Guess How Many Batteries I'm Holding

 Guess How Many Batteries I'm Holding

Ron: I find time zones hard, and I wouldn't know

Laura: Hello and welcome to another episode of Lex Education. It's the comedy science podcast where comedian me, Laura Lex, tries to learn science from her nerdy, younger, 11 hours behind brother, Ron.

Ron: Hello, I'm Ron.

Laura: I'm in the future Ron.

Ron: Yeah. I don't like the implication that I'm 11 hours behind when I'm in the official timeline of this podcast. And you're the one that's deviating.

Laura: Yeah. I also find it. It's weird, isn't it? Like that GMT is the. The zero. I think, like the. Whichever one's the furthest ahead should be the zero and everybody else should be minus somewhat.

Ron: It is odd that they stick it in the middle. It is.

Laura: I get that that's where they worked it out, but it should be one of those things like BC and AD that they update now that we're more science than religion.

Ron: Yeah. I find time zones hard, and I wouldn't know. That would be confusing again. I don't know, maybe everyone should just stay where they are.

Laura: What, and not talk to anybody in any other countries either?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Okay, well, that's. What do we have to say where we are from now? Like, do I live in New Zealand now?

Ron: Stuck.

Laura: That's fine. I really like it here, Ron. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty. I'm a comedy God here. Pens that we like are way cheaper than at home.

Ron: Paper, mate.

Laura: No. Meg's got these amazing pens that you can erase with heat. We've been doing a puzzler and whenever we fuck it up, we can just erase it.

Ron: Wow.

Laura: Um, it truly is the future. It's not just the time difference, Ron. Um, it's the actual future. We bought this pen at a zoo. Just a zoo pen. And it's life changing.

Ron: But have you been coveting those pens in the UK but unable to afford them?

Laura: I didn't know that they existed, but Meg did. She already had one from the UK and now she's got a New Zealand one.

Ron: Wow. You guys are having a real rock and roll time over there, huh?

Laura: Well, you see, it's an odd thing being in another country and sort of trying to make the most of it, but with a three and seven year old, because, yes, you want to go off doing traversing and traviling, but one, I'm working almost every night, so there's like a limit to how far away we can go. And then two, they are, uh, sometimes a literal nightmare and often tired. So there's only so much we can do. But we've had a great time. We've Been to the zoo. I saw an actual kiwi.

Ron: Wow.

Laura: I heard a tiger do like, a tiger roar, like a meow thing, whatever it is that you call a tiger noise.

Ron: Was it a roar or.

Laura: Well, it's like a really beefy roar. Uh, but it's not like a roar. It's like a chat roar.

Ron: Okay. Yeah, just.

Laura: Yeah, I saw a Tasmanian Devil.

Ron: Cool, cool.

Laura: Oh, and I took a video that I never got around to sending you, but you'd have loved this, Ron. So they have orangutans at this zoo. Ron's fave. There was a baby orangutan. It was real cute. It was hiding under a blanket until its mum got annoyed and stole the blanket off it. But one of the things they do is they have these really high pillars with thick ropes between them and the orangutans. And another type of monkey called a say man. Um, S a I M a N Ape, not monkey, probably they were allowed to just clamber around those. So you could be like slightly somewhere else in the zoo and the orangutan might just be clambering above you or sitting above you because they kind of had a bit of free rangeness around, around that bit.

Ron: That's cool.

Laura: Yeah, it's rad. And the tiger had, like, a tunnel, so it could go round, like, a bigger, uh, amount of area. And sometimes you'd be walking along a path and the tiger would just stalk over your head.

Ron: Cool. Yeah, yeah, that sounds like a good zoo.

Yesterday I swam in the Pacific Ocean for the first time

Uh, New Zealand's got some interesting animals and stuff in it.

Laura: Yeah, we saw some of them.

Ron: Yeah. What'd you see?

Laura: Kiwi? Um, lizards and stuff. Um, I think other birds that are native to New Zealand.

Ron: Yeah, it's all birds, man.

Laura: So some cool cockatoos. Some real nice cockatoos.

Ron: Do you see a kakapo?

Laura: No, I don't think they had a kakapo.

00:05:00

Laura: Uh, maybe I did. And I was fielding a child at the time or dealing with my blisters. My sandals hurt that day.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Yesterday I swam in the Pacific Ocean.

Ron: That's cool.

Laura: It was very cool. Never been in the Pacific Ocean before and it was warm enough to swim. It was very funny because we had some friends visiting from Australia and they were freezing, sitting in coats on the beach, Meg and I, swimming costumes, sunbathing, swimming in the sea.

Ron: Who came over from Australia to see you?

Laura: Um, nephew of the podcast's cousin.

Ron: Ah, yes, of course.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: And then when are you meeting up with Gra and Marie?

Laura: They are coming to my show in 10 days. Time.

Ron: That's so nice for you.

Laura: Yeah. I'm paying for their tickets.

Ron: Why? They offered to. They explicitly offered to.

Laura: Did they?

Ron: Yes.

Laura: Mum said, oh, well, why have I got. Get them tickets?

Ron: She said. Hang on.

Laura: She said messages she's been messaging. I haven't been reading them because it.

Ron: Reeked of her, uh, knowing that. Why would that be something you'd be interested in?

Laura: Well, that'll be nice when they come to see us. I have actually been messaging them because she's been giving me suggestions for what to do with the kids.

Ron: That's nice.

Laura: Yeah. I'm m sitting in a very uncomfortable position. You can't see because I've got a spaceship on. But, um, it's not comfy where I am.

Ron, you're flying to New Zealand with your child this week

Ron: Ron, I've just edited the episode where we do all of the, um, background stuff that went out last night and, um. God, we don't explain any of it.

Laura: Do we not? I thought I was sometimes.

Ron: Sometimes. But there's so much where it's just us laughing for ages.

Laura: Oh, dear. Yeah, it's a real problem, that episode. But listen, we just needed to. Okay, sometimes we're not the problem.

Ron: As this episode, we're doing an intro's outros.

Laura: Oh, yeah. Um, okay, so listen to the episode. It's. This episode is going to be problematic for you to listen to because Ron and I, we, we didn't have any plans not to do a lesson. But listen, pre coming out here to heaven, uh, my anxiety was very high and so we did an episode of just messing about to try and cope with that. So, um, it was also like our.

Ron: Fourth record of the day.

Laura: It was a lot. But thank God we did that, Ron, because, hey, we also skipped recording last week. Yeah, we need to get our shiznach together.

Ron: Yeah, well, you're the one that's fucked off. Yeah.

Laura: Ah, but it's usually you. And I was free all weekend and you'd fucked off. What do you mean?

Ron: It's usually me that travels about. Oh, uh, okay. I thought you meant it's usually me that, like, Welch is on recording. I'm committed. M man.

Laura: Where were you this weekend? Camping. I was ready to go yesterday, but.

Ron: We didn't have plans.

Laura: No.

Ron: Yeah, no, you, you, you just cancel it when we've already planned it. I don't dare. Because you're scary.

Laura: Yeah. Um, okay, well, listen, enjoy the episode. Oh, why does that keep turning around?

Ron: Just let them go to the episode.

Laura: I'm trying to.

Ron: I can change if you want. I can go back to being Toast and eggs. Um.

Laura: The toast of eggs was funny, but was it just most funny? Because it was surprising.

Ron: Yeah. I did, uh, did surprise you.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Do you want to just be normal?

Laura: I'd love to be normal. I don't think it's possible at this point.

Ron: Do you want me to turn off the filter?

Laura: No, no, I'm enjoying it. It's a bit different, isn't it?

Ron: Yeah. I'm just trying really hard to cheer you up.

Laura: Yeah. I think the only thing that can cheer me up now is not being myself or being in, uh. I just need to get to New Zealand now and I'm just. I just. Yeah, I'm very scared and I think it's been a while since I've done anything that scared me this much, so it's knocking me for six a little bit.

Ron: It.

Laura: It's m. Like a. It's a big combo of, um. Of the flight being like, something I've never done at all. You know, I've never, ever flown anywhere this far away and then sort of doing it with a child that's just double terrifying because you're just responsible, you know? And then it's like, no one's at their best when they're tired. So what if I don't get much sleep on this plane and then I'm a nightmare as well as her being a nightmare? Then when I get there, it's not like we're getting there and just chilling out. We're getting there and I've got a fuck tonne of work to do in a place I've never been before, I'm quite scared.

Ron: Mmm. M. That's fair. But I do

00:10:00

Ron: think it'll be one of those things that it won't be as bad as you think.

Laura: No, I think it'll be fine. I think as soon as younger sister of the podcast gets here and it's like the excitement feels instead of the responsibility, you know?

Ron: Yeah. Because producer nephew, he's just charming and nice. So effectively, you've just got two people on your rotten child. Um.

Laura: I don't know why I'm so horrible to my child.

Ron: Because you're horrible to her. No. You're always complaining about her. Yeah.

Laura: I'm allowed. You're supposed to say she's perfection.

Ron: No, I'm, um. Um, commiserating with you.

Laura: Ooh.

Ron: Oh, that's very, very white lotus.

Laura: I'm in a fancy place, Ron.

Ron, stop playing with backgrounds and do some stuff

We've got to stop playing with backgrounds, though, and do some stuff.

Ron: Yeah. I've got a bit of limescale. At my tea.

Laura: Oh.

Ron: Either that or my teeth are, um, moulting.

Laura: Well, you are a sugar cake, Ron. No one can see this cake business that you're doing. You simply have to crack on with the lesson.

Ron: Yeah, sorry.

Ron, can you identify foods based on Harry Potter movies and Laura

Right, what are we doing? What are we doing today?

Laura: It's biology today.

Ron: I won't lie to you. I was doing a buzzfeed quiz.

Laura: Uh, what was the buzzfeed quiz? Because I don't really want to do biology. I'm happy to do a fuck about.

Ron: Um, it was. Can you identify these movies based off these foods from the movies and Laura? I cannot.

Laura: Okay. Describe the foods to me, Ron.

Ron: Okay. Right. Um, okay, we've got a pink cake with green writing. It says, Happy birthdap Harry.

Laura: Oh. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

Ron: I'm afraid we were looking for Sorcerer's Stone. Buzzfeed is an American website.

Laura: Curse you. Everything connected to Harry Potter and buzzfeed.

Ron: Um, then we've got a, um, an animated, uh, sort of. Kind of what, like a hipster lesbian holding a pizza with broccoli on it.

Laura: Is it animated?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: That is inside out.

Ron: It is inside out.

Laura: Congratulations, San Francisco, you ruined pizza. Did you get that one, Ron?

Ron: I did.

Laura: Oh, uh, you hate animated films and Joy.

Ron: I've seen that one, though. I m. Can retain information.

Laura: You do. I've got two for two so far.

Ron: Yeah. Um, then we've got. It looks like a plate of just marshmallows and someone's pouring chocolate sauce on it.

Laura: Elf.

Ron: Yeah. Um, then a very rich looking chocolate cake with a pudgy fist.

Laura: That'll be Matilda.

Ron: It was, um, then a very rich looking steak. Uh, the giveaway for this one is that it's very, like, green scaled in the image.

Laura: Green scaled steak. My insta thought was, um, Miss Congeniality, but I don't think that's green. She's fine. Don't worry about that screen. Um, I think they're playing, uh, or there's a fire. Um, but my commitment to this podcast comes first.

Ron Wazowski describes a cartoon menu that looks like a movie

A, uh, green scaled steak. Is it on a plate?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: What's the plate look like?

Ron: It's a white plate and there's parsley.

Laura: Is it kind of Wes Anderson? Y.

Ron: No, it's very green.

Laura: The Grinch?

Ron: No, it's the, uh, Matrix.

Laura: Oh, is that green, that film?

Ron: Yeah, the. It's like there's like a green filter over all of it.

Laura: I've never seen it.

Ron: You never seen the Matrix?

Laura: No.

Ron: Uh, sight. Uh, then we've got a cartoon. Three bits of bacon and Three eggs in a pan and the fire has a face.

Laura: A cartoon. Three bits of bacon and three eggs in a pan and the fire has a face. Like Beauty and the Beast. You mean the candle has a face?

Ron: No, the fire has a face.

00:15:00

Ron: If Lumiere was there, I'd have said Lumiere's there.

Laura: Could, uh, be elemental. That fire has face.

Ron: That's a cartoon.

Laura: Yeah, Elemental's a cartoon.

Ron: No, it's not like animated. Like, uh, it's a cartoon cartoon.

Laura: Oh, um, Tom and Jerry.

Ron: No, it's Howl's Moving Castle.

Laura: I don't know what that is.

Ron: This one?

Laura: Yeah. I'm having a great time. People are playing long at home. Everybody gets where we are right now, Ron, in that I am supposed to be packing and, or doing anything else. And then by means of procrastination, I've booked in this mega long record where we've already recorded a quiz, uh, a Patreon episode, intros, outros. Now we're doing a lesson and I'm procrastinating from doing the lesson. It is what it is.

Ron: Okay, uh, then we've got like some little fancy sort of French looking pastries, slices of strawberries, maybe macarons.

Laura: Oh, um, is it, uh, Amelie?

Ron: No, close. It was Marie Antoinette.

Laura: Right.

Ron: By close, I mean from French. Then, um, we've got cartoon again. Canapes. They look awful.

Laura: Uh, is it.

Ron: And actually Lumiere's there.

Laura: Beauty and the Beast.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Um, then I've got just a burger. Double cheeseburger, by the looks, uh, sesame seeds on the bun.

Laura: Oh, um, gosh, there's not much to go on there, is it?

Ron: No, looks like it's on a white paper plate.

Laura: Oh, um, is it, uh, Blackhawk Down?

Ron: No, it's the menu.

Laura: Right.

Ron: Never heard of that one.

Laura: No.

Ron: Um, then there's two people. The man's face is blurred out. He's not Lumiere.

Laura: Ah.

Ron: Um, they're eating sandwiches. I think his hair's potentially bacon.

Laura: His hair's potentially bacon.

Ron: His sandwich. Uh, obviously his sandwich has potentially bacon.

Laura: Um, is it chef?

Ron: No, it was When Harry Met Sally. It's clearly Billy Crystal. Even though they blurred out his face.

Laura: Well, you could have told me it was blurred out, Billy Crystal.

Ron: I said it wasn't Lumiere.

Laura: No.

Ron: Who would you rather, Lumiere or Billy Crystal?

Laura: Uh, Billy Crystal. Um, if you've got the chance to snog Mike Wazowski, you need to do it.

Ron: Would you be his Celia?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Uh, oh, no. But think about your bloody snake stumps on One side of your head.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Horrible. And then we've got two pans. Um, someone's cracking an egg into one of them. And then there's a steak with two eggs in the other one. And maybe a cooked steak in the one that they're cracking an egg into. This.

Laura: Okay, Ron, let's do a f*ck around

This. They've put on this food all wrong.

Laura: Oh, okay. Is this Bad Chef?

Ron: No, this is Twister, apparently.

Laura: Oh. A famous film about steak and eggs.

Ron: Okay. Then I've got, like, a cartoon of, uh, an Italian stereotype, um, holding a big plate of spaghetti.

Laura: Oh, it's lady and the Trump.

Ron: Uh, lady and the Trump, Yes. Um, then, um, a top down shot of, you know that dish where someone cuts a circle in the bread and then they fry an egg in it.

Laura: Oh, right. Um, is that the chef? Is that the bear?

Ron: The bear's not a movie.

Laura: No, that's true. Um, is it Forrest Gump?

Ron: No. If we've lost M. Viv for this, we should stop. It was Viva Vendetta.

Laura: Oh, I've never seen any of these films. Uh, except the animated ones.

Ron: Yeah. Um, are we. Are we doing a fuck around?

Laura: Listen up, Sly cake. I'm up for doing biology. I just. I just haven't got anything in the tank, Ron.

Ron: Then let's do a fuck around. Um,

00:20:00

Ron: should we do the.

Laura: Seems a shame to waste a biology on a fuck around, you know?

Ron: Oh, we'll just do biology next time. This is, uh, this is what we'll do, Laura. This is now a plug for the Patreon on the main feed for all the lucky listeners out there.

Laura: I'm gonna be eating Belgian seashells while we do. Do you wanna be eating Belgian seashells? She'll be eating Belgian seashells while we do.

Ron: She'll be dribbling lots of chocolate. Dribbling lots of chocolate. Uh, dribbling lots of chocolate when we do.

Laura: All right, Ron.

Okay, here's a segment based on what we just recorded for Patreon

Okay, here's a segment based on what we just recorded for the, uh, for the, um, um, Patreon. Okay, hang on, hang on. I'm gonna see if it's possible to do. I'm gonna be flying tomorrow from London Gatwick to Auckland.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Uh, I'll tell you now, I'm having one stopover.

Ron: Yeah. In Dubai.

Laura: Yes. I want you to tell me the countries I'll be flying over to get there.

Ron: Oh, um, I m. Think I could do the journey in the style we did. Can we do that rather than just what's in a straight line?

Laura: Okay. You're gonna drive in a straight line rather than Fly over it?

Ron: Well, yeah, because then I don't have to go in a straight line.

Laura: Well, no, I want you to tell me my flight path.

Ron: Okay. So no, we can't do what I've suggested.

Laura: No, um, no, you can't change the game.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Wow. Yeah. Eastern Europe is nothing like I thought. Belarus is massive. Yeah, I thought. I thought Ukraine was roughly where Germany is. I think that's where I was going wrong.

Ron: Yeah, you're bad.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Uh, so I guess you'll fly over France. No.

Laura: Oh, actually, no. A tiny bit of France. Yeah. We do get a little top bit of France.

Ron: Belgium.

Laura: Yes, Ron.

Ron: Then Germany.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Then Austria.

Laura: Yes, Ron, you're killing this.

Ron: Then, um, what's like southeast of Austria then? I guess Hungary.

Laura: Yes, Ron, none of your family have died.

Ron: Yeah, I know maths. I go places.

Laura: I go places too.

Ron: Yeah, I guess you'd probably do better if we did in English counties.

Laura: Oh, I'm really good at English counties.

Ron: We are above Saudi Arabia. Are we. Yes. Northern border of Saudi Arabia

Um, okay, so then, yeah, we're in Hungary at the moment.

Ron: After Hungary, then I think we're in the Balkans. Is that.

Laura: Think lettuce.

Ron: Romania.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Then Bulgaria.

Laura: Well, actually, then we skirt. Yes, we are going to cross Bulgaria, I think, because that's coastal. Then we're over this water. Is that the Black Sea? Dunno. Whatever that big water is above, maybe the Caspian Sea. M. Havruga. Slavuga. Come winds of the Caspian Sea. Uh, okay, so we're over this big bit of water. What is that? Don't know, but it looks nice. Okay, next country then.

Ron: Jesus, she's fine.

Laura: Oh, it's the Sea of Marmara. It is the Black Sea. Is that the Black Sea? I'm just gonna go and see if that noise can stop.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Yeah, nothing wrong. Just doing some shouting fun.

Ron: Um, Turkey.

Laura: Yes, Ron. Turkey is the next country. Then we're gonna do a little corner of a country. So I don't mind if you miss this one.

Ron: And that country would be Iran.

Laura: No, uh, we will cross Iran, but we've got two countries between us and Iran.

Ron: Um, which one's Syria?

Laura: Yes, we are gonna cross the top corner of Syria into.

Ron: Into. In the. Saudi. Saudi Arabia. Are we.

Laura: Nope, we're above Saudi Arabia. Northern border of Saudi Arabia.

Ron: Is that Afghanistan?

Laura: No, M. If it's not Iran, it's Iraq. Yes. So we're going to go Iraq. Then we're

00:25:00

Laura: going to cross the south of Iran. We're going to cross a little bit more water and then we're going to land in Dubai, the United Arab Emirates. You're Correct. Okay, then we're going to take off. We are going to slightly. Yes. I'd say we are skimming the very, very, very top of this country, but by millimetres.

Ron: Um, I'm embarrassingly loose on where Dubai actually is.

Laura: Ron, we've all heard the Patreon episode where I don't know what Europe is. It's fine.

Ron: Yeah. Is it. Would it be. Are you going past, like, which one's on the corner? Is it Oman?

Laura: Yes, Ron, we're skirting the top of Oman. Then we are scooting over the north of the Indian Ocean. And then we're crossing India. Yes. And then we're actually missing Sri Lanka.

Ron: We.

Laura: We won't be flying over Sri Lanka. Skirting round the bottom of Indonesia. Next country is Australia. Yes. And then we land in New Zealand. Yay. Well done, Ron. I think you did really well there.

Ron: Thanks. Yeah, I like maps.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Back when Sporkle was big, we used to do all countries, no borders, quite a lot. Um, and you learn where a thing or two is.

Laura: Yeah. I love sports.

Ron: Yeah. Eve used to be able to do the whole thing.

Laura: That's really sad.

Ron: We were poor. Um, okay.

Tell me your top three memories of your dog

Um, we've not prepared any segments for this impromptu segment thing. Um, are there any old favourites that we should return to?

Laura: Um. Tell me your top three memories of my dog.

Ron: Um, she was well cute when you got her. Mm m. Uh, she's cute on the table.

Laura: She is cute on the table.

Ron: Yeah. When our grandpa died, I got really rummy in my tummy and I kept putting the dog on the table.

Laura: Was that when that was. I thought that was that party that we had in the garden where we broke the lights.

Ron: No, that was Remy in the tummy. Yeah.

Laura: Um, okay. Number three.

Ron: Number three. Um. Uh, I've got that really cute video in slow motion of Gnocchi pouncing on her.

Laura: No, that's. That's Maki pouncing on gnocchi.

Ron: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That. That's number three.

Laura: Do you think they'll ever be reunited?

Ron: Yeah, when we move back to the uk.

Laura: But that's not for, like, two years. Gnocchi might be so fat. She doesn't fit in the country by then. That cat is enormous.

Ron: Gnocchi slimmed down a lot, actually.

Laura: Yeah. Are you sure? Have you just got used to it? Yeah, probably. She had that big, like, bag under her. Huh. Um, like a kangaroo, but empty.

Ron: That's a bad segment. Laura, just three things about your dog.

Laura: Well, because here's the thing. When we do segments which is our homage to.

Ron: Who is it?

Laura: College humour.

Ron: It's just called segments on.

Laura: On Patreon. That feels okay to. To do an homage to their podcast, but to do it out on Main.

Ron: Oh, yeah, that feels rude. Let's not do that then.

Guess how many batteries I'm holding

Um, what should we do?

Laura: Guess how many batteries I'm holding.

Ron: No, that's a terrible key.

Laura: But guess. Go on, guess.

Ron: Uh, is it. Is it none?

Laura: No.

Ron: Is this a red herring?

Laura: No.

Ron: Um, is it eight?

Laura: No.

Ron: Close. Nine?

Laura: No.

Ron: 10?

Laura: No.

Ron: 11?

Laura: No.

Ron: 12?

Laura: No.

Ron: 13?

Laura: No.

Ron: 14 countries? 15 batteries.

Laura: Imagine if I was rich enough to have 15 batteries. Ron.

Ron: Seven.

Laura: Yeah, seven. Seven batteries.

Ron: Yeah, I know.

Laura: That's a lot of batteries.

Laura: I want to make a roast dinner restaurant, and I don't like

Ron: All right, Laura. Ooh, I know a game we could play.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Pitch me. Um, your. Your fast food joint.

Laura: No, because I've done this before, and all you did was slag me off for it.

Ron: Did I?

Laura: Yeah, I pitched. I said, I want to make a roast dinner restaurant, and I don't like roast dinners. And then you were just like.

Ron: Yeah, that's what you say. Why would you choose one that you don't like?

Laura: Because. Just because I want to fix a problem in the world. That's like saying to a doctor, why have you cured cancer? You haven't got it.

Ron: No.

Laura: Um, yes.

Ron: It's not like that at all.

Laura: Yes, it is.

00:30:00

Laura: I can cure a problem in the world.

Ron: How's that a problem?

Laura: Because roast dinners out are gross and bad.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah. And I can fix it.

Ron: I think it's. Yeah. Well, okay. You come up with something.

Laura: I did. How many batteries have. I guess how many batteries I'm holding now?

Ron: 8.

Laura: No.

Ron: 9.

Laura: 9, 10. 9.

Ron: 11.

Laura: Uh, 9. 12, 9, 13. 9. You were on 14.

Ron: 15 batteries. Whoa.

Laura: Can you imagine if that's rich enough to earn 15 batteries?

Ron: Is it seven again?

Laura: No, eight. Some of them are on the table.

Ron: I think it might be four batteries. It's three batteries.

Laura: There are four on the table. That was probably what you were divining. Yeah, no. Um, sorry about that, Ron. No.

Okay, Ron, let's make this a geography lesson instead of biology

Okay, Ron, let's make this a geography lesson. Let's say that's what we're doing.

Ron: Okay, great. Geography.

Laura: If you were gonna drive from your house to my house, let's talk about all of these.

Ron: Oh, can I do this for you? Because I just won't get them.

Laura: Oh. What? Okay, are we doing counties or.

Ron: We'll do counties. Um, well, we're not doing countries from your house to my house.

Laura: The Republic of Brighton, and then England.

Ron: Right. Counties don't really come up on the map.

Laura: Um, it depends which way you're driving, I suppose. What. What way would I prefer to go? I'd prefer to go along the A27 and then cut up. I'm going to start in East Sussex.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Then I'm going to go to West Sussex.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Then I think it's straight into Hampshire.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Then I'm gonna cut up through Wiltshire.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Do I cross Dorset? Yeah, probably cross Dorset after Wiltshire. Yeah.

Ron: No, idiot.

Laura: Do I not.

Ron: I'm dead again. Yeah.

Laura: But I still.

Ron: Dorset's on the south coast, isn't it?

Laura: Yeah. I just wasn't sure how high up it comes because it comes up like. So do I go straight from Wiltshire into Somerset?

Ron: Yeah, if you're approaching Bristol from the south. Yeah.

Laura: Yeah. Uh, interesting.

Ron: Or you could cross and then if.

Laura: If I was going the M. M 25 way. Guess that's East Sussex. I don't know whether that whips about into west sussex as the A23 goes up. I think it might do because I think. I think I'm very on the border of west and East Sussex in Brighton.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: So I think probably West Sussex, then Surrey.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Then this is the bit that gets messy for me. Is it Bedfordshire? No, it's Berkshire, isn't it?

Ron: It's Berkshire.

Laura: Berkshire's that bit on the west there. And then. God, what is all that mess like? That bit that the, um, M4 goes through. I think Swindon and Reading are Berkshire. And then you're not quite in the bottom of Oxfordshire, I don't think. Are. Ah, you maybe. Ah.

Ron: Uh, Is this good?

Laura: Is Wiltshire. Maybe that's Wiltshire too. Is that Wiltshire?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: And then I guess you're in Somerset again.

Ron: Well, probably Gloucestershire coming that way. But yeah, pretty good.

Laura: Come down as far as the M4.

Ron: I don't know. This map doesn't have roads on it.

Laura: Let's do some biology.

Ron: I'm just looking at the county. No, it's too late now.

Laura: It's not too late.

Ron: We'll do biology next time.

Laura: We got 15 minutes.

Ron: No, like you say, that's a waste of biology. And We've just got 15 minutes of biology before we have to do bloody chemistry again.

Laura: Yeah, nobody's enjoying, um, chemistry at A level.

Ron: I'm closing all my tabs.

Laura: Okay. Seems like a weird time to settle up with your local establishment. She's full of the jokes.

Ron: Let's.

Laura: Let's do a joke.

Ron: We'll turn this into a New Zealand geography.

Laura: Yeah. Except for that brief bit about the south of England.

Ron: Yeah, that

00:35:00

Ron: was m. Boring.

Do you know how many islands are in New Zealand, Ron

Um, so New Zealand, Laura.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Do you want to guess how many?

Laura: Wait, aren't we gonna do a Patreon episode about New Zealand?

Ron: That's what we're doing, but yeah.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Um. New Zealand. Laura, do you know how many islands are in New Zealand?

Laura: Ah, two.

Ron: Well, you got the north island and the south island and then over 600 smaller islands.

Laura: Wow.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Um, can you name them all, Ron?

Ron: Which ones do you fly?

Laura: Um, this sounds really stupid, but I didn't realise this until I started thinking about New Zealand and planning to go there. But I think kia ora means like hello in or like welcome in, I guess. Maori.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: I only know that as being a drink.

Ron: Oh, I've never even heard of the drink.

Laura: It used to be like a fruit drink when I was a kid.

Ron: Oh, m. No, we just had Lilt Fanta Mbonga.

Laura: Um, lilt is how you say hello in Swedish.

Ron: Laura.

Laura: Yes?

Ron: Did you know that, uh, New Zealand was the last large habitable land to be settled by humans?

Laura: I didn't.

Ron: Do you know when, uh, Polynesian people arrived In New Zealand?

Laura: 2006?

Ron: No. It was between 1200 and 1350 AD.

Laura: Wow, that is late.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: And what route did they take, Ron? If they started in the middle of Pangea, Was Pangea still a thing then?

Ron: A thousand years ago, yeah. No. You're joking, though.

Laura: Is it true, Ron, that Pangea used to be a thing and then it all broke up and then it's gonna make a new Pangea on the other side of the world?

Ron: Um, I don't know. Uh, maybe it's true that it was a thing and it all broke up, if that helps.

Laura: Yeah, I heard that it was a thing and it all broke up and it's all still moving apart and eventually it'll all sort of meet around the other side and we'll just eternally be, like, pewing peing ing round the world. Um, it's really weird when your fingers get involved in this cake face.

Ron: Let's have a look. And. Oh, it's, uh, loud. Christ, it's loud.

This is the problem with the Internet all being videos. It's much more informative to have it as a video

All right. Okay, I've got a plate tectonics and paleo graphy going from 240 million years ago to 250 million in the future. It's by Christopher R. Scotteezi, and, uh, it's 12 minutes long.

Laura: Okay, well, this will take up the rest of the episode.

Ron: I'll leave that just going.

Laura: No, Ron, you can't be half listening to a video while you're performing.

Ron: I've obviously muted it.

Laura: So what are you gonna learn then?

Ron: Well, I'm gonna watch it.

Laura: Oh, is it just the things moving?

Ron: Yeah, it's just the things moving. Yeah.

Laura: This is the problem. This is the problem with the Internet all being videos. Why can't you just give me the information in a quiet readable picture and. Or writing?

Ron: Because what's it gonna say? Yes, it is gonna mush together on the other side of the world. It's much more informative to have it as a video where I can see what happens.

Laura: Yeah, but I haven't got 12 minutes.

Ron: Look, I'll speed it up.

Laura: Eh, eh, Child of the podcast has started saying A at the end of things and it's really funny.

Ron: Right? It's flying. But we're not getting the answers we need right now because it's going backwards in time to Pangea for some reason.

Laura: Why don't they just start there? This makes no sense.

Ron: I don't know, Lauren, it's a bad thing.

Laura: Who are they? Give me the email address and. Right.

Ron: I already told you. Christopher R. Scott Easy.

Laura: Oh, and how are we spelling? Oh, R. Uh, dot. Scott Easy.

Ron: Yeah. Ah.

Laura: Oh, okay. I thought it was like.

Ron: Laura, did you see that? I found your.

Laura: Oh, that can't. Why would you leave the R in. You can't be Christopher Arscott. Easy, Arscott.

Ron: Did you see I found your Sopranos dvd?

Laura: Yes, thank you. Can you bring it to my house today?

Ron: No. Well, why, why are you so hot on the surprise?

Laura: Uh, because I want to lend it to my sister in law who wants to watch it and I went to get the box out to give it to her and I was like, where's season one?

Ron: M. Judith and I have had that since like the early pandemic.

Laura: Whoa. Did you watch it?

Ron: Some of it, yeah.

Laura: But now you subscribe to HBO so you don't need it.

Ron: Yeah, but I'm watching Succession.

Laura: Yeah, I'm watching the Bounty Hunter.

Ron: Yeah, that's a movie.

Laura: It's really

00:40:00

Laura: good, Ron.

I want you to name as many Jennifer Liston vehicles as you can

Ron: Okay, we're back.

Laura: Films. Can you name?

Ron: Yeah, let's do that. We're back at present day Laura. So soon I'll find out what's happening.

Laura: In the future and I want you to name as many Jennifer Liston vehicles as you can.

Ron: Okay?

Laura: There's a lot, Ron. Hang on, let me find a good list.

Ron: Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's so much quicker when it's going to the future. Oh yeah, it's. It is a new Pangea.

Laura: Yeah, I was right.

Ron: Um, okay, um, it's just got to be you.

Laura: Uh, right. It's just got to Be you. No, that's nothing.

Ron: I swear. That's one.

Laura: Nope.

Ron: Try it again. Run it again.

Laura: Hang on, let me. Let me crunch the numbers. No, it's still nothing.

Ron: It's got to be you. Get rid of the just.

Laura: No, still nothing. Wrong.

Ron: But what's the one where it's her and Adam Sandler and they're on a beach all the time?

Laura: Um, that is. Just go with it.

Ron: Just go with it. That's why I meant it's just got to be you.

Laura: Okay, Ronan, if it's just got to be you was a Jennifer Aniston film. What would happen in that film?

Ron: Um, I think.

Laura: Who's she starring against? Is it Adam Sandler?

Ron: No. Her brand has been. Has gone down, hasn't it?

Laura: I think it's been up of late with the morning show and whatnot. Sorry about this. I did read. I did. I did do a deep dive. You know when you say I'm not curious about things, I am wrong. I'm just curious about different things. And I read an article the other day about how Adam Sandler and his production company is a vehicle for helping people out when they're having sad times as well.

Ron: Actors.

Laura: Yeah. Like, he kind of rescued Drew Barrymore, and maybe Jennifer Aniston did just go with it when she was at rock bottom and just needed to have a good time with some good people.

Ron: That's nice. Um, along, um, came Paulie.

Laura: No, you haven't done the plot of just. It's got to be just you.

Ron: It's got to be just you. It's just got to be you.

Did you know that New Zealand was discovered by Western people by Abel Tasman

Um. Uh, Jennifer Aniston moves to New Zealand, uh, and meets a sheepflower.

Laura: How does she get there? On. She's flying from New York via China. What's the flight route?

Ron: The U.S. china, Southeast Asia. No. Laura. Um, yeah. She meets a sheep farmer, and it's you. Spelt like sheeps.

Laura: I love it. Guess how many batteries I'm holding. 8, 9. 9. 9. 10.

Ron: 9. 12.

Laura: 9.

Ron: 30.

Laura: Mm. Mm.

Ron: M 40. 15 batteries.

Laura: Imagine if I could afford 15 batteries. Ron.

Ron: Is it 5?

Laura: No, 6. Yeah.

Ron: Did you know that New Zealand was discovered by Western people by the Dutch explorer Abel Tasman?

Laura: I did.

Ron: Along came Polly.

Laura: Didn't he see it but never land there? Yes, because at that point they thought it was just bits of Australia.

Ron: Captain Cook was the first European to set foot.

Laura: Um, if I was, um, in the age of discovery, along came Polly.

Ron: Laura.

Laura: I would forward roll onto places so that I set head instead of foot. Like forward roll off the boat. Like Willy Wonka.

Ron: Nice.

Laura: And then. And then it would be an urban dictionary. That head setting is like colonializing, but a bit wacky.

Ron: Like Mel Brooks.

Laura: Ah. Alongside, um, Polly is correct, Ron.

Ron: Guess how many batteries I'm holding right now

Well done. We've got 480 films to go. No, um, on her filmography, there are 75 movies.

Ron: Well, certainly we've got one.

Laura: No, we've got two so far.

Ron: Yeah. We've got. It's just got to be you. And along came Polly. Um, was she in like My Big Fat Greek Wedding? No, M. Um.

Laura: You don't know much about Jennifer Aniston, do you?

Ron: No, uh, I like Along Came Polly though. That's a good film.

Laura: I can't bear Ben Stiller when he's not being ridiculous. Like when he's in Zoolander. It's fun. Fun. When he's just himself in front of Jennifer Aniston,

00:45:00

Laura: I just find him a bit cringe.

Ron: Yeah, but now he's, like, meeting with, ah, Zelensky. And is he doing stuff?

Laura: Yeah, why?

Ron: I think he did a bit of a Sean Penn. I think it's like all charity now. Oh, well, maybe. I don't know. Um, New Zealand. Laura was the first country to introduce a minimum wage and the first to give women the right to vote.

Laura: We're gonna get Minus Patreon subscribers for this episode.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: There's gonna be a general strike from the listenership of let's Education.

Ron: Look, Laura's not okay. Um. Get off her back.

Laura: Guess how many batteries I'm holding.

Ron: Is it 8?

Laura: No.

Ron: 9.

Laura: It's not 9, Ron. No.

Ron: Uh, uh, 12.

Laura: Not this time.

Ron: Tell me, Laura.

Laura: It's not 13 batteries, Ron, but it's a really good guess.

Ron: 14.

Laura: I wish it was 14, Ron. I wish I could say yes. I can't.

Ron: Is it 50, Ron, can you even.

Laura: Imagine if I could put 15 batteries?

Ron: Is it two batteries?

Laura: It's not two batteries, Ron.

Ron: Four batteries?

Laura: No, it's not four.

Ron: Five?

Laura: No.

Ron: Then it's a number we've already done.

Laura: Yeah. Yeah.

Ron: Seven.

Laura: It's the full seven run. I've picked up all seven batteries.

Ron: You must feel so powerful, so many batteries.

Laura: I can fit my thumb and first finger around them.

Rob: I'm looking at Imogen Poots Filmography

Ron: Was Jennifer Aniston in any of the scary movies?

Laura: No, that was her friends co star Courteney Cox.

Ron: Oh, um, Jennifer Aniston in. I think she was in a movie in the 90s. Like about a wedding. Yes, but it's not My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Is it the Runaway Bride?

Laura: No, that was Julia Roberts. I think I know the one you're Thinking of, um. It's an alliterative title. Co starring Jay Moore.

Ron: Wedding. Wahoo.

Laura: I'm gonna need the plot for that one. Please, Rob.

Ron: Wedding. Woohoo. Jennifer Aniston. Um, she's the. She's the daughter of a, um, theme park mogul. Um, and when she dies, the theme park mogul, ah, she leaves the park to Jennifer. It's called Wahoo. Um, and they. She marries.

Laura: Right? Maybe she marries the hot dog woman from the theme park.

Ron: No, no, the mogul's a woman. That's enough feminism for that film. Okay, uh, did you know there are three official languages to New Zealand? Can you guess them?

Laura: Dutch, English and Maori.

Ron: No, it's English, Maori and New Zealand sign language.

Laura: Ah, that's ablest of me.

Ron: Whoa. Abel Tasman. Is that Tasmania as well?

Laura: Yeah, I think so.

Ron: Wow.

Laura: Um, if not, it's a hell of a coincidence.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Oh, my God.

Ron: What about.

Laura: Cake is really glitching out.

Ron: Um, wedding.

Laura: Not sure there's anything with a wedding. What about the one with a dog?

Ron: Do you know that one that's Along Came Polly? No, she's got a ferret. I think the ferret's called, like, Rudolph.

Laura: No, it is. You are such a bully head.

Ron: I've seen that film hundreds of times.

Laura: Was it one that we had on video or something?

Ron: A dvd. Yeah.

Laura: Um.

Ron: With a dog. Marley and yes, Ron.

Laura: Well done.

Ron: Yeah, she did another one with Owen Wilson. Um, and, uh, they date. And then one time I was hanging out with friend of the podcast, Noah,

00:50:00

Ron: and he just said, like, after, like, he just went, I'm gonna give you some time to think and decide. And I was like, wait, what's that? Like, what are you quoting? Then he was like, quoting this obscure film with Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, and it's in the trailer. And I was like, how was I ever supposed to get that?

Laura: Oh, I found another one that's got. Think about it all from 2014.

Ron: Yeah, what's that called?

Laura: Well, that's the game Run. That's got a. It's got a hell of a cast. It's got Owen Wilson, Imogen Poots, Katherine Hart.

Ron: Who the fuck's Imogen Poots?

Laura: You know Imogen Poots. If she's Putin, she's Imogen. It's Will Forte, Rhys Ifans and Jennifer Aniston.

Ron: Imogen Poots.

Laura: Yeah, I do recognise Imogen Poots, actually. Imogen Poots. Um.

Ron: Is it that awkward moment? No, I'm looking at Imogen Poots Filmography. Now, to get this.

Laura: I mean, I don't know if this is that film, but I know that this is a film that also stars.

Ron: She's funny that way.

Laura: That is a film starring both of them.

Ron: Yeah, that's.

You haven't named a really obvious one, Ron

That might be it. Um.

Laura: Uh.

Ron: Was there a Friends movie?

Laura: No.

Ron: Wedding?

Laura: You haven't named a really obvious one, Ron, that no one's ever searched for on Amazon prime before?

Ron: Oh, the Bodyguard?

Laura: No. Uh, no, no.

Ron: Uh, what was it called?

Laura: The Party Hunting Fucking Dunce.

Normal science will resume next week. Maybe. Don't know, might not. We can't promise anything

Right, we've got to go now because my IBS is uh, knocking at the door.

Ron: She's about to brown out.

Laura: Um, round some more. Um, Ron, you owe me 14 batteries.

Ron: And listeners, broadly, we're sorry.

Laura: Listen, you don't know what I'm going through, listeners, it's fine. We love you. Normal science will resume next week. Maybe. Don't know, might not. We can't promise anything and even if we could, we wouldn't.

You need to have watched Jennifer Aniston films before we do intros

There's no quiz, so I guess that's intros outros, isn't it?

Ron: Yeah. Should we just do those now?

Laura: A quiz on Jennifer Aniston films.

Ron: I'll watch her whole discography.

Laura: You. You what? Right, this episode, Ron, is going out on the 12th of May. Can you please have watched, ah, uh, Bruce Almighty. Yeah. You need to have watched Jennifer Aniston films before the week of the 5th of May when we do the intros. Okay.

Ron: Is it picture perfect? I was thinking.

Laura: Yes, it is, Ron.

Ron: Yeah.

This episode was quite fun. I enjoyed it. Also, this episode does not deserve it

All right, off you go.

Laura: Okay, goodbye everyone. Do you have to say class dismissed? Oh no, that happens in the intro's outro.

Ron: Also, this episode does not deserve it.

Laura: Okay, there you go. That was a tonne of monstrous fuckery, wasn't it?

Ron: It was something.

Laura: Well, it was quite fun. I enjoyed it.

Ron: Is this the one where we did that buzzfeed quiz?

Laura: Yep, I think so, yeah. Ah, no. Did we? No, I can't remember, Ron.

Ron: No, there was a lot of fuckery.

Sam: It's bank holiday Monday and I've gotten up to do this

Laura: Listen, it's been a high anxiety time getting ready to come into the literal other side of the world. But now I'm here and we're about to record some science for you. Listen, we've got a new patron, but, um, it's. What is it about 20 past 7am where m you are rom on a.

Ron: Bank holiday, Is it?

Laura: Bank holiday?

Ron: Yeah, it's bank holiday Monday and I've gotten up to do this.

Laura: Why aren't we doing it later then?

Ron: Because you said that you had a gig tonight.

Laura: No, I didn't. I'm off tonight. If I had a gig, I wouldn't be able to do it right now. Oh no, Ron's left. My show starts at 6:30 every day. If I had a gig we wouldn't be doing it at all. We could have done this in like three hours time. He's left the room. Anyway, um, thank you to the new patron. I think your name's Jess. Let me just check my emails. Yes, your name's Jess. We'll, we'll give you a proper thanks. Okay, don't, don't think this is your thanks but it's just Ron's been asleep all night and I've been trying to do a job that was much trickier than I thought

00:55:00

Laura: and fielding the children and um. Uh. I didn't have time but you'll get a thank you. Um, thanks for listening. What I'll do is I won't wait for Ron to come back now I'll assume he's coming back in time to record the episode we plan to do. Um, class dismissed. Mhm. Sam.

00:55:33