April Cool's Day

 Laura: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Lexx Education, the comedy science podcast, where comedian me, Laura Lexx, tries to learn science from her back.

Laura: Finally back once again, no longer stuck on a train.

Laura: Brother Ron.

Ron: It's your brother Ron.

Laura: It's my real life brother Ron.

Laura: Hi, my brother.

Ron: Hey, my sister.

Ron: This feels like appropriation.

Ron: How are you doing?

Laura: I'm having the time of my life, mate.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Good week.

Laura: It's been a good week for me.

Ron: It has indeed.

Ron: Exciting things.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: Which I'm looking forward to telling everybody about in a couple of weeks.

Ron: I don't think you ever should watch.

Laura: Never mention it.

Ron: No, never.

Laura: That might be confusing.

Laura: Anyway, how are you?

Laura: You were away last week of cowering hiding from the masses.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And some people want my hide for what has been a great episode that everyone loved, and then everyone's like, yeah, f*** the architect of that great episode.

Laura: Listen, Ron, sometimes you have to be hated, okay?

Laura: That's your job.

Laura: Sometimes people hate me.

Laura: Some people tweet things like, oh, Laura, you're such a f****** dunce.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: But I don't think the fan page of anything you've ever done has, quote, tweeted anything and then been like, yeah.

Ron: So what punishments should we think up for this person?

Laura: I think it's done with love, Ron.

Ron: Oh, I think so, too.

Ron: No, and I'm sorry for missing the intros outros last week, but I was having a mayor.

Laura: What present do you want to get, husband of the podcast, Tom?

Ron: I'll regift the presents I'm waiting for from Will Duggan for sitting in on two episodes of your other podcast.

Laura: We're in a real podcast round Robin here, aren't we?

Ron: Oh, yeah.

Ron: It's very circley.

Ron: We all just do each other's podcasts.

Ron: Because you've done Tom's old podcast before.

Laura: Yeah, I'm the constant.

Laura: I'm always there.

Laura: Reliable, predictable.

Laura: Me.

Ron: The hub of the wheel.

Laura: The hub of the world, I think.

Laura: Anyway, so listen, thanks, everybody that agreed with me that Ron's a d*******.

Laura: I was very, very glad about that.

Ron: Really.

Ron: Say d*******.

Laura: D*******.

Ron: D*** head.

Laura: You've got a head full of d***.

Ron: You've got a d*** head.

Laura: You have got a d*** head.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Noisy chair, quiet drink.

Laura: How'd you like them wet creaky apples?

Laura: Listen, so today it's a funny episode because we're kind of doing exactly what we did last week, but without the fuckery.

Laura: From Ron.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Angry with you.

Laura: Listen, I'm good.

Laura: I'm not gonna lie.

Laura: This episode has some anger in it.

Laura: What's happening?

Ron: I'm making an egg.

Laura: Why are you just cooking an egg next to your computer?

Laura: Why are you cooking it on?

Ron: No, it's cooking in some hot water.

Laura: What's the hot water on?

Ron: It's in a panic.

Ron: All of the things that I need to make a devil's egg live on air.

Laura: We're recording the Easter episode in a minute and Ron has not stopped texting me for about three weeks.

Laura: It'll be hilarious if we both have to try and eat twelve eggs and.

Ron: It would be really funny.

Ron: But also we'd ruin our dinners so we can't do it.

Laura: So instead Ron is just going to eat a deviled egg.

Ron: But you said you're going to make a meringue.

Laura: Yeah, I didn't.

Laura: Why not?

Laura: I don't want to at all.

Laura: There's not even a little bit of me that wants to just randomly eat an egg product on an audio format.

Laura: I can't believe this happens.

Laura: Like.

Ron: Because I got him 3 minutes before and I realised I hadn't done it after talking about it for days.

Ron: Only had one egg.

Laura: Well listen, that's the next week for now, let's go back to biology, bacteria and hopefully some actual facts about it all.

Laura: You've just made such a rod for your back with this episode, Ronald.

Ron: Have I?

Ron: What does that mean?

Ron: Is that a saying?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: You made a rod for your own back, you've made it difficult for yourself.

Ron: I've never heard that before.

Laura: Oh yeah, but you'd never heard of something else last week because you're too young.

Laura: That would have been a much better comeback if I can remember what it was.

Ron: Your old lady brain has forgotten.

Laura: Say it again.

Laura: Well, I just don't know if I'm going to believe anything you've got to say.

Laura: I just think you've ruined the premise of the podcast here by now.

Laura: I don't trust you.

Ron: How did you feel about that?

Ron: Because you had to leave to go talk to our dad after we recorded.

Laura: I actually didn't have to, I just didn't want to talk to you anymore.

Ron: Were you crossed?

Laura: Yeah, because I remembered it and then I told Tom about it yesterday and he was actually like yeah, that's quite mean of Ron.

Laura: But then he did laugh quite hard because when I was saying it back I was like well of course this is bullshit.

Laura: Because also here's the thing, it's not even like for us we were recording anywhere near the 1 April, so why would I just think that suddenly a lesson was absolute bullshit?

Ron: Yeah, what a f****** banging move.

Laura: I'm just very angry actually.

Laura: I just really remember it all and it all made sense.

Laura: Like if science was actually like that now this week it's going to be like oh, antibiotics actually do this and they add a little bit of Lego in the middle that makes this happen.

Laura: Or they blanket everything in napalm and it won't make as much sense.

Laura: I could really visualise it.

Ron: You're going to be so p***** off about how little you're about to learn about bacteria.

Ron: It's really not a big thing.

Ron: Oh but Laura, I told you that they had b*** holes in appendixes.

Ron: I told you that antibiotics were clubs.

Laura: And I yeah, and it made sense.

Laura: How do antibiotics work then?

Laura: Why wouldn't a bacteria have a b*******?

Laura: I want to know.

Laura: Actually, maybe we asked it in the outro last week, I don't know.

Laura: But did you clock on at any point or did you just gobble up the whole thing and listen?

Laura: Like, please, can you get in touch with me?

Laura: And you can do it privately if you don't want everyone else to know, but can you let me know if you also didn't get that it was a tricko until right at the end because oh, man.

Ron: The listeners will know by now because I'm in the noisy chair.

Ron: We're one week afterwards.

Ron: I don't know how to dress that episode because I want it to be a surprise when listeners get to the end of it.

Ron: But I also don't necessarily just want to put out an hour's worth of misinformation.

Ron: And if someone doesn't finish the episode, they walk away more for them.

Laura: If they don't finish the episode, they just get to look like an idiot.

Laura: Every pub quiz from now on.

Laura: No, it is.

Laura: I heard it on a podcast.

Laura: They give them little sticks and then they just beat all the bacteria mouths to death as they're taking chunks out.

Ron: A friend of mine has recommended this podcast to the people that work, the kids that go to the school.

Ron: She works.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Well, it's a good lesson for them that you have to read everything on the card.

Laura: It's important.

Laura: You can't just cherry pick your information.

Laura: The internet no.

Ron: Are you looking forward to actually doing some proper questions later?

Ron: We're recording a patreon episode later.

Laura: No, I'm not, Ron.

Laura: No, I'm not.

Laura: I feel very dispirited about the whole project right now.

Ron: There's.

Ron: Figs.

Laura: Figs.

Ron: Fig.

Ron: A.

Ron: Fig.

Ron: B.

Laura: That's what you meant.

Laura: Treats.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Meg's just texted me to see what time I want to play overcooked right now, babe, right now might be just wasting an hour of my life learning about stuff that isn't even happening.

Ron: Maybe one day, if we ever get to the live stream point, we should livestream overcooked with Meg.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I am good at it.

Laura: I'm really good at overcooked compared to you're mean?

Laura: What do you mean?

Laura: I'm mean, you're really mean when we no, you f****.

Laura: Because you always make it so that I'm the one that has to call the kitchen and you're always like, you're really good at it.

Laura: And then calling the kitchen, I'm sorry, but means telling you all what to do and then you tell me, I'm mean, for doing it.

Laura: So it's like, do you want me to be in charge of the kitchen or do you want me to just be a nice, fun I'm just running around in circles like cute little Ron over there.

Laura: You can't have a baby.

Ron: No one's ever asked you to start doing that.

Laura: You always do.

Laura: I'm always the one I have to keep an eye on the orders and call them out.

Ron: No, you just start doing that because no one else does.

Laura: Yeah, and that is explicit asking, isn't it?

Laura: Just do the lesson.

Ron: I miss the Patty Burns do the lesson.

Ron: Paddy bunny burns anyway.

Ron: Bacterial diseases.

Ron: Laura, what is a bacteria?

Laura: I don't f****** know.

Ron: Right.

Ron: Are you still texting Meg?

Laura: No, I'm just opening and closing various apps.

Ron: Right, well, you do that.

Ron: I'm going to switch to the quiet chair.

Laura: No, why don't you do this before the app?

Laura: No.

Laura: You're stuck in the noisy chair for the whole game now.

Ron: Okay, so, Laura, what's a bacteria?

Laura: I don't know.

Laura: Ron, do you know anything about no.

Laura: They've got a little mouth.

Laura: It's full of things.

Laura: They take a bite out of things.

Laura: Their b*******.

Laura: They've got a little appendix.

Laura: It's full of lysosomes in the indent vesicle indent.

Laura: Remembered it all so well.

Ron: So they're prokaryotes.

Ron: These are the smaller types of cells, plant cells, fungi, animal cells are what we call eukaryotes.

Ron: They have an enveloped nucleus.

Laura: Right, well, just let me cheque this very quickly to see if all this is true or not.

Laura: What did you just say?

Laura: Say it all again.

Laura: Prokaryote.

Ron: What are you checking?

Laura: I can't spell prokaryotes, it turns out.

Laura: Okay, a prokaryote.

Laura: F****** h***.

Laura: What does this mean?

Laura: Our bacteria prokaryotes.

Laura: The cell types in bacteria and archaea.

Ron: Archaea.

Laura: Archaea are considered as prokaryotes.

Laura: Okay, do bacteria have what did you call it?

Ron: Enveloped.

Laura: An enveloped nucleus have a no.

Laura: Liar.

Laura: It's not in an envelope.

Ron: Yeah, no, I said that eukaryotes do, which is the same as plants and plants and fungi and animal cells, remember?

Laura: I feel like you're gaslighting me, I swear.

Laura: You just said they had an enveloped membrane.

Ron: No, I said prokaryotes are the small ones.

Ron: Those are bacteria.

Ron: They're not like eukaryotes, which is plants, fungi and animal cells.

Laura: I'm going to make notes.

Laura: Right, ron, I can't cheque everything you're going to say, so I'm just going to trust you again.

Laura: And if you trickle me again, it's the end of the podcast.

Laura: Okay?

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: No, I'm never going to do that again.

Ron: Wink.

Ron: Wouldn't it be f****** awesome if I did it twice?

Laura: No, it wouldn't.

Ron: Amazing, right?

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So they're prokaryotes that's the small ones, they don't have a nucleus.

Laura: Their DNA, they don't have a nucleus.

Laura: I thought it just the nucleus wasn't in the membrane.

Ron: What is the nucleus if it's not in the envelope?

Laura: What distracting me?

Laura: It's tune.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Goodbye.

Laura: So angry listener.

Laura: I'm so angry.

Laura: I feel like our lovely little world of cosy niceness has been broken apart by s*******.

Laura: Ron, he can't hear me right now.

Laura: He's a sleazy rat b******.

Laura: Look at good job he can't lip feed.

Ron: What did you say?

Laura: I said you were a sleazy, rap b******.

Ron: No, can we reset, please?

Ron: Can we be nice?

Laura: You can f*** off with that because you are the one that made this mess.

Laura: I'll try, but I'm hurt.

Laura: I have attachment issues and you just snapped all my attachments.

Ron: But it's a long time till April Fool's Day.

Laura: Now you can't no.

Laura: Next time I'll trick you by just knowing it all before we even get in the lesson.

Ron: I'd love that.

Ron: I genuinely love that.

Ron: That'd be like April Cools Day.

Ron: I'd love.

Laura: April.

Laura: Cools Day.

Laura: Might be the lamest thing you've ever said.

Laura: Now you really do feel like a science teacher.

Ron: Anyway, bacteria are prokaryotes.

Ron: Small, no nucleus.

Ron: The bacteria is either freely floating in.

Laura: The cytoplasm of no, the DNA, not the bacteria.

Ron: Sorry.

Ron: Yeah, the DNA is free.

Ron: Good.

Ron: Well done.

Laura: Laura already written that down, actually.

Ron: Freely floating.

Ron: Sometimes it's anchored to the outside of the bacteria.

Laura: Down in Anchorage.

Ron: They don't have mitochondria, they don't have claws.

Laura: What's the mitochondria, please?

Ron: That's the powerhouse of the cell.

Laura: ATP.

Ron: ATP.

Laura: No.

Laura: I'm using so many different coloured gel pens today to get me out of my funk.

Laura: No mitochondria, no chloroplast.

Laura: ATP.

Laura: Only plants have chloroplasts.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: That's what makes the sun go to energy.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: They come in lots of different shapes and sizes.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: The two big ones that you may have heard of is cockeye, which is spherical, and basili, which are lozen shape.

Laura: You promised me this is real.

Ron: Do you know, like, Streptococcus, I think, is quite a famous bacteria.

Ron: One of the things that I almost.

Laura: Told you, streptococcus, that sounds like an Australian describing a cricket industry.

Ron: One of the things I was going to tell you last week is that bacteria and penises that were called Streptococcus.

Laura: Is that where Strep a comes from?

Laura: How do you spell streptococcus?

Laura: Because prokaryotes you don't need to write that down.

Ron: That's not in the syllabus.

Ron: We're just learning a bit about bacteria.

Laura: Well, what do I need to learn about, then?

Ron: Nothing of this.

Laura: You have to understand how distrusting I feel right now.

Ron: Yeah, no, none of this is in the syllabus just yet.

Ron: We're just learning about bacteria.

Laura: I've written down like, ten lines.

Ron: That's really good, because then you might retain this knowledge.

Laura: But you just told me I didn't need it, so I've chucked it away.

Ron: You don't need it for the GCSE, but what fun.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So cockeye are spherical.

Ron: Basili a lodges.

Ron: Lozengen shaped.

Laura: What shape a cockeye?

Ron: Spherical.

Ron: That's like a ball.

Laura: I f****** know that.

Laura: And what is it?

Laura: Basilicas?

Ron: Basilli.

Ron: basillus is the singular.

Ron: Lozenge shaped.

Laura: Stop saying lozenge.

Laura: You're enjoying that too much.

Ron: Do you say lozenge or lozenge?

Laura: Lozenge.

Laura: Who says lozenge?

Ron: Some people do.

Laura: Does Judith?

Laura: That feels like a Judith thing.

Laura: Is that Judith?

Ron: No, I think I heard it in a podcast.

Ron: I think I might just be recycling a bit from a different podcast.

Laura: Nobody says loss in surely the syllabus.

Ron: Wants us to know about like that.

Laura: Like, you know how posh people say negotiations?

Ron: You talk about Jacob Rees mock?

Laura: No.

Laura: Theresa May does it too.

Laura: And posh people just do it.

Laura: Negotiations, they make the T into a sound.

Ron: But posh people can f*** off in general.

Laura: Yeah, hard agree.

Laura: Stop laughing, because then I don't trust you.

Ron: Middle class white people.

Ron: Yeah, f*** posh people.

Laura: Do you know what she said on her podcast?

Laura: I just really hate posh people.

Laura: I just I just think they're gross.

Ron: Can you name any bacterial infections, Laura?

Laura: Gangrene, maybe.

Ron: Don't really know why I set myself up with this because I don't know all of them.

Ron: No, gangrene is gangrene is when the supply of blood is cut off to an area.

Laura: Oh, okay.

Ron: Not an infection at all.

Laura: Antibiotics for some sexually transmitted diseases are antibiotics, aren't they?

Laura: So let's try syphilis.

Ron: No, another one maybe.

Ron: Let me double cheque that one as well.

Laura: Chlamydia.

Ron: No, that chlamydia is a bacteria.

Ron: Once wrote an essay on chlamydia.

Ron: Syphilis is too, but chlamydia with syphilis.

Laura: Did you know that they used to think that the cure for it was to inject mercury up your d***?

Ron: I didn't.

Laura: That was like they used to take mercury injections for syphilis.

Laura: I get that, though, because we've all done that.

Ron: No, but don't you think that if you were born, like, 300 years ago and you saw some mercury, you'd be like, yes, this is clearly everything.

Laura: The first thing I would do would not be like, whoopsie, my mistress has given me syphilis.

Laura: Let's inject this straight.

Laura: In my d***.

Ron: Yeah, but the alternative medicine at the time was probably too much blood.

Ron: Let that blood out.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Mercury in or too much blood.

Ron: No, I get it.

Ron: I get it.

Ron: Chlamydia is a very cool bacteria.

Ron: It lives in your cells without really disrupting them.

Ron: So it's just completely chilled.

Ron: Doesn't really trigger immune response.

Ron: It kind of creates itself like a cloak of your membrane, I think.

Ron: And then when the white blood cells are coming around, they're just like, okay, no, nothing here that's cool.

Laura: Right?

Laura: Now, you see the way you just explained that?

Laura: Do you see now why sticks and knives didn't seem that mad?

Laura: Because now you've just told me that an actual one hides under a cloak.

Ron: Well, it kind of creates a musical around itself.

Laura: Do you see how I believed it?

Ron: The podcast going to be split into two halves now.

Laura: I think Mackie had a bacterial thing a little while ago because she had to be on antibiotics.

Laura: A dog thing.

Laura: It might not have been this, but I think she had hang on.

Laura: Where's that message gone?

Laura: Gr, dear.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: A thing.

Laura: Also, look at this book that I found for our nephew for his birthday, which I showed it to Tom, and Tom immediately says, I want this, and I imagine you might be the same.

Ron: Is this the one that you tweeted about?

Laura: Don't think so.

Laura: What did I tweet about?

Ron: New reading in for?

Laura: Oh, no.

Laura: It's called a dragon walks into a bar.

Laura: 300 plus one liners, zingers, and jokes that will slay at Dungeons and Dragons.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Who's that for?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Does he play Dungeons and Dragons?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: With who?

Laura: Or he likes the lore of it in the world of it.

Laura: I don't know if he is actually actively playing it, but he'd definitely play with you if you need more players.

Ron: No, I had my first player death on Monday.

Ron: What, as in, like, one of the characters died?

Laura: Character?

Ron: No, this is not how I'm telling you.

Ron: A friend of mine died.

Ron: Yeah, no, the character got separated from the party and then got downed by two guards in the jail while the rest of the party was getting there.

Ron: And then one of the people stormed in and had high charisma roles and just diffused the situation.

Ron: Great.

Ron: And we were all like, yeah, they all completely forgot to heal the person on the floor.

Ron: They just bled out like a rat while they were talking to the guard.

Laura: Oh, no.

Laura: Why didn't you remind them that they were bleeding out?

Ron: Oh, well did, but then they rolled a bloody nat one death saving throw, which is an automatic two fails.

Laura: Oh, no.

Laura: They coming back as a new character.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: R-I-P pole beans coming back as Tony Gondoles.

Ron: I don't run a serious campaign.

Laura: I can't wait till we finally work out how to make the Patreon have a Dungeons and Dragons spin off.

Laura: That's going to be fun.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: No, I don't have a serious campaign.

Ron: They were led into the jail by a character called Sprinkles, who has a big white head and a brown mustard and he wears completely cylindrical armour like a tube of Pringles.

Laura: Oh, dear.

Ron: I'm very tired today.

Laura: Yeah, I feel you.

Ron: So we're going to learn about two bacterial diseases.

Laura: That's all that we're learning, probably for the best.

Ron: One of them is an STD.

Ron: None of the ones that you mentioned.

Laura: Gonorrhoea, they were called STIs when I was younger.

Ron: I wonder why they changed that.

Laura: Maybe they're not all infections, but then.

Ron: They are, because if they weren't infections, then it wouldn't be an issue banging someone that had one.

Laura: That's a very relevant point.

Laura: And I don't know how to spell Gonorrhoea.

Laura: I think it's one of those words that's got loads of extra bits in it.

Laura: But I've done my best.

Ron: G-O-N-O-R-H-O-E-A-I missed out the o.

Ron: I'd have.

Laura: Been kicked out the spelling bee for that.

Ron: It's a sexually transmitted disease with symptoms of a thick yellow or green discharge from the v***** or p**** and pain on urinating.

Ron: It is caused by a band.

Laura: I'm still writing down these symptoms because, unlike you, Ron, they're not just my actual past.

Ron: Rude.

Laura: Yellow.

Laura: This gel pen is not very good.

Laura: Green genital discharge, pea pain.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: It is caused by a bacterium and was easily treated with the antibiotic penicillin until many resistant strains appeared.

Laura: Does penicillin not work anymore?

Ron: Not for everything.

Laura: But it was such a game changer.

Ron: It was.

Ron: Thank God that guy did not clean up his lab.

Laura: And didn't he give it to the world for free.

Laura: He didn't charge a patent or anything.

Laura: He was just like, Here, I found it.

Laura: Go.

Ron: No, you're thinking of Volvo and the three point seatbelt.

Laura: I thought there were some disease things that happened too.

Ron: There might be.

Laura: I'm fairly sure I see them get shared about all the time.

Laura: Like when people are talking about that Martin Schrelly guy that jacked the price up, and then recently some diabetes money got the price jacked up in COVID and stuff.

Laura: And it's like people used to come up with these human race saving things and give them away.

Ron: And now yes, now we monetize it.

Ron: That Martin Shrakely guy, he bought the Wutang Clan album Once Upon A Time in Shaolin, which is the one off album that they did where they made it and then they just made one disc and then they auctioned that and he bought it.

Ron: But then all of his assets were seized by the US government.

Ron: So now the US government owns this one off Wutang Clan album, which everyone that has listened to it has said it is phenomenal.

Ron: Like, probably their best work.

Laura: But they just I don't get stuff like that, Ron.

Ron: Get what?

Laura: Just play it to everyone, then.

Ron: Well, it's in the contract that you're not allowed to distribute recordings of it.

Laura: Why have they done that?

Ron: Because it's art.

Laura: Art?

Laura: Like that.

Laura: That's just stupid.

Ron: Oh, I think it's really cool, even though I'll never get to listen to it.

Ron: I desperately would love to.

Ron: I think that's awesome.

Laura: I just find that annoying.

Laura: I might start doing that, though, like, guys, did you that hour long special that I wrote that was like, you know, everybody said it was like, Daniel Kitten f*** Nanette and then shout out, Richard Pryor.

Laura: Yeah, that's what my special was like.

Laura: Yeah, but I only ever performed it once and to no one.

Ron: Yeah, but you're not telling me that wouldn't win, like, an Edinburgh Comedy Award if someone of, like, of note with, like, a proven track record, like yourself.

Ron: If you went to Edinburgh, you did one show to one person in a room and then never did that show again.

Laura: I am kind of doing that this weekend at the Leicester Festival.

Laura: It's just that one person that's bought a ticket to the Saturday show doesn't know that's what it's going to be yet.

Ron: Well, there you go.

Ron: You've got a spin on it.

Laura: Yeah, I'm like the Wutang clan, man.

Ron: What would your rapper name be?

Ron: Aka neutral elizabeth aka Neutrons.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: I'd be Raykron the chef.

Laura: Why?

Ron: I don't know how much crossover we have with the Wutang fan.

Ron: There's one of them called Ray Kwan, the chef.

Laura: So far, to really love all the angers of this podcast, you have to have kind of got here via science, or probably me.

Laura: Or you're, Noah, and you came here via rock.

Laura: You have to love Dungeons and Dragons, soaking beans and now.

Laura: The Wutang Clan.

Ron: I'm a renaissance man.

Laura: Wild.

Ron: I love the Wutang clan.

Laura: Yeah, me, too.

Laura: Track out my gravel pit peen from here.

Laura: It just sounded like you just went peen.

Ron: No, I joined in with the end of you singing, but it won't line up, so I kind of just went peen.

Ron: I'm tired.

Laura: Lord, put some mercury in that.

Ron: Gonorrhoea is spread by sexual conduct.

Ron: The spread can be controlled by treatment with antibiotics or the use of a barrier method of contraception, such as a johnny, it says.

Laura: Okay, I've just written sex spread, which sounds like a horrible butter pack.

Ron: I ate a bunch of pancakes today.

Laura: Did you?

Laura: It's not pancake day.

Ron: No, but I didn't yesterday.

Laura: I didn't yesterday, either.

Laura: Tom took me out for dinner last night.

Laura: Oh, yeah?

Laura: I had a very delicious sea bream with, like, a basil sauce that was absolutely mu.

Ron: I should stop putting the little and.

Laura: Had a Barrata with cranberry sauce and pistachios.

Laura: Delicious.

Laura: And then this really delicious miso obajin with crispy onions.

Ron: That sounds delicious.

Ron: I'd never had a Barrata until Judith and I got together.

Ron: And then one of the first weekends one of the first weekends that I was staying at her place in London.

Laura: It sounds like a sex thing.

Laura: Like Bukhaki never had a Barrata.

Ron: Barrata.

Laura: Barrata.

Laura: I hardly knew her.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: One of the first weekends we got together, then we ordered a pizza and it came we you know, it said it had barata on it, but we were expecting, you know, the cheese to be spread out over the top of the pizza, if you would.

Ron: But no, it just came with, like, the whole blob of mozzarella in the middle.

Ron: She lived with three other people at this point, so it was like one of these London flat shares where if you want any ounce of privacy, you don't want to be hanging out with, like, six other people.

Ron: Just had to sit in her room just eating this pizza and this burrata on no cup.

Ron: Had to rip it up and spread it over the pizza.

Laura: That's such a classy meal to eat.

Laura: Fingered in a flat fingering while we were eating it.

Laura: I know.

Laura: It could have been a cure for gonorrhoea.

Ron: Don't say eat fingers.

Laura: What kind of a classy place were you ordering pizza from?

Laura: Or that had a Barrata on it?

Ron: Judith loves bougie pizza.

Ron: I like my pizzas to be made within 3ft of a kebab.

Laura: Yeah, not I want my face to be utterly shiny after the first bite.

Laura: Because of how much grease has already made its way through to my skin.

Ron: Exactly.

Ron: No, because that wasn't that our thing when ordering takeout in Brighton.

Ron: Me and Tom link on burgers.

Ron: Me and you link on pizza.

Laura: Yeah, that's true.

Ron: Anywho, this might be the least content we've ever had.

Laura: It's your fault.

Laura: I'm taking no responsibility for this.

Ron: Another one.

Ron: You'll have heard of this one salmonella.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Ron: How come it isn't salmonella?

Ron: You really pronounce the L in that.

Ron: Salmonella.

Laura: Salmonella.

Laura: Salmonella, salmonella.

Ron: But you don't call it a salmon.

Laura: No, you don't.

Laura: Maybe this is Italian, but salmon isn't.

Laura: Maybe salmonella.

Laura: Maybe it's a differentiate because trade's description.

Laura: Maybe the salmon industry got really mad when they chose salmonella to be the thing, and so it was, like really smashing up salmon sales because everyone was scared of getting ill if they ate salmon.

Laura: So they put the differentiation in, quite possibly.

Ron: I've actually just googling what the etymology of salmonella is.

Ron: It was named after Daniel Elmer Salman, who was a veterinary pathologist who ran the United States Department of Agriculture microorganism research programme.

Ron: In the 18 hundreds.

Ron: Together with Theobold Smith, salman found salmonella in hogs that's to the disease known as hog cholera.

Laura: Hog cholera.

Laura: That needs character in your DND.

Laura: Cholera.

Ron: I like that as an exclamation.

Ron: Hog cholera.

Laura: That's not true.

Laura: Yeah, I can hear Stephen Fry saying that on something.

Laura: Absolute hog collar.

Laura: I'm going to start using that, though, next time I've got a bit of the old s*** collar.

Ron: Got to go talk to Theod Smith about the old hog collar.

Ron: I'll be back.

Laura: You know that bit in Bridesmaids where they all get hog collar in the street?

Laura: Funny bit.

Ron: I've just started rewatching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and the whole bit with the cruise.

Ron: What's her name?

Ron: Is it?

Ron: Maya rudolph her name.

Ron: And she's playing Dion Warwick.

Laura: Because Dear Warwick is kind of a legend.

Laura: Like, do you follow her on Twitter?

Ron: I thought she was made up when I first watched it and then I've since found out, I was like, oh, that person from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt's real.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: And she's funny.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: I think I saw her clap back to someone at one point.

Ron: April.

Ron: Cool.

Laura: She did clap back.

Ron: Salmonella.

Ron: It's food poisoning.

Ron: That's what salmonella is.

Ron: Is it spread by bacteria ingested in food or on food prepared unhygienic conditions in the UK, poultry are vaccinated against salmonella.

Ron: Control the spread.

Ron: Who knows for how long, though?

Laura: Yeah, because of brexit.

Ron: Yeah, because we are having a bonfire of regulations.

Ron: Fever, abdominal cramps, vomiting and diharia are caused by the bacteria and the toxins they secrete.

Ron: Now, they do secrete toxins.

Ron: Not out of a b*******, opposite end to a mouth.

Ron: Laura did not find that funny.

Ron: And that's all we need to know about bacteria.

Laura: But what actually is a bacteria, then?

Ron: It's just a teeny tiny cell.

Ron: It's a prokaryote.

Laura: So what is it about them?

Laura: So it's toxins and salmonella.

Laura: What is it about the gonorrhoea one that's making me ill?

Laura: If I had it not saying.

Laura: I have tom, if you're listening, I'm clean.

Ron: Not the syllabus.

Laura: All right, then we're going to carry on picturing them like a little tortilla chip.

Ron: Fungal diseases.

Laura: Fungal fungal hang on, I'm changing pens.

Laura: Fungal diseases.

Laura: Like athletes.

Laura: Foot.

Ron: I was going to say.

Ron: Can you.

Ron: Name any fungal infections and you've done one right off the bat.

Laura: Athlete's foot's one.

Laura: I think thrush might be one.

Laura: Yep, that's a yeast infection.

Ron: Tears.

Ron: Can you name any other ones?

Ron: No, I think I know.

Laura: What are you playing with?

Ron: The lid of my bottle is broken.

Ron: The rubbers come out.

Laura: Oh, it's going to get gonorrhoea now.

Laura: Johnny, do you think you could fix it another time?

Ron: No, because I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it.

Ron: Hang on, let me Google something about warts.

Ron: Hot cholera.

Ron: Warts?

Ron: No, warts aren't fungus.

Ron: I thought warts were fungus.

Laura: No, we're both learning today.

Ron: What are you doing?

Laura: Me?

Laura: Listening and learning.

Ron: Having a nice time?

Laura: Yes, fine.

Laura: I'm still quite residually mad at you.

Laura: I'm not ready to float away on a flight of fancy just in case you start trickling me again.

Ron: It won't happen again for at least a year and I'll need to keep you on your toes next year.

Laura: Yeah, but you'll forget.

Laura: I will forget everything.

Ron: Fungus eukaryote.

Ron: It's not an animal and it's not a plant.

Ron: It's a different thing.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Eukaryote is the big double celled one.

Ron: The huge cells, they have a nucleus.

Ron: That's quite the defining thing of a eukaryote, is complex organelles.

Laura: And a nucleus is a eukaryote.

Laura: A single cell.

Ron: It'S a type of cell.

Ron: So our cells are eukaryotes.

Ron: But you do get single celled eukaryotes as well.

Ron: Okay, yeah.

Ron: Funguses are eukaryotes.

Ron: They have a cell wall, but it's not made out of the same stuff as plant cell walls are, which is why they are more delicious.

Laura: It's a softer cell wall, probably.

Ron: I think it's made up of kiten.

Ron: But let me double cheque.

Laura: You see me kiten.

Laura: It's windy.

Laura: That could be a song.

Laura: That scientist that did the kite could sing.

Laura: Isaac Newton.

Ron: Ben Franklin.

Laura: Ben Franklin?

Laura: The president.

Ron: He wasn't the president.

Laura: Was he a scientist?

Ron: He was one of the founding fathers, but he wasn't the president.

Laura: He had a kite, didn't he?

Ron: That bit in the office where the Benjamin Franklin impersonator.

Ron: That's a good some fine television.

Ron: I haven't done much research for this episode.

Laura: No, it sounds like you've been watching classic television programmes.

Ron: I'm just so tired.

Ron: Actually, no, what happened is last week when we didn't record an episode, I did the research for this and just by this week, I'd kind of forgotten that I had really phoned it in.

Ron: So then I was like, well, that's done.

Ron: I don't need to do anything.

Ron: Had I known the lack of effort I'd put in, I'd have put some more in today.

Laura: Well, you are in a bed entirely of your own making here, Ron.

Laura: You constructed the frame out of lies and then you made a half a** mattress so no one feels sorry for Ron.

Ron: I think a lot more people are going to fall in Ron's camp after the April Cools Day episode.

Laura: I'm very sad now that there's gonna be on a week where people are gonna have been listening, thinking, oh, she really is thick.

Ron: You don't think that's happened before?

Laura: Well, yeah, but even worse now.

Ron: What would you do if I told you it had all been bollocks this whole time?

Laura: What, today?

Ron: No, I mean the whole podcast.

Ron: And every time you were like, well, we haven't covered that before.

Ron: We actually hadn't covered half the time.

Laura: We actually haven't.

Ron: That's not true.

Laura: That is true.

Laura: That thing that I mentioned there was also like eight episodes ago now because it was in an intro, but we just recorded it.

Laura: F*** this podcast.

Laura: I'm giving up.

Ron: Yeah, there's wall of fungus made out.

Laura: Of chitin chitin Harvey kitin.

Ron: They have nucleuses and ribosomes.

Ron: You love to mention ribosomes.

Laura: Laura, what does the ribosome do?

Ron: Makes proteins.

Laura: Wait, you said mitochondria did that?

Ron: No, I said they were the powerhouse of the cell.

Ron: And then you said ATP.

Laura: So what does the mitochondria do?

Ron: It makes ATP.

Laura: I thought that was protein.

Ron: No, it's ATP.

Laura: What is ATP?

Ron: Adenosine triphosphate.

Ron: It's the energy currency of the cell.

Laura: But it's not a protein.

Ron: No.

Laura: Why did I put all those chicken noises in every time we discussed it?

Ron: F*** no.

Ron: I didn't really get the chicken thing anyway.

Laura: Chicken is made of protein.

Ron: So are beans bringing it back?

Laura: If a beans don't make a noise, that sound effect is just silent.

Ron: Oh, there they do.

Laura: Ron, you can't bring beans back.

Laura: We discussed beans in the intro outro we recorded earlier, not this lesson.

Laura: So you need to go back to episode 37 to where Ron was making a black bean burger in the intro.

Laura: That is where all these bean callbacks are coming from.

Ron: People live for that s***.

Ron: In this podcast, there's someone with just red string from wall to wall connecting up the timelines.

Laura: So ribosomes make proteins?

Ron: Yes, ribosomes make proteins.

Ron: Mitochondria makes ATP.

Ron: ATP is the energy currency of the cell.

Laura: What's protein for then?

Ron: Protein is mechano.

Ron: It does things.

Ron: Sometimes it's structural, but usually it's like enzymes in that.

Laura: All right.

Ron: They also have other things that cells have, like cytoplasm.

Ron: They can have vacuoles, like plants can.

Ron: They have a cytoskeleton.

Laura: What are we talking about?

Ron: Fungus.

Laura: But we're talking about the cells with funguses.

Ron: Yeah, we're just talking about what's different between a fungus and a bacteria in that.

Laura: Why would a fungus be even the same as a bacteria?

Laura: This is like talking about why moisturiser is different to a bacteria, but it's.

Ron: Different to plants and human cells as well.

Laura: Why is it here?

Ron: Because we're talking about fungal infections.

Laura: Of course we are.

Laura: Fungal infections.

Laura: Because in my head, when you say fungal, I think mushroom.

Laura: I was just like, Why are we now talking about mushrooms?

Ron: But mushrooms are just big multicellular funguses.

Laura: So if I had thrush, I've got tiny little mushrooms all over my tootski.

Ron: No, it's more like yeast like a yeast and yeast is a fungus.

Ron: Yeast is a single celled fungus.

Laura: Imagine if your foof, like, proofed just got really big and you had to keep needing it back down.

Laura: No.

Ron: Feeding it a bunch of flour every day when everyone made sourdough.

Ron: That was nice.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I don't care for sourdough very much.

Laura: Me neither, but it was actually just preferred.

Laura: Like, I still make bread from scratch most weeks and I just prefer dried yeast.

Ron: Yeah, but it was nice.

Ron: Everyone was doing it.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: For me, having a sourdough starter triggers all of my hatred of wastefulness, right?

Laura: Like having to feed it and throw away half of it.

Laura: It just meant that I wanted to make bread constantly so that I never had to throw away any of my starter.

Ron: But you feed and throw away half of your dog all the time.

Laura: No, I hate my dog.

Laura: Imagine if I could just put her in the fridge to make her less hungry.

Laura: Just slow her down a bit.

Laura: We're going on holiday, so I'm just going to put the dog in the fridge and then she won't need feeding while we're away.

Ron: She might.

Ron: Maybe that's where she thrives.

Laura: Went in the fridge?

Laura: Yeah, I think she'd eat everything in there and then s*** all over it.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Still got some gingerbread dough in there from before Christmas.

Ron: Anywho fungal disease?

Laura: Kimchi?

Laura: That the lid keeps falling off.

Ron: I've never had kimchi.

Laura: I don't like it.

Ron: Is it fermented cabbage?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Spicy.

Ron: Judith and I are watching a series of Love Island at the moment after our conversations about it, and they keep on referencing that subway advert from, like, ten years ago.

Ron: Too hard, too spicy.

Laura: I don't remember that one.

Ron: You don't remember, like, people dressed as, like, massive green peppers and stuff and.

Laura: Then no, this sounds like a fever dream here.

Ron: No, it happened anyway.

Ron: Fungal.

Laura: I had a dream last night, right, where I had to save the world from an alien invasion.

Laura: But I promised.

Laura: I said to them, I'm only going to do this if you agree that once we've saved people from this invasion, climate change is as important and can we save it from climate change afterwards?

Laura: And I made everybody agree before I would save everybody.

Laura: I was like, there's no point saving you all from these aliens if we're just going to run it into the ground carbon wise.

Ron: What were your superpowers?

Laura: I was just really clever and skillful.

Laura: I didn't have superpowers, but I just could do it.

Laura: It was a dream.

Laura: Shut up, Ron.

Ron: I didn't dream last night, but I did fall asleep watching Battlebots.

Laura: What's battlebots?

Laura: Like robot was.

Ron: Yeah, they're one.

Ron: The American one?

Ron: Yeah, it's robot fighting time.

Laura: We watched a western called Open Range last night.

Laura: It was good fun.

Ron: You love westerns.

Laura: I do love Westerns.

Ron: Caning through them.

Ron: Have you seen Cowboys versus Aliens yet?

Laura: No.

Ron: Now that is a garbage film.

Laura: Do they do a sequel where they deal with climate change?

Laura: Cowboys versus climate change afterwards.

Ron: It's one of the most inexplicable films I've ever seen.

Ron: I saw it in cinema.

Ron: I think it's Daniel Craig and Olivia Wilde.

Ron: I think you like it's one of those films where you're like, they did not really have a concept of what they wanted these aliens to be.

Ron: So I think you see them for about 30 seconds at the end and then it's all over.

Ron: Rose black spot is a fungal disease where purple or black spots develop on leaves which often turn yellow and drop early.

Laura: Yeah, I get that on my plants sometimes.

Ron: Yeah, mackie's got that.

Ron: It affects the growth of the plant as photosynthesis is reduced.

Ron: It is spread in the environment by water or wind.

Ron: Rose black spot can be treated by using fungicides and slash or removing and destroying the affected leaves.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: That'S fungal diseases, all right.

Laura: And then the last really colourful notes.

Laura: Look.

Ron: Beautiful.

Ron: Beautiful.

Laura: Next thing going to fit on three lines of paper.

Ron: It's not long, it's very short again.

Ron: Hang on, I need to Google something.

Ron: Do you know what malaria is, Laura?

Laura: A blood disease.

Ron: Tears.

Ron: It's a type.

Ron: But malaria itself is a pathogen like rose spot that we just learnt about and like, gonorrhoea and stuff.

Ron: It is.

Ron: God, this website I've gone to for this info is awful.

Laura: Awful.

Ron: But it's what's called a protest.

Ron: It's a different type of thing.

Laura: Okay, okay.

Ron: Malaria obviously has a life cycle god, there's so many pop ups.

Ron: Has a life cycle that obviously involves.

Laura: Reproduction.

Ron: Yes, but what's famous for carrying malaria?

Laura: Bill Gates?

Ron: No, he's curing it.

Ron: He's doing a nice job.

Ron: Maybe, I don't know.

Laura: One of my hands is really cold and the other one's warm.

Ron: Oh, what carries malaria?

Laura: Oh, what?

Laura: They called tetsu flies.

Ron: No.

Ron: Why have you gone there?

Laura: What do they give you?

Ron: That's like asking for what band was Paul McCartney in?

Ron: Oh, yeah.

Ron: Wings.

Ron: No, mosquitoes.

Laura: Tetsy flies give you chunkra mosquitoes.

Laura: Yeah, mosquitoes, I knew that.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: It involves the mosquito.

Ron: Basically what happens is it depends where you start.

Ron: So mosquito lands on someone that's got malaria, slurps up their blood.

Laura: Slurp, Schlurp, slurp the blood, slurps up.

Ron: Some of the malaria that's in the.

Laura: Blood, some of the bacteria, the pathogen called malaria.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Some of the malaria, then, that basically lives in the mosquito for a bit.

Ron: It infects its liver and then it kind of breeds and stuff inside the mosquito.

Ron: Then when that mosquito then lands on another human and takes another blood meal, it's called it SWiPS itself from the mosquito into the new human and that's how it spreads.

Laura: So does the mosquito die of malaria?

Ron: No.

Laura: So are they immune to malaria or do they just die sooner than malaria would kick in?

Ron: Well, I don't think it infected.

Ron: It doesn't infect them in the exact same way I've actually done that the wrong way around.

Ron: It infects our liver.

Laura: Mosquitoes don't have livers.

Ron: Maybe not.

Ron: Certainly not in the same way that we do.

Ron: Yeah, so that's just like a nice little bit thing.

Ron: It causes recurrent episodes of fever and can be fatal.

Ron: The spread of malaria is controlled by preventing the vectors, so mosquitoes are known direction and magnitude.

Ron: You know why I remember that?

Ron: Because that's just the definition of a vector from breeding and by using mosquito nets to avoid being bitten.

Laura: And that's the horn.

Laura: We're out of time.

Laura: Can I just start doing that when I'm bored now?

Laura: The end.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: Good, because I have I've run out of space and I don't want to do another page, Ron.

Ron: No, I'd quite like to stop as well.

Ron: I've had fun, but I had the most fun talking about the Wutang clan and beans.

Laura: We didn't talk about beans today.

Ron: I did talk about beans, because they said they make a sound and then I left an edit break so we could put in a fart noise.

Laura: Well, maybe I'm not going to just to pay you back for all the times you didn't do an edit noise for me.

Ron: I never do sound effects.

Laura: Yeah, you're very boring and everybody loves my sound effects episodes.

Laura: Join the patreon so we can afford more sound effects.

Laura: All right, Ron, I'll see you for the quiz.

Ron: Bye.

Ron: He's got a quiet chair.

Laura: Oh, is that why you just squeaked and wandered off?

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Told you, we're very active when we record.

Laura: Here we are.

Laura: Hello, Ron again.

Ron: Hello, Laura.

Ron: Again.

Laura: Ron again.

Ron: I drowned all these orphans and children.

Laura: Yeah, our little sister got very upset the other day because she was yeah, see, normally we've got all the nonsense out of our system by doing an intro and outro, but we haven't done one today, so straight in with the quiz nonsense.

Laura: Yeah, she got really upset about the lyrics to that rattagon song in Basil.

Laura: The great Master Detective Ron They're midway through an episode.

Laura: They don't want our trumbling when we.

Ron: Record episode 40 in a bit.

Laura: Yeah, we're going back in time.

Ron: Yeah, we really f***** it.

Laura: This is careful.

Laura: Is that a new hoodie?

Ron: Relatively new.

Ron: I want you to see me wearing it when you were here.

Laura: It's a very nice hoodie.

Laura: It's a lovely colour.

Ron: Thank you.

Ron: Thank you.

Ron: I buy all my clothes from the same place because they just sell plain clothes.

Laura: There's tea everywhere now.

Laura: I'll just smoosh it into that dip bit in my table.

Laura: I've been getting told off lately on the socials for not talking about you enough.

Ron: You have to keep talking about her, Laura, because otherwise people are going to think she's dead.

Laura: She's not dead.

Laura: People saw her live last weekend, which is months ago.

Laura: Now, you're listening to this at my preview.

Laura: There is a real low point in my recording of that thing I haven't listened to it back yet, but there's a bit where Mum Mackie came into the room at the beginning, everybody turned around and went like, oh.

Laura: And I sort of did some jokes about, like, this is why she doesn't come on stage, because she gets more attention without trying than I do.

Laura: And then there was a little bit later, there was a joke, which it was one of those lines that I thought was going to be funny, and everybody else just went, oh, babe.

Laura: But then I made it even worse by following it up with a f*** you, Mackie.

Laura: I'm getting sympathy, too, competing with my five kilo dog for who is the most lovable.

Laura: It's a healthy mindset.

Laura: I've got she's well, anyway, Ron, test me.

Ron: You're a little bit peaky, by the way, I think.

Laura: Oh, what a blinder.

Laura: Right, so one, two it's Ron's counting.

Ron: I've phoned it in a bit on this quiz.

Laura: You've started doing that increasingly, I've fallen.

Ron: Out of love with the quizzes.

Laura: You never loved the quizzes.

Laura: They're just a part of it that has to be done.

Laura: I don't like the lessons.

Laura: You don't like the quizzes?

Ron: I don't have fun.

Ron: What I should do is write the questions as soon as we finish recording.

Ron: But what I actually do is I wait until the next week when we record the next episode, and then I have to do it off sparse notes that I write for myself to do the content.

Laura: That's very bad planning of you, Ron.

Laura: And actually, I got some sympathy a couple of weeks back because you did put a question in that we hadn't covered in the radiation episode Gamma Half Life.

Laura: We didn't talk about how you measure half life in the episode, but then you quizzed me on it.

Ron: I thought it was the Becker else one.

Ron: Maybe there were two that we didn't.

Laura: Was that not what a half oh, no.

Ron: Is the unit?

Laura: I said it was half life, but it wasn't.

Ron: She's wandered off, lost the dog.

Laura: It's a downstairs record.

Laura: They're always more chaotic.

Ron: Good one for us to film for the first time.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Also, I'm sad that we're filming this because I accidentally shaved off too much of my beard and now I've got.

Laura: You looked a bit different.

Ron: I've got a really fat head, that's what.

Laura: I washed my hair this morning and I've got a fresh shave, so I'm looking pretty swell.

Ron: Lovely.

Ron: Right, Laura, animal cells, animal cells, bacteria, which is the odd one out?

Laura: List them again, please.

Ron: Animal cells, fungi cells, bacteria, which is the odd one out.

Laura: Now I'm consulting the notepad, but the difficulty I've got is that I think I've only made notes on the fungal cell.

Ron: You do feel sort of attracted to your own kind.

Laura: You feel at home rude.

Laura: Let's use some logic here.

Laura: So let's think of some logic that we could use.

Laura: Let's come up with some logic.

Laura: You don't talk about funguses as much as you talk about plants.

Ron: And animals say plants.

Laura: What did you say?

Ron: Oh, no.

Laura: What did you say?

Ron: Animal cells, funky cells and bacteria.

Laura: Oh, p***.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Thank God.

Ron: You didn't say the only one you wrote down was about plants.

Laura: Right.

Laura: I wonder if and listen, there's actually.

Ron: Two answers to this.

Laura: What?

Ron: Two answers.

Laura: So one of them is an odd one out because it's not the odd one out.

Laura: The other two are.

Ron: Three answers then I guess.

Laura: Well, then I could pick any of them and I've won.

Ron: Yeah, you have to give the reasoning.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Then I'm going to say fungal cells because they are a eukaryote, but they are a eukaryote.

Ron: They are so are animal cells.

Laura: I've not written that down.

Ron: Bacteria are prokaryotes on the reversal world.

Laura: Version of my answer.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: The other one that I would accept is animal cells because they don't have a cell wall or never have a cell wall.

Ron: Or I guess the third mystery option would have been fungal cells because they're not the other two reasons.

Laura: F****** you too much.

Laura: Well, I didn't, did I?

Laura: Hindsight 50 50.

Ron: What type of disease is malaria?

Laura: Malaria is pathogen.

Ron: You have one more guess.

Laura: Is it not a pathogen?

Laura: Because I've written down it clearly, distinctly says malaria is a pathogen.

Ron: Well, this is annoying to me because I've just listened to the episode that's going out next week and you stumble over what is a pathogen so much?

Ron: A pathogen is just something that infects something else.

Laura: So if I put where it says malaria is a pathogen, if I just put but that's hardly relevant next to that, does that amend those notes to.

Ron: Make I think malaria is a pathogen, as are many things.

Ron: Everything that we're talking about when we're talking about disease, basically, they're all pathogens.

Ron: Well, all communicable diseases are well, it's just something that christ, in this episode that I've just had to listen to you.

Ron: What is a pathogen?

Ron: Is it an atom?

Ron: So much.

Laura: Bitsaki.

Laura: Listen, I've written down a word here that I remember making some jokes about.

Laura: Is it a protest?

Ron: You tell me.

Ron: Is that your second guess?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Yes, it is a protest because everything.

Laura: Else I've written is a drawing of a sleeping person dealing with a bug.

Ron: Well done.

Ron: Well done.

Ron: That's the second ding on the ding.

Ron: Trout.

Ron: What two bacterial diseases did we talk about, Laura?

Laura: We talked about gonorrhoea and salmonella.

Ron: We did.

Ron: They were bacterial hog collar.

Ron: Last one.

Ron: Laura, your final point.

Ron: Fungi, mainly infect plants.

Ron: True or false fact.

Laura: Fungi mainly infect plants.

Laura: Michael, you're not right.

Ron: Fungi mainly infect plants.

Laura: What was the question?

Laura: I'm sorry?

Ron: Fungi mainly infect plants.

Ron: True or false?

Laura: No, I don't think that that's true.

Laura: I'm going to say false.

Laura: My v***** begs to argue.

Laura: So do my toes.

Ron: Well, there's a reason why they call it a lady garden, because fungi mainly insect plants.

Laura: A beautiful Christmas rose.

Laura: Christmas, that's the only time I use it.

Ron: Can't have sex on Christmas.

Laura: I've had sex on every Christmas.

Ron: Bleak.

Laura: Since I wanted to be.

Laura: That's also a lie.

Ron: Oh, roll credits.

Ron: Never go to the midnight service in Norton, Fitzwarren.

Laura: You can't anymore.

Laura: You have to go to Staple Grove because I don't think the Norton church runs at midnight.

Laura: No, I was singing Christmas songs this morning.

Laura: I got my first, like, all Christmas this year.

Laura: Buzz this morning.

Ron: The 1 march.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I'm not saying it was logical, but it happened.

Laura: Look for the glitter and that.

Laura: Ho ho ho can't hear the sleigh bells ringing it looks just like shooting star your longest pair of mittens, please, carly Ray.

Laura: What are you doing?

Laura: What are you doing?

Ron: I never told you about when I saw Carly Ray Jepsen live a festival.

Laura: That she shouldn't have been at.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And she was, I think, very good, but just the sort of 30 something hipsters that were at this festival.

Ron: Like LCD sound system, played radiohead, played, like, very much kind of indie bands.

Ron: And then she was there.

Ron: It was also the middle of the afternoon.

Ron: It just started raining.

Laura: She had a bad time, but she got paid.

Laura: I fell for you crazy I got momentarily excited yesterday because Miley Cyrus is tipped to be playing Brighton Pride this year.

Laura: And I love Miley Cyrus, but then I remembered I don't like crowds or live music, so I'll just listen to Miley Cyrus in my car and have a much better time.

Ron: Why don't you maybe find because there's, like, rooftop bars and stuff in Brighton, you could just find somewhere that you could sit and listen.

Laura: It won't sound as good as just listening to a really well put together studio recording.

Ron: It does sound good, it just sounds different.

Ron: You just don't like it.

Laura: That's what I said.

Laura: Yeah, I don't like live music.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: That doesn't mean it doesn't sound good.

Laura: Yes, it does.

Laura: Anyway, we've talked about doing a musical episode.

Laura: We're thinking of doing a school disco episode on the Patreon.

Laura: We think that could be quite fun.

Ron: Yeah, I do think we should get.

Laura: Drunk for it, though, on Panda Pops.

Ron: Those ones, they're like in a yoghurt pot and you stab the straw through the roof.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: All right, Ron.

Laura: Well, how did I do on the quiz?

Laura: What was the score?

Laura: Wasn't it one wrong?

Ron: No, you only got one wrong, didn't you?

Laura: I don't know.

Laura: You count.

Ron: I've stopped writing it down.

Laura: You're an a******.

Laura: All right, so there we go.

Laura: There were the real things about bacteria and whatnot.

Laura: You've annoyed me so much with that.

Laura: Like, can't believe you thought they had clubs.

Laura: Oh, now we're doing the real stuff.

Laura: By the way, this one's in a cloak.

Laura: Oh, for f***'s sake.

Ron: Yeah, biology is weird sometimes, but that's what made it very funny, telling you a bunch of lies.

Laura: I'm very grateful, though.

Laura: I don't think there was anybody tweeting mid episode last week saying or messaging on other socials like saying what?

Laura: None of this is true?

Laura: Laura, you're an idiot.

Laura: Everybody was suckered in, I think.

Ron: Oh, yeah, it's scary, isn't it?

Ron: You really can just say anything if you say it with confidence.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I did want to say with this episode, we recorded this out of sync and we hadn't done the vectors and scalers episode yet, so when we mentioned vectors, that's why there was no mention of that.

Laura: And Ron.

Laura: Oh, my God.

Laura: It was justification for me, because when we recorded the vectors and scalers, you were like, you always say that quote, and then here you are in black and white audio on this, saying the quote afterwards.

Laura: But we hadn't recorded the episode yet.

Ron: Prove it.

Laura: Yeah, well, I just did Lexx ed Inception, so there you go.

Laura: Who wants to play DND with Ron?

Laura: I don't know how we're going to make this happen, but, Ron, we talk about it all the way through this episode.

Ron: No, we talk about doing DND as content, not me playing games with Lisa.

Laura: Well, I don't want to play DND with you.

Ron: Why not?

Laura: Because you're a weirdo.

Laura: It'll all be lies.

Laura: So we'll work that out.

Laura: We'll work out how that's going to happen.

Laura: Now, titles game, which if you're getting bored of this game, we can stop playing.

Laura: So let us know what's fun and what's not fun.

Laura: Christine said it was one of our most quotable episodes ever last week.

Laura: And I agree, it was very quotable.

Laura: There were some really close guesses.

Laura: Mike Chapel got really close with physically tender and Joe licenset zone.

Laura: And then there was a lot of dolphin chat.

Laura: Love chick.

Laura: Chad on Instagram.

Laura: And I think Carol Sausage with fins and rubber sausage were both put forward.

Laura: And then I really enjoyed on Facebook, Pody Williams suggested that the title should have just been Ron, which I saw.

Ron: One on Twitter that I remembered replying, saying, we should have gone with that.

Ron: I can't remember what it was.

Laura: This is why we make the notes as we go along.

Ron: Yeah, sorry, whoever I replied that to knows.

Laura: Yeah, well, that's good content.

Laura: Just you having a quiet chat with someone.

Laura: But our other choices were we chose.

Laura: Don't lick mud.

Laura: We went with Kreb I love Trickos, which was said before I knew it was a tricko.

Laura: I love trickos not lysosomes.

Laura: Crunch the business quarterlies.

Laura: Don't say physically tender, especially in Spanish.

Laura: And happen freak stance of nature.

Laura: Crunch the Business Quarterlies was my second one.

Laura: I liked that one.

Ron: I thought, you just guessing.

Ron: Kreb was one of the highlights of the episode for me.

Laura: So there you go.

Laura: Let's see what you think for this week.

Laura: Now, the register.

Laura: We've had a couple of new patrons this week.

Laura: We're very excited.

Laura: We're edging towards the next landmark.

Laura: I would say the horizon is in sight for having enough people that we can put out two Patron episodes a month.

Laura: And we're also almost at a point where we can do video episodes, so we'll be playing about with that.

Laura: And we've got a big announcement in June that is only going out on the Patron for the first week, so do join.

Laura: But this week, thank you to endogrim Pioneer in the field of post trichode distress disorder.

Laura: It's very seasonal work.

Laura: Their office is usually busiest in early April.

Ron: And a huge thank you to Tim Perrin, purveyor of the finest gold foil in all the lad supplying Rutherfords worldwide and confusing one very specific Brighton based comedian.

Laura: The foil is one of the bits that I do remember.

Ron: It was an uphill struggle to get that remembering in in the first place, though.

Laura: Yeah, but isn't it worth it?

Laura: And satisfying once I know it?

Laura: Thank you to Emma Evans, who is the Guinness World record holder for the world's loudest drinker.

Laura: She drinks water at least eight times louder than Ron, if you could possibly imagine how that would happen.

Ron: And lastly, a huge thank you to Colin.

Ron: He has a magic cow that he milks Gel pen gel out of.

Ron: Her name is Gelany.

Ron: He then takes the Gel to the Gel Pen factory, where it's squatched into the pen, ready for sale to Laura.

Laura: So thank you for coming.

Laura: Everybody is present and correct and thank you for listening.

Laura: We'll be back next week with our egg based Easter episode, so you can hear Ron eat the egg you heard him cook earlier this episode.

Laura: What a mess this podcast is.

Laura: We love you very much.

Ron: Cluster eggs.

Laura: Not the egg episode yet.