A Ratatouille of Rotten Courgettes

 Laura: Hello and welcome to another episode of Lexx Education.

Laura: Do do well.

Laura: Oh, my God, is she on a trapeze?

Laura: It's the Comedy Science podcast where comedian me, Laura Lexx tries to learn science from her normal brother.

Laura: It's coming out of a cannon: Ron!

Ron: Hello, I'm Ron.

Laura: I was doing like if Pink Floyd had a circus bit there.

Ron: Yeah, I tried to do some sound work there and fly across the microphone.

Laura: You're wonderful, Ron.

Laura: Hello.

Ron: How are you?

Laura: How are you?

Ron: I'm good, actually.

Ron: I'm in a very good mood.

Laura: Yeah, you had a busy day.

Laura: We haven't texted much today.

Laura: I always assume you're being a grown up and doing your work on those days.

Ron: Yeah, it's very busy at the moment.

Ron: We've got a big product release coming out.

Ron: It's supposed to come out on Monday for early adopters, but that's been pushed back to next week.

Ron: So a lot of client expectation management for important stakeholders.

Ron: But Rollouts going on for next week.

Laura: Coming out of my little brother wild.

Laura: I told Will Duggan about the great flood of 1953 and that was my day.

Laura: But I am about to drive to Kent and then yeah, and you've got.

Ron: Other stuff going on.

Laura: Yeah, busy.

Laura: And I did the now show yesterday, Ron, so we might even have a new listener that's listening now who heard me on that radio.

Ron: I saw that tweet that you did and I thought that they'd had the Lexx Education thing on the BBC website and I was like, oh, my goodness.

Ron: Edited this?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I just thought I'll just superimpose our podcast onto their Hugh Dennis's head and oh, well, that's what I've done.

Laura: Now, listen, I just think this podcast deserves more listeners and there f****** brilliant podcast.

Laura: I think it is.

Laura: I'd listen if I wasn't on it.

Ron: Absolutely, yes.

Laura: So, hello, everyone.

Laura: And listen, top headline news this week is hello to all of the new patrons.

Laura: We said last week, if we hit 50 by Friday, we'd give you a new episode.

Laura: We went over 50.

Laura: Oh, my goodness.

Laura: Thank you.

Laura: Because it's very hard getting stuff like this off the ground and we're very grateful.

Laura: And we were just blown away all week by people joining up.

Laura: And we hope that you've loved the new episode where I tell you all about comedy and the science of laughter.

Ron: I think it is, by far, it's one of the best episodes that we've done.

Ron: In general, it's the best thing that we've put out on the Patreon is a great episode.

Laura: Yeah, I'm really happy.

Laura: I love the other ones.

Laura: I loved learning about Mexico.

Laura: And I'm enjoying the detentrons.

Laura: I'm looking forward to releasing more of those, but I can't wait to record more of these.

Laura: And yeah, it was really like half of the thing of going, like, if we can hit if we can put it out early, was I just wanted it to go out early because I was proud of it.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Oh, I desperately want to make more content.

Ron: I'm sick of the GCSE.

Ron: I want to do more of the fun stuff.

Laura: No, Ron.

Laura: I've got to pass this GCSE.

Laura: I'm very invested now.

Laura: So we did it.

Laura: It's not too late if you want to join.

Laura: We'll still love you even if you didn't join last week, but you joined this week.

Laura: Hey, jump on the patreon.

Laura: Patreon.com, Lexxeducation.

Ron: And as we get more and more people, it will go to being twice a month as standard.

Ron: Then it will be go to being every week on the patreon.

Ron: We probably would stop at once a.

Laura: Week, probably, I think daily.

Laura: Nobody wants that.

Ron: I do listen paining through Gcs.

Laura: I listen to one podcast that does release three episodes a week.

Laura: And they're only 15 minutes, though.

Laura: Like 15 to 20 minutes.

Laura: So you can kind of they're really good for when I've got a drive where I've listened to a whole of one episode, and then what do I listen to for just 15 minutes?

Laura: Oh, this day in esoteric american political history, or whatever it's called.

Ron: Is that that HIV one you were listening to?

Laura: No, that is called fiasco by Leon Nefar.

Laura: And that is really good.

Laura: The first one of that, I listened to, like, eight episodes, and it is an in depth analysis of how Al Gore lost the 2000 election to George Bush due to Florida voting law.

Laura: And I don't even know why I'm so interested in it, but it was fascinating and I loved it.

Laura: And then, yeah, this new one is all about HIV beginning to present and doctors not knowing and studying it in different theories and the people living with it and what their gay community had to do within their own community to fight back about the lack of media coverage of this awful plague.

Laura: It's fascinating.

Ron: Well, they didn't do anything, did they?

Laura: Who?

Laura: The media and stuff.

Ron: The gays just it was all Diana, as far as I've heard.

Laura: Yeah, I think so.

Laura: Diana and lots of Saviours that were straight and white.

Laura: That's probably who did it.

Laura: But yeah, that's called fiasco.

Laura: It's really good.

Laura: There's three episodes of it available normally on podcast apps.

Laura: And then I think you have to be an Audible subscriber to listen to the rest of it, which I am helpfully.

Laura: I am.

Laura: So there we go.

Laura: I'm also listening just for balance, to show I don't listen to only hearty, clever stuff.

Laura: I'm also listening to bad Mormon Heather Gay of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City's.

Laura: Memoir.

Laura: So I've got it all going on.

Laura: Anyway, we're going to get into the episode now, but I did want to say, I hope you're recovering.

Ron: You are a petulant f*** in this episode.

Ron: It's really hard.

Laura: Where did that come from?

Ron: I listened to the episode today so we could have a nice chat about it before and after.

Ron: I only got halfway through and I was furious.

Laura: I think I was right.

Laura: I listened back through to it and went, yeah, I'm explaining this so much better than we're honest.

Ron: Right?

Ron: Maybe we'll do a poll.

Ron: No, I don't want that for my.

Laura: This is the podcast, though, where you genuinely discuss quitting the podcast.

Laura: This is that episode.

Laura: You go like, I think I don't want to do this anymore.

Ron: You say that, but like last episode, we stopped recording halfway through because we were so angry.

Laura: Yeah, that's true.

Laura: After this intro outro, we do have to record the rest of the episode that we had to abandon due to fury.

Laura: So that's coming up in your future.

Laura: But for now, hope you're recovering.

Laura: To Becky, who just messaged us as she was trying to use episodes to recover from a surgery, but laughed so much she was worried about her stitches bursting.

Laura: So, listen, it's a humble brag.

Laura: Hope you're okay.

Laura: We also wanted to say that's how funny we are.

Ron: Ha.

Laura: Enjoy me being petulant, apparently.

Laura: Hello, Ron.

Laura: I'm in a learning mood.

Ron: Wow.

Ron: You're not going to be for long.

Laura: Uhoh, why not?

Laura: You text me and you said, it's finally happening and then you refuse to tell me what was finally happening.

Ron: Yeah, but we've got chat to do first.

Laura: What chat?

Ron: How are you doing?

Laura: Yeah, fine.

Ron: I was back in Taunton at the weekend.

Laura: Yeah, but won't we talk about that on Intros and Outros for the week, where this has actually happened in real life?

Laura: Like, don't you want to talk about this in March?

Ron: Yeah, but we're recording later on in the week and I think I won't care by then.

Laura: All right, yeah, tell me about it.

Laura: Now then.

Laura: How was it?

Ron: It was nice.

Laura: Do you play with little baby Toby?

Ron: Yeah, he's a cutie.

Ron: He p***** on me.

Laura: Oh, on you?

Ron: Yeah, he was on my lap and he just started peeing, but he peed right on my crotch.

Ron: So there was like a good three or 4 seconds where I was literally just like, Am I p******?

Laura: God, that must be so weird to have someone else's p*** on your p*****.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Really?

Laura: That's cheeky.

Laura: He's supposed to be better trained than that.

Ron: Yeah, well, he did, though.

Ron: I was only there for a weekend.

Laura: Yeah, and he wanted to make sure you weren't staying long.

Ron: Well, I wouldn't usually bring spare trousers, but then because I wasn't only there for a weekend, I had space.

Ron: I was like, Well, I'll bring in the second pair of jeans.

Ron: I'm 27.

Ron: And luckily I did because they got dog p*** on the first one.

Laura: Yeah, man.

Laura: Either you've got a super comfortable crotch and he just thought, I'm not moving, I'm not giving up this spot.

Laura: Or he was like step brothers in you and trying to get you out the house.

Ron: No, what happened was dad and I were going to take him is this.

Laura: Curly headed f*** Agnee.

Ron: Dad and I were going to take him for a walk, but in about ten minutes, when the episode of Bridge of Lies we were watching finished, and so he poured at the door and wanted to go out.

Ron: And then dad was like, you know, okay, now in, like, 510 minutes, we'll we'll we'll we'll do it then.

Ron: And then he p***** on me.

Laura: So it was entirely your guy's fault.

Ron: Dad's fault.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: All right.

Laura: Fair boo.

Ron: How are you doing, Laura?

Laura: I'm good.

Laura: I was in Leicester at the weekend, previewing a new show.

Laura: And do you know what's annoying is that is the best a new show has ever gone for me.

Laura: And this is the one time I don't really have anything to do with this show.

Laura: It's not going on tour, I'm not going to Edinburgh.

Laura: I don't really know why I've written it or what it's for, but it's really good.

Laura: But what's it for?

Ron: Whack it on the patreon.

Laura: Well, I think that might be what I end up doing, is just recording it and stick it out as a special, and then it can just be something that got filmed and recorded but never went live that much.

Ron: Put it on the BBC or something.

Laura: Yeah, I'll just call them.

Laura: Have you got any space on the home page?

Laura: Well, if I do it with Next up, I might be able to get it onto ITV.

Laura: That's sort of good, isn't it?

Laura: Or I'll stick it on our patron.

Ron: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: All right.

Laura: Yeah, so it's good.

Laura: I've got one more weekend.

Laura: I'm going away tomorrow for five days and then that is it.

Laura: That is the last of my chaotic being away for long chunks of time.

Laura: It's been like five weekends in a row of being away.

Laura: Away.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: So I'm quite looking forward to some normal gigging where it's just out and back in a day.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Especially because a lot of your friends live a more nine to five E kind of life.

Ron: So if you're away at the weekends.

Laura: Yeah, and it's just I've not seen a lot of tom and I've not been able to have much of a routine going and, like, just travel, eating it's never as good for you as eating vegetables and cooking at home.

Laura: It's been very stressful.

Ron: But not for much longer.

Laura: No.

Laura: One more weekend.

Laura: Manchester this weekend and then she's home.

Ron: Right.

Ron: You ready for some learning?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It's biology, isn't it?

Ron: No, it's physics.

Laura: Oh, f***.

Ron: Play that funky music, white boy.

Ron: It's down to no.

Ron: Do you remember when we did down and then the next week I said, we'll have to do that all again because actually, I accidentally did it.

Ron: A bit out of order.

Laura: Oh, this is the table's.

Laura: Got a mind of its own situation.

Ron: It's down to I hope I'm editing this one because I'm going to put in fun music.

Laura: You're not editing this one.

Ron: You put in fun music when I said, play that funky music, white boy.

Laura: I will put in the death march.

Ron: Well, my laptop's locked itself.

Ron: Hold.

Ron: Fine.

Ron: We ease into the subject, though.

Ron: Forces, Laura, forces.

Ron: We're going to need you to focus up.

Laura: I'm focused.

Ron: Yeah, but like pep it.

Ron: Pep it.

Laura: I don't want to pep it because it's going to be really counterintuitive crap.

Laura: I can feel it, pepper, you like a pep dispense.

Laura: All right, well, say something that I can be pepped about, then.

Ron: Do you know what?

Ron: That's not very peppy, Laura.

Ron: And can you stop fiddling with your gel pens when we record?

Laura: I even brought them downstairs with me.

Ron: There was one episode recently where you are just making a racket the whole time.

Laura: I'm recording downstairs because Tom's away and I wanted to keep Mackie company.

Laura: And I thought, you know, I'm bringing the gel pens.

Ron: Good for you.

Ron: And I'm happy.

Ron: As you know, I'm supportive of your gel pens because I think that you need colours and funny bits to pay attention.

Ron: And that's fine by me, but just stop shaking the mug.

Laura: Fine.

Ron: Now pep it.

Laura: Pep.

Ron: Pep it.

Laura: Just teach me something then, you f***.

Ron: Do you know what the difference between scalar and vector quantities are, Laura?

Ron: And you do know this.

Laura: I don't think I do.

Ron: You do know this.

Laura: Scalar start the other end.

Laura: Vector is to do with the wind.

Ron: No.

Laura: Vector.

Laura: Yeah, time and space.

Ron: What is that one quote that you say every single draw?

Laura: I don't say it, I just say the word vector and then you say the rest of it and then say, and it sticks in my ring.

Laura: Because that is actually what a vector is.

Ron: I don't say that last bit you did.

Ron: I've never last time.

Ron: No, I didn't.

Ron: You're a liar.

Laura: Column.

Laura: Vector space plus menstruation equals force.

Ron: No.

Ron: So vector and scalar, they are types of quantity.

Ron: You know what a quantity is?

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Good, then we won't clarify.

Laura: What did you say?

Laura: Vector equals what?

Ron: I haven't said it yet.

Ron: So they are types of quantity.

Ron: I e amounts of things.

Ron: A scalar quantity has no direction.

Ron: A vector quantity does.

Laura: S*******.

Laura: H***.

Laura: What does that even mean?

Laura: No direction?

Laura: So, for example, that's what they were after Zayn left.

Ron: Wow.

Ron: Should we talk about wordle again?

Ron: Goodness me, I can't believe that.

Ron: So here's an example of the difference, actually.

Ron: What's going to try and get you to work it out.

Laura: How can you be a quantity without a direction?

Laura: That's just word soup.

Ron: Do you want to give it a go?

Laura: No.

Ron: Okay, so, for example, a car has a speed it's travelling at, right?

Laura: Unless it's on the M 25.

Ron: Perked up so much to me, I.

Laura: Just wanted to tell my jokes back to my sock.

Ron: So, let's say a car is driving from Brighton to Taunton, okay?

Ron: The speed that the car is going at any one point is a scalar quantity, right?

Ron: Because you don't drive in a straight line from Brighton to Taunton, do you?

Ron: You drive along roads.

Ron: F*** you.

Laura: Let's get some pens.

Laura: What?

Ron: A car is driving from Brighton to Taunton.

Laura: Okay, let me draw a car.

Laura: Very good drawing of a car, but I don't think any of us thought.

Ron: It would be you're not a talented artist.

Laura: Get your hands off my tail and make it dirty.

Laura: And it's massive as well.

Laura: Okay, it's going that way.

Ron: So a car is driving from Brighton, toronto.

Ron: It doesn't drive in a straight line, does it?

Laura: I mean, it does for certain amounts.

Ron: Of time, but it does not drive in a straight line from Brighton to Taunton.

Laura: Not without p****** off a few farmers, I'll give you that.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: We can agree on that, yeah.

Laura: What the f*** has this got to do with science?

Ron: I'm building up to it.

Ron: You always expect these things to be delivered in really pithy, just nuggets?

Ron: Sometimes, and I know that your problem is that we are building this on a house of swap.

Ron: But sometimes you do just have to accept one brick, put that in the wall, and then we'll put another one.

Laura: In our but you can't say that one of the bricks is that there's no straight road between bright I can.

Ron: And I have to.

Ron: When the person I'm handing the bricks to goes.

Ron: Well, actually, you do for some of it.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: So this means that that's a scala, but it's not a scala if you're driving on the M one.

Ron: Finished.

Ron: Okay, so you're driving from Brighton to Taunton.

Laura: You said that so many times.

Ron: You keep interrupting me.

Ron: At any point during that journey, the car has a speed, okay?

Ron: But the car because, as we've agreed as mates, we're not driving in a straight line from Brighton to Taunton.

Ron: That speed is going in different directions.

Ron: Right?

Laura: Sure.

Ron: You have to be able to get this.

Laura: What is there to get?

Ron: The speed of the car is a scalar quantity because it's not tied to the direction that the car is going.

Laura: That is nothing.

Laura: It is tied to the direction the.

Ron: Car is going, not relative to the journey that the car is taking on.

Ron: Whereas a vector quantity would be about the speed that the car is going from Brighton to Taunton in that straight line.

Laura: Ron, I love you so much, but you have just sort of told me a story about a mouse full of porridge.

Laura: But it's not full of porridge if the mouse has an umbrella in its hand.

Laura: I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with this information.

Ron: Okay, so how far as the crow flies do you reckon it is from Brighton to Taunton?

Ron: 200 miles?

Ron: No, 150 miles.

Laura: 110 miles.

Ron: 110 miles.

Ron: Crack.

Laura: Let's Google that and find out.

Laura: I'm going to agree to these cookies.

Laura: 130 miles.

Ron: 130 miles.

Ron: Is that as the crow flies or is that along the roads?

Laura: That's as the crow flies.

Ron: Cool beans.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: And what, it takes you, like, three and a half hours to drive from Brighton to Taunton?

Laura: Sure does, Sonny Jim.

Ron: Okay, so the vector quantity vector the vector quantity speed that has both speed magnitude and direction magnitude would be 130 miles.

Ron: Mackie, every time.

Laura: Hello, baby girl.

Laura: She's bringing me a toy.

Laura: I'm sorry, Ron.

Laura: So boring to listen to any of it.

Laura: Ron.

Laura: Ron, come back.

Laura: Mackie.

Laura: You've upset Ron.

Laura: Now come and say sorry.

Laura: Come here.

Laura: Come on.

Ron: Don't get the dog involved.

Laura: Say sorry to Ron.

Laura: Ron.

Laura: She says sorry.

Ron: So it's 130 miles, right?

Laura: Oh, f****** h***.

Laura: What does it do, though, this vector?

Ron: It's 130 miles, it takes you three and a half hours to get there.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: So the vector speed, the vector quantity would be 37 mph that you've travelled.

Laura: Okay, okay.

Ron: But the scalar speed was whatever speed the car was travelling at along that direction, which is probably, for most of it, a lot more than 37.

Ron: Because if you go down the motorway.

Laura: Right.

Ron: Do you understand the difference between scalar and vector?

Ron: Are you trying.

Laura: What, isn't one of them just the average and one of.

Ron: Them is what you're actually one has directions.

Laura: Oh, my God.

Laura: Shouting with your f****** dog.

Laura: I'm not playing with her, she's just saying on my lap.

Laura: What do you mean it's got a direction?

Ron: Because one is relative to the journey, it has a direction.

Ron: It's going from Brighton to Taunton.

Ron: The other one, it is irrelevant where the car is or what it's doing or what direction it's going in.

Laura: Right.

Laura: What?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: That's the difference between us.

Laura: Just the two different things.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: They're two different types of quantity.

Laura: I just don't think it's got a direction is the best way to describe it.

Laura: That's the average one average one speed.

Ron: Yeah, but if you were going from Brighton to somewhere else that was 130 miles away, that was in a different direction, it would be a different vector, even if it was 37 mph still.

Laura: What do you say?

Laura: What?

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: If you're saying when you were measuring the distance between two places I never shut it down.

Laura: I was going to play with that.

Ron: Yeah, find somewhere else that's 130 miles away from Brighton.

Laura: How do I do that play?

Ron: I don't know how you did it the first time.

Laura: I just typed in Brighton and Taunton and then it told me how far away they were from each other.

Laura: Okay, sorry, hang on, I might go to popular map tools.

Laura: Radius around a point on a map.

Laura: Thank you.

Laura: Freemaptools.com.

Ron: I'm feeling interjected.

Laura: You knew that this was going to be this.

Laura: You're talking a load of bollocks.

Ron: Yeah, but I'm still the one that has to do it.

Laura: God, I'm in Algeria.

Laura: Meet Morp.

Laura: Can I share my screen?

Laura: Yes, I can.

Laura: Here you go, Ron.

Laura: Here's my screen.

Laura: Whoops.

Laura: Zoomed out too far.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Oh, stop sulking, you little witch.

Ron: Just leaning in because I'm on my phone and it's small.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Wow.

Laura: I could get to Normandy.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Okay, so this what this illustrates so Brighton to Taunton.

Laura: It's bloody farm eight.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Brighton to Taunton, 130 miles.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: That is a vector quantity because it has a direction.

Ron: Brighton to Normandy is a different direction.

Ron: So even if you drove there in the same time and therefore had the same speed, the vector quantity is different.

Ron: Right.

Laura: What is a vector?

Ron: It's a quantity that has both magnitude and direction.

Laura: I don't know what you're talking about, Ron.

Ron: It has an amount and a direction.

Ron: That's it.

Ron: A scalar just has an amount.

Laura: All right, lovely.

Ron: We're not moving on.

Ron: We're not we're not f****** moving on, me.

Laura: I don't know how we could move on.

Laura: I don't even know what we're on.

Ron: Quantities.

Laura: I don't know what this is for.

Laura: I don't understand what you want me to do with oh, a car isn't always going straight.

Ron: Just get it easy.

Ron: F****** what?

Ron: What is the scalar quantity?

Laura: The time it took to go there.

Ron: See?

Ron: No, it's not.

Ron: It just doesn't have a direction.

Laura: What f****** what do you mean?

Laura: Because the car is always going in a direction.

Ron: But its speed is not tied to that.

Laura: It kind of is.

Laura: It's going quickly.

Ron: You're driving from Brighton to f****** Taunton, right?

Laura: Yes.

Laura: Ron okay.

Ron: The speed of which the vector speed of which you're going from Brighton to Taunton is just equal to the time it took you to get there over the distance.

Laura: That's just the average speed.

Ron: No, it's not.

Laura: The time it took to go there.

Ron: Yeah, but that's not the average speed, because you haven't actually driven 130 miles, have you?

Ron: You've driven further than that because you've been down long and winding roads.

Laura: The long and winding road.

Ron: So it's not the average speed is.

Laura: That lead to your door?

Laura: But this is a nothing, isn't it?

Ron: No, it's not.

Laura: Right, you calm down.

Laura: I need to let the dog out.

Ron: Bloody won't.

Laura: No, don't run away.

Ron: I'm going to see.

Laura: Go on, then.

Laura: It's the measurement of a thing that didn't happen for not really any reason.

Ron: No, because this is what we call an example.

Ron: It was supposed to help.

Ron: No, but I don't really understand how I could make it more simple than that.

Laura: It's just a nothing, though.

Laura: That isn't helpful ever.

Laura: It's like you didn't and this is the amount of a thing that you didn't do well, because you're saying, oh, as the crow flies, it's 130 miles and it took you three and a half hours to get there.

Laura: But like you say, you didn't drive 130 miles.

Laura: You drove 180, whatever it would be.

Laura: So 37 and a half miles an hour is that's the vector quantity is a speed it didn't take you didn't drive at to do a route you didn't drive.

Ron: Yeah, it's the vector.

Ron: Because you've moved from one point to another at that speed, but you didn't.

Ron: You effectively did.

Ron: That's where you started and that's where you've gone and that's how long it took.

Ron: So you've moved from there to there.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It doesn't mean anything because you didn't.

Ron: Because, again, Laura, nobody's driven from Brighton to Taunton right now.

Ron: This is just an example.

Ron: Nobody's going to die based off I'm just trying to explain this to you.

Ron: You're rejecting it for some reason.

Laura: Why wouldn't you just look at the route you did do and how quickly you did that?

Ron: Because it's not about the route, it's not about Brighton to Taunton, but it.

Laura: Is in terms of practical things that are helpful.

Ron: No, because just another example would be 5 miles an hour is a scalar.

Ron: 5 miles an hour northwest.

Ron: Northwesterly is a vector.

Ron: It has magnitude and direction.

Ron: Do you get that?

Laura: Sure.

Laura: I just don't think we really need to call them a vector or a scalar.

Laura: That's just the speed with a direction.

Ron: But what's wrong with having the word for it?

Laura: Well, it's just never come up.

Laura: It's never been necessary.

Ron: No, but you don't really do engineering or anything, or maths.

Laura: No.

Laura: Why do I need to know this?

Ron: Because we're doing a podcast where we're learning GCSE and I'm not going to have any of this we'll always have a calculator in our pockets bullshit, because I don't care.

Laura: Scrub this from the curriculum.

Laura: I'm telling you, I've been 20 years in the wild doing more than the average driving around and I've never given a s*** about how fast I didn't drive a route.

Laura: I didn't.

Ron: Well, then we can just stop the podcast, because none of this has you needed because you haven't known any of it and you haven't retained any of it.

Ron: So we can just stop if you want.

Ron: We have fans.

Ron: I think arguably now we could just change the format.

Laura: Yeah, but no, we're doing this.

Ron: Do you want to know how many notes we've gone through?

Ron: How much?

Ron: Two lines.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I've drawn a picture of a little red car and written the same thing twice, but I've changed the spelling of scalar halfway through.

Ron: As useful as you think it might be, do you understand the difference between them?

Laura: Sure.

Ron: No.

Ron: Yes or no?

Ron: Not sure.

Ron: Please talk about something.

Laura: I understand it in the same way that you would understand that, like Tweedle D and Tweedle Dumb are two slightly different people that you have no interest in getting to know, but you understand that they're different people and anybody that cares knows the difference between them.

Laura: That kind of an understanding.

Ron: Yeah, but how about rather than rejecting.

Laura: Some knowledge I'm not rejecting it, Ron.

Laura: I've written it down.

Ron: Explain it back to you.

Ron: No, you are rejecting it.

Ron: And I know that this won't stay in your brain.

Laura: I've written it down twice.

Laura: You fast.

Ron: That's not in your brain, it's in.

Laura: My book, and that's as close to the brain as things get.

Laura: Yes, I know, like my receptionist.

Ron: But it's frustrating for you to be like, oh, this doesn't matter, when it's the first thing in the subject, because we're going to learn more, so we will build on this.

Laura: It just leads me to believe the entire episode is pointless if this is the foundations of what we're learning.

Laura: I can't see any of what we're learning being useful today.

Ron: All right, let's just bash through it, then.

Ron: A vector quantity may be represented by an arrow.

Ron: The length of the arrow represents the magnitude and the direction of the arrow.

Laura: Right.

Laura: Direction of the vector quantity.

Laura: I can draw.

Laura: Can you?

Laura: Don't be a prat about it.

Ron: 6.5.1 .1.

Ron: Contact.

Laura: I will stop doing.

Laura: And then you have to go back to your stupid, crappy little life, all right?

Ron: Go back to national treasures, mate.

Laura: Maybe I will.

Ron: A force is a push or pull that acts on an object due to the interaction with another object.

Ron: Well, you keep saying it's pointless, so.

Laura: Let'S just your job is to excuse me.

Ron: I tried really hard, but then when I tried to give you an illustrative example to help you learn, you just said, well, this hasn't happened.

Ron: It doesn't matter.

Laura: I can't cope with things that haven't actually got a reason.

Ron: But that's why I used a drive from Brighton to Taunton.

Ron: Because you've done that before.

Laura: Yeah, exactly.

Laura: Which is how I know I've never driven 130 miles and done it's right.

Laura: What's the next bit?

Laura: Were you chatting about arrows, contact and.

Ron: Non the arrows thing?

Ron: Don't worry about it.

Ron: Contact.

Laura: How did you say it?

Laura: Well, because it is part of the.

Ron: Syllabus, but it's about vectors and scalars.

Ron: Then I'm done with that subject.

Ron: Now, contact and non contact forces.

Laura: Okay, right.

Laura: Like rugby.

Ron: A force is a push or a pull that acts on an object.

Laura: Me.

Laura: My b******* just tightened.

Laura: You hear Mackie in the background?

Laura: Push me.

Laura: Pull you what did you say that I've written down?

Laura: Contact and non contact forces.

Ron: Yeah, that's the heading.

Ron: A force is a push or a pull that acts on an object due to an interaction with another object.

Ron: Can you work out the difference between a contact force and a non contact force?

Laura: One has lots of contacts, maybe in his phone, maybe in a roller decks, maybe just people he nods to on the street.

Laura: And the other one is a lonely little force, doesn't know anyone, can't make egg eye contact, sits alone and cries.

Laura: Another little musical number for the Book of Moron.

Ron: I didn't really get the content of it, though.

Laura: There's a contact and a non contact form.

Ron: Look, I understood the gist.

Laura: One had lots of contacts, maybe in a tone or maybe in the okay.

Laura: And the other one didn't have any contacts.

Laura: Just was very lonely.

Laura: Force.

Ron: It was very good.

Laura: Thank you.

Ron: Difference between a contact and a non contact force?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: One makes contact, the other one doesn't.

Ron: Explain it a little bit if you.

Laura: Can oh, f****** what do you mean, explain it?

Laura: All right, I'll just read out no, can you behave?

Laura: You are being really churlish.

Laura: You are.

Laura: You're ruining the episode.

Laura: Be a good boy.

Laura: I'm doing my bit.

Laura: I'm arguing and singing.

Laura: And I am, because this always happens.

Ron: When we do these subjects.

Ron: I don't give a s*** about this either.

Laura: You have to.

Laura: That's your role.

Ron: But let's not make it into this thing where I'm forcing you to do this.

Laura: But you are.

Ron: I'm not the syllabuses.

Ron: Why can't we just work together against the syllabus?

Laura: I was I just sang you a whole song and I said it was.

Ron: Nice and then you went, now tell.

Laura: Me the difference between a contract and a non contract.

Ron: All right.

Ron: Can you add a little bit more information, Laura, so that we can explain it a bit better, rather than using the word that?

Ron: Do you not think it's cherish?

Ron: Do you not think it's cherish for me to say?

Ron: What do you think the difference between a contact and a non contact force is?

Ron: And for you to say one makes contact and the other one doesn't?

Ron: Do you don't think that's churlish as well?

Laura: I don't know what other f****** words to use, Ron, because probably in a minute I'll say, like, oh, one's touching and you'll go, well, actually, all of space is in between all of atoms, so they're not actually touching, but it's considered a touch contact force movement.

Laura: If this happens, is that what you think I do?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Every time.

Laura: And then you explain something and you go, have you got that now?

Laura: Is that in?

Laura: I know that your brain is a ratatouille of rotten corgettes, but has that slightly gone in?

Laura: And then I'll say yes.

Laura: And then you go, Right, now, let me tell you the exception to that rule.

Laura: And by the way, it's everything.

Ron: No, so a contact force, the objects are physically touching and a non contact force, they're not.

Laura: I feel like we could have got there 20 minutes ago if you had.

Ron: A place like such a yeah, it's all my fault.

Ron: Force is a vector quantity.

Laura: Hang on a minute.

Laura: Oppo world.

Ron: Doesn't matter, though.

Ron: No point learning that.

Laura: Force is a vector quantity.

Ron: So what does that mean in real terms?

Laura: What does that mean?

Laura: Force has a direction.

Ron: It always has a direction.

Ron: So do you remember what force is measured in?

Laura: Kelvins?

Laura: Newtons.

Ron: Newtons, yeah.

Ron: So something can't just be or have 100 Newtons, right?

Ron: It has to exert 100 Newtons in a direction.

Ron: It's a vector, not scalar.

Ron: Right.

Laura: K yeah.

Ron: Does that make sense?

Ron: Do you want me to explain it again or do you have any questions about that?

Ron: Does that work for you?

Laura: It's a sentence I've heard and can repeat in the future.

Ron: Okay, so, no, it hasn't worked.

Laura: What do you mean it hasn't worked?

Ron: Because you've not understood it.

Laura: I don't know if I've understood it.

Ron: So, for example, an object can be 100 degrees hot.

Laura: That doesn't is that not is the hot not a direction?

Ron: No, it's not.

Laura: It's a temperature, but it's up the scale.

Ron: But it's not 100 degrees centigrade north, is it?

Laura: You are so f****** weird today.

Laura: But kind of north if you think of the up the thermometer as north nonsense land.

Ron: Yes, it's north, but that's not do.

Laura: You think of up and down the north and south?

Laura: The sky is in the north on a map.

Ron: Yeah, but you understand that a temperature doesn't have a direction.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: So it would be like Mackie weighs five kilos.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: But if she runs into a wall with some Newtons, she's not just running in with ten Newtons, she's running like it's ten Newtons left.

Laura: Well, four Newtons east, that kind of thing.

Laura: That sounds like a book that would do really well for a couple of years, four Newtons east, and then everybody would then start writing opinion pieces on how actually it was a very problematic book.

Ron: Well, so Mackie weighs five kilogrammes.

Ron: She weighs five kilogrammes no matter where she is or what she's doing or where she's running.

Ron: So if she is running or if she's accelerating, she is exerting force forwards.

Ron: If you measured that force the other way, it would be a negative because the force is going that way, if that makes sense.

Ron: No.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: I've gone too far.

Ron: Gone too far.

Laura: But backtrack I got distracted thinking in my brain about some other science then.

Ron: But you understand, she weighs five kilogrammes everywhere, so that's scalar.

Ron: But the force is only going in one direction.

Ron: So that's vector.

Laura: Vector, yeah.

Laura: I was doing a podcast the other day with Dara Brian, and Dara said he would like to come on the podcast at some point.

Laura: We're going to do a substitute teacher episode where Dara is going to come on and tell us about space.

Laura: And I was telling him about the detentrons that we've done about fire and glass and some of the other stuff.

Laura: And then we started talking about this really interesting thing that was like, you know when you lose weight as a body?

Laura: Like, if you say, oh, I lost a pound this week, or Matthew lost a kilo, et cetera, where and how does that weight come out?

Laura: And apparently a lot of it is breathing out extra carbon.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Because you break stuff down and you breathe out carbon dioxide.

Laura: That's where that comes from.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: So you're not, like, pooping out the weight you're losing.

Laura: You're breathing it out.

Ron: Well, yeah.

Ron: No, trees are made out of air as well.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: That's all just carbon they've collected from the air.

Laura: So, like, if you've lost weight and a tree near you've got leaves.

Laura: You're like, oh, that used to be my b***.

Ron: You're welcome.

Ron: Okay, you get that force is a vector and you're vector.

Ron: Do you understand why?

Laura: Yeah, sure.

Ron: Explain it to me.

Laura: It's got to go in a direction.

Laura: Force always goes, as the quote, flies.

Ron: No.

Laura: Kind of.

Laura: Does it?

Ron: Contact and non contact forces.

Ron: Can you think of any examples of contact forces?

Laura: No, but I've thought of a non contact one.

Laura: Magnets.

Ron: Yes, that is a non contact force.

Ron: Bizarre that your brain went there before.

Ron: A contact force, but fine, you said.

Laura: A contact force and I went magnets, and then I thought, no.

Ron: Can you think of any other forces?

Ron: So just think of any other forces and we'll categorise them.

Laura: Police space.

Laura: Like a fake horse that might be a force.

Laura: I don't know what you mean.

Laura: Like hitting.

Laura: Is that one?

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Is that a contact force or a non contact force?

Laura: Contact.

Ron: Form.

Ron: When did you start speaking Swedish?

Laura: My words are still to give up fake horses.

Ron: Any others?

Ron: Pushing kind of the same as hitting, isn't it?

Ron: But just a bit slower.

Laura: No, not according to Larbin.

Ron: Don't know what larbin is.

Laura: Larbin was like a choreographer guy that defined all of the different movements you could do.

Laura: So, like, a push is different to a flick, is different to a float or a wasp.

Ron: And you're happy to learn that.

Laura: It was absolute bullshit and ended up doing stand up comedy, which was slightly less.

Ron: To be a dancer.

Laura: No.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: God, no.

Laura: I hate dancing.

Laura: F*** me.

Laura: Like, I'm slightly deluded and thinking that comedy is going to make me enough money to retire on, but dancing, I would already be dead in a ditch.

Laura: Worse.

Laura: No, it was a lot of when you do drama as a subject because I wasn't allowed to go to drama school or, like, do actor training, so I had to do drama degree and drama a level and stuff.

Laura: A lot of it's like performance studies and studies of movement and not just be an actor.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Everyone get as small as you can.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Not my bag at all.

Laura: Hence ending up doing stand up comedy and really trying to disassociate my brain from my body as much as possible.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: I think there's a reason why successful actors are all wankers.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Hard.

Laura: Agree.

Ron: Anywho, how about this?

Ron: I'll rattle off some forces, you tell me if they're contact or non contact.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Friction contact.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Electrostatic, probably.

Laura: Non contact it is.

Ron: Air resistance.

Laura: Contact.

Ron: Tears, you've got to touch the air.

Ron: Gravity.

Laura: Non contact.

Ron: Non contact.

Laura: Tension, sexual or otherwise.

Laura: Otherwise contact.

Ron: Tis.

Ron: Indeed.

Ron: Good job, Laura.

Ron: Pat yourself on the back.

Ron: Students should be able to describe the interaction between pairs of objects which produce a force on each other.

Ron: The forces to be represented as vectors.

Laura: Vector.

Ron: Okay, sure.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: We're going to do some all right, hang on.

Ron: Let me get my sheet up.

Laura: Let me get my sheet together.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: Right.

Ron: A ball is rolling down a hill.

Laura: Oh, f****** ow.

Ron: What forces are acting upon it?

Laura: P*** off.

Laura: I can't go here again.

Laura: Ron, we've done this.

Ron: Yes, we're doing it again.

Laura: Why?

Ron: Because it's in the syllabus again, though.

Ron: No, remember, we did it at the wrong time last time.

Laura: Yeah, but so what?

Laura: We've still done it.

Ron: No, we're doing it again.

Laura: Everybody just go back and replay that episode.

Ron: You didn't learn it then either.

Laura: F****** did.

Ron: What forces are acting on a ball rolling down a hill?

Laura: Down gravity, friction, air resistance.

Laura: Ball roundedness.

Laura: Who kicked it?

Laura: All of those.

Ron: Could you do it again?

Ron: Less flippantly?

Laura: No, because if I have to engage, I'm going to get sad.

Ron: You have to engage.

Ron: You have to engage.

Ron: Didn't I say gravity was right?

Ron: Yeah, air resistance.

Ron: Correct.

Ron: But can you draw this?

Ron: Can you draw a ball on a hill, please?

Ron: And we represent these forces as vectors.

Laura: We've done this and it went so badly.

Ron: Can you draw a ball on a hill, please?

Ron: And represent the forces as vector in.

Laura: Okay, ron, stop.

Ron: Let's just try to increase the pressure.

Laura: There's my ball.

Laura: There's my ball.

Ron: Who's that ball?

Laura: It's Jeff.

Ron: Jeff the ball.

Ron: New ball, new balls, please.

Ron: There's something there.

Laura: Okay, show me.

Ron: All right.

Ron: What's that arrow coming down the hill at the ball?

Laura: That's who kicked it going that way.

Ron: Remember from last time, all of the forces acting upon the ball, they come out of the ball like you've drawn the other two.

Laura: Well, I couldn't do that with how it's going down the hill one.

Ron: Yeah, but as we know, because we've done this before, the person kicking it down the hill not that I said that happened.

Ron: The person kicking it down the hill, as soon as they finish kicking it, they've imparted all of their energy to it, haven't they?

Laura: Hopefully not all of their energy.

Laura: Imagine if kicking a ball is the last of your strength and then you just died at the top of the hill.

Ron: That will happen to you one day, Mackie, and then the seagulls will feast.

Ron: So the kicking of the ball is not acting upon the ball anymore.

Ron: What does the ball have that is then pulling it down the hill?

Laura: Momentum.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So that force would be coming out of the ball, wouldn't it?

Laura: Right.

Laura: Okay, I'll move that's.

Ron: Now, there's quite a big one that you're missing, isn't there, Laura?

Laura: Is there?

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Because if you made the resultant force of all of those arrows that you've drawn there, the ball would be falling through the hill, wouldn't it?

Laura: Oh, f****** h***.

Laura: This is your piece of crap about the hill pushing.

Ron: This is a contact force from the hill pushing.

Ron: It perpendicular to the hill, isn't there?

Laura: There you go.

Ron: Say it.

Laura: The hill is a little pushing.

Laura: Hand pushing the ball into the sky.

Ron: Thank you.

Ron: Top marks.

Ron: All right, next one a pendulum swinging.

Laura: Oh, no.

Laura: I won't talk to you about pendulum swinging.

Ron: Why not?

Laura: F****** pendulums.

Ron: Pendulum swinging.

Laura: Oh, my God.

Ron: Don't go back in your notes.

Ron: Just work it out.

Laura: I'm looking.

Ron: Just work it out.

Laura: You work it out.

Ron: I can.

Ron: And I have.

Ron: And I'm always.

Laura: Some gravity.

Laura: It don't know how to make it swing.

Laura: Ron.

Laura: I think it's just gravity.

Ron: Hold your paper up a little bit.

Ron: But if it was just gravity, it.

Laura: Can'T swing, I don't think, because of the loss of physics.

Ron: If it's just gravity, that ball would be falling, wouldn't it?

Laura: Okay, so the string is pulling.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: That's tension force, isn't it?

Ron: The string is pulling upwards.

Laura: Sure.

Laura: Why not?

Laura: Vector?

Ron: Okay.

Ron: And then remember that chat that we just had about the forces acting on the ball going down the hill?

Ron: About energy imparted to the ball and then something that the ball had?

Ron: Momentum.

Ron: There you go.

Laura: Hours going both ways.

Ron: Is momentum in both ways?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Is it?

Laura: No.

Ron: We're doing this at one point in time.

Laura: Just one way.

Ron: Can something have momentum in two directions?

Laura: Yes.

Ron: How?

Laura: For example, my career is chasing the toilet, but intermittently, looking very healthy.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So when it's looking healthy, it doesn't have momentum for the toilet anymore.

Laura: It does overall.

Ron: You know what you're talking about here, Laura?

Ron: F****** scalars and vectors.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: You get it now.

Laura: Why didn't you just use a concrete example, like my career?

Ron: That's good.

Ron: Last one.

Ron: That's correct.

Ron: Hold on.

Laura: Let's just stop now then.

Ron: Last one.

Ron: An aeroplane at a stable altitude and speed.

Laura: I don't know about aeroplanes.

Laura: I don't trust them.

Ron: What forces are acting upon the aeroplane?

Laura: Birds.

Laura: Sometimes they get in the engines.

Ron: Birds are concrete.

Laura: Listen to a really interesting podcast about a woman who is very good at analysing bird bones and feathers and stuff.

Laura: And now she she works at the Smithsonian and she helps solve a lot of crimes by being really good at identifying bird feathers and bones.

Ron: That's nice.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Aeroplane in the sky.

Ron: What force is acting upon it?

Laura: Let's try and draw an aeroplane.

Laura: Quite bad at drawing.

Ron: Maybe draw a spitfire or.

Laura: Like no, I've got confused with a shark.

Ron: Have you given it a dorsal thing?

Laura: Do they have anything on the top?

Ron: No.

Laura: On the tail?

Laura: Do they have a little up spike on the tail?

Ron: Yeah, sometimes.

Ron: Yeah, I think so.

Laura: That and put it in the middle.

Ron: What forces are acting on that aeroplaney?

Laura: Gravity.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: Momentum?

Ron: Yes.

Laura: The wind.

Ron: Doing what?

Ron: What's the wind doing?

Ron: The wind isn't a force.

Ron: What's happening?

Ron: Let's speak in terms of forces.

Laura: Air resistance.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: That's a force.

Laura: That's all of them.

Ron: Is it?

Ron: And why isn't it tumbling out of the sky?

Laura: Because of the engine?

Ron: No.

Ron: Because of the momentum?

Ron: No.

Ron: What makes aeroplanes fly, Laura?

Laura: I don't know.

Ron: Well, no idea what aeroplanes have in common with birds?

Laura: Wings.

Ron: Yes, the wings.

Laura: But they didn't flap them.

Ron: No, they generate lift.

Laura: That seems like a lie.

Ron: No, they generate lift and that's an upward force.

Ron: Draw that on your on your thing.

Ron: Now, I've told you that the aeroplane is moving at a constant speed and at a constant altitude.

Ron: So all of these vectors that you've drawn out of it should be equal.

Ron: Equal, yes.

Ron: Well done.

Ron: Do you know how an aeroplane's wings work, Laura?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: It'S good.

Ron: How long have you been recording?

Laura: Years.

Laura: 53 minutes.

Ron: Happy days.

Laura: Is that enough now?

Ron: Yeah, please.

Laura: Can't believe you made me do that again.

Laura: That's the roughest episode we've had in a while.

Ron: Yeah, everyone's going to back you up to get abuse on Twitter for a few days.

Laura: Yeah, well, you deserve you've been a piece of s*** this episode quiz.

Laura: Do you want to stop doing the podcast one?

Ron: Think I might cut all my fingers off and throw them at you if you make me keep doing this.

Laura: That's fine.

Ron: Going to kill your donkey.

Laura: But do you know what?

Laura: You do know that he was the bad guy in that film.

Ron: He wasn't the bad guy.

Ron: He was just a sensible man that wanted to be left alone, rude and.

Laura: Horrible for no reason.

Ron: Why should he have to hang out with Colin Farrell?

Laura: Just move away, then.

Ron: Nowhere to go.

Laura: You can't just rip someone's life apart and give them no real reason.

Ron: He gave him a reason.

Laura: Don't throw your fingers at people, ever.

Ron: He said, Sorry about the donkey, he's madman.

Ron: He was the hero of that tale.

Laura: Right, well, you are a broken individual.

Laura: Watch out, judith will be choking you to death on his little Porkus.

Ron: I want safety danced away from a friend.

Ron: Never spoke to him again.

Laura: That's not okay.

Laura: Well, thanks for listening to what might be the end of the podcast forever.

Laura: I'll see if I get a finger in the post before next week.

Laura: It's quizzing time.

Laura: Episode 40.

Ron: Episode 40, down to Electric Boogaloo.

Laura: Worf.

Ron: You ready, Laurie?

Laura: Well, I was just thinking to myself, I've slightly cheated because I managed to get time to edit this episode in the week.

Laura: Between doing it and doing the quiz, I was thinking, that's some extra revision.

Laura: But then when you just said it's the quiz for down to Electric Boogaloo, I went, oh, yeah, that's what episode it was.

Ron: That was rapid because we only did it two days ago.

Laura: Yeah, I've got big stuff coming up, so I'm trying to get ahead of the game.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: You ready?

Ron: All right, this quiz is out of 1234-5678, 910, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 marks.

Laura: This is a lot of marks, Ron.

Laura: I'm really struggling today because I'm sitting opposite a mirror, so I feel like a budgie.

Laura: Keep looking at myself.

Ron: Yeah, you look like you're in the dullest room.

Laura: Oh, I am.

Laura: This picture on the wall is on every single travel lodge wall ever.

Ron: That looks like someone made some other art and used that to protect the floor.

Ron: There's a little knack mac, it's dead in the bed.

Laura: She does look a bit dead.

Laura: She is a bit.

Laura: She's really crossed because it's cold and we drove to Manchester yesterday and she hates trams, she's so angry, every time a tram goes past she like loses her mind barking at them.

Ron: Why, does she do the same with trains?

Laura: Yeah, I think so, she does do it on the underground and lorries and any cars that she deems to be going too fast she's fine with cars going under 20 miles an hour, but any faster than that she gets really furious.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And I guess just people and other dogs.

Laura: No she doesn't.

Laura: Other dogs, happiness, she doesn't bark at other dogs.

Ron: What's the difference between a scalar and a vector?

Ron: Laura?

Laura: A vector has a direction apparently.

Ron: And a scalar is just.

Laura: A speed.

Ron: No.

Laura: A quantity.

Ron: Yeah, there we go.

Ron: Yeah, okay, so you can have that mark.

Laura: Yes I f****** can, I got it.

Ron: Right, you didn't first time.

Ron: Are the following scalars or vectors centigrade scalar, Kelvin scalar 25 metres.

Laura: Scalar west scala none of them.

Laura: Yes, that's none of them, it's just a direction because it's a quantity of degrees.

Laura: No, it's a quantity of magnetism.

Ron: No, it's just a direction.

Laura: It depends how you think about things.

Ron: Force.

Laura: What do you mean force?

Ron: Force like Newtons.

Laura: Oh.

Ron: Well vector tis a vector decibels scalar, yes, 25 metres up vector 100 miles an hour south vector, 100 kilometres per hour scalar.

Ron: You got all of those right?

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Did go in somehow.

Laura: Yeah, I'm very smart Ron.

Ron: Laura, can you name three contact forces?

Laura: Contact forces?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Pushing.

Ron: Yeah, pulling was the proper word for pulling.

Laura: Snogging what?

Laura: Tugging.

Laura: Pulling.

Ron: What type of force is that?

Ron: If you're pulling something like if you tension.

Ron: Yeah, there you go.

Laura: Okay, so pushing, tension and friction.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Another three marks.

Ron: Laura, can you name three non contact forces?

Laura: Gravity, magnets and electrostatic.

Laura: Yeah, I mean yeah, why the I.

Ron: Mean no, nothing, you've done it, well done.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Maybe we need to be angry in all the episodes because that's really gone in.

Laura: Yeah, I'm very smart lady.

Laura: Yeah, she's the smartest lady allah Allah that you've ever seen.

Ron: I'm not sure it's Allah Allah, is it not?

Laura: I thought it's just a noise.

Laura: Awa.

Laura: Awa.

Ron: Yeah, that's probably more like.

Laura: You can really sing any noises you like.

Laura: Sound a bit religious.

Laura: I've just decided to join a mainstream organised religion.

Laura: Yeah, you know me, always looking for something to do.

Ron: I think when you're old you should just start going to church.

Laura: No, I wasted my childhood doing that, I'm not doing it with my elderly ears either.

Laura: I'm going to go the other way and just get massively into rebellious drug subculture which one?

Laura: Some heroin.

Ron: Heroin?

Ron: Wow.

Laura: Well, Tom and I have talked about this a lot, that when we're old, we would think we might, because at a point where you're just sitting in a chair waiting for pointless to come on anyway, you might as well just be having the best time.

Ron: Maybe you should go for something that's A, cheaper, and B, won't give you horrendous withdrawal symptoms, but one.

Laura: What?

Laura: Withdrawal symptoms.

Laura: I'm just going to do it until I die.

Laura: I'm waiting.

Ron: So this is a suicide?

Laura: Well, once I'm in a care home and I'm on my way out anyway, why not?

Laura: I bet heroin is cheaper than paying for private care homes.

Ron: I guess it depends how long you last.

Laura: No withdrawal, because my withdrawal will be deaf.

Laura: So who guess?

Laura: Like crack on.

Ron: Bleak?

Laura: It's not bleak if I'm going to be sat about.

Laura: Just sort of lori, you can anyway.

Ron: Bleak.

Laura: I might as well be having a brilliant time.

Ron: I'd say my withdrawal will be death and then claim that that's not bleak.

Laura: Well, it's only bleak if you think about all old age as bleak.

Ron: Which it is.

Ron: Unless you're very wealthy.

Laura: Yeah, which I won't be, because this is my pension.

Ron: Sign up for the patreon, everybody pay for future drug habit, why don't you?

Laura: I might as well die now.

Laura: Hey, wonderful.

Laura: Maybe I'll be a physics professor in the next couple of years and we'll have some of that sweet, sweet Brian Cox money.

Ron: That would be nice.

Ron: Maybe we'll get on.

Ron: BBC sounds.

Laura: Why do you want to be on BBC sounds?

Laura: I thought it was the second time you said that.

Ron: Because that's where the big podcasts are, aren't they?

Laura: BBC ones.

Ron: Yeah, if we want.

Laura: I think the biggest podcasts in the world are just done by other indie.

Laura: Well, or things like Snog Mario void or Shagmy Avoid, whatever it's called.

Laura: And Joe Rogan.

Laura: They're not BBC.

Ron: Yeah, maybe we should just start having right wing reactionaries on the podcast.

Laura: Let's just become right wing reactionaries.

Ron: Yeah, all right.

Ron: Next week, yeah, next week we'll do biology and I'll just explain to you how our skulls are superior to other skulls.

Ron: How about that?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: And some of it will go in, but not all of it, because, after all, I am a woman.

Ron: Oh, yeah.

Ron: And then when we do the quiz, doesn't really matter what you say.

Ron: I'll say yes anyway and we'll tweet out as fact.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Love it.

Laura: All right, well, I look forward to that.

Laura: See you next week.

Ron: Same.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Not petulant in any way there, Ron.

Laura: Just right.

Laura: Just insufferable, you are.

Laura: I agree.

Laura: These f****** little house flies driving crazy.

Ron: When the weather goes north of ten degrees, laura's House becomes swarmed with cartoon flies.

Laura: It doesn't even have to be above ten degrees.

Laura: I've been here all winter.

Laura: Can't wait to open the windows.

Laura: Go away because I don't water my plants properly.

Ron: You guys don't get to see the videos that we record of us, but Laura is surrounded by cartoon stink lines.

Laura: That's why I don't release them.

Laura: One day I'll get the time to edit them and release them or join the patron and then we can afford a producer.

Laura: Either way.

Laura: You do you listen.

Laura: Titles for last week.

Laura: We called it cheese pipe of a man.

Laura: The other titles, no one guessed a correct one.

Laura: It's our first week when no one's got one at all.

Ron: Yeah, there were only three that you could have got.

Ron: I think the closest one people got, people were saying stuff about seesaws.

Ron: One of the options was seesaws don't wear hats.

Ron: Yeah, but nobody said that.

Ron: Nobody really linked the seesaws and the hats.

Ron: I'll poop your pants, too.

Laura: Somebody did say something about sending pants.

Laura: I'll send you some pants.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Much funnier.

Ron: And then don't say, you know, which is I feel like that's more of like an old school education name for an episode.

Ron: That's the sort of thing that we'd have called, like, episode five.

Laura: I'm so happy that we've been doing this long enough.

Laura: Now that there are old school references we can go back to.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: But honourable mention to the people who wanted I know when it's a cheese poo.

Laura: And those were my lunch hoops.

Laura: Because those are also objectively very funny.

Laura: Just to let you guys know, we very rarely have titles from the intro outro.

Laura: Yeah, it is usually from the middle.

Ron: Actually, never, because it's always in the forehand.

Ron: It's always in the lunch meat.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: It's sometimes the mayo.

Laura: We mentioned in this episode about lovely Dara Brienne agreeing to come on the show to tell us about space, so we think we're going to do that for our special anniversary episode.

Laura: And so are there any other science comedy people you'd like us to try and get on the podcast?

Laura: Like, be reasonable, bearing in mind we don't have any money and we've got to be able to contact them.

Laura: But who would you like on the podcast?

Laura: We'll see if we can do other substitute teacher episodes.

Ron: Dave Grohl.

Laura: Yeah, we could work on that.

Ron: Maybe that should be a patreon.

Laura: Can you imagine if he did?

Laura: There's some rock stars out there that probably would just for the oh, my God.

Laura: He went on this obscure British podcast where these two weird siblings are, like, doing comedy.

Ron: I don't think Dave Grohl would enjoy being on our podcast, because I would only want to talk about the handful of Nirvana songs I like.

Ron: And I think you'd probably only want to talk about Tenacious D.

Ron: Was he in Tenacious D?

Ron: Producer?

Laura: Did he?

Laura: No.

Laura: Also would be my era, you know.

Ron: In the video for tribute.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Dave Grohl is the devil in the video.

Laura: Whip crack when his whippy tail and the beast was done.

Laura: Right, Ron, we need to do this.

Laura: Register now, because you promised that people that joined the patreon last week would jump to the head of the registering old langdon.

Ron: It just felt like the kind of grandiose song that we need for the register of heroes.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: So, listen, if you're a patron and you want to know who else got you over the line and got you that comedy episode two bloody weeks early, here you go.

Ron: First up, these are in order that people signed up in.

Ron: So countdown of legends from, well, kind of a bell curve of legends because some people got in early for an early rush, and then some people just cinched the deal.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: And there are two other patrons that won't be mentioned today because they joined post 50.

Laura: And we're thrilled that you're here.

Ron: Back of the queue.

Laura: You are just hiding in the basement with the other hostages.

Ron: So, first up, we have Lizzie johns, who is the woman that keeps rolling balls downhills and destroying Laura's life.

Laura: Then we've got Robert Baker.

Laura: He hides in the shrubbery in malls, watching women laugh at each other for science.

Ron: Andrew payne, who was remarooned on an island after a plane crash on his way to Lexx education HQ.

Ron: Luckily, he escaped the rat infested h*** on the back of a tiny flying reindeer.

Laura: We've got penny stevens, who just loves to spend her time driving in a completely straight line between taunton and brighton.

Laura: Just to prove that it's possible, we.

Ron: Have uninvited cat, founder of a rival gang of lab cats that have a tom and jerry esque relationship with the lab rats.

Ron: Can be found putting whole fish in their mouths and just pulling the bones out and getting beaten with a broom by a woman who you can only see her legs.

Laura: You're all right when you wrote this?

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Like in tom and jerry.

Ron: And then you just see her knees and then she, like, jumps on a stool.

Laura: Let's keep this for evidence for the trial.

Laura: We've got Abigail rushby, laura's gel pen dealer.

Laura: She has a trench coat that is heaving with gel pens.

Laura: Promises they didn't fall off a truck, governor, but they do smell like marmite.

Ron: We have Marie still, who has an adorable bakery near Lexxication HQ where she toils day and night to make Laura's lunch hoops before Laura gets up.

Laura: And Brian Fardy.

Laura: Hello, Brian.

Laura: You used to have a nice log cabin in Laura's swamp brain before Laura turfed him out, but he went on to save a princess and now has a good life and a pet donkey.

Ron: Neil beatty, who won the Lexx education school talent show with his rap rock trio, the beatty boys and their original you have the right to fight for Lexx education.

Laura: You have the right to fight is a very different song.

Laura: You have to fight for your right.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: It's much more polite and less education.

Laura: It is.

Laura: David lack, aka the raggedy hunter, tackles rogue Raggedies to the ground.

Laura: Saying things like this one's a beauty and crikey and nobody pulls off tan shorts like him.

Ron: We have Ben Coulson, who runs the backstage at the Book of Moron, responsible for smooth set changes, handing Laura all of the different notebooks she needs to remember her bits and corralling.

Ron: The sad boys in the sad boy choir.

Laura: And then finally, the man himself, the lab rat king.

Laura: No, not a bunch of rats whose tails are s****** together with poo.

Laura: The Lord of FAM, king of the lab.

Laura: The best tube, the better than the rest test tube, the buns and burner.

Laura: Wanton learner beaker squeak and never been a leaker teacher's pet.

Laura: And top set, but you ain't seen nothing yet.

Laura: Lee Lambert, the Big Five oh, thank you so much for all joining last week.

Ron: It's hard to do a raw sort of crowd with just two of us with a time delays.

Laura: Yeah, it's not the strongest.

Ron: I'm in the noisy chair though, that's making noise.

Laura: That's going to be fun for the rest of the already broken episode.

Laura: And another one.

Laura: Oh, God, I hate you.

Laura: Thank you for listening.

Laura: We love you very, very much and we'll see you next week for biology.

Laura: Bye.

Ron: Class dismissed.