Baby Films for Baby People

 Laura: Hello and Welcome to Lexx Education, the comedy science podcast, where comedian me, Laura Lex, tries to learn science from her timeless brother, Ron.

Ron: Oh, thank you.

Laura: Hi, Ron.

Ron: Hi.

Ron: Hello.

Ron: I'm Ron.

Laura: Hi, Ron.

Ron: Hi.

Laura: It's Gooch week.

Laura: Ron and I are very firmly sitting in between Christmas and New Year.

Laura: Ron looks dazed.

Laura: You look sleepy.

Laura: Did you just wake up?

Ron: No, I bought myself a Christmas present of some new headphones.

Laura: Oh, that green.

Ron: And I've never owned noise canceling headphones before.

Ron: And as someone that has the same sort of attention problems that everyone in the modern world has, but has also had tinnitus since he was a child, I feel like I'm finally on the right medication.

Ron: It's really reset my brain.

Ron: I don't fiddle with things anymore.

Ron: I don't double screen when I watch stuff.

Ron: It's having a profound effect on me.

Ron: And I just lay in bed and relaxed all morning because I couldn't just lay there.

Ron: No.

Ron: Like, I went on my phone and I watched some stuff, and I played some games, and I just chilled.

Laura: I always get jealous when other people find the thing that changes their world, and I think, well, f*** you.

Laura: I've got noise canceling headphones.

Laura: How come I'm still a mess?

Ron: I don't know, man.

Ron: You'll find it one day.

Ron: I didn't know it was out there for.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: I'm so happy for you, Ron.

Laura: It's interesting, then, Ron, maybe this is the start of a whole new world of the podcast.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: They arrived yesterday, and I was working, and I've never been as focused.

Laura: Wow.

Ron: I listened to four David Bowie albums.

Laura: Wow.

Laura: So you weren't focused on work then?

Ron: I was.

Ron: I had music on like I always do.

Ron: But I wasn't just listening to the music.

Ron: I was listening to music, and I was working.

Ron: It was great.

Laura: Wow.

Laura: All right, well, when you finish listening, young Americans jump forward in time and listen to episode 85 and see 86.

Laura: Sorry.

Laura: And see if Ron's a changed man for his headphones.

Ron: Yeah, it probably won't last.

Ron: Good things never do.

Ron: But it's a nice week while it's here.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Hey, Ron, speaking of sea changes, I've done something a bit special in this episode.

Ron: Yes, you warned me that you've used new sound effects, but also, you have not given me time to listen to it, which worries.

Laura: No.

Laura: I'm sorry about that, Ron.

Laura: The thing is, I'm going on a little holiday next week, and I don't want to take my microphone.

Laura: Where are you going?

Laura: I'm going to Cornwall.

Ron: Oh, yeah.

Ron: Cuties.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: So I don't want to take my microphone.

Laura: I don't want to record while I'm there, quite frankly.

Laura: So I bullied you into doing the intros outros for this episode a little bit early, and I literally only edited it this morning.

Laura: But I just thought, I'm going to put some new sound effects in.

Ron: That's cool by me, man.

Ron: I can't wait to hear them.

Laura: One of them is f****** mental.

Laura: And I think you're going to be really cross.

Ron: Nah, that would be fine by me.

Ron: I don't mind at all.

Laura: Not with these headphones.

Laura: All right, well, there's three new sound effects to look out for.

Laura: Enjoy those.

Laura: It's quite a fun, it's a weird episode, this one.

Laura: Just a brother and sister talking about sex related stuff for 40 minutes.

Laura: But hey, that's what you're into, you creep.

Laura: So lap it up.

Ron: Because of the syllabus, must stress that.

Laura: Oh, I didn't get a pen.

Laura: Literally ended the last recording saying, let's get a pen.

Laura: Hang on, Ron.

Laura: Okay, I've got one.

Laura: I've got a pen and a pencil in lieu of gel pens.

Laura: I love about agony.

Laura: Dad's house.

Laura: He really keeps his pencils sharpened in a nice, pleasing way.

Ron: Yeah, you complimented him on that the other day as well.

Laura: They're really good.

Laura: I'm really impressed.

Laura: I'd take that as a Christmas present.

Laura: Just all my pencils to be sharpened.

Ron: Well, yeah, like when a person comes round and sharpens knives, you could have that.

Ron: Pencils too.

Ron: Maybe you could do that.

Laura: I don't think I'm very good at sharpening pencils.

Ron: I am so worried for you and your child.

Ron: If that's true, Laura, so easy, why.

Laura: Does she need pencils sharpened for?

Ron: Because that's like real basic skill and you have to care for her.

Laura: She's never going to use a pencil.

Ron: No, I'm not just talking about sharpening pencils.

Ron: But you can't figure out that then a medicine bottle one day that she'd have life saving medicine for.

Ron: And you're going to be like, oh, can't get the lid off.

Laura: You have to sharpen medicine bottles.

Ron: No, but I'm just saying that if.

Laura: I can twist things, it's not the twisting that's a problem.

Laura: My pencils a lot.

Laura: And so when I'm sharpening them, they snap.

Laura: I don't think dad uses a pencil sharpener, though.

Laura: I think he uses a knife to sharpen pencils.

Ron: I think he does that for his carpentry pencils.

Ron: But I don't think that's true of every pencil he owns.

Laura: Yeah, I think he probably does.

Laura: I think he probably enjoys it.

Ron: Show me one of these.

Laura: This one here, look.

Laura: It's got quite square edges.

Ron: Oh, he has done that with a knife.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: All right, take it all back.

Ron: Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura.

Ron: We're doing biology today, thank goodness.

Laura: Is it fun?

Laura: Biology?

Ron: Yeah, sure.

Ron: I've got my notes up.

Ron: Don't know why not written anything in them.

Laura: Why not?

Ron: Because I found out about BBC bite size and it just has notes in there.

Laura: Yeah, but not Ron style.

Ron: No, we're doing.

Ron: What have we been doing in biology recently, Laura?

Laura: DNA, haven't we?

Laura: DNA?

Ron: Is that a joke?

Laura: I don't get.

Laura: No, that's what we've been doing.

Laura: Oh, my God, I hate this f****** twilight zone.

Laura: I swear we've been doing DNA.

Ron: Yeah, and the live shows, you f****** dunks.

Ron: We've been doing DNA normal for so long.

Ron: And the live show was several biology episodes ago.

Laura: Yeah, but I only just edited it and put it out.

Laura: Acidity.

Laura: What are we doing then?

Laura: Flowers?

Ron: No.

Laura: Hormones.

Laura: Oh, yeah, the nervous system.

Laura: I've been enjoying this.

Ron: Yeah, apparently not that much.

Laura: No, I have.

Laura: Just because I can't remember something doesn't mean I don't like it.

Laura: Like in the notebook, you know?

Ron: No, never seen it.

Laura: It's because it's animated.

Ron: Why are you so hung up on that?

Laura: I just feel like it's a bit judgy.

Ron: What's a bit judgy?

Laura: That you're like.

Laura: You all watch baby films for baby people.

Ron: No, that's not what I've said.

Ron: What I've said is you can't expect me, a childless person in their late twenty s, to have seen kids films.

Laura: They're not kids films.

Laura: And we have this argument they're films about the human condition.

Laura: Just made withdrawal for kids.

Ron: No, toy Story is for f****** kids, mate.

Laura: Not solely.

Ron: Yeah, solely.

Laura: I just disagree, Ron.

Laura: I politely disagree.

Ron: It's about kids toys.

Ron: Yeah, the protagonists are toys or kids, but if you.

Laura: You can watch it for the subplot.

Laura: Like I watched it the other day thinking, what's going on with Andy's dad's situation?

Laura: So he's never mentioned and he's never seen.

Laura: Right.

Laura: But the baby is not that old, Molly, she's still in a cot.

Laura: So let's say she's under two.

Laura: So is the dad in the military?

Laura: Because the mum is also moving house without any help.

Laura: She doesn't seem that sad.

Laura: But obviously we're only sort of seeing life from the kid's perspective.

Laura: But she's also moving house.

Laura: So has he died and left life insurance and they're upgrading the house.

Laura: Have they divorced post the second baby?

Laura: Was the baby going to be a patch on the marriage?

Laura: And it didn't work because the dad so well to male sort of toys.

Ron: You know, you could watch a film where that's not subtext, that's like the plot of the movie.

Laura: And I do sometimes, Ron, but I also enjoy the jokes in animated films.

Ron: And that's fine, but you just can't expect me to have seen them.

Laura: No, but I don't think you can be personally offended when you're asked if you have seen them.

Ron: No, but I think you can't go into a conversation having expected that.

Laura: I think you can.

Laura: I think you're in the minority.

Laura: I think most adults are watching the average Pixar film.

Ron: I don't think that's true.

Laura: I do.

Laura: We'll put a poll up.

Ron: No, we just live in a no, because as I said at the end of the last episode, a lot more Laura's listen than Ron's.

Laura: Ask the gentle boy.

Ron: He doesn't watch Pixar films.

Laura: He would if I asked him to.

Ron: I don't think he would.

Laura: What about if I invited him around for a movie night and put one on and I'd already made the popcorn?

Laura: I think he'd be too polite to say he didn't want to watch it.

Ron: I don't think he would.

Laura: I think he would say to you he didn't want to watch it, but I don't think he'd say it to me.

Laura: Right, I need to interrupt this science because my child is not going to sleep.

Laura: I'll be back in a minute and I will go for thee, Dasko Devalah.

Laura: All right, science.

Ron: We're going to be looking at hormones today, specifically hormones in reproduction.

Laura: A bit sexy.

Ron: No, not really, because it's all like all the innards.

Laura: Innards.

Ron: Innards.

Laura: Innard.

Laura: Skinners.

Ron: So first off, Laura, we're going to.

Laura: Learn that's an episode title if ever I heard one.

Ron: Not now you've called it out.

Laura: Well, I can edit out me calling it out.

Ron: I'll keep mentioning it.

Laura: Why don't you want to call it that?

Ron: Because you've called it out now.

Laura: All right, then.

Ron: And I think we'd need to riff on it a bit more.

Laura: Okay, I need to close the door because Monsters Inc.

Laura: Is blaring through from the living room where dad's watching it.

Laura: Man is such a mystery.

Laura: Sharpens his pencils with a knife and watches Pixar film.

Ron: And also that's, I think, the third time he's watched Monsters, Inc.

Ron: This week.

Laura: Yeah, I think it might just be.

Laura: He doesn't really care what's on the television.

Laura: And she's hidden the remote.

Ron: So first off, we're going to talk about the role of reproductive hormones in the menstrual cycle.

Ron: Hey, Laura, just real quick, just run down what a hormone is and where and how it works.

Laura: Oh, they work all over the place, Ron.

Laura: Do they get released from different.

Ron: Do they?

Ron: No, a hormone.

Ron: A hormone.

Ron: Speak in general terms about a hormone.

Ron: Yeah, do that.

Laura: I was.

Ron: No, you weren't.

Ron: You were talking literally.

Ron: No, you were talking about hormone.

Laura: Cough.

Laura: Which hormone?

Ron: That's why I'm saying talk in general language about a hormone.

Laura: Well, then what difference does it make if I do a hormone or hormones if I'm talking in general terms?

Ron: Because what you said there was, they're made everywhere and they affect everywhere, which isn't true of all hormones, is it, Laura?

Laura: A hormone is made in a place.

Laura: Is that better?

Laura: There you go.

Laura: And goes around in the bloodstream and changes stuff going on in your body.

Laura: It's just general stuff.

Ron: No, that's not correct.

Laura: Yeah, you said, be gentle.

Ron: Yeah, but what you should have said is that hormones are made in specific glands.

Ron: Each gland can make different hormones, and then a specific hormone will have a specific target area where the effect happens.

Laura: Yeah, but you told me to be general.

Ron: Did you hear what I just said?

Laura: So was I just too general?

Laura: Because I think that's a fault with your question.

Ron: No, that's you being obtuse because you're cross and overstimulated.

Laura: Yeah, probably.

Ron: Yeah, because did you see how I answered the question?

Ron: And you said, stuff does stuff.

Laura: Oh, well, teach yourself then, because you clearly know how to do that.

Ron: Wind your neck in back in your lane.

Ron: This has to be fun for everyone.

Laura: Then f****** make it fun for me.

Laura: Because I could be in the lounge watching monsters, Inc.

Laura: And reducing my stress hormones, which are coming from a specific land and targeting a certain area of my brain, the area that makes me want to kill you and everyone else.

Ron: I don't like feeling attacked in what's a hobby.

Ron: So again, next in let's be pleasant, because this is my lunch break as well.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Laura, puberty.

Ron: Sum it up in eight words.

Ron: First personally for you, then in a biological sense, for me, a lot of.

Laura: Fear, a lot of change.

Laura: Don't like change.

Laura: B****, they were dominating.

Laura: No, as a biological change.

Laura: Puberty is when your body starts to produce the hormones most characteristically produced with your sex.

Laura: So, generally speaking, testosterone for males, oestrogen for females, and the body starts to develop from infant state into adult state.

Laura: So your genitalia sort of change and you start to grow hair.

Laura: And in females, you probably start to menstruate and get t******.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Hips widen, so.

Ron: Absolutely.

Laura: Sometimes you get a bit chunky.

Laura: I did.

Laura: You get a bit curvy, bit curvilicious.

Ron: So basically everything you said there was correct, Laura, well done.

Laura: Okay, next time, if we're talking about feeling attacked, why don't you say that without the basically.

Laura: And then it feels a little bit more like genuine praise, because not everything.

Ron: That you said was correct.

Laura: Do you see how you subtly undermine me at every corner?

Ron: Who's being subtle?

Laura: And on the straight roads, if I'm honest.

Laura: Continue.

Ron: So, like you said, testosterone and oestrogen, these are reproductive hormones that cause what we call secondary sex characteristics.

Ron: Okay?

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Where is testosterone?

Laura: What are the primary sex characteristics?

Ron: So I believe that they're secondary sex characteristics because primary characteristics are stuff that every human has, I think.

Ron: And then you have secondary.

Ron: Let's google it.

Laura: Like legs.

Ron: They're the features that distinguish male and female bodies.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So primary characteristics are the ones that everyone's gone.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Where is testosterone created?

Laura: Testes.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: And in various different places in women, as we found out last time.

Ron: What about oestrogen?

Laura: Ovaries.

Ron: Absolutely.

Ron: So what I've got here.

Ron: And you named some of them already, there's three different categories of things that happen during puberty.

Ron: Right.

Ron: Stuff that only happens to boys, stuff that happens to girls, and stuff that happens to both.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: What are the things that characteristically happen to boys?

Laura: They get bigger.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Body becomes more muscular.

Ron: They grow very quickly.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: They get hairier, actually.

Laura: That happens to both.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: But boys more so.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: More so on the boys.

Ron: And also hair on the face with boys, which is a distinguishing characteristic.

Laura: They get a high sex drive.

Ron: That can happen to both, too.

Laura: Yet another thing I missed out on.

Laura: What else happens to boys?

Laura: They j*** in the night.

Ron: We should say here.

Ron: We're not using particularly inclusive language.

Ron: We're using the language used in the syllabus.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: What else happens to a gentleman?

Laura: Muscles, facial hair.

Laura: Rage.

Laura: That happens to both, I suppose.

Ron: Happens to both, yeah.

Ron: You're feeling quite a lot of rage now, aren't you, Laura?

Ron: Yeah, maybe I'm in puberty, second puberty.

Laura: I think that's just the menopause, isn't yeah.

Laura: I don't know what else happens to boys?

Ron: What happens to their voice?

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Laura: Voice drops.

Laura: Voice breaks.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So in boys the voice breaks and will be weird, whereas in girls it tends to just gradually get deeper.

Ron: What about what happens in their balls?

Laura: Do they not produce sperm before puberty?

Ron: No, because it's about becoming sexually mature.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Start making sperm.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: So you can't j*** before puberty.

Ron: No.

Ron: Maybe a bit of precom, but I don't want to talk about that with you.

Laura: No.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: What about what happens to both?

Ron: Like we mentioned, hair.

Ron: What?

Ron: Hair?

Laura: Pubes.

Ron: Pubes.

Ron: Pubes, yeah.

Ron: Bit of bush start growing.

Ron: And underarm hair as well.

Ron: It's also got in this, sexual organs grow and develop.

Ron: That does happen for both.

Laura: What about big juicy puss?

Laura: You get periods.

Ron: Ovaries start to release egg cells.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Menstruation.

Laura: Curvilious.

Ron: Hips get wider.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: T******.

Ron: Breasts develop.

Ron: Absolutely.

Ron: 100%.

Ron: The menstrual cycle.

Ron: How often does the menstrual cycle happen, Laura?

Laura: Approximately every 28 days, Ron.

Laura: But everybody varies massively and that's an average.

Laura: It can be less than that.

Laura: It can be a lot more than that.

Ron: Absolutely.

Ron: And what's happening during this process?

Laura: The moon is having a chat with your womb and saying, the owls are asleep.

Laura: Crack on, bleed away, buddy.

Ron: The owls are asleep.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: I don't know.

Laura: I think the moon and the owls must be quite good friends.

Ron: What have the owls got to do with the.

Laura: They're nocturnal, aren't they?

Ron: So the owls are asleep as a euphemism for its daytime.

Laura: Oh, I don't know, Ron.

Laura: I'm tired.

Laura: What's happening in the menstrual cycle, Ron, is that your womb lines itself with blood and stuff, healthy things, tissue all around the womb.

Laura: And then when the womb is really good and lined and ready to house and baby, your ovary lets a little egg out of one side or the other, or in some instances, both at the same time.

Laura: Hello, twins.

Laura: And that travels down the fallopian tube, dupe dooping about.

Laura: And then hopefully it will meet a sperm.

Laura: And if it does meet a sperm, then they'll get, what's it called?

Laura: Radicalized fertilized.

Laura: And then it implants on the side of the womb.

Laura: And then your prego, if it doesn't meet a sperm or it meets a sperm but they don't hit it off, then the egg just doesn't attach and then the womb goes, oh, well, no bebe this month.

Laura: And it sheds all that lining and it all comes out down your vag.

Ron: Yeah, it does.

Ron: How do you think that?

Ron: This cycle is controlled.

Laura: By your glands.

Ron: Which release oestrogen hormone progesterone.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So there's four different hormones that we're going to learn about in this cycle, Laura.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: The first one is called fsh.

Ron: Have you ever heard of this one before?

Laura: No, I don't think so.

Ron: It's a fish with no eyes.

Ron: You know that joke?

Ron: You're a comedian.

Laura: Yeah, I know it.

Ron: That stands for follicle stimulating hormone.

Ron: It's produced in our old friend the pituitary gland.

Ron: Remember where that is?

Laura: Brain.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So this one, this is what makes the egg mature.

Ron: So from the very moment your ovaries develop, they're full of eggs even when you're in your mum.

Laura: Yeah, I know.

Laura: Sarah Pasco taught me that.

Ron: Yeah, Sarah Pasco is a cool lady.

Laura: I love her.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: You should have done this podcast with her.

Ron: Really?

Laura: She's doing her own podcast with Carrie ad Lloyd about books.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So you're a russian doll of eggs when you're in your mum, because you've got eggs and she's got eggs and you're an egg.

Ron: The fsh reduced from in the pituitary gland that makes one of these eggs mature.

Ron: I be ready to be f*****.

Laura: Let's not f*** eggs.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: The sperm nibbles the eggs.

Ron: Yeah, ready to be nibbled.

Ron: It also stimulates the ovaries to start producing estrogen.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: So then we've got estrogen.

Ron: The FsH has caused us to release estrogen.

Ron: So estrogen is the next thing that's going to affect something.

Ron: Makes sense, right?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: It's produced in the ovaries as just said.

Ron: First thing that does is it flows around your blood and it says, stop f****** producing all of this fsh, man.

Ron: Only one egg this month, please.

Ron: So it stops that from happening.

Ron: The estrogen is what makes the uterus become all juicy for an egg.

Laura: Juicy?

Laura: You.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Thickens and repairs the uterus lining.

Ron: Not only does estrogen say to the pituitary gland, hey, stop making fsh, it also says, start making.

Laura: Oh yeah, but what on earth is lh, Ron?

Ron: Luteinizing hormone.

Laura: I love to be luteinized.

Ron: Yeah, luteinizing hormone, or lh, is what tells the ovaries to release the premature egg.

Laura: Hey, ovaries, leave that egg alone.

Ron: We don't need momentstruation.

Ron: Boom, boom.

Ron: And then finally, progesterone.

Ron: Do you know what progesterone does?

Laura: Says get rid of this lining.

Laura: We're not interested.

Ron: Actually the opposite what it says is, hey, hold on to this lining.

Ron: We still might use it just now.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: So it does that during the middle part of the menstrual cycle and during pregnancy.

Ron: So if you get pregnant, progesterone is going to keep that uterus all juicy, juicy, juicy.

Ron: If the woman becomes pregnant, progesterone, which is usually made in the ovaries, is then made in the placenta instead.

Ron: That stops you from having periods while you're pregnant.

Ron: That sounds like that.

Laura: Unless you're Sonia from EastEnders.

Ron: Nightmare.

Ron: Did that happen to Sonya from EastEnders?

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: And then she gave birth without even realizing she was pregnant.

Laura: I think about it every month.

Ron: Wow.

Laura: Especially when I was trying for a baby, I'd get my period and be really sad and then I'd think, but maybe I'm like Sonya from Eastenders.

Ron: Wow.

Ron: There was a girl at my college that supposedly didn't know that she was pregnant until she started giving birth.

Laura: Yeah, Dracon, you really don't know?

Ron: I've heard rumors that she did, but.

Laura: She didn't know how to tell anyone.

Laura: That's really sad.

Ron: No, the mother knew her mum, the grandma.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Where were we?

Ron: There we are.

Ron: That's menstruation, Laura, how do you feel about it?

Laura: I think I pretty much already knew most of that, Ron.

Laura: It's a big part of my life.

Ron: The hormones bit is the bit that you need to hold on to.

Ron: Did you write that down?

Ron: Good.

Laura: Yeah, I've written it all in a flowchart.

Ron: Lovely stuff.

Ron: Okay, cool.

Ron: How long have we been recording?

Laura: 25 minutes.

Ron: Cool beans.

Ron: We will do the next bit.

Ron: We're going to talk about contraception now, Laura.

Laura: Excellent stuff.

Laura: Get that male pill ready, everyone.

Laura: It be your turn.

Ron: So there's different types of contraception, Laura.

Ron: The first one we're going to, estrogen.

Laura: Progesterone and combined pill.

Laura: Also.

Laura: Coils, also implants, also diaphragm things.

Laura: Also condoms.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Also abstinence, the most important one.

Ron: Abstinence isn't really contraception, though.

Laura: It is the only one that will keep your soul clean.

Ron: Yeah, but we've got dirty.

Ron: Yeah, yeah.

Ron: Screw you, Jesus.

Ron: You can't clean our souls.

Ron: We're mucky pups.

Laura: You can, but you have to take the tongue counterclockwise.

Ron: Hormonal contraception is the first one that we're going to talk about, which is the Moreno coil.

Laura: That was the first coil I had.

Ron: How did that go for you?

Laura: Oh, my God.

Laura: Having a coil put in is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced in my entire life.

Laura: And I can't believe it happens without anesthetic.

Laura: It's agony.

Laura: But overall, I didn't mind it.

Laura: I've only ever had trouble with one contraception and that was microgynon, and it gave me migraines and I had to come off it in case it gave me a blood clot and killed me.

Ron: Wow.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Is that a type of pill?

Laura: Yes.

Ron: Hormonal contraception.

Ron: The basics are that human fertility is controlled by hormones, as most processes are, so we can use hormones to interfere with that.

Ron: So the pill, which contains estrogen and progesterone, as you stated, that basically stops you from producing fsh so the eggs never mature.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: So you can't get pregar's if you got immature eggs.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Or you just have really babyish babies.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: There's different benefits and risks to different types of contraception.

Ron: Oral hormonal contraceptions, more than 99% effective.

Ron: It says if they're taken correctly and can reduce the risk of certain cancers.

Ron: However, you can be affected by changes to weight, mood and blood pressure.

Laura: Don't we know it.

Ron: Modern pills contain a lot less estrogen than they used to.

Laura: Yeah.

Laura: Because it's having a lot of problems with the water table, because all these women taking extra estrogen and then p****** it out.

Laura: And it means there's loads of estrogen in the water and it has an effect on things like frogs and other animals that are now surrounded by way more estrogen than they ever were before.

Ron: Interesting.

Ron: I think I'd heard that before.

Ron: That's super interesting.

Ron: It's interesting that they're affected by human estrogen.

Ron: Must be a very highly conserved molecule.

Ron: You can also get hormonal injections, implants or skin patches.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Which it doesn't say in here.

Laura: It's great.

Ron: But I happen to know that if you have osteoporosis or a risk of osteoporosis, you shouldn't get these ones.

Laura: All right.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: It can f*** your bones up.

Ron: Check with your doctor.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: Non hormonal contraception.

Laura: Copper coil.

Ron: Yeah, copper coil.

Laura: That's what I currently have.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: How's that going?

Laura: Yeah, I like it.

Laura: There's no hormones in my body.

Laura: Extra ones.

Laura: And seems to have worked, but then I couldn't get pregnant when I wasn't on.

Laura: I might have been doing all this for no reason.

Laura: Forever.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Copper coils can make periods painful.

Laura: Oh, they're also very painful to have put in.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: But very easy to have taken up.

Laura: They can also move about.

Laura: That's a problem.

Laura: With the coil, too.

Laura: And you have the little strings coming down your pipes.

Ron: The little strings.

Ron: The idea of them makes me gip a little bit.

Laura: Yeah, they're ick.

Laura: You have to check that they're there every now and again.

Ron: Spermicidal agents is another way to do it.

Ron: Things that kill the sperms once they get in there.

Laura: Spermicidal agents feels like a Will Ferrell film.

Laura: Him and Mark Wahlberg team up again to play spermicidal agents.

Laura: It'd be a good name for a brothel, wouldn't it?

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: I think you'd have to do that with some kind of guarantee of no pregnancy, though.

Laura: Yeah, I think if I was going to call myself a sex worker, I'd call myself a fermicidal agent because I chew.

Ron: Moving on.

Ron: Okay, we can also have physical barrier methods.

Ron: So that's your condoms and your diaphragms.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Now, it does say abstaining, but it says abstaining from intercourse when an egg may be in the overduct.

Ron: So that's like paying attention to your.

Laura: Cycle climbing out the bed.

Laura: I've got to go.

Laura: Okay, Ron, we might have five minutes.

Laura: As long as she believes me that we're not going to visit nephew of the podcast if she doesn't go to sleep.

Ron: Okay, then we will.

Laura: Also, agony dad is loading the dishwasher.

Laura: That's what that noise is.

Laura: Hi, agony dad.

Ron: I could hear him.

Laura: He could hear you, but you didn't have the headphones in, so you couldn't hear him.

Laura: We've been publicly complimenting your pencil sharpening dad.

Ron: One use in the world.

Ron: When you finish, put that on.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: Come on, fartface.

Laura: Ron, he's calling you.

Laura: Oh, no, wait.

Laura: It's not talking to you.

Laura: He said, good boy.

Laura: He'd never say that to you.

Ron: Wow.

Ron: And hello, listeners.

Ron: 82 episodes in and a new low in standards for the podcast.

Ron: As someone not involved with the podcast.

Laura: Okay, she hasn't believed me.

Laura: She's standing up.

Laura: Quick, Ron, more about.

Ron: Just don't come in plannies if you don't want kids.

Ron: Goodbye.

Laura: I've not even the Scooby doobiest idea what we did.

Laura: Oh, no.

Laura: My pad says contraception.

Laura: Quant reception.

Laura: Yes.

Laura: Oh, this was a lovely episode.

Laura: Just full of, like, normal day.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Are you moisturizing mid episode?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Ron, you are the quintessential metrosexual man.

Ron: What?

Laura: So wholesome.

Laura: You just had a weekend of ball games doing your podcast with your sister, talking about contraceptives and moisturizing.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: God d*** it, man.

Laura: You are a catch.

Ron: Hang on, let me light this scented candle.

Laura: Don't know if you can hear child of the podcast in the background there.

Ron: Loud and clear.

Ron: Cool.

Ron: I've got a nice scented candle now.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: In terms of sort of content, we didn't cover loads in this.

Laura: It felt like we did.

Ron: I don't know.

Ron: I didn't really make.

Laura: Well, actually I did.

Ron: Okay, well, so first up, Laura, can you please name the four hormones involved in menstruation, where they're produced and what they do.

Ron: Sorry.

Laura: Hi, baby.

Ron: Can you see her?

Laura: Hi.

Laura: Are you going to have a bath?

Ron: We're having a bath, aren't we?

Laura: Oh, nice.

Laura: The four hormones involved in contraceptive r in menstruation.

Laura: In menstruation r fsh.

Ron: Which does.

Ron: Oh my God.

Laura: Hi, baby.

Laura: Honestly, living with Tom now he's a parent is like permanently having a sort of 90s Eddie Murphy film on in the background.

Laura: You walk into a room and she's just dangling from a light fitting.

Laura: And he's like going, it's magical.

Laura: So FSH makes the egg mature.

Ron: Yep.

Ron: And where's it created?

Laura: In the pituitary gland.

Ron: Okay.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: And then that also tells the ovaries to make oestrogen.

Laura: And then when the oestrogen comes around, the FSH stops.

Laura: And I've called it a juicy uterus.

Ron: No, maybe not.

Ron: A juteris.

Laura: Oh, no, I've reheard it now.

Laura: No, a juiceterous.

Laura: Then you start producing luteinizing hormone.

Ron: Yes.

Ron: Where?

Laura: And they tell the ovaries to get the egg out.

Ron: Where?

Laura: Kick it out, make it see its.

Laura: Own way in the world.

Laura: And it goes down the fallopian tubes.

Ron: Where do we make the luteinizing hormone?

Laura: In the ovaries?

Laura: In the egg.

Laura: The egg makes it.

Laura: In the egg.

Laura: The egg.

Ron: And what's the last hormone?

Laura: Progesterone.

Ron: Oh, no.

Laura: What have you done?

Ron: I've turned on my PlayStation.

Laura: Oh, take your d*** out of it.

Ron: You're making very base jokes today.

Ron: Not a very wheelbarrow kind of mind that would create these kind of jokes.

Laura: I think it is route.

Ron: One can really hear that bath, by the way.

Laura: Well, do you know what, then more people need to become f****** patrons so that we can get a f****** podcast studio.

Laura: Okay, sorry, our podcast isn't baby proof or PlayStation.

Ron: Yeah, sorry, I'm trying to turn it off.

Laura: Sorry, it's garbage.

Laura: Pay us and we'll see if it gets better.

Laura: Guess what?

Laura: It won't.

Laura: So who cares?

Laura: Progesterone, Ron.

Laura: That's the last one.

Ron: What does that do?

Ron: And where's it made?

Laura: That is made in the womb.

Laura: And that is like.

Laura: Keep the lining, get the egg in it, cozy up that ghost, make a placenta.

Ron: Ten out of twelve marks, Laura.

Ron: Well done.

Laura: What did I get wrong?

Laura: Nothing.

Ron: You're right.

Ron: I just marked you down twice just for funsies.

Laura: Sounds like you.

Ron: No.

Ron: Luteinizing hormones made in the pituitary gland, not in the egg.

Ron: And progesterone is made in the ovaries, not in the womb.

Laura: Oh, same thing.

Laura: Ovaries.

Laura: All right.

Laura: But other than that, I've got a very strong grip on how a baby is made.

Ron: Pretty good.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Well, I guess.

Ron: Hang on, let me pull some random questions out of the syllabus you got.

Ron: That's a big deep bath.

Laura: That's actually just Tom p****** at the moment.

Laura: He's going to give her a bath in a minute.

Laura: So tall.

Ron: So it's thunderous contraception, Laura.

Ron: Want to just name as many as you can?

Ron: You have a point for each of them.

Laura: My face?

Laura: My personality?

Laura: No, the coil.

Laura: Hormonal or copper?

Ron: Two marks.

Laura: The implant?

Ron: Yes.

Laura: The pill.

Laura: Either combined or just.

Laura: I think it's the oestrogen pill, isn't it?

Laura: That's the non combined one.

Ron: Five marks.

Laura: Condoms?

Ron: Yes.

Laura: A diaphragm, spermicidal gel.

Laura: Abstinence.

Ron: I'm not including that.

Laura: Why?

Laura: It's the only one that keeps your soul not pregnant.

Ron: Well, it's not contraception.

Ron: It's just not having sex.

Laura: Oh, okay.

Ron: Like saying not getting in a car is a seatbelt.

Laura: Okay.

Laura: Cycling squishes up the testicles and you produce less sperm.

Laura: According to the stand up comedy of Stephen Grant.

Ron: Sure, but you could still give them diseases.

Laura: That's true.

Laura: But you also could if you had an implant.

Ron: That's true.

Ron: Cycling.

Ron: I'll give it to you.

Laura: Thank you.

Laura: Pulling out?

Ron: No, we can't.

Ron: Minus one.

Laura: No, it's a joke.

Laura: You can't minus me for jokes.

Ron: But I gave you a point for a joke as well when you said cycling.

Laura: Okay, fair.

Laura: Are there any more obvious ones?

Ron: That'll do.

Laura: Yeah, I think that's all the obvious ones.

Ron: Yeah.

Ron: Well, good quiz, Laurie.

Ron: You got some there.

Laura: Is that all of it?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Oh, well done, me.

Ron: Yeah, really well done.

Laura: We didn't even have to go into pubes and hairs.

Ron: No.

Laura: Mackie's livid about that.

Laura: Mackie's been revising pubes and hairs all night.

Laura: Didn't even mention it.

Ron: She is just made of pubes and hairs.

Laura: She's so cute.

Laura: I love her.

Laura: She's been sleeping in the bed a lot lately.

Laura: Our bed is so full of dog hair.

Laura: I love it.

Ron: Yeah, it's horrid.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Bye, Ron.

Ron: Bye.

Laura: There you go.

Laura: Well, Ron, you still haven't heard it because it's seconds later from when we did the intro, but it's a banger.

Laura: It's lovely.

Laura: Featuring a little bit of agony dad at the end there, featuring real life interruptions from parenthood.

Laura: Oh, just a delight.

Laura: And I was so smart this week.

Laura: And Ron, that massive apology you gave me for four minutes of it, apologizing for every wrong you've ever did in me was much appreciated.

Ron: What did I apologize for?

Laura: Just your personality and the way you treat me.

Ron: I don't remember that happening.

Laura: It didn't happen.

Laura: I'm lying, of course.

Laura: Let me know of the new sound effects.

Laura: Which was your favorite?

Laura: Hey, tell us which of the old sound effects you liked.

Laura: And look, if you haven't yet set a new year's resolution for 2024, perhaps it should be to bang on in public about how great this podcast is so that we can finally get the cult hit status we deserve and be legends in our own time.

Laura: Also, I want your thoughts on animated films.

Laura: Who's right and wrong in that argument?

Ron: See, I haven't listened, but I think I know what this.

Ron: And it's not even an argument.

Ron: I believe I don't disparage animated films at all.

Laura: No, you just say they're for children.

Ron: They are for children.

Laura: And I say they're not for children.

Ron: They're ruined and marketed at children.

Ron: But I'm not disparaging that, nor the adults that choose to watch children's films.

Ron: I still enjoyed a lot of the things that I enjoyed when I was a child.

Ron: I'm just saying you can't expect me to have seen them.

Laura: You said they were solely for children.

Laura: I disagree.

Ron: They are solely for children, but you just enjoy them as well, and that's fine.

Laura: I disagree.

Laura: Thoughts, listeners?

Laura: Now, Ron, we didn't do class dismissed last week, so it's very important we get one in this year.

Laura: Otherwise the whole year is just going to be one big lesson.

Ron: Life is a big lesson.

Ron: And I think maybe that's the change that we need in 2024.

Ron: 2024 seven.

Ron: We're learning all the time.

Laura: 2024 seven.

Laura: Yes, Ron.

Laura: God, Zen headphones.

Laura: Ron is just cray cray.

Ron: We're into a new era.

Ron: I'm so dazed.

Ron: If it hadn't been for that, though, I'd have done the best episode breath ever for the ones we're about to.

Laura: Record, but instead you've done nothing.

Ron: You messaged me at 09:00 saying, do you want to record?

Ron: I saw that message at 22 minutes past eleven and said, yeah, half past question mark.

Ron: And then you went, yeah, and then I didn't get out of bed until 26 minutes past.

Laura: So you could have done eight minutes of prep and you just didn't.

Ron: Yeah, and then when I did get onto my laptop.

Laura: Headphones are making you more productive, Ron.

Laura: I think they're making you worse.

Ron: I didn't really say they made me more productive.

Laura: You said you were really productive at work.

Ron: I was yesterday.

Ron: This isn't work.

Ron: This is a frivolous hobby of.

Laura: My career on it.

Ron: You can't cough and say you staked your career on something in the same 15 seconds.

Laura: I didn't say it was a good career.

Ron: Leaving space there for another new sound effect, maybe.

Laura: I don't put sound effects in the intros.

Laura: Outros Ron.

Laura: Don't you?

Ron: Maybe you should.

Laura: I'm usually editing them onto the main book of the episode at like, midnight on a Sunday.

Ron: Yeah, thanks for doing that.

Laura: Hey, I have no choice.

Laura: You wouldn't.

Ron: I might.

Laura: No, the episodes, they've all gone out at 01:00 a.m.

Laura: On a Monday.

Laura: And that gives me so much joy.

Laura: And you would just.

Laura: As long as they went out on Monday, it doesn't matter.

Laura: Whereas I think.

Laura: No, people need regularity.

Laura: They need to know that they're going to wake up Monday morning and it's going to be there.

Laura: Okay, can you just say Cluster Smith?

Ron: Cluster Smith.

Laura: Why are you sulking about that?

Ron: I didn't know that it was done.

Laura: But you also went, oh, f****** h***.