Jeremy V Jeremy

 Jeremy V Jeremy

Hello and welcome to another glorious, sunshiny episode of your favourite podcast

Laura: Hello and welcome to another glorious, sunshiny episode of your favourite podcast. It's Lex Education, the comedy science podcast, where comedian. That's me, Laura. Lex tries to learn science from her, uh, adult adorable little haircut brother, Ron.

Ron: I'm Ron.

Laura: Hi, Ron.

Ron: Hiya.

Laura: How's your life?

Ron: It's. It's good.

Laura: Busy day at work today. Cracking heads and busting balls.

Ron: Lot of shite as usual. Um, no, but I'm going away on my little european run on the rails tomorrow, so, um, recording with you. Work, stuff to do. Got a pack. Uh, and then because I. Because I'm fundamentally flawed in the head, I've, uh, booked band practise for tonight.

Laura: Ron.

Ron: Yeah. Silly, silly boy. Yeah. How are you?

Laura: I'm great, Ron. I did a little mini magic draught with Tom last night.

Ron: Lovely.

Laura: And I won.

Ron: How did you do that?

Laura: What do you mean?

Ron: Like, you'd like. You bought new cards or. What do you mean?

Laura: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how normally, though, we buy a whole box and do it big stallion? We just bought ten packs. So, like, a five pack draught each and then a winner. Um.

Ron: Does that mean magic is back. Back in our lives?

Laura: Well, yeah. Do you know what? Me and Tom, we've. We've been. We've been, you know, we've been in that phase of a relationship where you're kind of colleagues passing in the night. You know, it's. It's been quite stressful. So we're, like, for want of a less wanky term, little date night, little sexy date night. So we had a little home cooked paella, you know, just to heat in the oven, and we did a little draught and I won. Ron is the thing that is important here. I never win draughts.

Ron: That is impressive. You cancelled recording for this. I'm glad you won.

Laura: Yeah. Yeah, me too. And, um, I had a really nice melt in the middle chocolate pudding.

Ron: And the ride of your life afterwards?

Laura: No, sadly, he did the kitchen and then went to bed because he had to go to Rotterdam today. But, um, I did go to bed and looked at the library book that I'd got to read so that I would stop playing stupid games on my phone before bed and then played stupid games on my phone instead.

Ron: Fair. I've, um. I want my trip to be like, uh, to be nice. So I've deleted all social media and games from my phone, so I have to read now.

Laura: Nice.

All right. How are we gonna record next week? We're not. Well, I don't think. Yeah, we're gonna do int

All right. What you reading?

Ron: Oh, I'll show you.

Laura: He's walking across the room. He's wearing pink shorts and a blue hoodie.

Ron: So I'm going for, um, twelve days.

Laura: Orange t shirt. If he takes the hoodie off, it's gonna be a terrible outfit. Does not go with the shorts.

Ron: Run.

Laura: Keep the hoodie on.

Ron: Um, they're not shorts, actually. They're pyjama bottoms. Um. Um, so I've got one book. Uh. Uh, I'm really away for twelve days.

Laura: How are we gonna record next week?

Ron: We're not. As I've told you many times, we had to record a bunch to.

Laura: Yeah, we're gonna do intros outros next week.

Ron: I thought you could do it without me for once. This happened. It's happened a couple of times.

Laura: Gosh. Okay.

Ron: I've made you very aware of this situation.

Laura: Well, I don't think. Yeah. Oh, you can do Russia. Oh, the dogs.

Ron: Do them with Mackie. Do them with Tom.

Laura: She just joins in.

Ron is reading property as he prepares to go on holiday next month

Ron: Anyway, um, anyway, I'm reading property by Rowan Moore, which is an examination of the way that modern society treats like owning your own house, which is very, very interesting. So far. I'm, um, only, like, 40 pages in. I only bought it yesterday. But reading, uh. Uh, it's about, um, talking about how Thatcher called us a property owning democracy and sort of what that did, um, to us. Because before that, obviously, we had, like, the regeneration period after the second world war, we built loads of social housing, and then in, like, a five year period, sold off millions of homes to people and whatnot. Um, and basically.

Laura: Angela Rayner.

Ron: Yeah. Pay your taxes, you hag. Boo. And then, because I'm going on holiday, you've got to read a little novel on holiday.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: So I've got.

Laura: Are you reading pivot?

Ron: No, I've got Cormac McCarthy.

Laura: Finished pivot yet, Ron?

Ron: I've got. Cormac McCarthy's the passenger. Um, because I love no country fraud men. That's one of my favourite books. And this one sounds similar.

Laura: Lovely. You're gonna have a great time.

Ron: I am.

Laura: Let me know on what day you redownload all the games onto your phone. It's just sick of reading.

Ron: Because I've got two days in Paris on my own in the middle, where I just want to soak up culture and the arts and stuff, and I don't want to just sit and scroll Twitter for that. If I download. If I redownload it afterwards when I'm staying with my mate Eve, that's kind of fine, but I don't. I want to do those two days.

Laura: Well, yeah, all right. I like that for you. I'm going on a big hen party this weekend, Ron.

Ron: Disgusting.

Laura: I'm going to get messy.

Ron: Yeah. Uh, the Real Housewives of Lanzarote.

Laura: No, that's in two weeks, actually. This one is the Brighton leg of the hen party.

Ron: Oh, yes. And you bought that mermaid skirt for it.

Laura: I did. I think this is going to be messier than the Lanzarote part, to be fair. Um, right, today's episode, uh, it's a messy.

Ron: It's one of my favourites in ages.

Laura: Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

There is mention of suicide, uh, towards the beginning of the episode

Um, content warning, trigger warning. Um, there is mention of suicide, uh, towards the beginning of the episode. Not in any graphic detail, but we try not to be too glib about it. But it does come up. Um. Uh, Ron, you need to apologise to France.

Ron: Yeah, sorry, France. It's just very rude about France and the French.

Laura: Um, but then there is a small smattering of science in amongst an awful lot of giddiness. Enjoy.

Ron: Same room episode.

Laura: Ah, yeah. Can you take all that crud that you've just pulled out your pockets off the desk before it just blows away? Don't scoop it onto the floor. Put it out the window.

Ron: Window's closed.

Laura: I'm innovating you.

Ron: Why are you being like this?

Laura: Because you've just. You've come up here, you've insulted my house.

Ron: Mouldy, rotten shack on the top of your house.

Laura: You've filled it with crude.

Ron: Hiding is quite charming.

Laura: And when m, you were like, why are you putting the felt down? And I said, because in a minute you're gonna start smashing the desk around. And now here you are wiping space dust off it. No, Ron. I hate you.

Ron: Someone's gonna find that. It's gonna be like that bit in the Lion King where Rafiki gets that dust. Oh, Ron's in town.

Laura: That's gonna be cold.

Ron: Warm.

Laura: No, it's not. It's a bit warm, yeah, but not nice one.

Ron: No, it's far too big a cup of tea.

Laura: And that cup's weird.

Ron: Why is the cup weird?

Laura: Don't know. Right. What's this cup? Because it looks like it should keep it warm because it's thick. It doesn't. And when you put it in the microwave, the handle gets so hot, it doesn't function as a mug anymore.

Ron: You're in a spate of buying shit mugs.

Laura: That's not my mug. That's Tom's mug. I am not. This is the most recent mug I bought and it's my favourite mug ever.

Ron: Yeah, but then you had those petrol.

Laura: Mugs and you had the petrol mug.

Ron: The one that makes tea taste like petrol.

Laura: Yeah, but one of those is fixed now. Um, yeah.

Ron: And then you've got that one with the wonky handle and I pour it down myself.

Laura: I love that mug. That's the only big mug I use. Do you remember Mark Spate?

Ron: Who's Mark Spade?

Laura: I think he used to do art.

Ron: Attacks as Neil Buchanan.

Laura: Who was Mark Spate? What did he do?

Ron: Is that mark from smart?

Laura: Oh, maybe it's smart. Yeah.

Ron: Hung himself in Waterloo train station.

Laura: No. Did he?

Ron: That was the urban legend.

Laura: Oh. He died in 2008. Smart. Yeah, it was smart. Yeah.

Ron: Yeah. Yeah.

Laura: Uh, this is really sad.

Ron: One of the generational things for people my age in the UK is that everyone has a different rumour. They heard about how the frosties kid killed himself.

Laura: Oh, the frosties kid.

Ron: It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great. The sound of Frosty is hitting my plate.

Laura: Plate. Who's having frosties on a plate hither?

Ron: Frosty's kid. Yeah. Yeah. And every school had a different rumour.

Laura: How long do you think they sat there trying to think of like a positive word that rhymed with bowl? It's gonna be col. It's gonna be cool. The sound of Frosty's hitting my bowl. That's what I'd have done.

Jack: Everybody knows frosties taste great. Even ladies with personal number plates

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: What was your rumour?

Ron: Uh, the most common one is that you put two pencils on the stage.

Laura: Oh, no, no, no.

Ron: I heard that he was. It was suicide by police. He was shot by the cops.

Laura: How did he wind them off into doing it?

Ron: Don't know. Oh. Ah. Didn't happen. He's still alive. He's fine.

Laura: Also, I don't. I think it's very hard to get m. No, um. I don't even remember this kid. I just remember Tony the tiger. Remember the Milky bar kid? Maybe he was past my generation. They're gonna taste great. They're gonna taste great. I can hear the sound of frosties the immigrants, they're gonna taste great with Tony I made.

Ron: Well, everybody knows frosties tastes great.

Laura: Even ladies who weight or high rate and your teenage brother who's out on a date if you live in archmates or the empire state even ladies with personal life number plates horror virgin crates. Well, he knows they taste great. They taste great. They gonna taste great. They don't taste great.

Ron: What?

Laura: Uh, a weird and terrible song.

Ron: Even ladies with personal number plates. A, uh, man in a crate.

Laura: It just doesn't work though, because you can't build a whole song around to hear them hitting your plate when it's a famously bowl based food that should have been thrown out of the window on day one of the marketing team's meetings. I'm, um, angry about this.

Ron: Yeah, well.

Laura: How could you make it work? Because their grate was already established. It has to go with grate, grate.

Ron: And cold put them in a bowl.

Laura: They're the nicest thing I ever ate.

Ron: Yeah, but it's not. They have rinsed through loads of rhymes. Pirate ladies who. Wait.

Laura: The first one is. I can hear the sound of them hitting my plate.

Ron: They should have given the kid an accent. So you thought it was just like an australian thing they call bolts plates.

Laura: Like the way they called duvets.

Ron: Um.

Laura: Oh, straight the duna. Ah. And they say far out.

Ron: How's it going? Yeah, how are you going?

Laura: Think outside the square.

Ron: Straight.

Laura: Far out. Let's do this episode in australian.

Ron: Crikey.

Laura: I'm from WA. I'm from Townsville. That's my favourite place I've come across so far in the block.

Ron: Townsville?

Laura: Yeah. That's where Kingy and Caro are from.

Ron: Couple goals.

Laura: Yeah. Just life goals, people. Goals.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: I want to be a renderer with a wife that runs.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Listen to your. Yeah. Maybe you should jack it all in and become a renderer.

Ron: Jack. Why?

Laura: You've got that weird job.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Stop doing that. Be a renderer. Go to dad now and tell him you want to be a builder.

Ron: He'd laugh me out the house m. No, he wouldn't. He would.

Laura: He'd laugh. But you don't have to leave the house. Stay there and absorb the laughter and let it fuel you. It's unlikely that you'll be unhappy if you become a builder.

Ron: That's too deesh.

Anybody else seen wish? Pat feels he's a very happy man

Laura: Anybody else seen wish?

Ron: Pat feels he's a very happy man.

Laura: So weird. So if you haven't seen wish, it's the new Disney film. I've watched it a lot this weekend. We've added it to the repertoire for child of the podcast. Garbage the opening. It is garbage, the opening song. It says here in the city of Rosas. And then the next line is, it's unlikely that you'll be unhappy. It would seem like. So. Oh, oh. What's Michael Cross about? It seems. It's such a weird. While we're talking about weird lyrics hitting your plate, it's unlikely that you'll be unhappy. No, there's no way you'll be unhappy. Like, ha. You can't have the opening song. Just. We've got 3 hours trip advisor.

Ron: Unlikely. You'll be unhappy.

Laura: Is that good?

Ron: It's something.

Laura: Oh, um.

Ron: They could have been.

Laura: It's likely you'll be happy, but it's like, don't you want to really sell this place?

Ron: I don't know. I've only seen that first scene three times. Um, and. I don't know, I find. I think it's some of the most unimaginative character design I've ever heard, uh, ever seen. They don't really have any personality. The wish thing, unexplained in the first five minutes, but I'll give. I assume that is explained more.

Laura: It's explained in that song. You give your wish to the king when you turn on the king.

Ron: And then you don't regret it anymore.

Laura: No. Because you don't remember what your wish was.

Ron: Yeah. So what's the point? I don't want to go after them.

Laura: And then he grants them. Sometimes I hate it.

Ron: Why?

Laura: Uh, do you hate that? If you were gonna make a Disney film, what would it be?

Ron: Oh, it would be, um, about how there is like a king and a princess and stuff.

Laura: Um, but then a chocolatey buttercream king.

Ron: The people in the town realise that these people are just normal fuck heads. And then, like, they sing. Oh, we're off to build a guillotine. Heads. Heads roll.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Um. A republic is born. There are no wishes. There's just hard, ah, work and a socialist utopia.

Laura: So les Miz, that's what you're making?

Ron: No, but it wouldn't be fucking France. Somewhere nice.

Laura: I love France.

Ron: I think France is really boring.

Laura: Oh, I like it.

Ron: I don't like the French.

Laura: Why?

Ron: I think they're rude.

Laura: Is this something you picked up in Belgium?

Ron: No, it's spelled that way.

News ran when they reported the death of Mark Speight without using suicide word

Laura: I think I need to do a poo.

Ron: We can't. We have to lose everything from this episode so far.

Laura: Why?

Ron: You talked about suicide. Random tangents of we're picking, actually, on.

Laura: News ran when they reported the death of Mark Speight, they didn't use the word suicide. Wikipedia says the police don't think anyone else killed him.

Ron: Well, passive voice, the likes of which wouldn't be seen until 2023. 2024 again. Oh, hey, you dropped this.

Laura: What's happening, Ron?

Ron: Funny video. Funny video on Twitter.

Laura: It's weird because this normally only happens when we haven't done an intro outro before. And, um, we've been together for two days.

Ron: Giddy, giddy up.

Laura: Chemistry.

Ron: I can't. What's happened is it's been a long time since we recorded.

Laura: Feels like yeah. Um, it's been like two weeks, I think.

Ron: Yeah, I can't remember how we get started.

Laura: You say four?

Ron: 9.9.105.

Laura: Hannah Richie. Is Hannah Ritchie here today?

Ron: Yes. I don't have the book, but I had to do some googling and I've got some of her articles out there. Reinforce the points that I want to make. Okay, Laura, what did we cover last time in chemistry? Um.

Laura: Um, that we're not all going to die in a fireball in 20 years.

Ron: Exactly. Today in five. 9.3.

Laura: Whoa. What does this say? Why does it just say we're fucked on the next page and then presumably we're fucked in German?

Ron: I don't know. Imagine x of the body. Must you through the same.

Laura: It looks like my handwriting. Fun.

Ron: Five. 9.3. Common atmospheric pollutants and, um, their sources.

Laura: Ooh, carbon dioxide. Brown. Oxygen. Ketchup.

Ron: Shouldn't have gone for one that's also a colour first.

Laura: No, but that's what I wanted to see if you'd get it right. That's why I didn't go for a big un first. Burger sauce, you know, brown. What is she doing? Where some people will have gone immediately? Oh, it's a classic bit from Laura.

Ron: Yeah, I like exquisite jokes. They're not everyone can get.

Laura: All jokes are things that not everyone gets.

Ron: What about, um, there's two hunters walking in the woods. Um, and then one of them, like, clutches his heart and falls over and then the other one rings the hospital. It's like, hey, I think my friend is dead. Um, can you send an ambulance? And then the ambulance people say like, okay, but we've got to make sure he's dead before we come and get him. And then you hear like a gun cock in a. And then he goes, okay, he's definitely dead now. He said now everyone could get that chain. That's what it said. Mhm.

Laura: You think that's funnier than carbon dioxide? Uh, brown. Do you?

Ron: Uh, carbon dioxide, brown here, reporting in from the sky. It's hot.

Laura: Coco. Coco brown. Rusty sugars.

Ron: Carbon dioxide, brown and rusty sugar.

Laura: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Cocoa for, uh, co, uh, twice.

Ron: Yeah. Coco. Ah.

Laura: Brown and rusty sugar.

Ron: Kotu brown.

Laura: Kotu. Oh, I like that name.

Ron: Kotu.

Laura: Yeah, that'd be a cute name for a dog.

Ron: A boy or a girl.

Let's take a look at the chemical formula for burning propane

5.9.3. Laura. Burning things releases pollutants into the air.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: So let's take a look at, uh, the chemical formula for burning propane. Bit of revision here. Okay, can you remember the can you remember propane?

Laura: Propanone. I remember that.

Ron: Propanone. Propanone is a different thing.

Laura: You can't say it.

Ron: Poulone.

Laura: Was it me that comes, um. Propane. Has it got a four in it?

Ron: No.

Laura: You've got some fluff dangling out of your beard.

Ron: It's horrid up here.

Laura: It's better when the pigeons are home.

Ron: M party.

Laura: Propane. I don't know, Ron. I don't know. Just help me.

Ron: What if I told you it went methane? Ethane, propane.

Laura: Three.

Ron: Three watts. Think back.

Laura: Carbon.

Ron: Giddy down. Yeah, three carbons. It's a hydrocarbon.

Laura: Ch. Three c. Three h. Three.

Ron: Draw it out.

Laura: I don't know.

Ron: How many bonds does a carbon make?

Laura: Four.

Ron: Mm hmm. Draw it out.

Laura: I've put my c too far to the left. I can't draw around that.

Ron: Uh, draw the other way. The rest of the page. Right. So that's methane, because there's only one carbon.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Yeah. I asked you to draw propane.

Laura: How many carbons does propane have?

Ron: Three. Remember? From seconds ago. Okay, why is there. But how many bonds does hydrogen make?

Laura: Four.

Ron: No, that's carbon. We already said that.

Laura: Uh, is carbon the only one that does four bonds?

Ron: And silicon?

Laura: Two, three, one.

Ron: So that can't be right, can it?

Laura: But I told you I've drawn the c in the wrong place.

Ron: I told you that. That's methane.

Laura: See? See, my playmate, I cannot play with you. My sister's got the blue chicken pox and me m. How many hydrogens?

Ron: Well, you know how many bonds each of the.

Laura: Do I put a hydrogen in each bond? Okay, I remember this. It was like the centipedes bit, wasn't it? Yeah, that's another, um. Um. There's another pendulum song.

Ron: Who?

Laura: Pendulum, probate, nightmares and centipede. That's like two of their big ones.

Ron: I don't know this man.

Laura: Drum and bass.

Ron: Okay, I don't listen to drum and bass.

Laura: Can you sit down?

Ron: I'm looming.

Laura: M. Yeah, it's horrible.

Ron: I need to see what you drawn. Yeah, that's. Hm. Correct.

You've, uh, been going for 18 minutes. In fact, 19 minutes. Yeah, it's been nonsense

Laura: You've, uh, been going for 18 minutes.

Ron: Yeah, it's been nonsense, really. Like, the bulk of the episode. Yeah, including intros, outros.

Laura: In fact, 19 minutes. And I paused it for my poop.

Ron: What? Oh, uh, we did talk about the frosty scene. We're gonna have to lose a lot of that material.

Laura: And it's your edit. You're not gonna get rid of it.

Ron: Oh, I might.

Laura: You might? Why?

Ron: Just. I don't know.

Laura: Maybe I won't you won't you don't edit anything out.

Ron: I like that. This is my edit. That means I definitely will listen to it. Now I get to hear that funny joke.

Laura: Jesus Christ. Actually, is this your edit? Yeah, it is. Yeah.

Ron: Great.

Draw me up a ethane. Okay. Is that one carbon? No, that's methane. Ethane is two. Draw me up

Um, okay, so we're gonna do, um, propane combustion.

Laura: So what is that? That's propane.

Ron: That's propane? Yeah.

Laura: Okay. Propanon.

Ron: Let's. Let's, um, just test you. Laura drew me up. Draw me up. Draw me up a ethane.

Laura: Is that one carbon?

Ron: No, that's methane.

Laura: How could I know that?

Ron: Because we've done this one before.

Laura: Ethane is two. Okay. I'll do it in a different pen.

Ron: Do it somewhere else as well.

Laura: Carol, thank you for my pens. Ethane Hunt. Yeah, that's ethane, all right.

When something combusts, Laura, what does it react with? Fire. What is fire? Well, that is under debate

Ron: When something combusts, Laura, what does it react with?

Laura: Fire.

Ron: No.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: No.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: No.

Laura: Yes.

Ron: What is fire?

Laura: Well, that is under debate by leading scholars. Fire, uh, is.

Ron: Think of your triangle.

Laura: You need wood, fuel. Fuel.

Ron: Air. Uh, no. What? In the air?

Laura: Walking. Walking in the air. Don't punch my dream catcher.

Ron: Don't punch your dreams.

Laura: Punch your dreams.

Ron: Ah.

Laura: Uh, that's one of my favourite scenes. Um. Um. Oxygen.

Ron: Yep.

Laura: Do you want me to draw the triangle?

Ron: No. What does something react with when it burns?

Laura: Um, oxygen.

Ron: Yes. So we're working out what the combustion of propane is. Well, we're not even working out. We're revising from a previous episode.

Laura: You sit down. It's too aggressive to have you leaning on me while you shout at me about something. There's no way I could know. Cause in your head you're going, I've told you, it's oxygen. Now, redraw this diagram. But there's no way I can do that. Now, you look like that photo of you in France in the river where you're goleming it.

Ron: I found out that this is how, uh, men from Southeast Asia sit on the floor. It's comfortable.

Laura: M. Yeah, but now you don't sound good on the microphone and you're far away and you're not comfortable. Can you just sit on the mould chair? Why don't you take the back off the chair, which is the bit that's gone mouldy and, um, the bit that's broken. And then just sit on it like a stool. Don't throw that down the stairs. Ron.

Ron: You place it down the stairs because this needs to go in the bin. This is done. I can clean it, but it's broken as well. Then it's a clean, broken chair, not a mouldy broken chair.

Laura: Why is it only mouldy halfway down?

Ron: I don't know. I'll take it down later.

Laura: You won't, though. Uh, you'll leave it there and, uh, walk past it going, it's not my.

Ron: This is mouldy, too.

Laura: Don't sit on the bean bag because it's noisy.

Jeremy Vine gives cyclists such a bad name and cyclists are great

Ron: I'm back 23 minutes.

Laura: 23 and a half.

Ron: Good estimate. I've got good internal clock. I usually know what time it is.

Laura: It's all that running you do.

Ron: No. Yeah, it's always been that way. I think it comes from working with dad, uh, and the schools news every 15 minutes.

Laura: Uh, yeah. Ken Bruce.

Ron: Yeah. I always know when it's half ten.

Laura: And you just naturally feel a bit angry between twelve and two every day when Jeremy vine would be on.

Ron: I'm so glad that my feelings about Jeremy vine were vindicated when he turned into a proper right wing.

Laura: Oh, he's the worst. Yeah, he's just the worst. And it's really annoying on Twitter because he posts all these cycling videos of, yes, people being twats on the road and bad drivers, but you're sort of rooting for them.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Because he's just so. Whee. He gives cyclists such a bad name and cyclists are great and it. Cycling is brilliant and the road should just be for everyone. But, man, he makes me want to buy a van and drive badly in it.

Ron: I want to Jackhammer some cycle lanes.

Laura: But I also want to be in the cycle lanes.

Ron: Uh, be great to just see him representing cyclists and Jeremy Clarkson representing drivers just like Jeremy.

Laura: Let's pitch that to Amazon prime. Yeah.

Ron: Jeremy on Jeremy vine, v. Clarkson, v. Hunt, v. Web, all bastards.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Oh, his name's not Jeremy Webb. That's his character from Peepsh.

Laura: We could put Uncle Jeremy in there. He's pretty right wing.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah. Any other Jeremy's Jeremy fisher? Who's that, uh, character?

Ron: Jeremy Wade. Is that someone.

Laura: Jeremy Wade. Jeremy.

Ron: Who's Jeremy Wade? Jeremy Wade. River monsters. No, he's a hero.

Laura: Jeremy Wade.

Ron: I love Jeremy Reid. Wow. He's gonna be 70 this year.

Laura: Happy birthday, Jeremy.

Ron: No, he's gonna be 70 in two years. But it was his birthday a few weeks ago. 58. No. 68.

Laura: 58. He's ageing rapidly.

Ron: Never guess where he was born.

Laura: Uh, Wiltshire.

Ron: Ipswich.

Laura: Ipswich. A suffolk lady.

What's the chemical formula for propane and oxygen? O two

Ron: So when you burn propane, Laura.

Laura: Oxygen.

Ron: Yeah. It reacts with oxygen. What's the chemical formula for oxygen?

Laura: O two.

Ron: Okay. And when you burn something, what are the products?

Laura: Smoke, carbon.

Ron: In what form?

Laura: Dioxide.

Ron: Yeah. And fire. Right out. Oxygen bit. Plus oxygen. Don't. Okay. There's a double bond. Um, I thought you were gonna write the word oxygen. I was gonna be cross. Um, so what's the chemical formula for propane and oxygen? So it's o two. You've already said that. What would it be for propane? Just so we can simplify it.

Laura: C. Uh, three h eight.

Ron: Absolutely. Okay.

Laura: Plus o two.

Ron: Yep. And then that's going to equal CO2. Yep.

Laura: And then there's hydrogen.

Ron: Is it hydrogen on its own?

Laura: No, no. Carbohydrate.

Ron: Because we're burning a carbohydrate.

Laura: Hydrogen oxide. H two o.

Ron: There we go. Otherwise known as water.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Let's balance that up, eh? Just for funsies.

Laura: Uh, so I need at least three thingies there. I always want a pencil for balancing because you have to put some numbers in that are going to change three there, which gives six oxygens now. So that would be a three there. And then I need at least four there. But now I've got four more there, so make that five. So three carbons. Three carbons. Eight hydrogens. Eight hydrogens. Ten oxygens.

Ron: Jeremy Kyle, also a bastard.

Laura: I think I've done it, Ron. C three h eight plus 05:02 equals three CO2. Plus four h two o.

Ron: Great work, Laura. Um, now which out of those things. Ah, so if we're. If we're continuing, you know, we don't.

Laura: Have any patrons called Jeremy, I don't think.

Ron: No. And not. No. As we've already discovered with the Jeremy wade. Jeremy Wade exemption, there are good Jeremy's.

Where do pollutants come from when we burn propane

Anyway, um, so we're talking propane is what you might use in, you know, in a gas cooker or something. Um, that you've taken camping.

Laura: Um, I burnt my fingers so badly on a camping lamp once.

Ron: That's not good. I'm sorry. What? Out of the, um, bits that have come out of it is a pollutant.

Laura: Carbon, uh, dioxide.

Ron: No, that's a greenhouse gas. But it's not a pollutant.

Laura: Why?

Ron: Because it's just in the air. It's fine. Carbon dioxide is not bad for you.

Laura: Uh, none of it then?

Ron: No, none of it. So where do the pollutants come from?

Laura: All the mess and guff that's in there.

Ron: Exactly. Impurities in the fuels that we use.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: There's another place that pollutants come from.

Laura: Your butt.

Ron: It's good.

Laura: Thank you.

Ron: Um, is that, ah, always the equation when we burn propane?

Laura: Yes. No.

Ron: No. Yes.

You need five oxygen molecules for every propane that we burn

All right. Moving on, um, remember, similar to like, closed systems and stuff, when we do equations like that, we do them under sort of hypothetical scenarios, kind of so that you can see there that you need five oxygen molecules for every propane that we burn. Ignore that. That's fine.

Laura: Where's that fluff come from?

Ron: Oh, that was already on the table, man.

Laura: Stop throwing my dirt around.

Ron: Mould all up in there.

Laura: Clean it then.

Ron: It's your shack. So we're doing it under the assumption there that we have excess oxygen, that there's always going to be enough oxygen, um, for the combustion. Okay?

Laura: Mm hmm.

Ron: If there's not enough oxygen, which is what happens sometimes just because oxygen's not everywhere all the time. As much as we might want it to be.

Laura: What I want it to.

Ron: Be, there's enough oxygen.

Laura: Not if the trees go.

Ron: No, it'll be fine.

Laura: How?

Ron: Like, it's. It's, uh, it's not true that, like, the Amazon produces all of the oxygen for the world. That's just not true.

Laura: But we do need to save it.

Ron: We do need to save it. Absolutely. But even if we lost all the trees, we'd be fine oxygen wise. Yeah. So don't worry about that, okay?

Laura: We're talking about buying.

Ron: We're talking about a literal fire.

Laura: Street commissioned timber.

Ron: We're talking about a literal fire, okay. Where the fire uses up oxygen.

Laura: This episode's been so messy.

Ron: Yeah. We've not even gotten onto the content yet.

Laura: 31 minutes, Ron. We've only got 14 minutes to go.

Ron: My point is, is that when it's incomplete combustion, you get two things. You can get carbon monoxide.

Laura: Oh, that's bad.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: We're supposed to have a detector in the house.

Ron: You don't?

Laura: No.

Ron: You should.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Got a kid.

Laura: I know. I told you. We're supposed to have one.

Ron: Get one.

Laura: I can't. Now we record it and then you.

Ron: Also get, um, um, uh, particles if there's incomplete combustion.

Laura: Because it has particles.

Ron: Yeah, particles of whatever you're burning. Like soot, basically. Soot suit soot. Suit soot, which then goes into the air.

Laura: That's a nice word, isn't it? Doesn't feel like an english word.

Ron: Sooty.

Laura: Soot. What's the etymology of soot here in the city of Rosa? Oh, it's germanic. Yeah.

Ron: And then what other pollutants can you name? Laura.

Laura: Plastic.

Ron: Plastic isn't produced by burning stuff.

Laura: Whoever throw in a plastic cup on a fire? No, like meltdown.

Ron: Um, um, what causes acid rain? No. Uh, vinegar is ethanoic acid, actually. You know, how many carbons are in it?

Laura: Four? Three.

Ron: No, I swear I haven't done enough prep for this episode. No. Sulphur dioxide.

Laura: Sulphur.

Ron: So there'll be sulphur and coal and stuff that we burn and whatnot.

Laura: Eggs.

Ron: We don't burn eggs.

Laura: No, but it smells like eggs, doesn't it? Sulphur.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Also nitrous, nitrogen oxides are also need for speed. Nos. Yeah. Also another common, um, pollution that we get from burning fossil fuels. Now, these things cause many problems, including global dimming, where they cause smog.

Hannah Richie talks about air pollution in her new book

And then the sunlight doesn't get through as much as you might want it to. Through to health problems for humans because, uh, you know, they're like, some of them are carcinogenic and whatnot.

Laura: Does China still have the big smog problems?

Ron: We'll talk about that in a second.

Laura: Shut up.

Ron: Um, and all the way through to.

Laura: Don't tell me to shut up when I've actually been.

Ron: No, you're being smart and great. Smart and great.

Laura: Thank you.

Ron: Um, and then you have things like, uh, the sulphur dioxide, which will go up into the clouds, dissolve in the water, turn into sulfuric acid and then rain down, dissolving our grotesques and gargoyles.

Laura: Yes. That was such a big thing, thing everyone talked about. And I used to get so scared that one day I'd be walking along with an umbrella and then it would just dissolve over my head, but.

Ron: Right, so this is where Hannah Richie comes in. Um, because actually, the first chapter of, um, it's not the end of the world. She talks about air pollution. Um, do you know why? Because it's actually one of the success stories that we've seen at the moment. Or at least it's a show of how things can turn around. Not that necessarily they have yet.

First one that, um, we're going to look at is ozone layer

First one that, um, we're going to look at is. Do you remember cfcs?

Laura: Yes. Fridges and aerosols.

Ron: Yeah. What did they do?

Laura: Don't know. D d on the ozone layer. Burnt a hole in it.

Ron: Absolutely. Yeah.

Laura: So ozone is zero. Two in a layer.

Ron: No.

Laura: O 03:03 yeah. Smells like the sea.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Well done.

Laura: Over New Zealand. That's where the hole was.

Ron: Well, there were a couple of different holes over Antarctica, over Australia. Yeah. Because we were fucking shit up, basically, with our, uh, um, cfcs in the 1980s, the world basically came together and said, we can't do this. We need to stop using them. Guess how much global emissions of cfcs have fallen since then?

Laura: 90, uh, 8%.

Ron: 99%.

Laura: It was 1% out.

Ron: Yeah. Um. Like, I have some graphs to show you. This was our usage before. Yeah, this is our, ah, usage now. So that's 1.6 million tonnes all the way down to. This is a logarithmics. No, it's not close to zero tonnes.

Laura: Yeah. We just don't do that CFC anymore.

Ron: No. Um, and, yeah, well, the ozone is a different problem. Um, my understanding of it is effectively it's just kind of a layer that sort of gets rid of some of the uv light and stuff. So if you don't have it, skin cancer is wacky, off the charts, um, underneath those zones, but. So it's not like a problem in the same way as like the sulphur dioxide and stuff, but it just goes to show that we can actually amend things if we put our minds to it. Um, the.

The other thing that she talks about is China's smog problem

The other thing that she talks about that's, um, interesting, um, and beneficial is China's smog problem. So what year was the Beijing Olympics?

Laura: 96.

Ron: I think it was 2008.

Laura: 2008? Yeah, 2000. Late.

Ron: Um. So when the 2008 Olympics.

Laura: Why did you ask me?

Ron: Because I thought you'd get it right, to be honest, I didn't think you'd be twelve years old.

Laura: Where was 96? Atlanta. Oh, it was the summer Olympics.

Ron: It was Atlanta, yeah.

Laura: Smart potatoes.

Ron: Guess how many events there were.

Laura: 28.

Ron: 271 in 26 sports, 37 disciplines.

Laura: What?

Ron: Guess how many nations.

Laura: No, we need to do some science. We've got six minutes left.

Ron: It's gonna be. We're gonna run long. Fine. Um, yeah, when that, uh, when the Olympics happened, the air in China was so bad that they had to, like. They just temporarily.

Laura: Ooh, you've got a text message.

Ron: Um.

Laura: Who's that from?

Ron: The gentle boy.

Laura: Hi, gentle boy. You won't listen to this bit. You're not in it. Oh, but now he might listen to it because he's in it. Gentle boy. We're recording right now, so you need to listen to an episode that's probably going to be called. We've cut all the bits about suicide.

Ron: Yeah. When that Olympics happened, what did his text message say? It was a video. I haven't watched it. Um. Whoa.

Laura: That is restraint.

Ron: Um, yeah, they basically a video of.

Laura: Him or just from the Internet, I believe.

Ron: It's probably of a record that he's bought at a charity shop or as we call them, chazzas. Now. Um, when that Olympics happened, the air was so bad that athletes couldn't have competed in it. They'd have all passed out or keeled over or something. So they had to just like stop factories and stuff around the city to clear up the air during what was happening. People's health got better, obviously when they did that. Uh, so then through sort of like civil movements and stuff in Beijing, all the people were just like, actually, could we just like live like that all the time, please? Because it fucking sucks. Like breathing in all this soot from all of the steel plants and stuff that we have around the city. And then they just did, um, and that's why, like, you don't see pictures from like Beijing and stuff of the air quality anymore is because they, they really like, fixed the problem.

Laura: So how did they fix it? Did they move the factories elsewhere or put philtres on or change the processing? Like, how did they fix it? Another text message from.

Ron: He's reacted as a, like, he's like done a laughy face.

Laura: Okay, yeah.

Ron: Um, I don't have the book with me. Um, yeah, I think, I think the thing is that I believe it was mostly done by, um, putting pressure on like the coal plants and stuff to clear themselves up because things like sulphur and whatnot can be just removed from the smoke stacks. Um, but you like, you put a catalyst or like a capture thing in there so they didn't even have to like get rid of them or spend loads of money, you know, like, as well. Obviously we want them to, you know, improve their energy systems and stuff and move towards clean energy. And we kind of talked about that last time. But all they had, yeah, all they had to do was, um, yeah, tighten the regulations. And then the power plants decided to, um, yeah, fix it because they had to.

Laura: Yeah. Um, well done, olympics.

Ron: Um.

Ron: Peak deaths from air pollution we've not yet reached

Um, yeah. And like if you look at, um, so like this is just, um, the graph for one of the main pollutants in cities. But like you can see like how it's fallen from almost 100 micrograms per metre cubed to less than 30.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: In Beijing. Um, and then all, like, these three cities that they're tracking there are all trending down as well. So, um, um, yeah, and peak deaths from air pollution we've not yet reached. But similarly to like birth rates and stuff, um, um, like, death rates are falling. So, um, uh, they had a big.

Laura: Drop in London recently. I think I saw reported like with the introduction of ULA's and other traffic measures in London. I think I saw that, um, air, uh, quality has improved there.

Ron: Yeah. So this is deaths per 100,000. And you can see China's, uh, fallen from 280 per 100,000 to 106.

Laura: Yeah. Wow.

Ron: Yeah. Um, so it's working basically it's one of the success stories because if, yeah, if you just, you don't have to affect industry, don't have to affect um, the economics of things. People still have jobs, they can still live good lives, they can still have energy, they can still live in cities, but we can fix these issues. Um, the, what was the other thing that mentioned? Oh and it's actually kind of am um, m it's another one of these kind of paths that countries have to go through while they're modernising. And it's like um, uh, uh, access to clean fuel is a really important part of sort of climate justice because if we don't have that then there's still going to be some people that are um, getting these diseases and stuff that don't have to. And it's just kind of a pathway from if you think back like if you go back like 200 years or something in this country everyone would have been burning wood, right?

Laura: Mhm.

Ron: So if we think about um, what we were saying about how if you burn just pure hydrocarbons there's no problem with that because it's just CO2 and water. Neither of those things are bad for your health. Um, but then if you burn wood you're literally just burning everything that's inside a tree.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: So there's loads of shit in there. Um, and it's not going to burn um, completely because of all that stuff. So that's where you get smoke and you get all of these other particles and stuff that come out and there's just a natural progression because coal is cleaner than wood. It doesn't seem that way because it's like you picture like horrible landscapes and like big pillars of smoke and stuff. If you think about it, coal is way more just carbon than wood. Like loads of that other stuff has been leached out. Um, and then the next one up is gas because natural gas when we purified and stuff and it's gone through a plant, that's just gas. So that is this equation except it's usually methane. Um, so that is just making CO2 in um, water. But the problem there is that then you do still get some problems with um uh, incomplete combustion. So you still will get some carbon monoxide and stuff and then you move to electricity. So for the same reasons that we talked about last time, we did a chemistry episode of like you have to go through this path, but it's getting cheaper and easier to jump to the end point. So um, yeah, while developing countries will peak at some point. And it will get worse before it gets better. The comedown of it getting better will get quicker and quicker and quicker.

Laura: Because there was a big thing in America recently, wasn't there, about, like, gas hobs and people like them trying to switch people to electric. And then it became the, like, big right wing, like, you can't take my gas hob. It's like, okay, then die of carbon monoxide poisoning. You do you, buddy. See you later.

Ron: There's literally that meme. Then die.

Laura: Yeah. All right. Good episode, Ron.

Ron: Wow.

Laura: The quiz is gonna be short.

Ron: Um, did, uh, you think you didn't.

Laura: Have your microphone on?

Ron: Yeah, but I do, actually, so I think it is.

Laura: It sounds good.

Ron: It's just now you can hear everything.

Laura: Yeah. Oh, uh, all right, well, we're recording, Ron.

Ron says they're looking for a wedding photographer

Ron: All right, all right.

Laura: I got a lot to say about Bruno.

Ron: Which one's that from?

Laura: Encanto.

Ron: I've not heard that one.

Laura: M. Oh, it's good. Slim Manuel. Um, Miranda.

Ron: The boy. The boy from the revolution.

Laura: Yeah. Ron knows. Going to see it next month. Did Sarah, did older sister of the podcast get in touch with you about going for dinner?

Ron: No. Uh, she probably talked to me about it over brunch.

Laura: When are you going for brunch?

Ron: I don't know. Every month we go.

Laura: That's so lovely for you. I'm really happy for you. Um, on the 11 May, we're going to see Hamilton in your fair city. If you would like to have dinner and or lunch before it.

Ron: I cannot, because I am it. Staff room correspondent. But that got deleted. But maybe he'll come back another way. Friend of the podcast. Max's staggering.

Laura: Ah. Uh, okay.

Ron: He listens sometimes now.

Laura: Ayo.

Ron: Yeah?

Laura: Happy wedding. Nearly.

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: Hope those next four people have dropped out the wedding so I can come.

Ron: He did juke.

Laura: I can't stay for the evening, though, because I'm going to see how to.

Ron: No, it's his stag there.

Laura: Oh, okay.

Ron: Um. He know, uh, he did, um. He did say that they were looking for a wedding photographer. You wanted to come, so maybe that was a way you could at one point.

Laura: Oh, uh, I would be very bad at that. But I do know a good person who takes lovely photos, who took my favourite photos of our wedding, if he's interested.

Ron: Uh, I don't think they want to pay someone.

Laura: Oh. Um, I'll see whether Rosie just feels like doing a weird day.

Ron: I think that's why they wanted to invite you, because you want to come anyway.

Laura: I can't take pictures, Ron. That's the problem? I will leave the camera somewhere and have a great time. Will have no pictures and a person they don't want at their wedding, which is none of the outcomes.

Ron: No, suppose not. But, uh, you know, um, like I say, they haven't actually asked me to ask you to do that. It was just an idea they had briefly.

Laura: Shall I just start sending him, um, good examples of my photography?

Ron: Yeah, I mean, if you've got some.

Laura: I haven't, but I'll start taking them.

It was the 16th anniversary of his death. Whoa. It's weird that we were thinking about him

Ron: All right. Right, here we go. It's quiz time for 97.

Laura: Ooh, I don't have my notepad.

Ron: Oh.

Laura: Do I need to write anything down?

Ron: No.

Laura: Great.

Ron: This was one of my f. I've already edited the bulk of this episode, and it's one of my favourite episodes we've ever done.

Laura: You've said that a lot recently, Ron. I think you love the podcast.

Ron: We're in a spate of good episodes. I've been saying it for a while.

Laura: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what, you know, we were talking about? Is it in this episode we're talking about marks bait?

Ron: Yes.

Laura: It was the, uh, like, 16th anniversary of his death. It came up on Twitter.

Ron: Yeah, I saw that. Whoa.

Laura: That's weird.

Ron: It's weird that we were thinking about him. Yeah, let's not get back into that.

Laura, could you please name five pollutants

Laura, could you please name five pollutants?

Laura: Water vapour, methane, carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, ethane, and that's it.

Ron: That's one.

Laura: Penthane. Propane.

Ron: You're just naming hydrocarbons?

Laura: I thought that's what we did. No, plastic. Fentanyl. What's that?

Ron: Fentanyl is a drug.

Laura: Uh, uh, I m don't even know what ballpark these answers are gonna be in. Then.

Ron: Carbon monoxide was one.

Laura: Great. Uh, uh, hydro. Hydro sulfic acid. Sulfuric acid.

Ron: No, that was.

Laura: That was acid rain, wasn't it?

Ron: Yeah, but what makes acid rain cfcs? Uh, CFC is a one, I'll give you that. Yes, but it's not what makes acid rain. Here we are back in the plumbing days of just saying stuff.

Laura: I'm not just saying anything. I'm saying things I'm remembering that we talked about. But it's like, imagine a big soup in a witch's cauldron, and then just on the, like, cartoon steam coming up out the soup. Every now and again, something floats up and out of it. That's how my remembering works. Um, I can't remember anything else. We talked about carbon monoxide, cfcs, uh, and, uh, not methane.

Ron: You say no, methane's a hydrocarbon.

Laura: Well, why can't that be a pollutant?

Ron: Because when you burn hydrocarbons, you don't get other hydrocarbons.

Laura: What about polymers?

Ron: You're just saying.

Laura: Okay, I don't know. I don't know anymore. Two out of five.

Ron: We talked about sulphur. Ah, dioxide, which then, um, goes on to become acid rain.

Laura: Uh, I knew sulphur. I did say sulphur. Half a point.

Ron: Nope. Um, nitrous oxides.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Ron: Um, and, uh, soot.

Laura: Yeah, I do remember now, Ron. Yeah, sorry, Ron.

Ron: That's okay.

Laura: It seems weird that you'd have nitrous oxide and soot in the same list. Like soot needs a fancier name.

Ron: Does it?

Laura: Yeah, because you can't just have nitrous oxide soot. You see that? I mean, one's very domestic and one's very science.

Ron: Suit. Soot sutton.

Laura: Where do the pollutants come from? Burning things. Laura: What does acid rain contain

Laura, where do the pollutants come from?

Laura: Burning things. Inefficient burning, unperfect burning equations.

Ron: That's one and the other.

Laura: Uh, reacting together.

Ron: Talk me through that from the start to the finish.

Laura: Uh, you know, uh, you mix some stuff and there's some leftover, and it reacts with something else to make an, uh, unhelpful byproduct.

Ron: What stuff? And then what's left over?

Laura: I don't know an exact example, but, like what you said with acid rain, or like, if you've got some loose oxygens, they might cling on to something else. A couple of spare carbs.

Ron: Um, no, there's impurities.

Laura: I'm the right world, aren't I?

Ron: It's impurities in the fuel that you're burning.

Laura: Oh, yeah. Like if you learn, if you burn a piece of wood, there's lots of woodlice in it, and so when you burn that, it is dirty burn. Whereas if you burn coal, the wood lice of been mulched down to just their carbon. So it's a much cleaner burn.

Ron: Yes. There you go. Yeah, I'll give you half a point for that one. How about that?

Laura: Uh, no, whole point.

Ron: No, because I said it and then.

Laura: I said it again with more detail.

Ron: Yeah, but that's not how this works.

Laura: Okay.

Ron: M. Um, my other question was going to be what makes acid rain? But I already accidentally told you that.

Laura: Yeah, okay.

Ron: Um. So that's all the questions I've got, actually.

Laura: Do I get the point for the acid rain, though? Because it's not my fault that you already said it.

Ron: You can have a, uh, quarter of a point.

Laura: Quarter. I've never done quarter.

Ron: We're doing quarters now.

Laura: Do a half. Do a half.

Ron: Do half of a half.

Laura: Two quarters.

Ron: No, half of a half.

Laura: Four eight.

Ron: No, half of four eight.

Laura: Uh, all right, well, considering I didn't have my notepad, I'm not mad at that.

Ron: Uh oh. Uh, okay, I'll give you five points if you can tell the joke that I told.

Laura: I don't want the point enough to recreate that. Ah, travesty. Ron, I don't even know where you got that joke from. I don't know why you find it so fun. Funny. I don't know what is the matter with you.

Ron: It's just, it's, it's, it's, it's universal humour.

Laura: No, I don't think it is, Ron.

Ron: I think it is. Everyone could get that joke if you.

Laura: Knew what a hunter was. And a gun.

Ron: Yeah, and, like, what an ambulance does. But everyone knows all of those things.

Laura: Babies don't know.

Ron: No, m but babies. Babies would still laugh if I had said it in a funny voice.

Laura: All right, Ron, thanks for the quiz.

Ron: Thank you for the quiz.

Laura: Now he's definitely dead.

Kristen feels none of the weirdness about paying someone to clean your house

Ron, I think that that episode is the rudest you've been to me in months.

Ron: When was I rude?

Laura: The whole time you were calling my house a mouldy shack.

Ron: I was calling the mouldy shack at the top of your house a mouldy shack.

Laura: Do you know what, though? We're getting a cleaner.

Ron: Yes.

Laura: I'm just gonna lock her in the mouldy shack.

Ron: Take the stairs away, please unmold, um.

Laura: The shack, and then you can come back out. Yeah, we're getting a cleaner to help with the. Maintaining all of the jobs that get away from you, you know?

Ron: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I just. Having a clean is great. I know some people are weird about it, um, and it is an expense, but it's not, I think, as astronomically expensive as most people think. And just cleaning. I do like cleaning a bit. Cleanings, not fun, but that's the thing.

Laura: I like cleaning, too. But now, with the time constraints of a child and a full time job and just trying to also enjoy my life and have a relationship with my husband, you can't get past the basics before the times run out and I've got to do something else. So if I have somebody to just come and help with the general bits, then I can get to the deep clean bits, you know?

Ron: Yeah. For me, um, the short stint that I had a cleaning when I lived in Belgium, it was just like, like, because there was a lot. There's a lot of cleaning, like, the daily cleaning, fine. But then it's just like all of those weekly chores, like doing the floors and stuff that just, like, sucks, like, any joy out of a free afternoon you have or something that just. You're, uh.

Laura: I feel none of the weirdness about paying someone to clean, because I think if you're going to get weird about that and call it a class issue, then you're on a slippery slope to being like, oh, sex work shouldn't be legal or decriminalised. And then I personally think if there's something somebody wants to do for money that's not hurting anyone, crack on.

Ron: Yeah, I know. I totally agree. It's a helpful thing. And I think, like, you know, do a bit of research, make sure you're paying them well.

Laura: That's what we've done, actually. Husband of the podcast, Tom's played a blinder. Uh, he googled it, skipped past all of the big agencies and just found an independent Brighton person.

Ron: Great.

Laura: Yeah.

Ron: Yeah. When I did it, there was, like, an eco friendly one, and they use, like, nice products.

Laura: I think they'll probably use our products, and they're all eco friendly because I'm worried. Um, also, I just want to say I now have a carbon monoxide detector.

Ron: Good, you've got a child.

Laura: Yeah. And they pump out carbon monoxide.

Ron: No, but they're affected by carbon monoxide.

Laura: Well, guess what? There's no carbon monoxide in the house, so.

Ron: Good.

Laura: There's also no child in the house right now.

Ron: Ron, scream. Ah.

Laura: Uh, boring. Yeah, but for once, there's no screaming in the house, so let's just have no screaming in the house.

Ron: Uh, Laura, you're in the house. There's gonna be some screaming.

Laura: There's always some screaming when Laura's involved. Mackie. Screaming. I'm screaming. But child of the podcast is not screaming. At least not in this building. Oh, we know what that music means. It's the register.

Ron: When you get a message on Patreon saying, oh, have you run out of patrons to do the register?

Laura: Sorry, Kristen. Sorry.

Ron: You know that you, uh, you have forgotten, um, a segment for too long. But Kristen, no, you've been done in the past.

Laura: Oh, no.

Ron: To be honest, mate, when did we do Kristen?

Laura: What was Kristen's job?

Ron: I don't know. Kristen has to go back and listen.

Laura: Oh, that's not fair on Kristen.

Ron: Well, a, I've not written down which episode all of these are in, and b, we need the listens.

Laura: So, Kristin, get listening back. You've been done, buddy.

Ron: Yeah. Kristin, if you go through, because you're not coming up later, so dive in and let us know.

Laura: Um, does anybody else remember there are some lab rats out there with absolutely incredible memories for when things happen?

Ron: Yeah, m. Oh, well, um, yeah, dive in.

Laura: Can we search in the drive?

Ron: No, don't, Laura, we need the listens.

Laura: Mm hmm. Yeah, no, it doesn't. Doesn't do anything anyway. Are you sure we've done Kristen.

Ron: What's her name? Definitely Kristen.

Ron: We've got a cancelled member and he wasn't paying anything

Laura: Anyway, I feel like, um, I'm signed.

Ron: Into my own personal patreon for the things that I patronise.

Laura: Well, why'd you need patron? It'll be in the drive, in the notes, somewhere in it, to find out.

Ron: If that actually was the name of the person that messaged.

Laura: Oh, yeah, it was Christian, I think, wasn't it?

Ron: Oh, uh, what? We got a cancelled member and he cancelled and he wasn't even fucking paying anything. He was on the free subscription.

Laura: Well, that's alright, then. We don't even really understand what that is. Stop calling people cunts that like the podcast, Ron.

Ron: Um, um. Oh, Kristen. I think I might have spelt Kristen's name slightly wrong in the spreadsheet, but I've. I've found her there now. Yeah, I found you there now and we've done you.

Laura: You've been done, mate.

Ron: You've been done. Listen through. Sorry for calling you a cunt, Andy.

Laura: Probably. Andy doesn't even listen anymore. So.

Ron: A big thank you to Darcy Alonso Lopez. Another contender for the greatest Patreon subscriber name up there with Robin Rex and Levi Tubman. Another free subscriber, though. What are you getting out of this, Darcy? What sick thrill are you getting from hanging around in the porch of life? Do you put food in your mouth and then not chew or swallow? Do you put your headphones in but not put anything on?

Laura: Oh, I love it. Sometimes I do put my headphones in and not put anything on. I just put the white noise on. And thank you to Vicky Metcalfe. Vicky Metcalf is the health inspector about to shut down my hovel. But you can't, Vicky, because I now have the monoxide detector. Ah. Currently the mould, though. M well, cleaning up that fucking seat that you threw down the stairs is still sitting outside the front door.

Ron: Throw it away.

Laura: I don't know how to just put.

Ron: It in the bin.

Laura: Like, just the main bin. That doesn't feel like a main bin item. That feels like a go to the tip item.

Ron: I don't think that there's a. There's a skip at the tip for backs of chairs. I think it's fine. Fine.

Laura: I skip at the tip for the back of a chair. Skip at the tip for the back of a chair.

Ron: Are, um, you sold on that as the title for this one?

Laura: What? Jeremy v. Jeremy?

Ron: Yeah.

Laura: What do you want it to be?

Ron: I'll punch your dreams, mate.

Laura: Punch, uh, your dreams. Um, I just thought you quite liked it when the title was something that would help us remember what the episode was.

Ron: Oh, uh, yeah. You think in a couple of weeks, we're gonna remember the jeremy off we had? I also quite liked think back, giddy dance.

Laura: Yeah, I do, too. But listen, my focus at the moment is on improving the listener ratings. Um, and so I'm trying to give them slightly more, um, less mad collections of words. Titles.

Ron: Okay. Have you done analysis to work out if that's what they like?

Laura: I haven't got time, Ron.

Ron: Okay, you do. They're gonna taste cow.

Laura: They're gonna taste cool. Right, we've got to go. You haven't got time for this nonsense, and neither of the listeners. They're busy people. Um, have a lovely week, and we'll see you all next week. Oh, and there's a new Patreon episode out. Um, Francis Galton, the history of eugenics and a, um, very scattergun scientist, is now up and ready on the Patreon, should you want to support the Patreon podcast and get lots more content.

Ron: Frankie G. Class dismissed.