Hence Ducks and Human Men

Hence Ducks and Human Men

This is the comedy science podcast where Laura Lex tries to learn from Ron

Laura: Hello and welcome to a very special episode of Lex Education. It's the comedy science podcast where comedian me, Laura Lex, usually tries to learn science from her normal, nerdy, non comedian baby brother, Ron.

Ron: Hello, I'm Ron.

Laura: He is Ron. But today we're not learning any. Well, we're not learning normal science, we're doing sexy science. Love science. Because it's our anniversary, Ron. Three years.

Ron: Yeah. Isn't that disgusting?

Laura: That is too much of our lives that we have poured into this podcast. I hope.

Ron: Fucking hours and hours down the drain. I've got a career, you've got a job. What are we doing?

Laura: Yeah, it's been value for money wise for us. This is probably one of the worst things we've ever done. I've loved it. And today we've got guests. We always have guests for our anniversary. And this year we've got some crackers. We have got the hosts of the Way They Were podcast. We've got Chantal and Granja in the building. Hello.

Chantal: Uh, happy science anniversary.

Laura: Thanks. Um, is it weird to celebrate an anniversary with your brother?

Grainne: I'm from the south in America, so it's actually by the by for me.

Laura: We're from Somerset in the uk, so.

Grainne: Yeah. Well, I feel seen. I feel comfortable. Grainne, you Ireland. What are you saying? Uh, straight family trees, no branches.

Chantal: I think it's very romantic.

Grainne: I think so. She's like us.

Chantal: It's very like White Stripes. Are they brother and sister or ex husband and ex wife? Lean into it.

Ron: Yeah, that was a reference I got.

Laura: Yeah.

Grainne: Well done.

Laura: Ron and I look way too similar to have ever been a couple, though whenever I do those TikTok filters that are like, hey, what would you look like with a beard? It just shows me a picture of Ron and I'm like, yeah, you do.

Grainne: You are very similar.

Laura: Yeah.

Chantal: Some people like, like, for example, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, they, they did look like each other a lot. So they could play boy, they could play brother and sister.

Laura: You guys must have similar, um, clickbait spam comes up in your feeds to me. Have you read those? I think. Was it Gwyneth Paltrow who did an article on why Brad always looks like the women he's dating?

Grainne: Okay.

Laura: He adjusts to look like them. So they went through a little timetable. And it's like when he was with Gwyneth Paltrow, he had bleach blonde hair, like quite straight, like in a little bob like her. And then he went out with. Was it Juliet?

Grainne: Juliet Lewis.

Laura: Juliette Lewis. That's it. He got really like, boho and grungy. And then when he was with Jen.

Grainne: He had the Bond Streets.

Laura: Yeah. And then with Angelina, he was just a bit more like, moody, sexy.

Grainne: It's.

Laura: It's him, man.

Ron: He.

Laura: He. He tries to look like his women.

Grainne: And now he's with the young girlfriend who shall remain nameless, um, because she's a civilian, so who gives a fuck? And he, um, dresses like shit. And so does she. So it really does seem to be working out. Yeah, his style's gone completely downhill.

Ron, what are your opinions on Brad Pitt's love life

Laura: Ron, what are your opinions on Brad Pitt's love life?

Ron: He's just like Meg, apparently.

Laura: Youngest sister of the podcast.

Ron: Yeah, she's the Brad Pitt of the family. She, uh, our sister does this as well.

Laura: Yeah.

Grainne: Oh, does she?

Ron: Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Not so much how she looks though, more hobbies.

Grainne: Well, watch out for her on aeroplanes. Just saying. Put it out there. Don't give her too many whiskeys.

Laura: I just flew to and from New Zealand with her and she was chill the whole time.

Grainne: Oh, good. Okay, you're in the clear.

Laura: Okay. I'd say of the three people I travelled with, she was the most easy going.

Chantal: Just don't get into a vineyard with her over a, uh, vineyard in France and it'll be fine.

Laura: Fuck. We were thinking of buying a vineyard.

Grainne: Oh, watch out.

Laura: Oh, sorry, no, a bottle of wine. We were gonna have a bottle of wine. That is more where our budget goes. So anyway, listeners, hello. Happy anniversary to all of our listeners. Um, you probably listen to the way they were podcasts, but if you don't, what Grogno and Chantel do is they look at sexy relationships, famous couples, whether they're still together or they've broken up. What went wrong, what went right, the history, the culture, what was going on at the time, how did they reflect where we were? What? But, Laura, this is a science podcast. Why have you brought them here? Well, I thought we could get a bit science of love in the building.

Grainne: We love that. I mean, so far the only science on our podcast is famously, Grania brought in the main science, which is, of course, astrology. So that's the main science we cover. So I'm quite intrigued to find out what Ron is bringing us for his ideas of the science.

Laura: What star signs?

Chantal: Well, I'm iconically a Leo.

Grainne: She's iconically Leo. And, um, I'm infamously a Taurus.

Laura: Oh, mother of the podcast is a Taurus. And maybe not his sister. Ron, what are you, Scorpio?

Grainne: I can't believe evil.

Laura: I was not Expecting you to know that, Ron.

Ron: Scorpion. It's rad. Of course I know that.

Laura: Yeah. Why everyone else is evil. Are they. Are they mean? Is that why he's mean to me on the podcast all the time?

Grainne: Yeah, could be. They're just very. They're tricky.

Laura: Yeah, they're very.

Chantal: They're very sexual.

Grainne: Yes, they are. Yeah, they're very. They're kind of irresistible. They're kind of irresistible, but, you know, they're kind of the bad boy of the. Of the astrology crew, you know, is.

Laura: A lot of what our discord declares about Ron on the regular.

Ron: Very sexual.

Grainne: When I was writing in. What kind of motorcycle does Ron have?

Laura: Um, I'm a Libra. Cause I'm famously quite chill and balanced and perfect and easygoing, you know?

Grainne: Yeah, Libra's a great star sign. Libras, Aquarius. They're good ones. Aries. They're kind of nice. Easy, breezy, go with the flow.

Laura: Everybody describes me as easy, breezy and.

Grainne: Go with the flow. Perfect.

Ron: I mean, the biggest lie you just told there was balanced.

We asked Dara o' Brien about, um, astrology

Laura: We. I think we asked Dara o' Brien about, um, astrology. He was our first ever guest on the podcast. And. And he did disappoint us a bit by saying it was, um, bollocks, because the stars just aren't in the same place every year. The planets.

Grainne: Oh, yeah.

Laura: And so that.

Grainne: What it's based on as well is actually you can put the off from where the planets are now. I just feel. I don't think Granny and I are exactly saying this is science. It's. It's with a wink to the audience. But as I always say, if religion is giving respect. That's right. I'm going there. If religion is giving respect, and that's based on a book, and this is based on at least some stars in the sky which exist. I think astrologers should be giving more respect. And the only reason it isn't is what? Say it with me, everyone. Misogyny. So therefore I am team astrology, even though we all know it's not real.

Laura: I did see a great, um, thread tweet. What do you call tweets now? It's not Twitter, like on threads and blue stuff.

Grainne: Waste still time.

Laura: I saw a great one earlier that was like, what if Jesus had been stabbed and then people were out there, like, with knives on the top of churches and wearing little knives around their necks. On, uh, Jesus was stabbed. No, the cross was the famous death, wasn't it? Like, people were crossing the cross while.

Ron: He was on the cross.

Grainne: Yeah, it counts.

Chantal: Well, Jesus was Capricorn, famously.

Grainne: And we're back to science.

Ron: See, I had a, uh, chat with someone at the weekend who was going on about the fact that they're a triple Virgo.

Grainne: That's what you have seen. Well, that's when you have to get your chart down.

Ron: Saturn returns. And then something else that I can't remember what.

Grainne: You always know.

Chantal: You always know.

Grainne: A great no Doubt album.

Chantal: My. My family always. Well, my mom always knows. I'm really. Maybe in a tough place if I text my mom, what time was I born?

Grainne: Yeah, because that means you're looking up your birth chart again to see if there's some information that's changed.

Chantal: If you ever anybody else kids. If you have a daughter in her any age over like 16 and she wants to know exactly what time she was born, you just check in with her.

Grainne: Check in, check in, check in. Yeah.

Laura: Would it be worth, though, finding out, like, the temperament you wanted your kid to have and then just pretending that's the time they were born?

Grainne: It's a good idea. Yeah. It would take quite a lot of effort to do this because what if.

Laura: You found out your kid had like a real spicy star sign that meant they were volatile and temperamental and you were like, you know what, I can't be with that.

Grainne: Yeah, I'm not going to give that up sign. That's a good plan. And then just work reverse engineering and just tell them, yeah, you're. You're a triple Libra. You're very balanced. You're a simple person. You have no excuse to ever be a dick.

Laura: So be like that bit and almost famous when he finds out he's not the age. Ah, he thought he was. But you've died because you manipulated their personality.

Grainne: That's right. There's a good reason why I'm not a mother. Because I think this is a great idea. Really into that.

Chantal: We chose as a family, we chose to raise you as a Taurus. And, um, we think it worked out better for you.

Laura: But we're here to tell you you are Scorpio. Astrological identities apply to you, but we will support you.

Grainne: Is that going to start happening actually one day? Are people going to start saying, like, I actually am a Taurus but I identify as a Leo? Is that going to start happening? So it's like give your.

I'm maddened by Victorian novels at the moment

Give your pronouns and your star sign, whatever you choose it to be.

Laura: That would be the point, I think, where I'd start buying the Daily Mail and just finally going on TV News like, you know when people go like, the world's got progressive for me, I'm out suddenly. And you're like, no, that would be.

Grainne: The point where I'd, uh, go, that would be it. I disengage. I know we were.

Ron: Oh, no.

Grainne: Was J.K. rowling onto this?

Laura: I would be the J.K. rowling

00:10:00

Laura: of star sign identity, I truly believe.

Chantal: But, you know, I'm maddened by Victorian novels at the moment. And what's so mad, when are you.

Grainne: Ever not maddened by Victorian novels? You were bored like that. That's more than. That's more important to you than being a Leo. Victorian novels, they did this thing which.

Chantal: Like, obviously when you read it now, it's like, oh, well, this was just massive, like racism. But they used to do this thing where they thought different bits of parts of your face gave away your identity. You know, like, if you had a big forehead, that meant like, you were charitable. If you had wide set eyes, that meant you were good at detail. And I just thought, that is Victorian astrology.

Grainne: That's all it was.

Laura: Is that phrenology? Like they thought they knew if you were going to be a criminal by the size of your head.

Grainne: Yes.

Laura: Ron, we should do a detention episode on phrenology.

Ron: It's phrenology, not just scientific racism.

Grainne: Yeah, basically. Exactly. So a lot of like hook noses means you're a bit tight with money. I wonder what that could be about. It's very much that, yeah.

Laura: Have you got titties? You're definitely a slag.

Grainne: Yeah, exactly, yeah.

Ron and I haven't recorded for about three weeks because we're on holiday

Laura: Okay, so Ron, we've been recording for 10 minutes. We should probably. So, Ron, just for your information, Chantal and Granja, Ron's been gallivanting for the last three weeks. So he and I actually haven't recorded for about three weeks. So, um, that's why we've been catching up so vociferously through this chat. Um, so it also might mean he hasn't done any research because I got.

Ron: A, I got a text on Sunday that was like, you were good for Tuesday. And I was like, I don't know, um, what's happening?

Grainne: Okay, cool.

Laura: I have definitely told you about it, so several times. But you, Yeah, I know what you've done. You've listened to it and gone. That's an after my holiday thing. And so you've just thought, what I'll do is I'll, ah, make Laura while she's running her full time career, her house, her dog, her child. I'll just make her repeat all this information in three Weeks, rather than me storing this information.

Ron: Now, look, here's the thing. Don't make me feel bad because I've got Good Life podcast boundaries, and when I'm on holiday, I don't record the podcast.

Grainne: That's right. Very millennial of you, Ron. You stand by that? That's right. Uh, we don't do any of this bullshit of. Oh, I'm available at all times. No, availability should not be accessibility, thank you very much.

Laura: Yeah, it's easy for Ron to say. He has a salary, so.

Grainne: Oh, uh, well, then, actually, fuck you, Ron.

Laura: Yeah, Ron's got a pension and he's not even 30 yet. So let's just not scream. Scream that Ron's the best anyway.

Ron: And also, I don't want to hear this whining about all these things that you've got to juggle when you have used the Lex Education email to look dog.

Laura: Yeah, there's a little rescue dog called Melvin that I think needs to come and live with us.

Grainne: Did you have to use a new email because the previous ones, you've been, like, banned from the website? Yes.

Laura: I couldn't remember your password, and it wouldn't send me a link. And I was just like, just show me the fucking puppies that are available. And, um, it got so annoying that I was like, fine, I'll do you. Signed up the Instagram for your band via the Lex Education website.

Grainne: Oh, God, it's like Christmas is, like, around you guys. Yeah, and we're.

Laura: We're only. We're two or four of our siblings. There's loads of us, so.

Ron: Yeah, yeah, we're the best.

Grainne: Yeah.

Ron: But I'm not complaining that I've got too much on. I was just on holiday. I was on a train in Norway.

Laura: I just don't get to go on holiday. I just have to pretend my work trips. Anyway, Ron, we're arguing.

Ron: Yeah, but I'm stalling because you were dead on the money and I've done all.

Laura: I thought you stuff about monogamous penguins and. Yeah, lions.

Ron: We already did that when we did Animal Love Island.

Laura: Well, these guys would love Animal Love Island.

Grainne: I would like that. Yeah.

Ron: I'll take out my notes for that.

Grainne: Very true, Very true. Gran. Yeah.

Laura: What have you got?

Ron: Hang on. Animal Love Island. I'm just trying to find my notes for that.

Laura: Oh, uh, a big portion of our podcast, by the way, is Ron typing and looking for some stuff while we're doing the podcast, because God forbid he preps anything.

Granier: Is this one of those podcasts where it's like 90% advertising

Grainne: You guys must have big numbers.

Laura: They are ever decreasing.

Grainne: Is this one of those podcasts where it's like 90% advertising?

Laura: Oh, there's no advertising. We lose so much money on this podcast.

Ron: The only person that ever wanted to advertise, uh, on our podcast was a one off offer of a dildo pluck that they wanted us to do. And we were like, uh, do you know what our podcast is? This is wildly inappropriate, Kagura and I've.

Grainne: Been waiting for that for years. And nothing. We'll forward you the email. Conquering nothing. We'll find way next time.

Laura: Oh yeah, and if you get anything that's suitable for a brother sister GCSE.

Ron: Podcast, maybe like a tandem bike or.

Grainne: Something, I think it would just be a subscription to Better Help. I think that would be.

00:15:00

Grainne: That would be the go to for you.

Ron: Even they won't want to advertise for with us.

Grainne: It's.

Ron: It's a sorry state of affairs.

Laura: But Ron, if our listeners get therapy, they will stop listening to us.

Ron: Better Help doesn't work for me. Um, if you see me also if you see me turn around like this.

Chantal: We could definitely squeeze a dildo add in.

Laura: Sorry, Granier, I missed what you said there.

Chantal: I said, oh, well, I'll repeat it because it is worth it. I said, Chantelle and I, we could definitely squeeze a dildo ad in.

Grainne: Hey, that's right. That's right. Thank you. Well done, Grania. Thank you. We're smutty, guys. See.

Laura: I'm smutty sometimes. But then it just leads to an awkward silence afterwards where Ron just sort of goes anyway, and that's the end of the bit.

Grainne: It's not the right vibe for it.

Ron: Right. So let's learn. Um, kind of. That happens. So do you guys want to do.

Lust is driven mainly by hormones, says Jeremy Corbin

I guess on that note, you want to do lust or love first?

Laura: Um, lust comes before love, right?

Grainne: Yeah, depends. Definitely. Especially with celebrities. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Ron: Okay, so, um, the interesting, um, the big difference, I guess, between, um, lust and love is that lust is driven mainly by hormones. Um, and then love is sort of the long term bonding and the kind of. Oh, God, I've never had to do this to a guest before. Usually the desk guests teach us and.

Laura: Oh, that was kind of.

Grainne: I will be teaching you.

Laura: Find out more about celebrity gossip than you ever knew you could know.

Ron: Yeah, because, um, I didn't know who lots of the couples were when I was listening to the podcast the Prep. So I listened to the Jeremy Corbin Diane Abbott episode because I'm perfect.

Chantal: That was lust. Lust, yeah.

Ron: So what hormones do we think Jeremy.

Laura: And Diane, do you get brain lust and body lust? Is lust always about the body or can it be for somebody's mind?

Ron: Well, so there are three different areas of, um. Well, three different bits of the brain that are engaged when you're lustful. We've got the hypothalamus that regulates the sex hormones, drives primal urges. Um, and we've got the amygdala, which is the emotional intensity and arousal bit of the brain. Um, and then a bit that I'd never heard of before called the ventral striatum, um, which is apparently activated during anticipation of sexual reward.

Grainne: That must be big with Catholics.

Ron: That's a really horny part of the brain. Um, all of these are just.

Laura: I'll test this one by like electroding your brain and then like jizzing you in a lab.

Ron: I presuming there's a lot of like, jerking off in MRIs.

Grainne: Yeah, well, yeah.

Was he with Sarah Silverman when he was filming that movie

What's the big sexologist guy from the six. The Kenzie. Kenzie scale. Kenzie. He must have done all this. He would have been.

Laura: Well, is he the guy from the Joy of Sex programme?

Grainne: Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. You've done a lot of this.

Chantal: He was played by Michael Sheen.

Grainne: Yes, he was played by Michael Sheen.

Chantal: Or he gave up acting to be full time Welsh.

Grainne: Yes, yeah. And when he was with. Was. Was he with Sarah Silverman when he was filming that to get straight into a celeb couple? They were a couple? Oh, yeah, they were a famous one because she. She was very much in the kind of Dakota Johnson thing. I'm BFFs with the ex wife. Like, she was really good for. Who was his ex wife? Rachel Beckinsale. Kate Beckinsale. And it was always Sarah Silverman and Kate Beckinsale being very, um. Yeah, very Dakota Johnson and Gwyneth Paltrow. Like, we're best friends and. And then they all split up and it was fine. But yeah, they were together for. For a while. And that strikes me, Laura, it's a bit of probably like brain lust, because Michael Sheen is many things, but Brad Pitt ain't one of them. So, yeah, I'm presum where Sarah's pretty hot, but I'm presuming that that a lot of that was them just kind of getting off on how fun they made each other, how funny they found each other. And then you think of someone that Julia Roberts and Lyle love it, then you could argue that he was obviously into her because he's Julia Roberts and he was in. She was into him because he must have been incredibly.

Laura: Who's Lyle Lovett? Oh, my God.

Grainne: Country singer from the 90s. It's around the time when. It's around the time when Julia grew her armpit hair out and it was scandalous.

Laura: I thought that was the Benjamin Brat era. Was that Lyle Love it?

Grainne: Maybe it was Benjamin Brat, actually. Maybe you're right. Maybe Lyle Lovett was before that.

Laura: That bit where she had armpit hair is like, in my brain.

Grainne: Oh.

Laura: It's a formative teenage moment we'll never forget. Yeah.

Grainne: But her and Lyle Lovett was massive as well, because he was so, like, I don't want to be rude, but so unconventionally unattractive. Like, so unconventionally looking. Yeah, he, like. It was like. It was like the original Billy Bob and Angelina. It was so kind of like, this is a weird mix. But they seemed, like, very, like. I imagine they had a really wild sex life. So I think. I think you can have both at the same time.

00:20:00

Grainne: And I think you need a couple of celebrities that bring one or the other. This is where I think couples need to have a person who's hot and a person who's fun or person. A person who's funny and a person who's nice.

Chantal: What's fascinating, I think about, like, so let's say Julia Roberts and Lila Lovett is they made it sound like, I remember at the time, like, she'd gotten together with the scarecrow from wizard of Oz. Whereas, like, Lilovett is like a Grammy winning, incredibly respected country icon. So, like, he would regularly be playing out, you know, to, like, thousands of.

Grainne: People at the Grand Ole Opry.

Chantal: At the Grand Ole Opry. Like, it wasn't like he was her gardener.

Laura: Yeah.

Chantal: So I think it's like a good celebrity couple is where they're charismatic and famous, but in different feelings.

Laura: Like Marilyn and Arthur Miller.

Grainne: M. Well, M didn't really work, though. I like Candy. Arthur Miller was a bit of a shit.

Chantal: And I think Malloryn thought that he was like, oh, right, he's gonna be comfortable in his own skin and he's not gonna be threatened by success. And he fucking was threatened by M his success.

Grainne: Nebbish writers are always threatened by the woman's success, no matter what, like, every single time. 100%.

With celebrities it becomes difficult because they're all good looking

Garney's right. I do like your idea of them having to be in different fields. Like I said, I think they need to bring different things to the table. And in real life, that usually is really easy because you can have one really hot person and one not so hot, but really like interesting person or preferably very wealthy and about to die person. But with celebrities it becomes difficult because they're all good looking and so it's the same. So they both bring the same thing to table. And that's why I think you have such difficulty with the couples. There's not, they're not really, there's not a lot of give and take there. There's kind of. They're both giving and take in the same thing. You know what I mean? So it's tough. And once, once, Ron, when do they, when do the scientists reckon the lust runs out?

Ron: Um, I don't think there's any sort of specific thing about it, but. So you got. The brain activity is going to be very, very short term. Um, brain activity is only really going to go on while it's happening. And then you've got hormones that regulate, um, things on a longer term. But with lust is very much driven by just testosterone and oestrogen which go through their own cycles all the time and are fluctuating on a daily basis anyway. So it's more about like short term spikes and things that you've already got in your blood all the time. Not like when you're in a lossful period. You have this in your bloodstream and when you're not, you don't.

Grainne: And also explains why you get the classic Hollywood like lifelong bachelor because the testosterone still pump in. So they're still out there wanting to spread their seeds, so to speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ron: Um, one of the really interesting bits about um, like lust and sex that I found really interesting. I learned about this when I was at university. And then it's also.

Grainne: I bet you did, Ron.

Ron: I didn't. I was such an unfuckable nerd.

Laura: Oh, especially because you shared a bedroom with that weird guy.

Ron: Oh, uh, yeah, I did. I had, I had a roommate first year.

Laura: He has dolphin bed covers and he had two sets of them. So when he had to wash it, he put on another dolphin.

Ron: Yeah, yeah. Like exactly the same.

Chantal: Are uh, the animal only animals, Aren't they that have sex for pleasure?

Grainne: M. So maybe just saying, I think you're, I think a lot of bells. I think he was onto something.

Ron: No, he. For a really long time we were debating because we didn't think he was ever washing his sheets. And then at uh, one point one of them came with like a, uh, sort of like a bleach stain in the corner and, and we're like, oh, no, he stained his sheets. But then the bleach stain kept Coming and going. So you just had two pairs of the dolphin sheets.

Grainne: I'm going to hold your hand when I say this. That wasn't a bleach stain to ruin the last 20 years of your life, however old you are. But anyways, continue.

You can tell a lot about an animal's sex life based off of eggs

As you were saying, you're at university learning about sex and love.

Ron: Um, and then it's also. I don't know if you guys have read any of Sarah Pascoe's books.

Laura: Yep.

Ron: Um, but she talks about this in one of them. About. There's a, um. You can tell a lot about, um, an animal's sex life based off of the eggs and the sperm of a creature. So, um, and the size ratio between them and, like, the number of sperm that, um. Different things are, uh, making changes depending on the number of sexual partners, um, that a animal has.

Grainne: Okay.

Ron: Which is.

Laura: So, like, Leonardo DiCaprio would have significantly different sperm to Hugh Jackman.

Ron: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Laura: Interesting.

Ron: Although, because they're both humans, those would be the same. But you've

00:25:00

Ron: got like.

Laura: But if they were separate evolved species, you know, based on their. The way they've been. I mean, I don't know.

Grainne: DiCaprio's Italian. He's a different species. Come on. He's Italian. Ciao. You know, they're different.

Ron: If we put, um, Hugh Jackman on an island with a bunch of women, and then on a different island with a bunch.

Grainne: Someone call itv. We have a new show with a.

Ron: Bunch of young women. Um, and then left them for like, millions of years. Yes. They would end up having different.

Laura: Interesting. How do you feel about, um. This one goes to Chantal and Grainne. Ron, if you've got an opinion, please feel free.

There's a theory that Leonardo DiCaprio wanted Kate Winslet

But, um, how do you feel about the theory that what Leonardo DiCaprio has really wanted all this time is Kate Winslet and when you watch montages of them behaving together at, uh.

Ron: You have an opinion on this?

Grainne: I think this is wishful thinking up there with Brad and Jen getting back together and Brad, Brittany and Justin and we. But even worse because these two were never even a couple. And. Yeah, I actually. A, uh, hot take. I don't think they even like each other that much. That's why they're so good on screen together.

Chantal: Interesting. I think she's very. I just don't. I see at best a brother sister chemistry.

Grainne: Yeah, at best. At best. And we're talking Ron and Laura. Brother sisters. Not even that good. You know, always at loggerheads, it would.

Chantal: Be like you guys, but with less sexual tension. I just don't think they never had that because I just think, think of like Kate. So think of when they met for when they were doing Titanic. They were like 18. Kate wins. It would have been she like, she's like, oh, I'm English, my best friend is Emma Thompson. Uh, what is what teenage Leonardo DiCaprio gonna find sexy?

Grainne: Yeah, it's just I watch a lot.

Laura: Of montages of them together in awards ceremonies.

Grainne: Okay, that's more of a you problem than a Leo and Kate problem.

Laura: That's fair. See, I'm in the part of my relationship where the lust is gone, so I have time to watch these montages.

Ron thinks men get stuck at the age where they get famous

Okay, so tell us more about sperm and eggs, Ron.

Ron: Um, no, my theory on Leonardo DiCaprio is I think men get stuck at the age where they get famous and it's.

Grainne: We think everyone gets stuck at the age of.

Ron: Does that happen to everyone?

Grainne: It's a common theory. Yeah.

Laura: Yeah.

Grainne: That explains why Britney is like basically a 10 year old forever. Go on.

Ron: Yeah, yeah. And Michael Jackson was a kid forever.

Grainne: Yeah. So it wasn't technically paedophilia. Guys, they were his age. Just saying. It's all okay, go on. So you think that's why he's the way he is because he's just fancies the girls he fancy when he became famous basically.

Ron: Exactly. Yeah.

Grainne: That stands to reason. Or it could be a 25 year old. Girls are just perennially hot. One of those options anyway, who knows?

Different animals mate in different ways and some produce sperm and eggs

Yeah, Sperm and. Sperm and eggs.

Ron: Sperm and eggs, yeah. So, um, different animals obviously mate in different ways. Uh, and you have fish that will essentially just sort of um, gush out their eggs into the water. And then the men fish will come along and just kind of spaff over them in kind of, sort of crop dusting, kind of.

Laura: You get like clouds of jizz, don't you? In the sea it's like visible from aeroplanes.

Ron: It's awful. And then other fish come in and eat it and it's a real grizzly mess. Um, but then, uh, obviously mammals.

Laura: So weird. Imagine you're just finishing up at an orgy and then some weirdos come in and just lick it all clean.

Grainne: Well, yeah, but they're. Yeah, but their eggs are like caviar. So it's actually delicacies.

Laura: Maybe. Ours are to some people.

Grainne: One can dream trying them. Um, so far I haven't found that yet. But you know, any day now.

Ron: I mean, but it's, it's. I don't know if it's worse, but it is, it's not quite that because I don't think the same species are eating up the caviar. So it's more like you had an orgy and then a bunch of rats come in.

Grainne: Yeah.

Ron: And sort of clean up after you.

Grainne: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Laura: If you'd just finished in an orgy and something was coming in to eat your stuff afterwards, would you rather it was people rats or puppy dogs with adorable faces?

Grainne: Dogs obviously. But it would just make me feel weird every time I had sex. I'd be busy having sex for the dogs.

Laura: Uh, yeah, I wouldn't want to ruin dogs for myself.

Chantal: It's very, very, uh, dark Cinderella remake where, you know, like with the little.

Grainne: Ah, Grania. Cinderelli. Cinderelli. How many people do you have over this time? Oh God. What does it mean that he's fat? That mean she's a ghost? Ghost. Wow.

Chantal: Little, you know the animals helping Snow White after the seven dwarves have done their worst.

Grainne: Oh no.

Ron: Weirdly, I'd feel most okay about it if it was fish.

Grainne: Yeah. Can we get back to the fish? Seven dwarves done their worst. Just fell really.

Laura: God, for they were all called horny that day.

Grainne: Please remind the listeners at home that grind is not normally like this. And she's at her in law's house this night. This is really bringing out the smut out of little Miss McGuire. Oh dear.

Ron says sperm and egg size indicate high male competition during mating

So what do you reckon that says about humans though, Ron? If you're saying that the amount of eggs, the amount of sperms I have, what are you saying that says about men and women? The fact that who is born with more? Aren't women born with like a gazillion eggs and men are born with a gazillion sperm. So what's the difference? Talk to me.

Ron: Well, it's more about uh, the number of eggs and sperm used in either like an instance of mating or like a mating season.

Grainne: So you're saying the fact that men plough through like a 15 billion sperm mean that they're wanting to have 15 billion women? To put it in very big terms, basically.

Ron: Yeah. Yeah. So mammals in general, we have a huge difference between sperm and egg size. Um, which indicates high male competition during mating. Um, which means that actually going back to Leonardo DiCaprio, men potentially not actually made for monogamy.

Grainne: Yeah. Uh, and also that's why men are funny and women aren't because they're trying to compete. We're just mentally pretty.

Ron: But then there's other anatomical things that um, you can look at that sort of point to this as well. Like does Anybody know what the function of the bell end is?

Grainne: I do. What? Oh, go on.

Laura: I just didn't. I didn't want to say it in case any of you knew. It's a scoop. It's for scooping out any jizz that was already in there. It like, slurps out what was already in there and then puts its own. It replaces faux sperm. F O, E, not N A U X.

Ron: So it's essentially a sort of, um, vacuum come squeegee that's supposed to just draw out any sperm that's already in there, uh, when you're having sex. So that, you know. So Dopey's just finished and he's sort of towelling himself off over there. And then when Doc arrives. Yeah, he needs to get everything out. Um, there's, you know.

Grainne: You know, Doc's a animal. You know what I'm saying? Doc is. Yeah, there's a reason people call it playing doctor. You know what I mean? Doctor knows what he's doing down there.

Laura: You know, his hat is stiff. I like. It's a bit gross to think about.

Grainne: Um, um.

Laura: Like, as a heterosexual woman, I don't really want to be attracted to, like, a cum squeegee full of blood. But at least male humans have got that and not like a fox dick.

Grainne: What's a fox?

Laura: Well, I think foxes have those barbs, don't they? To keep it in. That's what it is.

Grainne: Yeah, to keep it in. That's why they always make all that fucking noise when they're having. When they're shagging. But, I mean, don't worry, I think. I'm sure it's like, just like us. It hurts so good, you know? Does that mean.

Laura: Ron, what does that say about foxes that they have to, like, spike themselves to the women? Does that mean that there's even more competition for women in foxes?

Ron: I would say so. I don't know loads about foxes, but I know that's why ducks do it.

Laura: Uh, do ducks have little spiky dicks, too?

Ron: So this is really. Small dicks, no knuckle in. This is real awful. Right. Um, so ducks have, um. Ducks mate by, uh. By basically competitive gang rape of the female dogs. Um, and there's an evolutionary war going on between the women that the female ducks that don't want this to happen for obvious reasons, and the male ducks that do for. For, uh, obvious reasons. Um, so a male duck's penis is a spiral shape. Um, this, I think. Yeah, yeah. A spiked corkscrew. The female duck's vagina spirals in the opposite direction to make it harder to get it in.

Grainne: How? Why, why would evolution make that so difficult?

Ron: I think because then there's more, uh, inter male competition between the ducks.

Grainne: Okay. So it improves how? Okay, yeah.

Ron: Ah, yeah. And then you have to be even stronger to force your corkscrew into the opposite way around.

Grainne: I gotta say, considering how much they're going through, ducks don't really do a lot. Like evolution would have got them doing a lot more than just hanging around in the water and just having by the sounds of a really shit sex. And that's it. They can't even fly that far. It's just like evolution.

Ron: Famously though. Famously though. You never really know what a duck's got going on beneath the surface. So, uh, they're cool and calm on there.

Joanne Wonder: I think men are made for monogamy

Grainne: Okay.

Chantal: I don't have victim blame. I don't want a victim blame.

00:35:00

Chantal: But girl ducks, come on. I just think like, just like you're gonna have to continue the species somehow. So if your mate has got a corkscrew penis, he's got enough problems. So just. You don't have to do the Helter Skelter back back ways as well.

Grainne: Exactly, exactly. Reminds me a lot of the Me Too movement. M. You know, so do you want the job or not? You know, so bringing it back to Hollywood.

Laura: I've always thought if I came back, if uh, if I was in an apocalyptic situation, I don't really want to survive it. Like I'd kill myself pretty early and.

Grainne: Just be, yeah, yeah.

Laura: Or something. I've now decided if I get reincarnated as a duck, same rules apply.

Grainne: Same rules.

Laura: I don't want to be alive in those circumstances.

Grainne: Maybe that's what, you know, when ducks in the water and they put their head under the water and their feet are going crazy and then they pop back up again. Maybe that's all of them just endlessly trying to drown themselves and then just all humans come back. Be like, they're just like stuck there, unable to know. Like I can fly so I can't fall, I can't drown. There just. There's no way to do it. And then all. And then we got rid of hunties who thought it was inhumane we it for them.

Laura: Guys, did Duffy Duck have a female duck?

Grainne: Daisy.

Laura: Daisy, that's Don.

Grainne: Oh, is that Donald?

Laura: Yeah, yeah.

Grainne: Oh, this gets into the whole Pluto and Goofy thing of why there's too many ducks and too many dogs. Let's not get into it. It's because Walt Disney was a Nazi. Let's just move on. Come on, just carry on.

Ron: I think all of the Looney Tunes ones were just sort of happy bachelors. More.

Grainne: Yeah.

Ron: Than a jackman.

Grainne: Yeah, they were because they wore a lot of suit and ties and they always seem to be like, you know, kind of smoky as well. So they were kind of like Sinatra vibes back then. Yeah.

Laura: I mean, if I was a sentient duck and I had the choice between fighting loads of men and then having really sad sex.

Grainne: Yeah.

Laura: I'd go and like try and get a Hollywood career too.

Grainne: Yeah, well, see, it's funny you mentioned how the people have different. How like men basically have to have monogamy. And so that's. I mean, men, sorry, men, aren't made for monogamy. And that's why there's so much competition around. Hence why. Hence ducks and human men. And that's why there's so many a phrase we often say. Um, and. And yet I was thinking this earlier on of trying to work out like what some signs of, like Hollywood couples and why There are some DiCaprios and Nicholson's and Warren Beatties, etc, whoever is, you know, bachelors.

Laura: Oh, he's a bachelor. Yeah.

Grainne: Yeah. And then why there is also guys like your Paul Newman's and your Tom Hanks's who seem to be totally cool with monogamy. Settle down, no scandals, everything's cool. And I think it comes down to how they feel about the women they're with. Because I've noticed that when the men worship the woman they're with, when you hear them go on and on about how amazing the woman is, when the woman seems to have the power in the relationship, those seem to last. Whereas when it seems the other way around, when the man seems to be the one in control. And you can see that like, even with like Kim Kardashian and Kanye, there's always an idea that he was kind of holding the reins. You know, with Katy Perry and Russell Brand was very much. Seems like he was kind of in power. He was doing. She would just kind of follow him. Whereas you think of like whenever Paul Newman would talk about Joanne Wonder, it was always kind of, gosh, she's so incredible. And there's always idea that she could leave whatever she wants and he would always do whatever she said.

Are there any species where women are worshipped and everything's better

So are there any species, because with Orlando, are there any species where like the women are being worth. The female are being worshipped and then that means everything's better?

Ron: Well, I can tell you about the most extreme version of that, which would probably be the angler fish, you know, the, um.

Grainne: Uh-huh.

Ron: Uh, the ones with the light on their head. Um, so the, the typical angler fish that you think of, um, the big ones, those are, uh, the females of the species. Um, and the males are much, much smaller. And because they live down at the bottom of the ocean, it's really dark there and it's really, really hard to find. Find someone to have sex with when you want to. The way that they get around that is when a male finds a female, what he will do is bite onto her side and then eventually they fuse at the lips and he stops like hunting and he'll just start getting food through her blood and eventually it will just shrivel up until he is just a pair of testicles hanging off of her cheek. And then he can impregnate the eggs and, and this will happen with multiple different, uh, males and one female. And then you get the mix and stuff and he just disappears. That's the best.

Grainne: So we get Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward and they get some tests and balls on their cheek. That's not quite what I had in mind.

Chantal: You know how we turn celebrities, like their two names become one. It's more like an extreme version of that.

Grainne: So true. The original Benefer is the angler fish with a pair of nuts on their cheek.

Laura: Maybe that's why Hugh Jackman suddenly decided to get out of such a long term relationship. Maybe

00:40:00

Laura: he was starting to fuse to her.

Grainne: Huh. And we've all. And you know that people complain about that when couples begin referring to themselves like as we. We don't like that film. We're pregnant, everyone. It's like a universal, like really hack comedy thing as well. Much we hate that. Maybe it comes from nature is telling us in the back of our brain, maybe in our hypothalamus, that that that's a, uh, that that's a bad thing that we should all be trying to avoid so that we don't end up with, you know, nuts in our cheek.

Laura: Should we try and start that as a slang moving forward? Like, oh, they're angler fishing.

Grainne: Oh, we should grind you. I can try to remember that for the next episode. Uh, whenever a couple's getting, whenever we see a couple, it's getting a little bit too close. You know, whenever. Maybe a Brooklyn and a Nicola Peltz. Yes. Because they've, you know, isolating themselves and now she, they're angry.

Laura: Doing a quick Google there look to see who Brooklyn Nicola Peltz are. There he goes.

Grainne: Pretty Big couple. Yeah.

Laura: Brooklyn Beckham.

Grainne: Yeah, Brooklyn Beckham. Um, Nicola.

Chantal: Probably talking about them on the pod very soon. My instincts are correct. What about the praying mantis? Doesn't she eat her partner?

Grainne: Well, that's not worshipping. That's just that the men. That's just like a sort of matriarchy, isn't it, where the women just kills men?

Ron: I think the closest thing that you'd get to that in nature would be a lot of birds are, uh, monogamous and will be very, very devoted to each other. So you'll have.

Grainne: Oh, penguins are like that, aren't they?

Ron: Yeah, penguins. So, um, like emperor penguins are really famous for. They'll mate, the female will lay the egg, and then the male will stand with it over the winter.

Grainne: Yeah.

Ron: While the female goes swimming and not go swimming, goes, um, feeding.

Grainne: Um, I prefer that you've heard, going swimming. He does the housework and she goes. She goes for a rest. Yeah.

Ron: And then you've got, like, albatrosses that will, like. Albatrosses will, like, basically, like, not touch land for like, two or three years at a time, but they'll return to the same places to mate and lay eggs and stuff. And there are amazing. There's amazing footage of, like, um, male and female albatross pairs that meet each other and they do these encounters, incredibly elaborate courtship dances to, like, reaffirm their love for each other. Um, and then it's all about them knowing the different moves and stuff. And then, um, that's how they keep the bond going.

Grainne: That sounds an awful lot like renewing one's vows, which, as Grania knows very well, is usually a complete sign of failure to come. That's a. That means you're doomed the minute you start where it's very Housewives. And it means one of you is cheated and you're going to break up in about three years.

Laura: Ah.

Chantal: Heidi Klum and Seal did it.

Grainne: Heidi Clue. Classic. Classic renewal. It was coming.

Laura: Two separate Real Housewives of Orange county did a big marriage renewal story and then were split by the next season.

Grainne: Every time a housewife does it, it's. It's. Yeah, it's. They're. They're. They're on the. You might as well just call the lawyer up on the way to the altar.

Chantal: Only exception is Lisa Vanderpump.

Grainne: Right. I was just gonna say Lisa Vanderpump. I think it's because Ken is so old, he doesn't really know what's going on. So it's more just. He's just. He's just at a party, so he doesn't know what's happening.

Lisa Vanderpump's a queen bee, in my opinion

Laura: Lisa Vanderpump, though, I think I learned something about bees the other day. Or I had a dream about bees.

Grainne: If this isn't true. But both things count.

Laura: But queen bees. Lisa Vanderpump's a queen bee, in my opinion. So the queen bee, she like, flies up into the air. Early doors in her career. And the male bees all come and, like, have sex with her, and when she's done having sex with them, she just like, rips their sting out and they die. And then she just spends the rest of her life pumping out babies from the jizz that she collects in that one initial fuckfest. And I feel like Ken is just a drone that somehow stayed alive.

Grainne: That was a very good analogy. I think you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also think that he might have a pair of testicles growing from his face. So I think there's a lot of things going on with Ken. Yeah.

Laura: I, out of loyalty to Kyle, have never watched any of the Vanderpump spin off shows.

Grainne: Um, you are missing now, and you're making a big mistake being loyal to Kyle. Jesus. What? I like someone from 1980s coming and telling me, oh, Donald Trump seems like a great businessman.

Laura: I'm not up to date.

Grainne: You need to catch up Kyle and.

Laura: Marizi on the podcast.

Grainne: Yes, we have.

Laura: Download that episode. Okay.

Grainne: Yeah. And I have.

Chantal says it's important for couples to be the same hot

Chantal: Oh, uh, because I was thinking about, uh, the Science of Love and I was thinking about something, Chantal, you have said in the past. Either you've said it or I dreamt it.

Grainne: Let's just say it was me.

Chantal: Didn't you say that it's important for a couple to be the same sort of hot?

Grainne: Oh, I didn't say that. But that is. That wasn't me. But I think someone on our podcast may have said that. Yeah, that sounds familiar to me. Maybe I've heard that recently as well. Because it is, it is a thing.

Chantal: Expand Granio Universal known that a couple should be the same kind of hot.

Grainne: Mhm.

Chantal: So I think maybe it's that, you know, you're talking about birds mating for life, that a swan, a male

00:45:00

Chantal: swan, is as good looking as a female swan.

Grainne: Yeah.

Chantal: So maybe there's not as much temptation to stray because without meaning to be racist to swans, they more or less.

Grainne: All look the same. Yeah, they do. They do kind of look the same. Yeah.

Ron: Is. Is this why potentially Brad Pitt is chameleoning to his wives?

Grainne: Exactly.

Ron: To try and make it last longer so they look the same. They're the same kind of heart.

Grainne: Uh, yeah. And also why dogs are always checking around because they got so many fucking options. You know, you're big, you're a big basset hound and you're like, I flew around a little Chihuahua. Let's see what happens. And then before you know, you got a whole new breed. They're slutting around as well. And that's also why we never met her around. What are they called? Dirty dogs is because they got all the options. Yeah, yeah.

Laura: An example of like different types of.

Chantal: Hot, like Angelina Jolie and Billy and Billy Barton.

Laura: Yeah. Okay.

Grainne: Two different, different types of heart.

Laura: Yeah. Okay.

Grainne: Yeah. Um, whereas you can keep using Angelina because Angelina and Brad actually was a very similar type of heart. And they were. They lasted for 10 years. Yeah, that was, that was somewhat. That was pretty successful for, for a celebrity marriage. I think that was. That. That's. That's good going.

Laura: Yeah.

Grainne: But also I think that's where I think Grainne's idea of having, uh, two different areas of fame, like, you know, acting and music comes in as well. Because you can have the same kind of heart but in different. Like, I think Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are very similar kinds of heart. They're very.

Laura: Accuracy.

Grainne: Yeah. It's very, kind of empty and shallow and very surface level, but very pretty. And no one's like ever obsessed with them. Looks wise. But everyone could acknowledge they're very good looking.

Laura: But they're the sort of people that you're like, if you weren't rich, you wouldn't be that hot. It's taking work to make this.

Grainne: Yeah. They're not, they're not an average person.

Laura: With a lot of money.

Grainne: They're not blessed. Whereas Brad and Angelina are kind of like, even if they were working in factories, those are just two. They would never be not famous because they're so fucking hot.

Ron: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. Different types of hot.

Laura: No, I think similar.

Grainne: Very similar. Yeah, but.

Laura: Sorry, gang, but they've got.

Grainne: Ron was so excited. Guys, I've got one. He was so excited. Diva's. Hang on, I've got one.

Laura: What does that mean then for like a Tom Holland and a Zendaya? Because I'd put her in the Angelina category of.

Grainne: You're not the only one famous.

Ron: He looks like a pickled boy, but he's charming.

Grainne: He does.

Laura: Charming. Hot. So does that work because she's hot and he's charming?

Grainne: I think it only works because they haven't. She hasn't Been stuffed off her feet by someone else yet, mark my words, I don't see it. If we go back to what you.

Chantal: Said earlier, a long term relationship works. If the man is like, this woman is out of my league.

Grainne: And I think there is that vibe.

Granite: Height is very important when it comes to couple

Chantal: Is very much like, I can't, I don't, I don't get it either.

Grainne: But you raise a good point. He does seem to worship her, huh? If he keeps. Yeah, if he keeps. Hangs in her. If he keeps that. If he keeps new meaning and hangs in her, then he's got it in the bag. But if he lets it slip for a bunk, it gets a bit cocky. Then he's. Ah, yeah, because. Yeah, you're right then. Very, very different. Whereas Barry, Barry Keoghan and Sabrina. I think everyone thought they were the same kind of hop, but they were just short and that doesn't count. I think that doesn't, that doesn't work. And I actually do think that height is very important when it comes to, when it comes to couple. I think you need to have. I think you need to have a good difference. I just think.

Laura: Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to say you have to be reasonable then. Uh, and My husband is 6 foot 3 and I am 5 foot zip.

Grainne: No, I like an exclamation point. Couple like that. I like what they do, but I think you have to be too.

Laura: From a distance. It could be father and child. That kind.

Grainne: Yeah.

Ron: Danny devito and Rita Perlman.

Laura: Yeah, yeah.

Grainne: And they.

Ron: Different types of hot.

Grainne: Yeah, different types of hot. Different types. That's right. But it's funny.

Chantal: So I, uh, I briefly. Chris Evans. The American Chris Evans.

Grainne: Yes.

Chantal: And Jenny Slish. And people just like refused to.

Grainne: They just.

Chantal: Everybody was so angry and like.

Grainne: But they were different types of hospitals.

Chantal: Different types of hot, harsh. Because she was like sexy indie.

Grainne: She was Zoe Dashel, but funny vibe, you know, kind of quirky.

Laura: Money, please.

Grainne: That's her kind of. She was the kind of girl, gry, that like an male comedian would try to get in your pants by saying, I actually find Jenny Slate really hot. She's my number one. When, you know, he's jerking off to Charlie Stone with everyone else, whatever. He, she was that. And he was very kind of Hollywood clean cut vibe.

Laura: But he, he's quite. He does speak his mind on things, doesn't he? He's not like, I don't know, like gormless. Like, he's not Chris Pratt, is he? He's a little bit more behind the eyes.

Grainne: But, uh, I don't know about you, Granite. Do you always put that down to his time with Jenny Slate? I just think he just learns everything from her.

Laura: I would, I would agree.

What further relationship science do we absolutely have to cover

Right, we have to wrap up shortly because my child has come home and I can't keep talking about fucking someone in the cheek and turning into their.

Grainne: Faceballs while and then also telling your child that your brother is right here with you in the conversation.

00:50:00

Laura: It's not rude because I'm doing it with Uncle Ron for a semi paid audience. Uh, so what do we. What else. What, what further relationship science do we absolutely have to cover?

Grainne: You have to cover for all of you.

Laura: Do you have any hot science rules that you think are fundamentals to a relationship that will or won't work? Ron, do you have any golden facts that you want to squeeze in?

Ron: I just want to finish the point that I think was the last tangent, which is uh, I believe I said that maybe this is evidence that men aren't made for monogamy, but men and women are part of the same species. So it is also evidence that women aren't made for monogamy either. Um, and like the, the reason why.

Laura: Is the evidence how irritating men are.

Ron: Yeah, uh, no, it was. It's more just because they'll say like, uh, it's an. It's these things will be a ratio of males having more sexual partners. But that's just because if a um, female is successfully has sex with someone, they'll be pregnant and they don't have sexual partners. Yeah, that way. But, um, sexual competition, um, can be encouraged by um, uh, both sides. Um, uh, women will tend to be louder in bed, which is taken as evidence that to like encourage more people to come over and have sex with her.

Grainne: That's interesting.

Laura: Calling all the cleanup rats.

Grainne: Yeah.

Do you have any final rules, Grainne for Love that we've learned about relationships

Do you have any final rules, Grainne for Love that we've learned over our year of studying relationships?

Chantal: Um. God, that's such a good question. Oh, can you still hear me?

Laura: Oh, yes, I can.

Ron: Yeah, we're all still there.

Chantal: I think when you have to issue a statement that you're really happy together, the relationship is over.

Grainne: Yes, very true.

Laura: Yeah.

Grainne: And I would say, um, my biggest rule that I think Granier and that was two big rules I think that we have learned over our years covering these relationships that I think you could say are scientific topic. Um, number one, if you are mentioned, if you're beloved, wins an Oscar and spends a lot of time talking about you, they are cheating. And number two. And um, number two, if you are married to a Hollywood Actor and you get a nanny, they will cheat. So those are the two. And if. And if the person is Brad Pitt, I mean, sorry, Ben Affleck. They do both. So there you go.

Laura: Yeah. Oh, guys, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Thanks.

Ron: Yeah, that was super fun.

Grainne: Thank you.

Chantal: Happy anniversary.

Laura: This has been my dream.

Grainne: I think this podcast has turned me, um, completely vegan. Because you've been discussing animals.

Ron says tempeh's terrible. I'm onto the tofu in Tempeh

I'm out. I'm onto the tofu in Tempeh now. Guys, I am fine.

Laura: Um, not tempeh. Ron. Ron says tempeh's terrible.

Grainne: Oh, no. Is it?

Ron: It's the only thing I've spat out of my mouth like a child in, like the last 15 years.

Grainne: Oh, I heard you say that on the latest episode. You said it was all for you to take it all out of your dinner.

Ron: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tofu. Go for it. Steer away from Tempe.

Grainne: Stay away from Tempe. Okay, we'll do. We'll do. Thank you.

Ron: That's another rule.

Laura: Steer away from Anglerfish and Tempeh. Um, thank you. The Way They Were podcast. It's available everywhere. You'd normally get podcasts, right?

Grainne: Mhm. Everywhere. We're right there waiting for you. We're recording new episodes now. We have a patreon. Patreon.com the way they Were. Come get involved. Lots of fun stuff going on. But yeah, we're out. We're here.

Laura: Do it. I'm literally gonna download some episodes now and go and walk the dog and. Catch up.

Grainne: Do it.

Laura: Catch up on the gossip that I haven't been up to date with because I've been being nerdy and listening to history.

Grainne: Boo. Oh, Yarnville.

Chantal: Well, we do history. We do history, but it's the interesting history.

Grainne: Yeah, yeah. As in who.

Chantal: Who can't keep it in their pants history.

Grainne: Yeah, exactly.

Laura: The best.

Grainne: There's something for everyone. Don't worry.

Laura: The thing is though, people can roll their eyes at that and be like, sorry, what the did we learn about the Tudors for If it wasn't all about can couples keep it in their pants? Yes.

Grainne: Thank you.

Laura: Just because it was hundreds of years ago doesn't make it more like fancy than now.

Grainne: Gossip.

Chantal: History is just gossip about dead people.

Grainne: That's all it is.

Laura: Exactly.

Grainne: Exactly.

Laura: Well, thank you so much for celebrating with us. We've had a wonderful third hour.

Grainne: Thank you.

Laura: And, um, obviously we will be back next week with, um, back on the syllabus. Next week is chemistry. Um, we haven't done the quiz yet, though. Ron We've got to do that this week. Thanks for listening, guys. Um, jizz dismissed.

Grainne: Oh my God. Let's risk it. Yeah.

Laura: Ah, it. Where are you recorded episodes before, haven't we, Ron? The famous experience.

Grainne: Oh, you're at Mel's parents house. Of course. Of course. We've lost an entire episode, Laura. Where the guests didn't. The guest did a backup. We recorded and neither worked. And the whole episode just has had in m the bin all of Gran. And it was Grainne researching a topic she definitely had never had any top like knowledge of before. Uh, and so it was a real just waste of granny's toy.

Laura: See, I get extra gutting for you because it's guests and it's like recreating like we've. Because it's just the two of us. We've redone episodes that we've lost before.

Ron: We've done several.

Grainne: Yeah, yeah. Have you. Have you not found it weird to be like and then what?

Laura: Yeah, but because. Because it's learning. We can make that a thing.

You guys have an anniversary episode coming out. It's gonna get a bit rough

So the first time it happened we were doing moles, which is where you like divide the weight.

Ron: It's just a number.

Laura: It's a number that's helpful for doing Adam stuff.

Grainne: Why are you so dismissive of her, Ron? Everything. Everything. She says it's fine. Everything's fine. Laura's just a number. Everyone comes like Ron just. Ryan, you have three. Laura's here now as well. It's gonna get a bit of rough hour.

Ron: We have done moles. We've done at least six hours of moles now.

Laura: Yeah, but like we recorded this lesson. It hadn't gone well because I didn't really understand what we were doing. Then I lost the recording and it was definitely me. I deleted the recording accidentally. Then we had to re record. I think it was New year's day or the 2nd of January or something. We had to re record it because it had to go out that week and it took us two hours to re record it and we were like screaming at each other by the end of it.

Grainne: But was the episode good? I was like in the end. Did no one listen?

Ron: It's a classic.

Laura: It's a classic episode.

Grainne: Oh, it is. Okay.

Laura: A really good early episode where. Yeah, but. But I think we can get away with it in our format because our format is that we kind of don't want to be there. So you can do the fucking. Already told you this.

Grainne: Yeah. You know, we don't have to be.

Laura: Bright and breezy and like, oh God.

Grainne: That'S like the opposite artist. Me and Grindy are so kind of like, over enthusiastic. Hey, guys. Everything's wonderful, love. So this is gonna be a really odd mix for you guys for your anniversary episode.

Laura: Well, I'm like, you guys, I'm on the bus. But yeah, that's how ours works. Um, because people go, I don't really like science. And you go, you'd love the podcast, then there's not really any science in it.

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