laura: Yeah, well, hey, there's a couple of hats there if you think, oh, do you know what?

Laura: I'll treat myself.

Laura: So there you go.

Laura: And that's us.

Laura: The curriculum is going to bed for a couple of weeks now.

Laura: We are getting crust mushrooms.

Laura: Next week, we are looking at the science of Home Alone.

Laura: An old Ronski over there is going to be working out the science behind some of Kevin's pranks.

Laura: Well, they're not really pranks, are they?

Ron: Pranks at all?

Ron: They're traps.

Laura: And that will be in your Christmas week leading up.

Laura: And then on Boxing Day, we can't go back to lessons on Boxing Day.

Laura: But it is a Monday, so there's got to be an episode.

Laura: So we will be looking into the science of reindeer flight.

Laura: Yes, we will festive.

Laura: So there you go.

Laura: We'll see you next week for some end of term movie madness nonsense.

Ron: Cast dismissed.