Gregorhead

 Gregorhead

Laura Lex does an intro with husband of the podcast Tom on Lex Education

Laura: Hello and welcome to another episode of Lex Education, the comedy science podcast, where comedian Laura Lex tries to learn science from her nerdy younger brother Ron, and then does an intro with her sexy husband, Tom.

Tom: Yes. I'm not Ron, I'm Tom.

Laura: It's husband of the podcast podcast Tom. So Ron is away this week on holiday, and I'll be honest, lads, it's 11:10 the night that the podcast goes out. I've had a bottle of wine, I've.

Tom: Had loads of cocktails, and I just.

Laura: Remembered, haven't recorded these. So I said to husband of the podcast, get over here, lad. We're doing an intro together.

Tom: And here we bloody are.

Laura: It's us, uh, comedy's best couple. Suck it, Rachel and Marcus. Sucks to be you. We're the best ones. Anyway, um, hello, Tom. How are you?

Tom: Really good. How are you?

Laura: I'm all right, yeah. I ate so many crisps today, I'm.

Tom: Drunker than I've been laying on.

Laura: Are you?

Tom: Mmm.

Laura: Mmm. How many cocktails did you have? 1010 cocktails.

Tom: Yeah. But most of them were in happy hours. They were half price. It's pretty much only five.

Laura: You big man, though. That's like, that's like, if I'd had six cocktails, I reckon, yeah.

Tom: Maybe I'd be sick. They were spicy as well. I had lots of spicy cocktails.

Laura: Spicy?

Tom: Yeah, I had. They said, how spicy? And I said five, and they gave me five. I was like, nah, uh, spicier.

Laura: Uh.

Tom: And in the end I was saying, give me ten out of ten spicy cocktails. There was so much spice in my cocktails.

Laura: Huh uh. I'm glad you had a good time.

Tom: It was nice.

Laura: I've had one bottle of wine, just less than, but, uh, one.

Tom: Just you on your own. A whole bottle of wine's a lot of wine for a tiny person.

Laura: Yeah. But we opened it at 01:00 p.m.. Oh. So across like 9 hours. That's all right, isn't it?

Tom: Yeah. I've done a lot of cocktails in.

Laura: Like three in a very short space of time. I think I'm gonna feel better than you tomorrow.

Tom: Yes.

Tom loves podcasts that don't involve you disagreeing with literally everything

Laura: So Ron's gallivanting across Europe on his great train excursion of the continent.

Tom: He's in Switzerland.

Laura: He is. He's been to Paris, he's been to Brussels, I think.

Tom: Yeah.

Laura: Now he's in Switzerland. We're just here in Brighton.

Tom: It's nice, though. It's not nice. The weather's horrible.

Laura: It is, but it's going to be sunny tomorrow.

Ron: Oh, good.

Laura: Now, Tom, you famously don't listen to the podcast.

Tom: I don't care to listen to it.

Laura: No, you hate it.

Tom: I don't hate it. I just find that the conversations that you and Ron have are too similar to the conversations that you and I have in real life, and so I do need a little break from them sometimes. So I find myself listening to podcasts that don't involve you disagreeing with literally everything.

Laura: I don't disagree with everything.

Tom: No. But just establish scientific fact only when it's misleading. Yes.

Laura: You don't like science, though, do you?

Tom: I quite like science.

Laura: Yeah? Yeah.

Tom: I got, you know, three b's and an a at GCSE.

Laura: What was that?

Tom: A in physics.

Laura: Whoa. But that's the maths one.

Tom: I know, but it never felt like maths to me. It just felt like logic, whereas maths was numbers, and it's numbers. Numbers that upset me.

Laura: Interesting. I don't mind numbers. I don't like it when an idea is a squiggly shape.

Tom: Well, like a number.

Laura: No, like the concept of change.

Tom: What?

Laura: Triangle.

Tom: Okay, I don't understand what you're saying.

Laura: Yeah, exactly. It's like the concept of change, but you draw it as a triangle, and it's called delta.

Tom: Okay, well, it's got to be called something, and it's got to look like something written down.

Laura: Write down the word delta.

Tom: Yeah, that would work as well.

Laura: Or call it concept of change. Coc coc.

Tom: Yes, actually, you've explained it well. It should be called cock.

Laura: Everything should be called cock.

This is episode 98 of the Roman science podcast. We've got one more episode planned

Anyway, uh, we've got a little episode coming up. Tom hasn't heard it because he hates me. Tom, I did want to ask you, though, before we start the episode. This is episode 98.

Tom: Oh, yeah.

Laura: We've got one more episode that's already recorded, and then it's time for our hundredth episode.

Tom: Oh, my God. 100 episodes?

Laura: Yeah. What? Waste of time. We don't have an idea yet.

Tom: You don't have an idea for the hundredth episode?

Laura: What should we do?

Tom: Well, 100 years. What's that? Diamond. Diamond jubilee.

Laura: No, that's like 70, isn't it?

Tom: What's 100 years? What's the anniversary? 100.

Laura: I've been married for 100 years.

Tom: Well, no one's ever been. But there must be a hundred year anniversary. No, but there'll be anniversary like there. We rules. What's the wedding anniversary for?

Ron: 100 years. You're right.

Tom: No one's ever been married for a hundred years.

Laura: Ten carat diamond.

Tom: Wow.

Laura: I can't afford to buy one carat.

Ron: No, I don't think you should.

Laura: I don't think brothers and sisters should buy each other ten karat diamonds. Um.

Tom: Um.

Laura: You buy me one.

Tom: Disney's 100 this year.

Laura: Should we do a Disney episode?

Tom: I don't know. I'm just trying to think of things that I know are 100 right now. Uh, yeah, Disney's turning 100. Trees. Lots of trees are 100. Um, you could do Spain. Why have you said Spain?

Laura: Spain is 100.

Tom: Spain's more than 100.

Laura: Yeah.

Tom: Like, uh, roman centurions. They're 100. You could do roman science.

Laura: Roman science podcast.

Tom: Yeah, but you could do science according to the Roman.

Laura: The trouble is, I'll say that to one, and he'll go.

Tom: Cause he doesn't want to do the research.

Laura: He doesn't do research because he already knows the science. He doesn't. He's a lazy little boy.

Tom: He's not lazy.

What do you hate most about Ron? I don't hate much about Ron

Laura: What do you hate most about Ron?

Tom: I don't hate much about Ron.

Laura: Yeah, but, uh, you hate some stuff. What do you hate? You hate that he's watching the same tv as us on our Amazon.

Tom: I do hate that he watches the block. So we watch the block, which is a great australian renovation show. And he watches it on my Amazon account.

Laura: On my Amazon. I pay for it.

Tom: I literally pay for it.

Laura: I literally pay for it.

Tom: Well, it's in my name.

Laura: Yeah, we'll cheque your bank account because it comes out of mine.

Tom: Oh, well, that's handy for me. Anyway, the point is, we're watching it, and then he watches some other random episode, and then we have to figure out where we are. And it's a pain. I hate that most about Ron. Everything else, he's a diamond.

Laura: He's a messy m cook.

Tom: He is a messy cook. You're a messy cook, too.

Laura: I'm not. You are, uh, not as messy as Ron.

Tom: All cooks are messy cooks. You know who aren't messy cooks? People who can't cook. We just hate the pizza.

Laura: You're just messy the rest of the house. Look at the fucking state of this place. You are a slob.

Tom: You're a slob.

Laura: Okay, recording. I don't have my notebook, but as it's a revision lesson, that's not the end of the world. And if I'm totally honest, I don't want to go upstairs. Cause child of the podcast has only just gone down, and, um, my legs are tired.

Ron: That's fair. Talk a bit more.

Laura: Um. Um. It's me, Laura. You're good, pal.

Ron: You don't sound great. You using the right. Microphone sounds a bit. A bit basic.

Laura: Is it being a bit shit? How's that? Is that better?

Ron: That's better. Now leave all of that in because I want listeners to see that we do have standards.

Laura: Yeah. Big ones.

Ron: You're far too loud now that you are clipping to fuck.

Laura: Uh, how's that? Is that better? That's beautiful. It's lord.

Ron: There's a famous recording of blues, uh, boy king, bb king, one of the fathers of uh, modern blues. And he's playing, I think his classic track the thrill is gone live on stage. And he snaps a string right there and then rather than freaking out about it, he's in his eighties at this point. He just very calmly keeps singing, gets out another string, puts it into his guitar, retunes it and then carries on playing. Legendary moment. That's what we just did.

Laura: Yeah, yeah. It's like, or to put it into like my rap, my musical tastes like in an r and B track where they accidentally catch them singing at the end of a track going, haha. That take was great, you know. And it's not staged at all.

Ron: Yeah, yeah. Like do you know the um, gorilla song dare? Yeah, apparently, um, that bit like most of the vocals in that supposedly was just the bloke that does the vocals like just like getting ready for the track and then they just liked it. So then they sampled it because it's, I think he's actually not saying it's there. He's got such a, I think, strong Jordy accent. He's actually saying it's there when the beat gets there but then it sounds like it's there.

Laura: That's fun trivia.

Ron: Yeah. And like, um, um, yeah, the whole. I'm, um, coming up. I'm, um, coming up. That was him. Like he just said that at one point when he was listening to the beat getting ready to do his vocals.

Laura: Oh, and then they just sampled it and used it.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: He didn't sing the whole song like that.

Ron: No. Um, yeah, just there. Hold it down.

Laura: So it's actually. Hold it thoun there supposedly, I think. Did you get my joke there on hold it down there?

Ron: Oh, I didn't. I was talking. Yeah.

Laura: You were too excited about music trivia to understand my joke. Joke jokes.

Ron: Yeah.

We're boycotting Israeli products because they're made with israeli ingredients

Um, Magimix is back on. Back on. Back in the mix.

Laura: How is the hummus?

Ron: Oh, I've made some banging hummus.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Yeah. I'm really.

Laura: Yesterday. What a lazy cow.

Ron: You fucking idiot.

Laura: Thing is I love that sabra hummus. That is just so smooth.

Ron: Oh, don't buy Sabra.

Laura: Why?

Ron: It's, um, Israeli. We're boycotting. Just make hummus.

Laura: I know, but I can't make it as smooth as they do.

Ron: Yes, you can. Just put more water in it.

Laura: I don't like water.

Ron: Then you. Yes, you do. You like smooth hummus.

Laura: I think if I put more oil in, that will do it.

Ron: No, put some water in. The oil makes it oily. And stop buying israeli products.

Laura: I didn't know it was israeli.

Ron: We don't buy Sabra. We don't buy Starbucks and we don't buy McDonald's. We're boycotting.

Laura: Well, two out, uh, of three of those are very easy.

Ron: Yes, listeners. You too.

Laura: Sodastream as well, apparently.

Ron: Not a problem. I use my. How often do you use a sodastream? I thought it was a one.

Laura: And done. How do you get your hummus fizzy?

Ron: I visit myself.

Laura: No, it's not when I'm done, because you have to keep rebuying canisters.

Ron: Oh, uh, no. Well, okay. Stop that, everybody.

Laura: There was a sodastream shop in Brighton, uh, a few years back, but it got picketed out.

Ron: Because of its really, like.

Laura: Yeah. Built on palestinian land.

Ron: Yeah. Um, yeah, go fuck yourself. Sodastream.

Laura: With a sodastream canister.

Ron: Hmm.

Laura: I was really looking forward to that hummus and now I feel terrible for buying it.

Ron: You should make your own hummus or buy palestinian hummus. Okay, um, what else to run through before we get into stuff? Oh, friend of the podcast.

Laura: Eat that hummus with a bottle of Smirnoff.

Ron: Listen to their Eurovision entry.

Laura: Yeah. Oh, well, at least there's nothing wrong with anything british or american, which the rest of my fridge is full of.

Don't buy that hummus now you've bought it, because otherwise that's food waste

Ron: Well, you. Well, what we can do is we can just talk about your purchases in a complete passive voice.

Laura: And I bought the hummus on Amazon.

Ron: Hummus was bought. You don't have to claim ownership of it.

Laura: Tragically, hummus was bought.

Ron: No, not tragically that. It's just hummus was bought.

Laura: No, because if you make it a tragedy, then it's an accidental accident.

Ron: Mmm. Yeah. Tragically, hummus made its way into the house.

Laura: Yeah, yeah.

Ron: Um, I'm just gonna double cheque. Sabra is the brand that I'm thinking.

Laura: Yeah. What if we're just slagging off Sabra and actually they're just some swedish people sitting, uh.

Ron: Oh, yeah, it is them. Don't eat that hummus. Well, do eat that hummus now you've bought it, because otherwise that's food waste. But don't buy that hummus. Just make your own hummus. Here's what you do, guys. Here's what you do. You get some dried chickpeas. Always start with dried. It's much better that way. Night before.

Laura: What's wrong with tin chickpeas?

Ron: If you want nice smooth hummus, lawyer, you better fucking knuckle down and listen up. Alright? Get some nice, some nice dried, uh, chickpeas. You put them into soak overnight in the water with them. Bit of bicarb, bit of bicarbonate soda. What's that gonna do? That's gonna make the water alkaline and that's gonna soften your chickpeas, smoothening your hummus. What we're also gonna do, we're gonna throw some hummus and some salt in there as well.

Laura: Some hummus. You're gonna throw hummus in?

Ron: Sorry, not hummus. Cumin. Cumin. Cumin. Why are you, why are you being like this?

Laura: Right while you're doing this, I'm going to finish making my tea.

Ron: You carry the recipe, okay? We're going to leave that overnight. The salt and the cumin are going to work their ways into those chickpeas. The next day. We're going to boil those chickpeas, we're going to change the water, we're going to rinse them, then we're going to boil them in fresh water. More bicarb, more cumin. I put a bit of turmeric in today. Great. Then what you do is you, we're going to boil them for 45 minutes, then we're going to take them off, they're going to cheque that. They're cooked, obviously. And then we will leave them to cool down a bit. We're going to put them in our food processor. What are we going to do once they're in there? We're going to add lemon juice, we're going to add olive oil, we're going to add a couple of cloves of garlic. And you know what? We're going to add whatever the fuck you want to make it taste delicious. What was on today's menu, Ron? Um, we added coriander powder. We added, uh, harissa paste today and we added a well. Oh, and tahini. Always tahini. Loads of tahini. More tahini than you think. Blend all of that up, add a bit of olive oil and then just keep adding water until it's at the consistency you like. And then you've got some banging hummus. And you can make so much for the cost that they charge you at the supermarket. Then you eat your hummus recipes with Ron. Yeah.

Laura: Do you remember the cook along? The cook along was so good.

Ron: That was good. We should do another one of these, didn't we? Yeah. I'm better at making hummus now, though.

Laura: I think we used tin chickpeas for the cook.

Ron: Yeah, we weren't very prepared.

Laura: We were, but then we weren't prepared enough.

Ron: What should we make of the cookalong this year?

Laura: Oh, we're doing it your house.

Ron: Okay.

Laura: Let's make, um, baklava.

Ron: No, I don't like baklava.

Laura: I do.

Ron: Why don't you do your own cook along for your other podcast?

Laura: Let's make. Let's make tom yum soup.

Ron: No, that's got shrimp in it.

Laura: We can get vegan shrimp.

Ron: Can you?

Laura: Yeah. I had vegan shrimp on Monday.

I had vegan tempura prawns and it was yummo

Ron: Oh, what's that like?

Laura: Really delicious. I had vegan tempura prawns and it was yummo. I did have them in a very good restaurant, so I'm not saying all vegan prawns will be that good, but these ones were excellent.

Ron: You can buy vegan shrimp online. They are spenny, though.

Laura: Next time you're down, we'll go to Moshimo and have all the vegan sushi there. It's excellent.

Ron: Mmm. I do love sushi. Maybe I'll get sushi next week when I'm staying in Manchester for work. Maybe I will.

Laura: Should go to the real greek in Manchester. It's good greek food.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Sushi, though.

Ron: You and Tom love greek food.

Laura: Yeah. You had greek food on Saturday.

Ron: I did. I had the vegan pork.

Laura: Mmm.

Ron: Good, um, stuff.

Do you think that we're linked because we've got the same middle name

Laura: Right, well, this has been ten minutes of food chat. Do you want to do some physics recap?

Ron: Yeah. Remind us what we did last time down.

Laura: Resultant forces and energy types. Energy changes. Energy changes. But you. There are thousands of energies and they change that can't be destroyed or made.

Ron: Do you think that we're so linked because we've got the same middle name?

Laura: My middle name's not Howard.

Ron: No, uh, the other one.

Laura: Howardette. Um, no, I think it's because we spend a lot of time together and had quite similar, um, desires for the world. Like, we're both uni peeps, you know? So we had similar formative years.

Ron: Yeah, sure.

Laura: Do you think the middle name thing, then?

Ron: I think it's the middle name.

Laura: Feels like one of the most unscientific things you've ever said.

Ron: Well, if there's anything we learnt by, from Frankie G, it's that if you just have a theory, just stick to it.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Do studies until the theory is proved.

Laura: Oh, Frankie.

Ron: Frankie.

Laura: Friar Frankie.

Ron: Right. Um, let me find my notes, eh? That'd help, wouldn't it?

Laura has been casting her mind back over a year now

Notes. Where are you night now? Casting your mind back over a year now, Laura, when you say casting your.

Laura: Mind back, do you picture, like, casting, like a fishing rod? No, I'll picture a little brain on the end of a fishing rod being flung out into a still river.

Ron: To me, it's more like a broadcast. Like I'm projecting my mind back there.

Laura: Oh, uh, like. Like casting from your phone onto a screen.

Ron: Yeah. All right, now, casting your mind.

Laura: That's why I can't do it so well, because mine's on a string.

Ron: Yeah. I think you're just a dumb, dumb. What are you thinking about? I can tell you are having thoughts.

Laura: I was thinking about fishing.

Ron: So, Laura, you know what I was.

Laura: Really thinking about there? I was like, I reckon the discord are going to talk about this bit. I think the discord are going to talk about what they talk, what they think about when their minds are on the cast. Casting your mind back, it could be like, oh, who's going to be playing my mind in the recreation of my memories? You know, like a cast? Like, oh, Olivia Colman's playing my brain in this memory. I have cast my mind as James McAvoy. James McAvoy is one of those people that I think if he wasn't famous, you wouldn't think he was half as handsome as you do. Very normal looking guy, you know, probably.

Ron: Yeah, yeah, but he's scottish.

Laura: Yeah. An accent man.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Accents add 1 million.

Ron: It's like, you see Ewan McGregor and you're like, that's a dude. And then he talks and then you're.

Laura: Like, have you ever seen a life less ordinary?

Ron: Uh, only in the mirror, maybe.

Laura: Sometimes I think that's a film that I just dreamt because I remember it so well and it never comes up in any, like, I've literally never heard of it. It was Cameron Diaz and Ewan McGregor and one of them kidnaps the other one.

Ron: I remember watching Nanny McPhee returns as a child, and in it there are like two or three five second flashbacks to a dad leaving for war. And in the first one, I was like, that's Ewan McGregor. And everyone was like, nah ah. They wouldn't get you and McGregor in for these five second clips. And it fucking was. Yeah.

Laura: Why are you such a Gregor head then? Because of Star wars, trainspotting.

Ron: Um, it was my favourite, uh, movie as a kid.

Laura: I've never seen it.

Ron: You wouldn't like it.

Laura: No, no.

Ron: Also, I only watched it for the first time a couple of months ago.

Laura: Uh, I didn't even blink at the idea of it being your favourite film. As a kid though, I was like, yeah, probably you watch walking with dinosaurs and train spotting and that was all the weirdo did.

Ron: Um. Why am I such a Gregor head? That's a really good question. Probably is Star wars, but he's always just being a guy around, you know.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Oh no, actually, probably Moulin Rouge.

Laura: To be honest, I love Moulin Rouge.

Ron: He's great in it.

Laura: Yeah. The whole cast are the guy that plays the Lord. Guy that she's meant to marry. The twitchy little fox faced guy.

Ron: Mmm. He's in other.

Laura: It's not Gary Oldman, is it? But it's a Gary Oldman ish face.

Ron: He has one other role that's really big. Ah. Richard Roxburgh.

Laura: M don't know the name at all.

Ron: What else are you in? Oh, yes, that's it. He's, um, um. He's Dracula and Van Helsing.

Laura: Oh.

Ron: I love Van Helsing.

Laura: Is that the one with Kate Beckinsale?

Ron: Kate Beckinsale and Hugh Jackman. So good. What a film. Um, yeah, love that. Um, right, yeah.

Jim Broadbent looks great at 63. I bet he's a nice man

John Leguizamo, also brilliant.

Laura: Always.

Ron: Jim Broadbent. Brilliant.

Laura: A lot of him at the moment because we're in an encanto phase and he's Bruno. He's very good.

Ron: You're nice.

Laura: And he's sid the sloth.

Ron: Yeah. He was also Mario without me. M. No, he was Luigi opposite Bob Hoskins. Mario.

Laura: Oh. Uh, what a legend. He's had a good career and he. I bet he's a nice man. And he was Tybalt, not tibble. Yeah, he was tibble in.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Lehman's roomy. And Juliet when he. Yeah, what a cool dude.

Ron: Yeah, I get the idea that he is really nice as well. How do you spell leg? Was armo le.

Laura: G u I z a.

Ron: There he is. Who's he married to? He's 63. He looks great.

Laura: I think it's because he's always looked weird. I think the trick to looking good as you get older is to have always looked a bit broken or a bit old.

Ron: Like the sort of.

Laura: Yeah, like the Richard gere with hair the other day.

Ron: Oh, that sickened me to my stomach.

Dark energy, a thing we've never discussed, and doesn't exist

Anyway, right, so, Laura, casting your mind back over a year now. Um, can you remember where we moved on to after energy changes?

Laura: No.

Ron: Okay, have a. Where what's the, what's a logical next place to go with it?

Laura: Uh, dark energy.

Ron: Yeah. Do you remember when we covered dark energy over a year?

Laura: I don't remember what we covered, Ron.

Ron: M. No, I'm not asking you to remember. I'm asking you what the next logical step is. Dark energy, a thing we've never discussed, and, spoiler alert, doesn't exist. It's probably not the next logical step.

Laura: Might exist.

Ron: I'm telling you it doesn't.

Laura: Well, you don't know that, though. You sound like a victorian saying dark matter doesn't exist.

Ron: No, I don't.

Laura: Yes, you do.

Ron: No, I don't.

Laura: What makes you tired, then? Dark energy. Anyway. Um, down, uh, waves.

Ron: No, because we did waves quite recently, didn't we?

Laura: I don't know, Ron. I don't know, Ron. Um, uh, uh, what about, oh, did we do car engines? Did we do a bit about accelerations and stuff?

Ron: Yeah, and then we did a practical lesson where we went and fixed an engine, though we've never fucking covered car engines.

Laura: Didn't we do a bit about cars moving along? Hmm.

Laura, how many different energy sources can you name

Give me four options and I'll tell you which one comes next.

Ron: No. 6.1.3. National and global energy resources. Laura, how many different energy sources can you name?

Laura: Wind, sun.

Ron: Wait. Yeah. One tidal, two, three.

Laura: Hydroelectric.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Coal.

Ron: What's the bigger bracket that coals in?

Laura: Oh, uh, no, don't say fossil fuels, because then that uses up loads of ideas I've got.

Ron: Well, you've said it now. Fossil fuels.

Laura: Um, uh, nuclear.

Ron: Yep. Um, there's one more on this list that you've missed.

Laura: Solar, uh, wind.

Ron: Uh, you said it earlier, uh, but in different context.

Ron says he wants to play guitar at live Lex education shows

Talking about something else.

Laura: Magnets?

Ron: No.

Laura: Down.

Ron: No.

Laura: Uh, acceleration. Chemical energy. What did that, what context did I say it? In?

Ron: Waves. Wave power. Capturing wave power from the sea.

Laura: Is that not the same as tidal?

Ron: No, because, no, uh, because tides and waves are different, okay?

Laura: So there's two sea energies, and I've surfed time, see, my energy mate, two seas, two sea types of energies.

Ron: If you, if tides and waves are quite different, because if, if surfers were surfing tides, it'd be a very, very slow and boring.

Laura: We've got to catch the tide.

Ron: There's no place I'd rather be than honestly put out, uh, at sea lingering.

Laura: In the ocean blue slowly drifting back.

Ron: To you over a course of 6.

Laura: Hours and if I had my wish come true I'd search the sun horizon, if on the horizon. Halalihilaiha. Apologies to anybody that speaks uh, what language do they speak in Hawaii? Is it hawaiian?

Ron: Hawaiian?

Laura: Yeah, it's my favourite Disney song.

Ron: It's great. I remember learning it on the saxophone.

Laura: Hawaiian roller coaster. Uh, I think you should get back into the sax. Nah, uh, yeah.

Ron: Why?

Laura: One, um, you live with jazz musicians.

Ron: This would be jazz. Didn't like jazz.

Laura: Well, you could play rock while they play jazz. And, um, chokraz fusion. Chuck raz. Yeah. Two, I think it would be cool at, uh, live Lex education shows. Three.

Ron: Have you even played the guitar at live Lex education shows?

Laura: Why not?

Ron: We've been there. I haven't.

Laura: What?

Ron: Be there.

Laura: You've seen me. I said why not?

Ron: Yeah, because I haven't. You sounded really surprised.

Laura: Just do it then.

Ron: I don't want to.

Laura: Why?

Ron: Because, uh. Why would I do that?

Laura: Because you love to play live music.

Ron: It's not vaudeville.

Laura: Harold. Vaudeville. Um, just.

Ron: You and Mike could jam, but that's a different show.

Laura: Nah, uh, we could do some. Hey, maybe if we did a show one day that had an interval, you could do it as interval.

Ron: Um, if we ever do the Lex education musical, then I'll play.

Laura: Oh, uh, dream of that fifth year anniversary. We'll do that.

Ron: Yeah. Only if you have thousand patreons.

Laura: Jesus, I'd go for a thousand regular listeners at this point. Mmm. Mhm.

Ron: Did you see Laura? I did an Instagram post.

Laura: I didn't see Ron. What did you post? Did you do it yesterday? Because I already did an Instagram post yesterday.

Ron: No, I did it today. I did a story.

Laura: Oh, I'm going there. I'm going there. Ron takes arts and crafts seriously. Yeah, it's good. It's got likes to Ron. Yeah, nice.

Ron: Here's my commitment to you and the listener. One Instagram post a day from Ron.

Fossil fuels are energy from the planet that has been condensed

Ok, Laura, um, fossil fuels, what are they? Where did they come from? How do we use them?

Laura: It's energy from the planet that has been condensed and stored down into what?

Ron: Energy from the planet.

Laura: Like plant matter and animal matter.

Ron: Yeah. Okay.

Laura: That has been condensed down into substances deep underground like coal, oil, natural gases, generally speaking. And it's stored as carbon down in there. And then we bring it up and we refine it and we burn it.

Ron: Yeah. Is it renewable or not?

Laura: Not quickly enough.

Ron: Great. And what's the problem with burning it?

Laura: It's dirty burns.

Ron: Yep. It is a dirty burn. Also on the carbon side of things.

Laura: Releases lots of carbon into the atmosphere and then there's too much carbon in the atmosphere.

Ron: Yep. All right, Laura, what about nuclear fuel?

Laura: Well, nuclear fuel is um, all about splitting the atom and releasing the energy that holds the atom together. And it's cleaner in terms of. It doesn't release carbon like that, but it also creates toxic waste that we then have to dispose of and is obviously a bit dangerous. Um, you have to have lots of safety stuff on the factory.

Ron: Yep. What about biofuel?

Laura: I don't know what that is. Cow poop?

Ron: No, biofuels, like when we grow oils and then burn them.

Laura: Oh. Huh. Well, it's probably. It's better in terms of carbon, because in order for them to grow, they've just taken the carbon out of the atmosphere to grow. So you're sort of releasing carbon that was very recently in the atmosphere anyway, rather than this long stored stuff. However, probably takes quite a lot of energy to grow them in the first place. And water and stuff. And space. So those are some negatives.

Ron: Yep. Uh, some biofuels are corn ethanol, biodiesel, and biogas from organic byproducts. What about wind?

Laura: You stick a wind turbine up and it, um, it moves in the wind and that moves the turbine and that, I don't know even how. Puts energy in a battery. And then you put it in the grid and then you use it.

Ron: We talked about how.

Laura: What about birdstrike and what about the lovely countryside? Looks terrible now, actually. I think it looks nice.

Ron: Yeah. Fuck the countryside.

Laura: Um, especially just outside of Birmingham.

Ron: Yeah. Frankie G. Hide your electricity, Laura. How does that work?

Laura: I think you put water up a hill and then let it down.

Ron: Do we put water up a hill?

Laura: Yeah, we. Damn it. And then you let it down. Controlled pipes. And then the force of the water coming down, that makes.

Ron: You know what, Laura? Uh, you know what? Take your hand, put it in the air, turn it around like this. Now pat yourself on the back, because you just fucking got me. We do put water up a hill when we dam a river. Well done. Yeah, yeah.

Laura: Say we carry it all up in buckets and then slush it.

Ron: No, no, well done. Um, geothermal. Um, I don't think you said that one, actually.

Laura: No, I didn't.

Ron: I don't think you said biofuels either. Geothermal. Yep. Well, is it. What's the difference between lava and magma?

Laura: Magma is out of the earth and larva is in the earth.

Ron: No, the other way around.

Laura: The other way around, because you know.

Ron: How, like, if you.

Laura: Lava on the back. Ron, well done. You found my little trick that I laid for you there.

Ron: Lovely.

How does tidal energy work? I've no idea, mate

How does tidal energy work?

Laura: I've no idea, mate.

Ron: Have a. Why don't you hazard a guess?

Laura: I don't know. Tide goes out, spins something as it goes.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Basically in a wire. Harder than I. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Uh, tiger. Solar spins it the other way. Solar, uh, yeah, there's, captures the light energy from the sun and stores it.

Ron: Yep. And what about wave power?

Laura: Literally no idea. Oh, wait, don't you, like, put floats or something on the top of the waves and they bob about and it.

Ron: Yeah, they kind of look like, uh, swimming, uh, pool floaties, you know, that block out the lanes. And, uh, you take the, the power from there. All right, Laura, that's energy sources.

Laura: Where does the sea, the moon. The moon. So sea power is lunar power.

Ron: No?

Laura: Yeah, because the tides. Tides and the waves are, uh, done by this. The moon. What makes waves? What makes waves?

Ron: Wind and currents caused by the moon?

Laura: Lunar power. Can we start? Okay, then just type the moon. Can we just, can we start calling tidal power lunar power. So we've got solar power and lunar.

Ron: Power on one condition, that after agreeing to this, you don't try and shoehorn it into conversations.

Laura: I'm going to, but I won't do it at conversations you're at.

Ron: Yeah. Okay. That's fine. Between the two of us, we'll make this little secret agreement. Secret plans.

Laura: Secret plans.

Ron: And, um, we can talk about it as lunar power, but we won't talk about it.

Laura: Yep. If there was an activity called lunap, then lunapower could be the hour that we do lunap in. That's when I sleep in the downstairs toilet.

Next we're going to talk about electricity, Laura. What are electrons, Laura? Negatively charged particles in atoms

Ron: Next we're going to talk about electricity, Laura.

Laura: Electricity. Hey, guess what? The electrons bump into each other and pass their energy along.

Ron: Wow. That's so wrong. No, no. What are electrons, Laura?

Laura: Negatively charged particles in an atom.

Ron: Yes. And they bigger. Are they small?

Laura: Very, very, very small. You don't even weigh them.

Ron: And where in the atom are they?

Laura: Around the shells. Outside, circling their nucleus. And, um, alone in pairs.

Ron: Alone in pairs, yes. And why is metal good at, uh, conducting electricity?

Laura: Because they have free sharehold on their electrons. They pull their electrons between atoms, and so the atoms have a bit more freedom to run around.

Ron: Great stuff. Really well done, Laura. Take your hand, put it up in the air.

Laura: I take my hand and put it somewhere. In a minute, it'll be on the top of Mackie's head. She's so cute. Um, oh, little Mackie mentioned, oh, did you hear all the bingo cards? Getting a little ticket. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. I didn't actually, Ron, a man called P. Finnimore keeps ordering Fox Mange to my house. Fox Mange treatment.

Ron: Who's Petey Finnamore?

Laura: I don't know, but we keep getting packages arrived for him. And it's Fox made.

Ron: Why do you assume it's a him?

Laura: Yeah, I guess. Could be a lady.

Ron: Yeah, or any of the other people.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: It'S not just the men that order Fox main treatment law.

Laura: Who's the Finn Amore on the radio? John Finnimore. I've never heard non male Fenimore.

Ron: It's good sound, Finley. Amor. Fin amore.

Laura: Fin amore. Fin amore. When the lunar power hits your eye, that's a tide on a guy. Fin amore. This is a weird episode.

Ron: Yeah, really rambling energy. Soon all of the episodes are gonna be like this.

Laura: Nah, cuz we'll be doing them. Um, the non combined syllabus.

Ron: Yeah, but I mean, they'll agree to it. Yeah, non combined a s and a level. Why do you just want to do the GCSE's again? I don't understand this one.

Laura: I don't even know it now.

Ron: You're doing really well.

Laura: Thank you.

Ron: I don't want to just do the same thing again. We're already doing that now. This is, uh, us repeating content.

Laura: WHOOP, WHOOP. We've never done the fox mange bit before.

Ron: It's only just happening. He thinnermore's fresh as fuck. And all of that McGregor head stuff, that's gold, that's banked in terms of the actual content. This we are repeating. I'm literally reading my notes I did last time.

Laura: Are they still good? Is this pre or post? Give up.

Ron: Oh, these are so good. I'm writing in paragraphs.

Laura: Whoa.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: And look how well I've remembered it. You're a teacher when you care. On.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Hey, what if you get into teaching at the end of this podcast? What if you miss it so much, you go into being a teacher?

Ron: What do you mean, at the end of this podcast?

Laura: Oh, yeah, good point. We're gonna do it forever until it's only me and you talking and younger sister of the podcast listening. Hey, she said she doesn't mind us using her name, actually.

Episode 100 doesn't have any famous guests lined up this year

Ron: Oh, well, let's do a big name reveal one day.

Laura: Episode 100 said it before, but we just try because it helps us not name the children.

Ron: Episode 100.

Laura: Maybe we should stop using each other's names. Just co host of a podcast.

Ron: Co host of the podcast.

Laura: It's me.

Ron: M maybe, um, we should get younger sister of the podcast on for episode 100 because we don't have any famous guests lined up this year?

Laura: No.

Ron: Did Robin ince not reply?

Laura: I didn't message him. I forgot until right now.

Ron: Why didn't you do that?

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Or like, I don't know, Alistair Beckett king. He's got a big following.

Laura: Maybe we'll just ask all of our famous friends to do an episode instead of us do doing one.

Ron: Generous use of the words we. I don't have any famous friends. I could ask some middle managers at a software company.

Laura: You could ask the Bristol cast to. She or friends. They get mentioned a lot.

Ron: Yeah, we could have.

Laura: Uh. I'm gonna plan something real good. I'll pull it out the bag. Don't you worry, sunny Jim.

Ron: It should be a guest.

Laura: Why?

Ron: Who has reach to get more listeners again?

Laura: Okay, fine.

Ron: Yeah. What about Dan Schreiber?

Laura: I don't. I haven't seen him for years.

Ron: That's fine. Burn that bridge by asking.

Laura: I'll get Mackie on the podcast.

Ron: Mackie's always on the podcast. Her rotten stink is all over it.

Laura: She ate a whole fox shit this morning. She's.

Ron: Yeah, she's the dog of eternal stench. I can't believe no one's made that connection before.

Laura: She does smell. And I love her so much.

Ron: Uh, so we. Laura and I did a lot of driving around last week, uh, and Mackie was in the back of the car. And it's either when you brake and then the air wafts forward, or you can just. You can always smell it when Mackie's mouth is open. That's such a sad, uh, state of affairs.

Laura: She just has bad breath, man. And we've had it investigated several million times, and they're like, hey, it's not called dog's breath for nothing. Some dogs just stink. And she's one.

Ron: What do you mean, it's not called dog's breath for nothing?

Laura: Like, you know, they say dog's breath is stinky and that's why. Cuz their breath stinks.

Ron: But that's not a saying.

Laura: Yeah, it is.

Ron: That's not good. Dog shit for nothing. They say dog shit stinky, and it is.

Laura: You don't call. Things are dog's breath smell.

Ron: No, you don't. Nobody says that. Nobody says that. Nobody says that.

Laura: You do. Uh, no.

Ron: People might say that around you because your dog's breath reeks. That's not a saying. Um, right.

Talk about electricity. Um, what's current, Laura? Um, voltage

What we talk about. Talk about electricity. Um, all right, we got some formulas to run over laura. Um. Um, but do you know what, uh, m. Um. Potential difference. Do you remember that?

Laura: Does m ring a bell? That is the difference at one end of a circuit and another. One.

Ron: Difference of what?

Laura: Um, electricity. Voltage. Voltage?

Ron: It's measured in volts. Yeah, yeah, sure. Um, what's current, Laura?

Laura: Uh, dua lipa. Ah.

Ron: You're very purple.

Laura: Yeah, I've done a lot of exercise this morning. This is one of my workout tops.

Ron: Oh, um, it's very lovely, very violent. Beauregard.

Laura: It's very thin, so it keeps the wind off. You know, in these days where you get hot the second you're moving, but the air is quite chilled, so you want all your skin covered up, but you don't want to wear loads of layers.

Ron: It's kind of me every day.

Laura: Yeah, you should get these thin tops.

Ron: Yeah, we could be matching purple.

Laura: You don't have to get it in. Purple comes in loads of.

Ron: But we could. We'd be like those kids from the Cadbury.

Laura: We had cardiovascular activity this morning.

Ron: Do you remember that Cadbury's advert with the kids? Uh, with the eyebrows?

Laura: No.

Ron: I'll find it for you.

Laura: I'm talking about adverts a lot lately.

Ron: Ads are really good.

Laura: Yeah, they tell us what we need.

Ron: I can't believe you don't remember this advert. Okay, maybe I need to be dressed in grey, actually, looking at these. These kids.

Laura: Fuck are you talking about?

Ron: Hang on.

Laura: He sent me a link. Everyone, right, there's some children sitting about to have their photo taken. The boys wearing a grey school uniform esque outfit. The girl is wearing a purple pinafore dress. Oh. Now some like, bleepy, bleepy music is playing and they are flicking their eyebrows in time with it. I don't believe the children are actually doing this.

Ron: Ron, keep watching.

Laura: I never ever saw this advert. Eleven years.

Ron: You don't remember? This dates that video, I think quite well. That in my, uh, suggested to the right of it is, um, Potter puppet pals, the mysterious ticking noise from the past. The next thing suggested to me is it's just called just Liz Truss being fully mental. Then there's one called Cadbury Eyebrows girl. Epic remake.

Ron, can we finish the science, please, so that I can go about my day

Laura: Ron, can we just finish the science, please, so that I can go about my day?

Ron: How much have we been recording?

Laura: Actually, 40 minutes.

Ron: Well, we need to do like another 15. Sure, because there's no quiz.

Laura: Well, that's all right. It doesn't matter as long as the episodes are about an hour. That's great.

Ron: Exactly.

Laura: So intros outros will be about 15.

Ron: Then we need other ten.

Laura: Well, you're the one driving, you fucking.

Ron: Sorry. For taking the fucking scenic route. I thought we were having a nice time.

Laura: Yeah, well, now I need a way.

Ron: Right. Okay.

Laura: Because I've been drinking water because of you.

Ron: Put water in your hummus. Can't believe you've been eating apartheid hummus. Um, it's not really an apartheid.

Laura: It's a genocide.

Ron: It could be both, but let's not debate that on this podcast thing to.

Laura: Current is the speed the electrons are moving at. What's current measured in? Ohms

Laura: Come to with the five minutes remaining.

Ron: Yeah, um, right, Laura, actually, what's current, then?

Laura: Current is the speed the electrons are moving at. No, uh, the. How many electrons are moving?

Ron: See, this is really fun because we've come back to the beginning. Uh, this is a. It's a catchphrase that died away. Don't just say things. And here we are back at the beginning of the content. Here you are just saying things.

Laura: Steepness. No, I don't know what current is, Ron. It's the flow.

Ron: Charge.

Laura: Flow of charge. Yeah.

Ron: You can't just shout it after.

Laura: No, no, no. I said it at the same time. No, I think if you listen back, you'll find I did.

Ron: Is this my edit or yours?

Laura: Yours.

Ron: Yeah. Then you won't have. And I'll put it quite delayed. What's current measured in?

Laura: Ohms. No, that's resistance. Amps.

Ron: Um, yeah. And, um, what's charge measured in?

Laura: Hertz.

Ron: No, that's frequency.

Laura: Ohms.

Ron: No, that's resistance, as you just said.

Laura: Okay, amps. Ohms, um, hurts. Volts. Watts.

Ron: No, that's power.

Laura: Fucking hell, there's too many of them. Um, right.

Ron: What if I told you that it sounded like the guy that makes the gadgets, uh, in James Bond, saying, uh, the name of a baby sheep, really weirdly.

Laura: Amperes.

Ron: No, that's just long for amps.

Laura: Oh.

Ron: What's that got to do with what I just said?

Laura: Lam lom.

Ron: Huh?

Laura: Uh, lem lim.

Ron: Go back one.

Laura: Lombard.

Ron: Yep. No, who makes the. No, who makes the gadgets in James Bond?

Laura: Frank.

Ron: It's not Frankie G. It's not Frankie. Frankie Golton, the gadget man.

Laura: Jeremy Gadget man.

Ron: Jeremy Gadget.

Laura: Um, doctor. No.

Ron: Recently played by Ben Whistle, then previously played by, I think, John Cleese.

Laura: Do their names have any impact on.

Ron: No, those are actors. Um, those are actors that played grim.

Laura: Grim. Grim. Grim. Grim. Grim. Grim. Gadget man. Well, I don't know why you're telling me that. Like it will help. I've never seen a Bond film. James. Is he called James as well? Leonard. Judi Dench is in it, isn't she?

Ron: Yeah. What's her character, uh, called.

Laura: Tracy. I don't know. James Bond. That's very funny, Carmella.

Ron: Did their names have any effect? Yes, it's like when Daniel Craig plays James Bond. He's good. James Daniel Craig Bond. No, the character's called Q.

Laura: Lump.

Ron: Um, Q long.

Laura: I've never heard of that before. What is Q long?

We know James Bond's name, but what's his nickname

Ron: It's the measure. It's the unit of charge.

Laura: But wait, why would he be saying his own name and then, alas, didn't say he was saying his own. Why is it called Q? You can't just be called Q.

Ron: This is short for quartermaster.

Laura: What's his name, though?

Ron: You don't know? Why not Q? In the same way that Judi dentures characters just called M. Well, why do.

Laura: We know James Bond's name then?

Ron: We probably don't.

Laura: We do. It's James Bond.

Ron: Well, there's a theory that James Bond's just a, uh, moniker that spies use, and that's why it's been several different people.

Laura: Right, well, good episode. Ron.

Has Ewan McGregor ever played James Bond? No. Have they

Has Ewan McGregor ever played James Bond?

Ron: No. I think they've chosen the new James Bond now.

Laura: Have they? Oh, yeah, it's that. It's that weird looking guy, isn't it?

Ron: Aaron Johnson.

Laura: Yeah, a bit of a. I, uh, don't know anything about him, but I googled a photo of him and was like, oh, what a forgettable man. Yeah.

Ron: I mean, my main issue with it is that traditionally think apart from Connery, but maybe even him, I don't know, I wasn't alive. I think they've tried to, like, choose people that were relatively unknown. Like, Daniel Craig had only ever done one film, really, before he played James Bond and stuff like that. Um, so I think.

Laura: I think m. He was in a Marvel film when he.

Ron: He's done. Yeah, he was in kick ass. He's. He's done a bunch.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: He's been famous for ages.

Laura: Please, can I go and do a wee?

Ron: Fine.

Tom, you haven't heard the episode that the listeners just listened to

Laura: So, Tom, you haven't heard the episode that the listeners just listened to.

Tom: When are you gonna cut that in?

Laura: What do you mean?

Ron: Start again?

Laura: When we start again.

Tom: Start from the beginning.

Laura: Tell me when to start again on my podcast. Are you a guest here, mate? Tom, you. As I was saying previously, in that uncut piece of material, you. I have not heard today's episode.

Tom: Stop saying you're not going to cut it.

Laura: I'm not going to cut anything.

Ron: You're not going to.

Laura: We don't cut things in this pocket.

Tom: Even the bit where I went to the door and let the dog in.

Laura: I'll cut that bit. That'd be when the episode plays. So for you, you just let the dog in, but for them, they've heard a whole science lesson and a hummus lesson.

Tom: Oh, so this is after the science lesson?

Laura: Yeah.

Tom: What did you learn?

Laura: Um. Um, I can't really remember.

Ron: Oh, God.

Laura: What?

Tom: Why can't you remember? When did you record the episode?

Laura: Oh, weeks ago.

Ron: Weeks.

Laura: Actually, this is a revision episode. So we kind of done it twice and I edited it. So you should know what you did two days ago.

Tom: What did you learn? Was it physics, chemistry or biology or some other science?

Laura: It was physics, and it was a summary of energy sources.

Tom: Oh, cool.

Laura: Yeah. So just, like, what are the types of energy sources?

Tom: Like solar.

Laura: Yeah, that sort of stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Tom: Wind.

Laura: Yeah.

Tom: Wave.

Laura: Wave, yeah.

Ron: Tidal.

Laura: Yeah. Um, see, a tidal is just things float on the little things and then they move about.

Tom: Yeah, I know.

Laura: It's mad, innit? I saw a mill this week.

Tom: Like an old school mill.

Laura: Yeah. Water mill.

Tom: Cool.

Laura: Yeah. And I bought some flour from there. We can have some bread from it tomorrow. Cool, yeah. Dunster. That's why I went to a Dunster castle.

Tom: It's a nice castle.

Laura: Yeah, it was all right. My mum got really mad because I couldn't remember going as a kid. And she was like, but we came all the time. And I was like, but I don't remember it. She was like, you must do. We came all the time. Me and my dad were just like, we just can't remember. It doesn't mean we hate your dad.

Tom: Couldn't remember it.

Laura: No, honestly, I don't think we ever went. I have a pretty good memory for, like, most of the random crap we did on days out. And they ring some sort of bell as you're walking around them. You know this? Absolutely nothing.

Tom: Nothing there.

Laura: Not a jot of memory. Jolted by being there freely.

Tom: You'd bloody remember that.

Laura: Yeah. And, like, your mum was just talking about Bicton, and I was like, we used to go to Bicton all the time.

Tom: Yeah, Bicton was rad.

Laura: Yeah. And, like, stourhead. Remember it? Killitan. Remember it? Castle Drogo. Remember it. Dunster. Never been. Bitch.

Tom: Nothing.

Your children do not have one combined memory, you say

Laura: No. And she was like, your sister wanted to get married here because she loved it so much. I'm like, well, then you took her, didn't you? But your children do not have one combined memory. We are separate human beings.

Tom: No, because if you did, you'd know something about science.

Laura: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Tom: What are your top five Ewan McGregor films

Um, Tom, would you describe yourself as a Gregor head?

Tom: A what?

Laura: A Gregor head.

Tom: A Gregor head?

Laura: Yeah. That's a Ewan McGregor fan. Turns out Ron's quite a Gregor head.

Tom: Um, I guess I am. I, um, like Ewan McGregor. I've enjoyed some of his work.

Laura: What are your top five Ewan McGregor films?

Tom: Oh, well, a train spotting. The original, not the sequel. Um, is it down with love? Was he in down with love with Cameron Diaz? That's a nice film. If that's the one I'm thinking of.

Laura: Are you thinking of a life less ordinary?

Tom: Yeah, I am thinking of a life less ordinary. What's down with love? I feel like Reese Witherspoon's in it anyway. Not Reese Witherspoon. Renee Zellweger. I don't know. Let's forget down with love, a life less ordinary. That's a good humid Gregory film.

Laura: I talked to Ron about that. I said sometimes that film feels like a fever dream because no one ever talks about it and it never comes up.

Tom: No, I like.

Ron: It's good.

Tom: Funny.

Laura: Let's watch it one day.

Tom: Okay.

Laura: We could kiss at the end.

Tom: Oh, wow.

Laura: Lucky me. That, um, is lucky you.

Tom: Yeah, that's why I said lucky me.

Laura: No, but you said it in that way.

Tom: I didn't say in any way.

Laura: Yes, you did.

Tom: Another Ewan McGregor film that I like is Star wars.

Laura: You love Star wars.

Tom: Yeah, but here's the thing. The ones that Ewan McGregor are in aren't so great, are they?

Laura: I don't know.

Tom: Now, everyone says that episode three is the best of the new ones, but I actually secretly think episode one, the one with Jar Jar Binks in it.

Laura: More, is I love Jar Jar Binks.

Tom: Well, that's not. You're not allowed to say that.

Laura: It's a great cart.

Tom: Shallow grave. I enjoyed. That's a good year McGregor film.

Laura: Is that the one where they kill Jar Jar Binks?

Tom: Yeah, that's the one where they kill Jar Jar Binks and they bury him in a shallow grave.

Laura: Oh, my.

Tom: I know. Um, and, uh, Moulin Rouge. Have I said five?

Laura: Yeah, probably. I feel sorry for you and McGregor because one day James McAvoy turned up and just took all his jobs.

Tom: I don't think that's necessarily the case. I think they both get Moulin Rouge. That's literally the last one I saw.

Laura: I wasn't listening. I was thinking about atonement.

Ron: You surprise me.

Tom: Apparently, they're gonna make new robots to replace people's eyebrows

Laura: So, Tom, normally, um, at this point, I say to Ron about all the things that he is supposed to do on the podcast. Like, have you read the new scientist this week and got a feature. And he says, no.

Tom: I've read new sign to this week.

Laura: Anything good?

Tom: Yeah, there was an amazing bit about robots.

Laura: Oh.

Tom: Apparently, um, they're gonna make new robots to replace people's eyebrows. Um, you know, sort of. There's a. People shave their eyebrows off and then just paint them on. Well, now we're getting robot eyebrows.

Laura: Oh, I love it.

Tom: Yeah. It's to help people express how they're feeling. So if you. You struggle to express yourself?

Laura: I do not.

Tom: No. But some people do. Um, they can just get eyebrows to do a lot of work for them. And they're robotic.

Laura: Wow.

Tom: Yeah.

Laura: Thanks for that bit, Tom.

We do a register where we thank some patrons for being patrons

And now we do a register where we thank, um, some patrons for being patrons.

Tom: Yes. Now I knew that I've. Because we have done intros together.

Laura: Theme song. Do you want to sing this?

Tom: Yeah.

Laura: Okay.

Tom: Um, patrons, patrons this week. Thank you so much.

Laura: Never had one.

Tom: Patrons, patrons, patrons. You're giving us money for this terrible content. What?

Laura: And actually, it's not for this content. It's for the other content free stuff.

Tom: This is. This is what you. This is what you hand out in the playground for free. So then they come back for the real good stuff.

Laura: Yeah.

Tom: Like eating loads of eggs. Stop eating eggs. If you eat another pile of eggs next year, I'm gonna be so cross. You get sick every time. Look, here's the thing.

Laura: I did know it's too many eggs to not get sick.

Tom: Yeah, don't eat the eggs.

Laura: Talk to Ron about it. He's the eggman.

Tom: I am the walrus. Right. So I knew about the patron bit because we've done intros together before.

Laura: Have we?

Tom: Yeah. But it was a lot more prepared then, and neither of us were drunk.

Laura: I'm, um, starting to get a headache.

Tom: Yeah. When you said, um, you need to do patrons, but I don't know where the list of patrons is. I said, don't worry about it, and I.

Laura: You've got it.

Tom: Yeah, I've got it.

I've just got a list of patron saints. They're not real

Um, so, first of all, I'd like to thank Adrian of nicodemia, the patron saint of arms dealers. Uh, next up, I'd like to thank Brigid of Ireland, the patron saint of dairy workers.

Laura: How much money has she contributed to the podcast?

Tom: Um, this isn't patrons of the podcast. This is patron saints. Because, um, I didn't have that list because I don't have access to your patron account.

Laura: Me neither.

Tom: Did you know that Andrew the apostle is the patron saint of equestrians? I didn't, no. It'd be very unlikely if you don't any of these Mary Magdalene? You've heard of her? Uh, yeah, patron saint of hairdressers.

Laura: Is it always pronounced Maudlin or is that just when it's the college? And is it always Magdalene other times?

Tom: Do you know it's the first time I've ever connected Magdalene and Magdalene as the same thing?

Laura: It's the same thing, isn't it?

Tom: Is it? Don't know. I've just got a list of patron saints. Um, did you know that Francis, uh, de sales, is the patron saint of journalists? Yeah, the patron saint of paratroopers is Michael the archangel. Archangel.

Laura: Archangel.

Tom: Archangel.

Laura: Yeah, Archangel's archbishop, Archangel.

Tom: That's confusing because they're both religious types.

Laura: Slimline that church.

Tom: Yep. How about this? Anthony the abbot, patron saint of pig keepers. Oh, and it does say pig keepers.

Laura: He must be getting less and less busy these days.

Tom: Oh, I don't know, the pork industry's.

Laura: Yeah, but how many of them are pig keepers? I reckon the number of humans to pig ratio has gone down over, ah, the years.

Tom: Yeah, like 200 years ago it's probably like one guy, six pigs and now it's like one guy, 7000 pigs.

Laura: That's what I'm thinking.

Tom: Yeah, you're probably right. The patron saint, do you think it.

Laura: Includes the walls and the styes and stuff, or just the people? If you're a sty you're kind of a pig keeper. What is he the saint of all of the things keeping the pigs in or just the people?

Tom: Well, I would argue that walls don't need a patron saint.

Laura: Nothing does. They're not real.

Tom: No, no, but uh, you know, for the purpose of this bit, let's just pretend they are.

Laura: Uh, the other day I was driving through Worthing and I saw a sign of a house that was for sale, but the estate agent was called bacon, so it was basically a sign outside saying bacon for sale.

Tom: That's good.

Laura: Yeah. And I wanted to go in and ask for bacon and then do a funny tweet, but I was driving.

Tom: Yeah, don't pull over to tweet. No, but pull over rather than tweet at the wheel.

Laura: I can't wait till child of the podcast is old enough to draught my tweets. While we're driving and having good ideas together. She's basically gonna be like a little travelling pa. Yeah.

Tom: Uh, um, talking of children, the patron saint of school children is Isadora Seville. Aw, Isadora. We adora.

Laura: She went to your school.

Ron: She is the.

Laura: Huh uh, she went to your school.

Tom: No, she didn't. Go to my school.

Laura: Her husband was the gardener.

Tom: What?

Laura: Uh, they're from the west country, wasn't.

Tom: They are from the west country, but I don't know if there's any connection to my school.

Laura: Yeah, her husband was, like, a teacher at school.

Tom: Is that some my brother told you?

Laura: Mmm. M somebody did. It's like west country folklore about wizard.

Tom: Yeah, like, it's like everyone's, uh. Everyone's met Bill Bailey. I have met Bill Bailey.

Laura: I haven't. Have you?

Tom: Not really.

Laura: He hates me.

Tom: Have you not met him?

Laura: No, but he's heard about me and my wild streak.

Ron: Your wild streak?

Tom: What do you think he might have heard?

Laura: He heard that I'm really terrible to work with and I punch people.

Tom: Oh, then that seems right.

Laura: Yeah.

The patron saint of scientists is Albertus Magnus

Tom: Um, hey, here's the last one. Oh, do you know what we should look up is who the patron saint of scientists are.

Laura: Who's the patron saint of podcasts?

Tom: Uh, I doubt that's on air, but I'll cheque. The patron saint of scientists is Albertus Magnus.

Laura: Oh, probably Albertus, I reckon.

Tom: Yeah, Albertus. I like Albertus like an Alberta.

Laura: Thank you for flying Albertus. Sure wish we'd have taken the train. Come on, it'll wrinkle my dress.

Tom: You like the rescuers too much. It is right up there in the weakest Disney offerings ever.

Laura: That's great.

Tom: Albertus Magnus. Or Albertus.

Laura: Is that a monkey?

Tom: That's a picture of a human man.

Laura: M. I thought it was one of those japanese monkeys, you know, the ones that sit in the geezers.

Tom: Just for the listeners. We're just looking at a picture of what is clearly a human man with a beard, but host of the podcast?

Laura: No, no, no. Let me show it to you on the side a little bit. You see what I mean?

Ron: Oh, yeah.

Tom: Now it definitely looks like a monkey wearing clothes and holding a pen.

Laura: Wrap this up, please. This is a 20 minutes intro.

Tom: Now, how long are they normally?

Laura: Four.

Tom: God, you make no effort for this damn podcast.

Laura: I hate you. I like a divorce.

Tom: Albertus Magnus was, um, a german dominican friar, philosopher, scientist, and bishop. Considered one of the greatest mediaeval philosophers and thinkers. There you go.

Laura: So, thanks for being a patron saint.

Tom: Yeah, there you go. Patrons, patrons, thank you for doing the things that you do.

Laura: We love you. Um, and then Ron normally says, class dismissed.

Tom: Yeah, but I'm like the substitute teacher.

Laura: Taicho.

Ron: I'm the substitute teacher.

Tom: I don't think.

Laura: Is there anything you want to plug? That's what people do on podcasts.

Tom: No.

Laura: What about if your wife had a book people could buy, they'd know about it.

Tom: This is her podcast.

Laura: Yeah, that's true.

Tom: Um, you can come and see the noise next door on tour.

Laura: Yeah, noise next tour.

Tom: But do Google the noise next door, because noise next door will not bring you to our website.

Laura: You should set that up. Noise next talk.

Tom: Yeah. All right.

Laura: Aw. Dog of the podcast's here.

Tom: She just came over to sit near us because she was feeling lonely 4ft away.

Laura: She's so my dog. Anyway, we love you. And Ron will be back normal service next week. But for now, thank you, husband of the podcast class.