Laura: Hello and welcome to another episode of Lexx Education, the comedy science podcast, where comedian me, Laura Lexx tries to learn science from her secretly grumpy brother Ron.
Laura: Ron ron's in a bad mood and he won't tell me why and he doesn't want to talk about it and it's killing me.
Ron: Squash and berry.
Ron: Squash and berry.
Laura: Hi, Ron.
Laura: Sorry you're grumpy.
Ron: Hello.
Ron: How's it going?
Laura: I'm good.
Laura: Look, do you want to see something that would cheer you up, Ron?
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Look what I purchased this morning.
Ron: More gel pens.
Ron: It's not framework.
Ron: What a game.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: So when I stayed with Ron in Brussels a couple of weeks ago, he introduced me to this game, Framework by Yuri Rosenberg and Lucas Siegman, and I was very bad at it.
Laura: Very, very bad.
Ron: It is one of those games that is, to coin a term, SAS fat and sassis fat.
Ron: noying, no, that worked in my head.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Coin that term.
Laura: What's the term?
Laura: What were we going?
Ron: Sad is annoying is satisfying, but that really works in my head.
Laura: I like satis annoying.
Ron: Sadness annoying.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: It's very satisnoying, that game.
Laura: Yes.
Laura: So I fought it.
Laura: I predict Tom's going to be way better at it than me because it's all about planning space ahead of time.
Laura: I think he cheats.
Laura: Do he?
Laura: There's no way you can be that good at Quacks.
Ron: But then he gets so angry when we openly cheat.
Laura: Yeah, maybe he only values sneak cheating.
Ron: Yeah, like Monopoly.
Ron: If you get caught cheating.
Laura: I've never not cheated at Quacks of Quad lindbergh, though.
Laura: I just openly take them out, look at them.
Laura: No one's ever looking.
Ron: But there are games where the point is to cheat.
Ron: Like Monopoly.
Ron: Like bullshit.
Laura: Yeah, like Quacks of quad lindbergh.
Ron: How far do you push cheating and cheat when you play cheat?
Laura: I haven't played cheat for a long time, since my college years.
Laura: But we just got a new game.
Laura: Next time you come to us, we just got a new one called Sheriff of Nottingham, which has got a cheating element where you're trying to con the Sheriff out of tax money by lying about what you've got in your produce band.
Ron: That's funny.
Laura: So that's quite fun.
Laura: So we'll play that next time because Judith will suck in that.
Ron: When we used to play cheat when we were at college, you could cheat in any way.
Ron: Like, you could just hide all your cards in your shoe and be like, I win, and stuff like that.
Laura: I like it.
Laura: It's fun.
Laura: So, anyway, welcome to the episode.
Laura: I'm in a travel lodge in Manchester.
Ron: I'm in a house in Belgium.
Laura: Yeah, the one that I like, weekend tomorrow.
Ron: Ron, can you stop trying to cheer me up?
Laura: No, I never will.
Laura: So welcome to this week's episode.
Laura: Last week we played a fun game and we asked you to guess what the alternative titles for the episode were.
Laura: So last week's episode was called The Whole World As Wibbling Things and we said, Listen, we normally have a short list of, like, three or four and then we pick on the day.
Laura: What do you reckon the other ones were?
Laura: We had some great guesses, but the first person to do a guess correctly was drumroll, please.
Laura: Matthew Collins.
Laura: Well done, Matthew.
Laura: Who correctly guessed I'm teaching a goat how to talk.
Laura: Well done, Matthew.
Ron: Within minutes.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Some of you listen to it so quickly, it really warms my cockle.
Ron: We love it.
Laura: So you win 40 Lexx bucks to spend in the gift shop on the way out.
Laura: Quite a few of you did guess that one, so well done, everybody that guessed that one.
Laura: For those of you that want to cheque if you got any of them right, the other actual options that we had were A Little Cuddle to My Life and Is that in a Bag?
Laura: Which Abby actually got very close to on Instagram.
Laura: You had a guess about a bag, but it wasn't quite that.
Laura: But there you go.
Laura: A little cuddle to my Life and is that in a bag?
Laura: Those were the options, so feel free to play again this week.
Laura: There are three on the shortlist that we haven't used, so get guessing.
Ron: I was sorry, I was just reading the options.
Ron: I might get you to change it.
Ron: I like the last one more.
Laura: Oh, do you?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: That was the best bit of the episode.
Laura: Yeah, it was quite funny.
Laura: I think the second to last one was my favourite book about putting swear words in the titles, because I do a transcript of the episode for our blog, just in case anybody that can't listen would be interested in reading it, so it doesn't take very long, I stick it up there.
Laura: But when I did the very Pregnant Love Island episode, our Valentine's special, I got, like, emails and a little warning that says the content is going to be hidden behind a thing because it's explicit content and readers have to be warned about the mola mola they can read about that sexy little rat.
Ron: Hideous rat.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: So there you go.
Laura: Yeah, well, whichever one see, we don't even know right now which one it's going to be.
Laura: It'll be one of two, probably, and then there's three others.
Laura: So there you go.
Laura: There's a new Patreon episode out right now, came out on Friday, a little mini episode of Detentron, which is me explaining to Ron what glass is.
Laura: So we're going to do Detentrons every now and again, which is where a concept that's come up that they didn't quite grasp for the first time.
Laura: I'll go away and do some independent study and then tell Ron all about it.
Laura: So if you want to know exactly what glass is, get signed up, get yourselves on the register.
Laura: It's patreon.
Laura: ComLexxeducation.
Laura: We ask for £3 a month and that helps support the podcast.
Laura: Keep it going so that we never have to stop and you get an extra episode.
Laura: And the more patrons we have, the more extra episodes we can do.
Ron: Yeah, it's once a month at the moment, but if we get a few more, maybe it'll be twice a month.
Ron: We get a bunch more after that.
Ron: Maybe it'll be every week you get extra stuff.
Ron: If we get some more after that, maybe we'll start doing live streams and live shows and things like this.
Laura: We want to we just are very aware that we need to get paid for it if we're going to do it.
Laura: So see how you feel now into the episode.
Laura: My microphone is a tiny bit crackly in this episode, so I'm very sorry about that.
Laura: I'm not sure what was going on with it, but, hey, sign up for Patreon, so we can afford better stuff, but it's a little bit bothersome.
Laura: I hope it doesn't annoy you too much, but it is the only episode that it will be like this.
Laura: So we're looking at viruses and pathogens today.
Laura: Yeah, it's quite a fun episode.
Laura: A little bit arguing.
Ron: A bit arguing.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: But not so bad.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: All right, well, enjoy.
Laura: Ronald J.
Laura: Honks.
Ron: Hello.
Laura: It's been a while since we recorded anything, because chronologically for us, we're coming back off the Christmas break.
Laura: Do you want some huge news, Ron?
Ron: Yes.
Laura: I've bought 30 gel pens.
Ron: I thought some actual news.
Ron: Not what you told me.
Laura: No, and I want to tell you again on the episode, I've got 30 brand new scented gel pens.
Ron: Ron, they're scented.
Laura: They all smell.
Ron: All the other kids in the playground must think you're so cool.
Laura: I think they do.
Laura: I wish we had a playground.
Laura: And some of them are glittery, some of them are pastels, some of them are neons and stuff.
Laura: There's one that's white, so I need to get some dark paper.
Laura: So I don't really know what to do with that one, but I think it's going to really help with my notetaking.
Ron: Yeah, I think that's fair.
Ron: I think that's another way to organise.
Laura: Another way to organise?
Ron: As in, like, you can colour code things and then that will structure your notes.
Ron: I'm not being facetious.
Laura: You just have one of those voices, sounds facetious.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: So, biology.
Laura: I picked a green pen.
Laura: What's it smell of?
Laura: Smells of marmite.
Laura: But I think that might be my fingers.
Ron: It's a new age of professionalism over here.
Ron: Look at this.
Laura: What have you done?
Laura: Water in a glass.
Ron: In a glass.
Laura: Drink.
Ron: Listen.
Ron: Whisper.
Ron: Quiet.
Laura: Barely heard it, mate.
Laura: Barely heard it.
Ron: And listen.
Laura: Ron's Wiggling.
Laura: Ron's Wiggling.
Laura: No squeaky chair.
Laura: You changed it before we even started recording.
Ron: Before we even chatted.
Ron: The record.
Laura: Wow.
Laura: Hey, if my dog doesn't bark and your cat is the f*** away, then we are actual podcast, here we come.
Ron: Yeah, we're not going to talk about Christmas and New year's because people aren't going to hear this till March.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: And we'll have done that on Intros Card.
Laura: It's like time travel, this podcast, a little bit.
Ron: It's like Christopher Nolan directs the podcast.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: By the time this goes out, I'm only a month away from my next big walk, though, so hopefully doing that again.
Laura: I'm doing half the length.
Laura: I've told you this.
Laura: It's nowhere near as long as the last.
Ron: Enjoy the first half of the last.
Laura: I did.
Laura: It was the nighttime bit I didn't like.
Ron: I'll have no whining about it.
Laura: Yes, you will, Ron.
Laura: I have to challenge myself.
Laura: I did a thing last night, right where I am.
Laura: I was trying to think about my Joyce and successes because I have a tendency to get maudlin and to think I'm a failure.
Laura: So I went through 2022 and I wrote down all of the good and successful things that I did, and actually, I did enough.
Laura: No, because some of them are personal and private.
Laura: But even just publishing a book and launching this, I was like, that could have been enough for a year.
Ron: Not for your decrepit brain, not for.
Laura: My sad, stupid, broken brain.
Laura: But hey, and there were some lovely things in their dad's.
Laura: Seventy th.
Laura: That was nice, wasn't it?
Laura: Met Tim and Tom.
Laura: Late guide.
Laura: Huge.
Laura: That actually came higher than some people's weddings in my list.
Laura: I did the London Brighton cycle, did my Walk, saw you twice, went to Brussels twice.
Ron: Yeah, that was very nice.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Did a lot.
Laura: Got busy.
Laura: Anyway.
Laura: Biology?
Laura: No, I don't remember where we were on let me have a flick back.
Laura: Biology.
Laura: Oh, no, it was cancer and telomeres and raggedy.
Laura: It's not gone out yet, but the point, we're recording this, so we'll see how the listeners react to 45 minutes of content.
Laura: About raggedy.
Laura: Ten minutes of biology.
Laura: They get tweet me all the time, saying, like, what are you going to do when you've run out of content?
Laura: And I'm like, if you think we're ever going to get through all of this, you are dreaming.
Laura: Also, we're going to do the A level.
Laura: There we go.
Laura: You had it at first.
Ron: And also, this is triple science, so it's like all three sciences fit into one course.
Ron: Essentially, when we move on to A level, they're each their own thing.
Ron: So there's going to be three times as much content on all of it.
Laura: Bloody h***, Harry.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Wait till you learn about the Kreb cycle, mate.
Laura: Kreb cycle.
Laura: That sounds like my mood cycle.
Laura: Quip.
Laura: Quip, where are you in your Krebby this morning?
Laura: Quib.
Ron: Right, yeah.
Laura: Don't make that noise.
Laura: It's just my bone.
Ron: I really want someone to just, like, ring me out, like, can we get a massage, then?
Laura: That exists.
Laura: That is a service that you didn't pay for.
Laura: I will say that you don't, like, be touched.
Ron: I will never get a massage.
Laura: Yes, you will.
Laura: You've just said you want it.
Ron: No, I said I want someone to ring me out like a towel.
Laura: That's a massage you can get.
Laura: That's what it feels like afterwards.
Ron: This is a bit you can get it, right.
Ron: I don't just want to pay someone to rub my muscles.
Ron: It's weird.
Ron: Nothing would make me tenser in the world.
Laura: I'll do it for you when I come and visit next month.
Laura: Anyway, with all my new gel pens, I'll squid them together and then use them to, like, prod you.
Ron: No, that's a bit from friends.
Laura: Yeah, good idea.
Laura: Good bit.
Ron: Right.
Laura: Mom used to have a funny little ball roller, a little wooden one.
Laura: Do you remember that?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: I never really knew what it was.
Laura: Massaging.
Ron: Yeah, she likes massage.
Ron: She's a creep as well.
Laura: I'm going to get you a massage for your next birthday and I will.
Ron: Watch that coupon rot on my shelf in the fridge.
Laura: Won't be a coupon.
Laura: A man will just turn up one day and then you'll be faced with your twin fears.
Laura: Having to be rude to someone and ask them to go away, please.
Laura: Or having them touch your nudie skin.
Ron: So bad when people come over to do something.
Ron: One time, someone came over to kill a hive of wasps that were living in the wall outside.
Ron: It was fine.
Ron: We didn't even know they were there.
Ron: The next door neighbour spotted them and this guy came over and he spoke very little English.
Ron: And I was like, oh, do you want a coffee?
Ron: And he's like, yeah, so he made coffee, but I made him, like a normal one.
Ron: What he did took about five minutes.
Ron: We just stood in silence in the living room serving coffee, and then eventually he just goes, It's a big coffee.
Ron: And then he left.
Laura: When he gets home, my wife's like, how was your day?
Laura: I had a coffee with an awkward little boy.
Ron: He made me a big coffee.
Ron: I could not live.
Laura: And then he said nothing.
Laura: He did not say, how is your day?
Laura: Or how are you?
Laura: My name is Ron.
Laura: He just stood there, sweating and looking at me.
Ron: He kept on just asking where the piston is anyway.
Ron: Yes, so last time we did cancer, but then we also, just to lighten things up at the end, we talked a little bit about communicable diseases.
Laura: Communicable, I remember that word.
Laura: Is that catching diseases?
Ron: Infectious diseases, basically kind of what catching means.
Ron: Yes, but you've decided to use a weird de Kenzian word for it.
Laura: Catching isn't Dickensian.
Ron: Oh, he's got catching cold.
Ron: Throw him in the scuppers.
Ron: Yeah, it sounds very dickensian.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: All right, well, yeah, okay.
Ron: And we are going to pathogens.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: We're going to talk more about infectious diseases today, specifically a couple of different types of pathogen, depending on how far we get, because we've already been recording for, like, 15 minutes.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: So the first one that we're going to dive into is viral diseases.
Ron: What can you tell me about going viral?
Ron: Laura?
Laura: Oh, it gets you a book deal if you're really smart.
Laura: Viral Diseases, or got text messages from Tom He's in Madeira.
Laura: It looks grim.
Laura: Viral diseases spread like wildfire.
Laura: Tom ron you're ron gizzi.
Laura: Viral diseases, they spread a lot?
Laura: Spread like butter.
Ron: They're quite infectious, yes.
Laura: Airborne?
Ron: Not inherently.
Laura: Okay, I don't know anymore.
Ron: So do you know what a virus is?
Laura: No.
Laura: You just asked me to tell you about viral diseases and do you think if I knew what a virus was, I'd have done that better?
Laura: Okay, sorry, I don't think it's fair to find out I don't know something and then ask me in a different way.
Laura: Sorry, I've broken my gel pen.
Laura: The ends come off because karma karma for what, you f***?
Ron: You being quite antagonistic.
Laura: Oh, my God.
Laura: How am I being antagonistic?
Ron: You just said what you f*** because.
Laura: You said my new pembreaking was karma.
Ron: And if you don't think you're proving.
Laura: My point, you don't have a point.
Laura: Listen, I don't know what a virus is.
Laura: I just know it's a communicable disease off a pathogen.
Ron: It's a type of pathogen, yeah.
Ron: So viruses are very interesting because they are not readers.
Laura: Added additional information that this may or may not be true, depending on your level of interest.
Ron: Stop undermining your co host.
Laura: Why?
Ron: I don't know.
Ron: That is the thing.
Ron: Right?
Laura: They're very interesting because you say they're a pathogen.
Ron: I sit there like five minutes ago.
Ron: Yeah?
Laura: I wrote down virus and then a.
Ron: Colon, which do you know what a pathogen is?
Laura: It is a virus or bacteria that can't survive alone and depends on a host, but it's not definitely a parasite.
Laura: Makes toxins and bashes up your tissues.
Laura: That's what I've read it.
Ron: Right, well, pathogen is just the thing that infects you.
Laura: What does that mean?
Laura: So it's an atom?
Ron: No.
Laura: What is it?
Laura: Cells.
Ron: Do your cells infect you?
Laura: Maybe some do.
Ron: No, because they're part of you.
Laura: But they're not necessarily my cells that are infecting me.
Ron: Yeah, okay.
Ron: Some pathogens are made out of cells.
Laura: Right, thank you.
Ron: But they're not cells inherently.
Ron: It's just what I said.
Ron: Pathogens are just the things that infect you.
Laura: Yeah, but what are they?
Ron: Well, that's what we're talking about today, when we're going to run through a few different types of pathogens.
Laura: You're already making me sad.
Ron: But why can't that be enough of a definition?
Ron: They are the things that infect you.
Laura: Because what I'm thinking about now is a little cloud.
Laura: That's what a pathogen is.
Laura: A little angry rain cloud.
Laura: That's what I'm picturing.
Ron: That's on you.
Ron: Make.
Laura: Yeah, but unless you tell me what.
Ron: To picture, that's what today's lesson is upon.
Ron: Let me finish a f****** sentence and you might find out.
Laura: Okay, we'll start there so I know what to picture.
Ron: Okay, so we're going to be running through viruses, bacteria, protists, funguses, those things.
Laura: Funguses, mushrooms, fungi.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Does that help?
Laura: Fungal infection?
Laura: Athletes, foot.
Ron: Know what to picture now?
Laura: No.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: Can we carry on with the lesson?
Laura: Oh, my God.
Laura: I thought a holiday would chill you out.
Ron: I was very chill at the beginning of this lesson.
Laura: So I've got virus, colon pathogen now, is that correct?
Ron: It's two words next to each being antagonistic.
Laura: There that one.
Ron: Viruses are a pathogen.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Right.
Laura: Thank you.
Laura: Go back to the beginning.
Ron: Okay, so to cycle back to where you asked if pathogens were cells.
Ron: Some of them are.
Ron: Viruses aren't.
Laura: So they're viruses also pathogens?
Ron: Yes, viruses are pathogens.
Ron: They're not cells.
Laura: But pathogens are cells.
Ron: Didn't say that.
Ron: Said some of them were.
Laura: Right, okay, so a virus is a little rain cloud.
Ron: No, it's not.
Ron: Why would it be a rain cloud.
Laura: If it's not cells?
Laura: Is it not like a gas?
Ron: That's not the two types of thing, you know that, right?
Laura: Not really in my head.
Laura: Atoms are like the Legos, and they make tables and stuff, and then cells are like cushions and they make squashier things.
Ron: Cells are made out of smells.
Ron: Cells?
Laura: Cells.
Laura: Skin and stuff.
Ron: Atoms.
Laura: Where is the smell made?
Laura: That's the tiny bit of something, basically.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Well, what is a pathogen, then?
Laura: If it's not, is it atom?
Laura: Then it is atoms.
Ron: Everything's made up of atoms.
Ron: Listen, Laura.
Ron: Laura.
Laura: I said, was it atoms?
Laura: And you said you, like, looked at me like, Are you thick?
Laura: And said no.
Laura: And then I asked if it was.
Ron: Cell, because it's not just individual atoms getting into you.
Ron: There's a few it's trillions of them.
Ron: Look at a thing in the room that you're in.
Laura: Oh, well, we've done this.
Laura: I know everything's made of atoms.
Laura: Yeah, but what is a pathogen?
Ron: It's something that infects you.
Laura: What does that mean?
Laura: Is it alive?
Laura: Well, sometimes I don't think anybody knows about them from the answers to these.
Ron: Well, no, it's just quite a broad thing.
Laura: All right, so then a pathogen isn't like a class of something.
Laura: It's not like a horse is a thing.
Laura: A pathogen is a species of things.
Ron: It's kind of like what's a predator?
Ron: You know, like it's just like a predator is a thing that eats other things.
Ron: A pathogen is a thing that infects other things, but they're not.
Laura: I was thinking of it more like what is a metal no.
Laura: All right, well, you should have said that.
Laura: I'm not looking at you.
Ron: So viruses.
Ron: The interesting thing about viruses and to double back on the things that you've asked about who rude to double back on things.
Laura: It's so rude so far, so I don't care.
Ron: It is a topic of debate in science at the moment as to whether viruses are alive or not.
Laura: Interesting.
Ron: So can you remember what something needs to be classed as alive?
Laura: Mrs.
Laura: Nurg?
Ron: Yeah, one of which is reproduction.
Ron: They need to be able to reproduce.
Laura: Yes.
Ron: Do you know how viruses reproduce?
Laura: Do they?
Ron: Those are fine answer.
Laura: Do they?
Laura: So a virus is around, someone else's got a virus, and then they sneeze, and I scoop that up.
Laura: No, I don't know.
Ron: So viruses, they infect your cells, and then obviously in your cells, you have all of the bits and pieces that you need to reproduce one of your own cells, right?
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: So you've got all of the proteins and enzymes and machinery that you need to reproduce one of your cells.
Ron: Viruses don't have that themselves.
Laura: ATP.
Ron: Viruses don't have that themselves.
Ron: They then infect your cells, and then they use your enzymes and proteins and machinery to reproduce themselves.
Laura: Bastards.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So they can't reproduce on their own.
Ron: So are they alive or not?
Laura: Yes.
Ron: Why?
Laura: Because they can reproduce off their own back.
Laura: They just have worked out how to get in someone else and do it.
Ron: But then they're not doing it off their own back.
Ron: They don't contain all of the information that they need to reproduce themselves.
Laura: No.
Laura: I still think they're alive.
Ron: That's fine.
Ron: It's a debate.
Ron: But you understand why there's a debate.
Laura: Well, if you're saying that you have to be able to reproduce off your own back, why is some people debating that?
Laura: They are.
Ron: For what you're saying?
Laura: So I'm a scientist.
Laura: I came up with the right answer.
Ron: No, you've backed one side, and what I've told you is an ongoing debate.
Laura: But you didn't tell me that that was what the other side were doing, and I got there.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: The interesting thing with the virus debate.
Laura: Just give me some praise.
Ron: I said yeah.
Laura: That isn't praise.
Ron: Well done.
Laura: Thank you.
Laura: Do you know what?
Laura: Over Christmas, because I wasn't gigging, tom just took to clapping me, doing basic things to make me feel good.
Laura: And I loved it.
Laura: It got a bit sarcastic after a while.
Ron: I know, Tom, but I assure you that was sarcastic from the first clap.
Laura: I didn't think it was.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So where it gets interesting bonuses and why it is a debate is because where is the line?
Ron: Right.
Laura: Where is the line?
Laura: Where is the line?
Ron: The line?
Laura: I love it when I do something weird and then the Google meet says, Are you talking?
Laura: Your mic is off.
Laura: And I think Ron wishes it was.
Ron: Because there are other things that can't replicate themselves, but do get replicated using other things, machinery that seem a lot less alive.
Ron: So you have portions of your DNA that are essentially like genetic viruses that just replicate themselves in your DNA and move around and stuff in your DNA.
Ron: But that's all they do.
Ron: It's just a code that encodes, basically copy and paste me and then gets copy and pasted.
Ron: Is that alive?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: See, here's an interesting blurred line.
Laura: It is a blurred line.
Laura: So a virus then a virus doesn't actually choose to make you sick, it's just it didn't try and get in your body.
Ron: None of these things choose to make you sick.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: You getting sick is actually a bad thing for them because if you think about it, the most successful pathogen is going to be one which lives inside you and proliferates without you ever noticing so that you don't try and get rid of it.
Ron: Yeah, like something that kills the host really quickly.
Ron: That's bad because it might kill you before you meet another human to pass it on.
Laura: Yeah, I remember that being discussed in the whole COVID thing about how the viruses that kill you super quickly will have like a big flash and then die out because they don't spread, because they're killing you too quickly.
Laura: Whereas there's like a danger zone of leaves you healthy long enough that you've spread it everywhere and then is deadly.
Ron: Exactly.
Laura: Or they tend to be like very spreadable but milder.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: And everyone has a bunch of infections all the time.
Ron: There's quite a large proportion of the world's population, they just have TB and it just lives in their lungs, completely harmlessly.
Laura: Like a little door mouse.
Ron: Yeah.
Laura: That's cute.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So viruses, they cannot reproduce on their own.
Ron: They live inside your cells and then they just use your enzymes and whatnot to produce as many as them themselves as they can until the cell just bursts because there's so many viruses in there and then those viruses go and infect more cells.
Ron: Worth when you have like a sore throat, when you've got a cough, that is because the viruses have infected the cells in your throat and then your immune system has basically just gone through and carpet bombed everything to kill the viruses that were living there.
Laura: Right.
Laura: Actually explode.
Ron: Worth it's hard to make cures for.
Laura: Viruses because they change all the time.
Ron: Yeah, because a lot of them are RNA based.
Ron: Have we talked about RNA?
Ron: Much?
Laura: Ribonucleoclaic acid?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So DNA is deoxyribonucleic acid.
Laura: Oh my God.
Laura: Did I get it right?
Ron: Yeah, 100% right.
Ron: Well done.
Laura: End the episode.
Laura: Nothing will ever be a greater success than that moment.
Laura: Ron.
Ron: But do you know what that is?
Laura: No, don't ask a follow up question.
Laura: Let's just dwell in my brilliance.
Ron: So basically, RNA is DNA is kind of like short term alternative.
Ron: Okay.
Ron: So the difference between them is literally that deoxy.
Ron: So in DNA, there is an oh group missing from the molecule.
Ron: Oh groups are a little bit charged because they're polarised.
Ron: So if you have that on there like you do with RNA, it kind of makes the whole thing a little bit unstable.
Ron: Okay.
Laura: Okay.
Ron: You understand no.
Ron: Which part of it didn't you understand?
Laura: What you were talking about?
Laura: Hang on, so you say it's missing an oxy, but what is it in the first place, please?
Ron: It's an acid.
Laura: An acid?
Ron: Yeah.
Laura: My DNA is an acid.
Ron: Yes.
Ron: Deoxyribose ribose nucleic acid is an acid.
Ron: It's what the A stands for.
Laura: And that's what contains all my genetic information.
Laura: Just in an acid.
Laura: And where is that?
Laura: Just everywhere, in everything.
Laura: There's a bit of acid in me.
Ron: That's the double helix.
Ron: You know what DNA is?
Laura: I've seen that double helix isn't what it is.
Laura: Where's that in my spine.
Ron: It's in every single one of your cells.
Laura: Right, okay.
Ron: It's in the nucleus of your cells.
Ron: We did this.
Laura: Oh, no, it isn't.
Ron: Yes, we did.
Ron: We've covered this.
Ron: We covered this.
Ron: Lesson f****** one.
Laura: I don't think we did.
Ron: We did.
Ron: Do you know what the nucleus is of your cells?
Ron: Then?
Ron: You were like, yeah, it's atoms of a nucleus, and cells have a nucleus of atoms.
Laura: I'm so glad you went on that little round.
Laura: You said you know what a nucleus is, and I was just about to go, yeah, it's the protons and the neutrons.
Ron: The neutrons, neutrons.
Laura: Just got to blow my nose there because of a little pathogen.
Laura: What's in my nucleus?
Ron: DNA?
Laura: Just that helix.
Ron: Basically.
Ron: Yeah.
Laura: Double helix.
Laura: Sorry.
Laura: And it's not in a bag, it's just loose.
Ron: The nucleus is a bag, basically.
Laura: The nucleus is a bag on a person, but not on an atom.
Ron: Yeah.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And that double helix is made of acid, but they've managed to get it to swirl.
Laura: Wait, so with that helix, that's just like the diamond carbon structure, like the lattice?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: It's a huge molecule.
Laura: Whoa.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And everyone's is subtly different.
Ron: Different codes.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: But the building blocks are all the same.
Laura: I see.
Ron: Remember the gatc?
Ron: It's a code of four things.
Laura: Gatc?
Ron: Yes.
Ron: DNA is a code.
Ron: Right.
Ron: There's four letters in that code.
Ron: G-A-T and C.
Ron: This doesn't ring any this isn't part of this.
Ron: This was part of lesson one.
Laura: Yeah, I'm looking.
Laura: I don't have notes for lesson one.
Ron: But anyway, the point is remember the.
Laura: Little men with leather trousers?
Ron: That's membranes.
Ron: The point is, is that RNA is more unstable than DNA, and therefore RNA viruses mutate more frequently and it's harder to build immunity for them.
Laura: Mg one, SG two.
Ron: No, stop looking back.
Ron: We're doing a lesson now.
Laura: Then.
Laura: You're not allowed to say we've covered this.
Ron: But we have.
Laura: Well, then let me look back.
Ron: But you don't need it's not part of this lesson.
Laura: What are we doing, then?
Laura: You ask, and I'm trying to understand.
Ron: But you reading it off your notes isn't knowing or understanding.
Ron: That's just rereading.
Ron: You checking it and being like, yeah, it's there.
Ron: That's not the same as you knowing it.
Ron: That just means you wrote it down once.
Laura: I don't know it.
Ron: No, I know that, but we may as well tread water here rather than diving down for it.
Laura: That's very poetic, that bit.
Ron: Thank you.
Laura: Well, I don't think we're getting anywhere today.
Ron: No.
Ron: We're in the fourth line of.
Ron: Notes.
Laura: RNA is short term DNA.
Ron: It's more unstable than DNA.
Ron: Okay, that makes sense.
Laura: Does that mean it loses its components easier?
Ron: It just means that when it's replicated, it is more likely for it to be replicated wrong than DNA is, and therefore a mutation in the next generation.
Laura: Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Ron: So they mutate a lot.
Ron: It's hard to build immunity for them.
Laura: Because they're always changing, going through changes.
Laura: So viruses are in the RNA?
Ron: Some of them.
Ron: Okay, we're going to learn about some viruses now.
Laura: I'm going to use a different colour for each virus.
Ron: Lovely.
Laura: Get this sparkly, reddish purple colour now.
Laura: So pick a good virus.
Ron: Here's a banger classic, a real sort of lead.
Ron: It bleed of viruses.
Ron: Measles.
Ron: Measles is a viral this is me quote.
Ron: Measles is a viral disease.
Laura: That was very dan, Carlin.
Laura: I loved it.
Ron: Yeah, that's what I was going for.
Ron: Measles is a viral disease showing symptoms of fever and a red skin rash.
Ron: Measles is a serious illness that can be fatal if complications arise.
Ron: For this reason, most young children are vaccinated against measles.
Ron: Measles virus is spread by inhalation of droplets from sneezes and coughs.
Laura: Okay, what of that should I write down?
Ron: I don't know.
Ron: It's all in the syllabus.
Ron: I just read that from the syllabus.
Laura: Red rash can be fatal.
Laura: Get a vaccine or don't.
Laura: It's your personal choice.
Ron: Do you get a vaccine?
Laura: What was the other one?
Laura: Drop some Sniggles from your nose.
Ron: Ready for your next virus?
Laura: Laura so that then measles is just an acid or something?
Ron: What?
Ron: No, measles is a virus.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Okay, but we don't know what a virus is.
Ron: We know what a virus is.
Laura: It's a virus.
Laura: What is that?
Ron: A collection of it's its own thing.
Ron: That's like saying we don't know what a pigeon is.
Laura: What we do, we can say it's a living, breathing thing made of cells.
Ron: It's a bird.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Virus is a virus.
Ron: Pigeon is a pigeon.
Laura: Measles is laura you don't know what anything is.
Ron: Why are you so happy to live your life with your eyes closed?
Ron: Until we record this podcast and then suddenly you have to pick up every rock and look at what's underneath it?
Laura: It's just the way I tried to learn, because I can't have black spots in my picturing of it.
Ron: So viruses come in a couple of different forms, right?
Ron: So they can just look like you've probably seen imagery of the corona virus in the last couple of years.
Ron: It's like a spiky ball.
Ron: It looks like a desk toy, almost.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: So that's what some viruses look like.
Ron: Other ones kind of look like crazy spaceships with legs and looks like a DND ice at the top.
Ron: And then it has a tube underneath and, like, landing equipment underneath it.
Laura: And that is made of atoms.
Laura: Cells?
Ron: No, it's not made of cells, but it's made of molecules, which are made of acid.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: So I'm just trying to have a think.
Laura: So measles is some molecules, right?
Ron: Let's take a look.
Laura: Let me finish my thought.
Ron: I'm trying to f****** h***.
Ron: Measles virus.
Laura: Let's have a look.
Ron: I am helping.
Ron: Let's have a look.
Ron: So a measles virus looks a lot like the coronavirus.
Ron: In fact, it may be a coronavirus.
Ron: I think that's got something to do with the corona of glycoproteins around the outside.
Ron: So, yeah, it looks like a spiky ball, basically.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: And it's a spiky ball made of molecules.
Ron: You are sending messages to the family.
Ron: WhatsApp?
Ron: You s****.
Ron: What the f***?
Laura: You'd be in there.
Laura: Well, that's because that was a very cute picture of one of my nephews and a puppy.
Laura: And I wanted to say that some molecules.
Laura: Right.
Laura: And it looks like a little squashy ball.
Laura: And measles is lots of those.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: One of those is a measles virus.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: But if you sneeze, there's lots of those in the sneeze, right?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: In the little droplets.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: So they're coming out in those little droplets.
Laura: Then someone else is breathing those in and those are going into cells and using the proteins in your cells to make more of themselves.
Ron: Yes.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: Got it.
Laura: Now you're sending text messages to you.
Ron: It's a picture of the measles virus.
Laura: Oh, it's pretty HIV.
Ron: Heard of it?
Laura: Yes.
Ron: So HIV is a virus.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: HIV is what is known as a retrovirus, not just because it's from the 80s.
Laura: Well.
Ron: Retrovirus is very interesting.
Ron: So what a lot of viruses will do is, I believe they get into your cell and then essentially they'll just send RNA straight to the protein making stuff in your cell.
Ron: Okay.
Laura: Their own RNA?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: They send RNA because you got messenger RNA that takes messages to the protein makers and then the proteins start getting made based off these little recipes.
Ron: Right.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: What retroviruses do is they copy their genetic information into the host's DNA.
Laura: Oh, no.
Ron: And then once it's in the host's DNA, the proteins and stuff that the genetic information codes for is produced directly from the DNA, as if it was your own.
Laura: F***.
Laura: Forgot to change pen.
Ron: Does that make sense?
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: So your body doesn't know that it's producing something it shouldn't.
Ron: Exactly.
Laura: Or yeah.
Laura: Okay.
Ron: And this actually happens a lot.
Ron: 8% of your DNA is left over from viruses that have implanted stuff in there.
Laura: Crikey.
Laura: Don't tell Rod little.
Ron: Who's that?
Laura: He's a columnist.
Laura: He got really kind of like, you know when there's that brand of columnist like Jeremy Clarkson, whatever that is really vile, and then sort of goes, it was just a laugh.
Laura: Puts absolute nastiness into what's meant to be humour.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: He did one of these columns where he'd done a DNA test and found out he was like 80% Scottish or something.
Laura: And then you could sort of see the bare bones of how that could be a tongue in cheek, quite funny thing because there was a line, like, 1 minute you think you're a fine, upstanding English gentleman, and the next minute you find out you're a tattoo scar neating Scotsman, blah, blah, blah.
Ron: Sure.
Laura: And you're like, okay, I could see that being like, a gender point.
Laura: And then it just went so far in terms of abusive, horrible sort of what is it like Xenophobia, that you were just like, what are you doing?
Laura: And why did nobody stop this being printed?
Laura: Why is there no layer of anyway, it was really like when you see someone being outraged about something and then you read it and like, the first three lines, you're like, okay, you've chosen to be outraged.
Laura: Oh, no, you haven't.
Laura: Oh, no, I'm outraged.
Laura: And then you just know that if you call that brand of sort of secure white male out on it, they'll just go, It's just a joke.
Laura: And you go, but it wasn't, was it?
Ron: Anyway, yeah, these retroviruses is actually quite an interesting thing in evolution because obviously that genetic information that they've just dropped into your DNA, that does code for proteins and stuff.
Ron: So what they're essentially doing is spreading these recipes for different proteins and at the moment it just codes, obviously, for a virus, not a helpful thing to have, but through evolution, those proteins could then become other stuff and it can be like a spreader of things.
Laura: How many more are we going to do?
Ron: We're going to do one more virus, then I'm going to ask you how long we've been recording.
Laura: Okay, I think I'll just stay in the same pen for this virus then, because I accidentally forgot to change for HIV.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: So, quote, HIV initially causes a flulike illness.
Ron: Unless successfully controlled with antiretroviral drugs, the virus attacks the body's immune cells they have.
Laura: Amazing.
Laura: Is it?
Laura: Prep, isn't it?
Laura: Is the thing you take now just keeps it all under control?
Laura: It's like, amazing.
Ron: It's very cool.
Laura: There's lots of buses in Brighton that are like, hey, don't be scared of it.
Laura: Like, you don't have to fear it anymore, which is, like, very heartwarming.
Ron: Yeah, super nice one, Diana.
Laura: I found out yesterday diana was the same age as me when she died.
Ron: Ripe old age.
Laura: Shut up.
Laura: Charles was 13 years older than her.
Ron: Yeah, Charles is a creep.
Ron: Yeah, look at that.
Laura: I'm so into this.
Laura: Harry and Meghan document.
Ron: Late stage HIV infection, or AIDS, occurs when the body's immune system becomes so badly damaged it can no longer deal with other infections or cancers.
Ron: HIV spreads by sexual contact or exchange of bodily fluids, such as blood, which occurs when drug users share needles.
Laura: I started watching a new real Housewives last night with Charlotte, friend of the podcast Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
Laura: And the reason I real Mormons, some of them are, most are not practising.
Ron: They all married to the same bloke.
Laura: No, but are any of them married.
Ron: To the same bloke?
Laura: No.
Laura: How's this?
Laura: Because I think it is bigger.
Laura: Me is illegal.
Ron: Mormons f****** love it, though.
Laura: Yeah, I know, but they have to do it, like under subterfuge kind of thing.
Laura: I've watched so many documentaries about Mormons.
Laura: One of them right.
Laura: Wrong.
Laura: Here's the thing.
Laura: She is married to her step grandfather because when her grandma died, she stated in her will that she wanted one of her grandchildren to marry him to look after him.
Ron: No.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: And they're, like, romantically married.
Laura: Well, I've not seen them kiss, but they are full married.
Laura: They are a couple.
Ron: No.
Laura: That'S not even the main storyline of episode one.
Laura: I had such a good time.
Ron: That's off.
Ron: That smells wrong.
Laura: It's not good, is it?
Ron: Right, let's do this.
Ron: Last virus.
Laura: One of them should have said no.
Laura: That's weird.
Laura: Or both of them, preferably.
Ron: Everyone involved.
Laura: Them.
Ron: Everyone involved.
Ron: And in a three mile radius of them at any time.
Ron: Should be shouting shame.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: No.
Laura: Well, they wouldn't be because he's the leader of their church.
Ron: Right.
Ron: Of course he is.
Laura: And she does all the preaching.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: He was probably looming over this poor old woman's bed with a pillow like, f****** put this in your will.
Ron: I want to bang your little granddaughter.
Ron: Yeah, well tobacco mosaic virus.
Ron: Laura tmv.
Laura: Tmv.
Laura: Not heard of that one.
Ron: It's a widespread plant pathogen affecting many species of plants.
Ron: Including tobacco.
Ron: No, it says including tomatoes.
Ron: It gives a distinctive mosaic pattern of discolouration on the leaves, which affects the growth of the plant due to lack of photosynthesis.
Laura: Oh, I'll look out for that this spring.
Ron: And that's viral disease, how long have not a minute.
Laura: We didn't spend very much time on that one, did we?
Laura: Anything else you want to say?
Laura: There no stops.
Laura: What?
Laura: What is it?
Laura: Mitochondria.
Ron: Photosynthesis.
Laura: Photosynthesis.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: Well, after a bumpy start, I think we got going.
Laura: Yeah, I think you got back in the swing of how to be a teacher.
Ron: Rude.
Ron: You're a rude person.
Laura: Got him.
Laura: All right, well, I think that quiz should be all right.
Laura: There's not actually that much information there.
Ron: I told you.
Ron: Quite a lot of information that's worried.
Laura: It's less than one page on my notes.
Laura: Oh, well, see you after the jingle.
Laura: Ronnie.
Laura: Ronnie Hawks didn't do this quiz without my notebook.
Laura: Ron, just as a give it a goer.
Laura: No, because it was only it was only five days ago.
Laura: We're not far off the recording of this one.
Ron: No.
Ron: And we didn't cover loads of content because it was quite a squabbly squabbly episode.
Ron: Didn't you find it weird that Americans call pigeon squabs?
Laura: Yeah, I think don't Australians do as well?
Laura: Yeah, they call chickens chucks, too.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: That's cute, though.
Laura: Are you back on a master chef binge?
Ron: We're considering it.
Laura: Go for the block, please.
Laura: Watch the block instead, please.
Laura: It doesn't stretch the same.
Laura: Itch it will run.
Laura: It will it's too stressful.
Ron: It's not wholesome in the same way.
Laura: Please, for me.
Ron: I did watch a bunch of it.
Laura: When you were here.
Laura: That one we watched the Glass House one.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: But Judith and I watched some of it on our own as well.
Laura: Fine.
Ron: How do viruses reproduce?
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: All right, fair.
Laura: What's the question?
Ron: How do viruses reproduce?
Laura: Oh, I know this.
Laura: You, like, sneeze them out or they're in the air or in some globs of stuff, and then they get in you and they get in your cells, and then they use your protein to reproduce themselves and get themselves replicated in your RNA.
Ron: I'm going to give you the mark because I think you get it.
Ron: You said a couple of errant things, but I think you get it.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: They can't reproduce on their own.
Laura: They need a creature, something that makes energy to do it.
Ron: No, they need, like, our enzymes and our ribosomes and organelles and stuff is how they do it.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: I'll give you the mark.
Laura: Thank you.
Ron: Why is there controversy over whether viruses are alive or not?
Laura: Because they need a host in order to reproduce, so they can kind of do it off their own back.
Laura: It's not like they die out if you weren't, like, spooning them into a person.
Laura: They've made their own systems to get in and get reproduced, but they do require that, and it's not reproduction.
Laura: Like, I can't reproduce on my own.
Laura: I need a sperm.
Laura: I'm still alive because my cells reproduce.
Ron: Exactly.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: They just physically do not contain all of the information that they need to reproduce.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: Another mark for you, Lloyd.
Ron: Smashing these quizzes today.
Laura: Do you know what?
Laura: I've turned over a new leaf in my life where I'm trying not to burn out all the time.
Laura: So I've made, like, a reasonable amount of stuff to do.
Laura: Like, I'll tell my computer so you can see my whiteboard.
Laura: That's my weekly tasks, and then once I've done those, that's it.
Laura: I have to stop working then.
Laura: And then it's just me time.
Ron: That's great.
Laura: So maybe I'm a little bit less, like, absolutely full to the brim of stuff that probably didn't need doing, but I've convinced myself is important.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Nice.
Ron: I'm happy for you, man.
Laura: Thank you.
Laura: I took a day off yesterday and I had a day off.
Ron: Nice cleaning.
Laura: Even though my dog has dog Zayas bought my house this week.
Laura: I'm not stressed.
Laura: It's fine.
Ron: Yeah, that's really nice.
Ron: I think I empathise with you.
Ron: I think if I didn't have a nine to five where literally, like, at 05:00, I'm like, Well, I'm not working anymore.
Ron: I think I'd end up doing that.
Ron: I end up working more than my contracted hours.
Ron: A lot anyway.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Especially on a week like this where, like, I've had a month with Tom where he's been we've been together over Christmas and then we went away for a little bit.
Laura: We've just been together and then he left on Saturday and he is away for two and a half weeks solid, and by the time he gets back, I've gone.
Laura: So it's kind of been quite a rude introduction to the normal life.
Laura: So it's been reintroduced to my own thoughts and that kind of life.
Laura: So I'm trying very hard to have a little bit of boundary.
Ron: That's really nice.
Ron: I always struggle with having that time to relax and stuff, but then I always end up with this sometimes if I'm just watching TV and double screening or something, and then sometimes like, what?
Ron: I can relax, but I don't have to completely just spaff this time away.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: And that balance I always find really hard, where it's like, I would be more fulfilled if I got up and played guitar for an hour or something.
Ron: Yeah, I always find that hard.
Laura: My therapist said to me the other day, she said, what is relaxation to you?
Laura: And I realised that my answer.
Laura: A lot of it was like, relaxation is something you've earned at the end of the day, or that you deserve, or that you have to have a reason for having.
Laura: And she was like, okay, do you understand that those concepts are inventions?
Laura: They might be right.
Laura: No idea.
Laura: But that you don't have to live like that if you don't want to.
Laura: Relaxation can just be a thing that you are allowed every day.
Laura: As long as you've got food, you can choose a different as long as.
Ron: It'S not harming yourself or someone else to relax.
Laura: Yeah, but she was like, yeah.
Laura: That concept of, oh, well, at the end of the day, if everything's done, I might have time to relax, doesn't isn't necessarily the right way to do it.
Laura: It's like maybe if you relaxed first, you would have the better capability to do everything else that needs doing.
Laura: So that's something I'm working on.
Ron: Smart.
Ron: What's a retrovirus?
Laura: A retrovirus?
Laura: That's a good question.
Laura: The temptation to open the notebook.
Laura: Now I can hear the jokes I would have made.
Laura: It's a virus in flares.
Laura: It's a virus in a backwards baseball cap.
Ron: Do you want to see if we can work?
Ron: Like, what does retro mean back in the day?
Ron: Retro just means backwards.
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: It doesn't necessarily mean back in the day.
Laura: Yeah, backwards.
Ron: The opposite of retro is forwards.
Ron: Antero.
Ron: I think that's fun because you have retrograde and you have anterograde.
Ron: I think I'm going to cheque.
Laura: That a retrovirus.
Laura: So a backwards virus?
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Anterior nearer the front.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: I don't know on this one.
Laura: We're on a virus that kind of develops into a virus, or a virus that gives you protein rather than using yours.
Ron: A retrovirus is one that copies its genetic information into your DNA.
Laura: Oh, yeah, like HIV.
Laura: So that's a retrovirus because then it's just in there and then you start reproducing it for yourself.
Ron: So the reason that it's backwards is because it's RNA viruses that do this, and usually in a cell, DNA goes to RNA, makes a protein, whereas this is RNA into DNA, which doesn't happen very much.
Laura: Right.
Ron: And then final question.
Ron: I did phone in this quiz a bit, because I've just done a quiz and it's not the fun bit.
Laura: I like the quizzes.
Ron: No, I mean, writing them.
Laura: Spice them up.
Ron: What plant did it say?
Ron: The tobacco mosaic virus attacks?
Laura: Tobacco.
Ron: No, it said tomato.
Laura: Oh, yeah.
Ron: That was very funny.
Laura: That's a mean question.
Laura: Yeah, yeah, all right, fair enough.
Laura: Well, listen, I love that we had a big chat about how relaxation was changing my life and then I gubbed the question after that, stop relaxing, you mad b****.
Laura: Still falling apart.
Laura: Worth.
Laura: All right, well, 50 50, won't it?
Laura: Yeah.
Ron: I'm still impressed.
Laura: Yeah, I'm impressive, man.
Laura: I love my gel pens.
Laura: I'd forgotten this was the first gel pen episode.
Laura: Yeah, I'm currently in Manchester and when I was packing yesterday, I put all my gel pens in my suitcase and then my suitcase did so rattling and I had to say out loud to myself, laura, take the majority of those gel pens out of your suitcase.
Laura: So I've just got five with me, but originally I had all 30.
Ron: Like a little kid that's planning on running away.
Laura: Don't pack 50 gel pens to go to Manchester.
Laura: That's insane behaviour.
Laura: So I've got five instead.
Ron: You know like when you have those memories that just come back and haunt you all the time?
Ron: My earliest one of those is when I think it must have been like my fourth or fifth birthday, and parents of the podcast, Mum and dad took me bowling with all of my friends and I just decided I didn't want to go bowling and I snapped all of my crayons.
Ron: I really didn't want to go bold.
Ron: I remember it so vividly.
Ron: There was, like, this folding case of crayons and it was like a semicircle that folded out to make a circle, and they were Winnie the Pooh crayons and they had characters at one end and then the crayon on the other end, and I snapped them all.
Laura: Did you ever express the Mum and dad that you didn't want to go bowling?
Ron: Oh, I screamed my head off.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: Ran upstairs and snapped all those crayons.
Laura: Why would you?
Laura: Why didn't you snap something of theirs?
Laura: Why are you snapping your own stuff?
Ron: Because I hate myself.
Laura: What you wanted at the top of the episode when we said you said bury and squash.
Laura: No, Ron, what are you going to do?
Laura: Go and sit in the lounge and snap all of your chair legs?
Ron: You bury in your squash and then millions of years later, an oil well comes up?
Laura: No, you just have a graveyard for crayons.
Ron: I did try and run away once.
Ron: And I packed all my baby babies into a city.
Ron: Didn't want to leave them behind.
Ron: No one would look after them.
Laura: No.
Laura: Anyway, thanks for listening to the episode.
Laura: If you're listening in the south of England, or want to visit the south of England, I've got a couple of previews of my new show, formerly called Mother Figure now, I think, called Pest.
Laura: They are going to be 14.
Laura: March in London at the Camden Head.
Laura: Go to Camdencomedyclub.com.
Ron: Camden head.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: Do you remember when we watched Daniel Simons in there?
Ron: Daniel Simon.
Ron: There Piano Valley.
Ron: Rich Wilson, piano valley.
Laura: Piano Belly.
Laura: Yeah.
Laura: So I'm doing another little work in progress of actions there.
Ron: Ashens.
Ron: Here's a YouTube fan.
Laura: Oh, yeah, I remember.
Laura: You and me and MOA.
Ron: Yeah.
Ron: First thing we did when we went to Weird.
Laura: So, yeah.
Laura: So I'm doing a little preview there.
Laura: So please come along.
Laura: Be lovely to see some faces if you're in the Southeast.
Laura: And then also the 8 April at the Caroline of Brunswick in Brighton.
Laura: So if you look for the comedy experiment, which is a sort of new material night, I'll be doing an hour at the end of that, trying out some new bits for this.
Laura: So there you go.
Laura: Now, time for the register.
Laura: Hello, sound effects.
Laura: We don't have a sound effect register.
Ron: Let's make one.
Laura: Sound effect.
Ron: Sound effect.
Laura: Okay.
Laura: It's the sound of crayon snapping.
Ron: Keeps me awake at night.
Laura: Yeah, but you haven't learned anything.
Laura: You're still sitting there in a grump, refusing to speak to your very emotional intelligence system.
Ron: Caution Berry.
Laura: Anyway, thank you to everybody that's joined the Patreon.
Laura: We're going to do four more shoutouts today.
Laura: Our first shout out.
Laura: Hello, K Roper.
Laura: Thank you for being on the register and being a fab rat.
Laura: K is the chief oiler of Ron's Squeaky chair.
Laura: But let's be real, she's doing an intermittently s*** job at it.
Ron: Good today, though.
Laura: Very good today.
Ron: Listen to me.
Laura: Good oiling.
Laura: Good oiling.
Ron: The next person up on the register is Mike Chappell.
Ron: He is the barista who works in the staff room at Lexx education HQ and makes the coffee's way too big, forcing wasp killers to have to hang out and talk with us.
Laura: But we love that coffee.
Laura: Stephen Canning, thank you for being a fabrat and being on the register.
Laura: By day, he is a sparkly wonder, normal Steve.
Laura: By night, he's the rapid melt quencher, a complicated antihero that cools things by turning them to glass.
Ron: That cools things and then turns them into glass.
Laura: No, that's not what I said.
Ron: This is a reference to the detention in which Laura supposedly supplied the information.
Ron: And last, but certainly not least, Carol Henley.
Ron: She is the lab rat matriarch that all the other lab rats run to when they've had too much shampoo in their eyes and their ears have grown on their backs.
Laura: That's so bleak.
Ron: That's what happens.
Ron: Thank you to animals in labs.
Laura: Not anymore, though.
Ron: Does in our lab.
Laura: Worse stuff now.
Laura: So thanks for listening, everybody.
Laura: We hope you enjoyed this episode, and we'll be back next week with more funky, funky content.
Ron: Plus, dismissed your lab rats and Matt goodwill.
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